August 1, 2008

8:45 AM-

Here is what I, an autistic adult used my own money on yesterday after Supper. This ?small? Picture/Text Historical Fact book is interesting to read.

8:56 AM-

Nate needs me to go to the grocery store to purchase stuff for Sandwiches for Lunch today. Plus he wants to ?satisfy? his craving for a couple of ?Doughnuts?.

3:38 PM-

This is ?today?s? Editorial Cartoon in the Boston Globe Newspaper, that I copied over @ the Kelley Library.

& here is today?s expenses. Nate handed me cash to pay for Groceries for Dad. One thing about grocery shopping, is that the list was ?verbal?, not in writing, & twice this afternoon, I ended-up burning extra Petrol in my Ute, because I ?forgot? items he & Dad wanted. L

Pardon my ?adding? another Japanese Anime ?Mecha? cartoon to my collection. With the deadline for DTV broadcast coming, I am slowly trying to (within reason ? after paying my bills, ect.) ?add? to my DVD collection. Next month, I will add a few more cheap children?s DVD?s to my collection.

6:56 PM-

After Supper, I went swimming in the backyard swimming pool to ?cool off?. Supper was ?Shepard?s Pie?, that Nate purchased from the Shaw?s Deli Counter. Tomorrow for Lunch, Nate wants me to go out for a ?small? Cheese Pizza with ?Extra Cheese? @ the ?Papa Cholesterol? Pizza Joint in the shopping plaza where the Shaw?s Supermarket is.

Tomorrow, Nate wants an ?afternoon to himself? & got out for a while, & I will ?hang around home?, to keep an eye on our Dad.

7:54 PM-

Not sure why, but I took this picture of the sky, looking a bit to the ?northeast?. There are lots of clouds this evening.

I myself just made a copy of the Sunday Worship Service, that was ?led? by David Wilkerson a couple of Sunday?s ago @ my church. He is retired from the ministry. Had to make a ?note to myself?, so that I will bring it with me Sunday morning to give to him. I made the copy off of the ?backup? Master DVD recording of the Sunday worship Services I broadcast ?live? over Pelham Community Television.

August 2, 2008

8:45 AM-

After getting myself cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day, I went out into the shed to haul out the automatic swimming pool bottom vacuum device, & I assembled it & started it running, to clean the bottom of the swimming pool for Nate.

9:27 AM-

Had just assisted my Dad in getting cleaned up & dressed for the day.

Was just looking @ ?where? my ?Diaper Pail? bag refills were made, which is ?Canada?. One of the ?few? items sold @ ?Walmart?, that is not ?Made in China?.

5:50 PM-

Here is today?s ?Ledger Book Entries?. Nate had given me the cash to pay for the Pizza & Side Dish for Lunch today, along with the needed groceries @ the Shaw?s Supermarket.

Supper was ?Pancakes? again, which has ?zero protein?.

6:22 PM-

Needed to plug-in my cell phone to charge it?s battery again. I need it fully charged for tomorrow morning, when I am up in the rear Choir Loft of my church tomorrow morning, to remotely control the Pelham CTV Studio?s Channel 22 ?Main? CATV Coaxial Cable XMTR.

6:35 PM-

Watching the evening National/International News, & I guess nobody will ever know the whole truth about the ?Anthrax Germ Terrorist Attacks? committed in ?late? 2001. The Biological Weapons Researcher, who ?committed the crime?, committed suicide last week.

6:38 PM-

California?s ?Governor? is threatening to cut all ?State Employees? salaries down to $6.90?/hour, to ?reduce costs?.

6:40 PM-

The Iranians are ratcheting up the ?rhetoric? regarding not ?backing down?, from their quest to produce their own ?offensive? nuclear weapons. The Israelis are ?threatening? to ?bomb the shit? out of Iran?s Nuclear Research Facilities, ?unilaterally?, with no assistance from any other nation.

Unfortunately, this is ?serious?. The Israelis could ?drag America? into a massive ?all-out? general war in the Middle East, not just in Iraq.

?King Bush? had better start ?conscripting? another 18,000,000 fighting men into our Armed Forces, very soon, because we may need them. We do not have ?Enough Grunts? on the ground to ?win any battle over there?, as things ?stand right now?.

6:55 PM-

The US Food & Drug Administration Federal Agency, still has ?no idea? where the hell the Salmonella Bacteria Contamination in Fruits & Vegetables that has been occurring for the past 4 months has been ?coming from?.

Supposedly, the Al Queda terrorist organization, has been telling their ?sympathizers? here in America, to ?not wash their hands?, after ?going poop?, to ?deliberately? contaminate fruits & vegetables, in ?such a way?, to make the contaminated fruits & vegetables ?source?, ?impossible to trace?.

In other words, ?covert? low-level Bio-Terrorism?Which is almost ?impossible? to prevent & curtail.

August 3, 2008

3:44 PM-

Anyway, here is ?where the money went today?. I think it ?sucks?, that we 3 men @ home are ?eating too much? of that ?take-out food?, filled with ?Kill-Esterol?. L

Sunday Dinner was Meatloaf, Boiled Potatoes, & Sliced Beets that Nate cooked.

This morning, as usual now every Sunday morning @ my church, I was behind the camera, broadcasting ?live? the Sunday Worship Service over Pelham community Television. Today was ?Communion Sunday? again, & 12 year-old Joshua Clark assisted me with the broadcast, manning ?Camera #2? for me, & keeping an eye on the 16-Channel Audio Mixer board, while I as usual man ?Camera #1?, & the Video Mixer Board, & the CATV XMTR, Video ?Source? Monitors, & the 3 DVD Units (1 Playback, 2 Record).

Also, since I have a Cellular Telephone, I also ?have control? over the ?Main? Pelham Community Television CATV XMTR?s, which I have to ?shut off? @ the beginning of each ?live? Worship Service Broadcast, & ?turn back on? @ the end of our Worship Service Broadcast.

4:20 PM-

Have been spending a bit of time, practicing playing Liturgical Hymns on the ?little toy electronic keyboard? I have here in my corner of the downstairs Den room. Nate has gone off to be with some of his friends from where he worked this Summer.

4:44 PM-

Have to shut down my computer. Electrical Thunderstorm coming?

August 4, 2008

8:22 AM-

When Nate wakes up, after getting himself cleaned up & dressed, he has to get Dad cleaned up & dressed, to take him to another doctor?s appointment. I myself am cleaned up, diapered, & dressed for the day. Nate instructed me to purchase (2) Ham & Cheese with Lettuce Sub Sandwiches from the ?Mike?s Red Barn Deli for Lunch. As I wrote before, we are eating ?too much? take-out food, in between Nate cooking some meals, due to ?time constraints?, since Nate is Dad?s ?primary? caregiver/assistant, helping him with getting cleaned up & dressed, ect. I am just a ?Gopher? ?Errand Boy?, burning lots of ?petrol? in my Ute, going various places for Dad & Nate.

All last night, I slept with ?Moo-Moo? Moose & ?Goo-Gee? Bear huggable friends, yet, I had a very bizarre frightening dream, that I woke up from, around 5:00 AM this morning. It was about me ?being gassed?, @ one of the Nazi ?Euthanasia Centers?, where they ?exterminated? 70,000+ developmentally disabled children in Nazi Germany. I was on a gurney, strapped-down by my wrists & ankles, & all I was wearing was a cloth diaper & rubber pants, that had ?not been changed in a week?, & were ?filled? with my own ?rotting? pee-pee & poo-poo. I was ?left? in the ?death room? ?all alone & helpless?, and I fell asleep & ?never woke up?, to the ?hissing? of the ?overhead shower? filling the ?death room? with Carbon Monoxide Gas, they used to ?murder me with?.

In my dream, after I was ?dead?, one of the ?Female SS Nurses?, ?molested me?. L

August 4, 2008 (Continued)

5:29 PM-

I served Dad the Beef Stir-Fry & Rice Supper Nate cooked earlier a short time ago, & I checked to see that Dad took his Insulin injection. Earlier this afternoon, after my naptime, I watched DVD?s out on the porch on my portable DVD player/viewer, waiting for Nate to return home with Dad from Dad?s doctor?s appointment this afternoon, which was @ 1:30 PM.

Right now, I have to break-out my chequebook, & pay my AAA (American Automobile Association) yearly ?membership? fee of $77.00?, which is ?due? by the 1^st of next month.

6:03 PM-

Just ?updated? my ?Ledger Book? again, to take into account, the ?bill? I just paid out of my Chequing Account. The $8.49? for disposable bed pads, was ?my own money?, & the $19.34? was originally a ?single $20.00 greenback from ?Dad?s money?, which Nate has control over, since he is paying Dad?s ?bills? for him. The only thing what Nate hands me of ?cash? from Dad, is only going for ?food/groceries?. Last month, one time, Dad was ?pissed-off?, that I paid for one of ?his prescriptions? (co-payment) out of my own Chequing Account, while I was paying for my own Medicare Part D prescription co-payment for my own prescriptions.

6:30 PM-

Made sure my (2) ?Fursuit Costumes? were ?hanging together? on clothes hangers in the cellar next to the clothes dryer.

7:04 PM-

Just charging the 2^nd-hand Sony Hi8 ?analog? camcorder, to use a little later, to shoot ?low-light? nature scenes in the backyard.

7:38 PM-

I was just outside in the ?fallow? garden plot, hacking down ?weed shrubs?, to haul down back tomorrow morning onto the weed/fallen leaf pile. Earlier, I did start washing more dirty laundry for Dad.

August 5, 2008

8:17 AM-

I guess I need to hug my ?Elmo? Sesame Street friend for a while. Looking back about having a bad dream the other day about being ?murdered? by Nazis was a very frightening dream that was ?all too real?. Me very scared of the evil bad ?Hitler Person? & his followers who are ?still around?. Would ?Elmo? on ?Sesame Street? also feel very scared of the ?evil bad ?Hitler Person? & his followers? Elmo friend always filled with love & caring. Elmo friend never ?filled with hate??

8:55 AM-

Started washing more dirty laundry for Dad. This is an ongoing household chore that has to get done, otherwise, it ?piles up? pretty quickly.

8:59 AM-

Here is a ?statement of fact?:

In the old ?Warner Brothers? ?Road Runner/Coyote Cartoons?, the ?coyote? always ?comes back to live - & uninjured?, after getting ?blown up? by one of his own IED?s he makes to try and ?kill the Roadrunner?.

Over in Iraq & Afghanistan, in ?real life?, one either comes home in a ?glad bag?, or ?in a wheelchair?, after getting ?blown up by a bomb?.

10:45 AM-

Lunch was ?Cold Cuts & Cheese?. Before Lunch, I watched another episode of the old 1960?s TV show, ?COMBAT!?, that starred actor ?Vic Morrow?.

Hmm? Another interesting arcane fact in my memory, is that back when ?Pedophile Pope?, ?Leo X? was in the Vatican in the 1520?s, one of the ?sins? his ?Indulgence Pardon Document? would forgive, was ?Having Sex with the Virgin Mary? ? which is ?impossible?, given that the ?Virgin Mary?, has been dead for something like 1,950 years, & her ?remains? are nowhere to be found.

10:59 AM-

Nate ?forgot? a couple of grocery items, & he expects me to ?go get them?. Just more ?wasting petrol?.

12:00 PM-

Dad needed ?Alcohol Swabs? to ?shoot up? with Insulin, & Nate forgot ?Egg Substitute? for ?Pancakes? again for Supper this evening. I needed ?AAA? size batteries for the wireless headphones, that used to me my Mom?s, that I now use for my own cobbled together entertainment system, & a single roll of ISO200 35mm film for my Chinon CS 35mm SLR camera.

12:06 PM-

Time to pack my ?diaper bag?, & get ready to go out 1^st to the Post Office to mail my AAA Membership off, then go to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail from my contacts in the Asperger?s Syndrome/Autism disability Community, & then drive up to the Derry Community Television CATV Studio to my unpaid volunteer job.

12:12 PM-

Made sure I have my ?Elmo? Sesame Street cuddle friend, in case I need him to ?alleviate? autistic anxiety/stress.

August 6, 2008

10:52 PM-

This morning, I had to drive Nate up to the Ambulatory Surgical Center in Bedford, NH, for treatment of ?Kidney Stones?. Nate allowed me to ?drive? Dad?s 2008 Dodge Caliber Sedan home. Of course on my way back home, I had to stop @ Mike?s Red Barn Deli in Salem Center again, to purchase a Sub Sandwich for Dad & I to have for Lunch.

I myself have to go out up to Derry to see my Social Worker/Counselor, Ms, Fisher for my usual monthly meeting with her. I myself am keeping my cellular telephone ?on?, in case I need to be reached by the Bedford Ambulatory Surgical Center or Nate, after his ?procedure?.

Dad I guess is ok, but suffering his usual constant neuropathy/vascular pain in his legs.

5:15 PM-

Super was ?Kentucky-Fried Cholesterol? that Nate paid for, from Dad?s money, that I had to go out in my Ute to purchase, after I went to the Rite-Aid Pharmacy next to the Salem Post Office here in town, to fill a prescription for Nate, after I earlier brought him back home from having his ?rock-filled? Kidney blasted with ultrasound, to ?turn the rocks into sand?, that he can ?piss out of his Wee-Wee?. The procedure was ?successful?.

With Ms. Fisher, I talked a bit more about my feelings that my body ?is not correct?, unless both of my own legs were crippled & encased into HKAFO Orthopedic Leg Braces, & using Loftstrand Crutches to be able to stand & walk. She seems to think these feelings, along with my ?Adult Baby? behavior, are ?related? to the physical neglect/abuse I suffered in very early childhood.

5:26 PM-

I have to continue washing dirty laundry for my Dad, myself, & Nate.

Anyway, here is my own ?Ledger Book? entries for today, regarding ?where money went?, even if it was given to my per Dad?s permission, which I always make sure I ask for, even when Nate hands me the cash to ?pay for things?, out of Dad?s financial funds.

The $8.58?, was to purchase 1 20 ounce Diet Dr. Pepper Soda Pop, & a 10-count Package of Disposable Super-Large Bed Pads for my total urinary incontinence problems, for naptimes & bedtimes.

5:52 PM-

One thing, which was different for me today, was that for the 1^st time, I got to drive Dad?s 2008 Dodge Caliber Sedan. I am more used to driving my ?rear-wheel drive? Ute, than a ?front-wheel drive? car. Since November of 1986, I have hardly driven any ?front-wheel drive? vehicle.

6:25 PM-

Time to watch the evening National/International News on WHDH-TV, Channel 7 (NBC Network).

August 7, 2008

8:43 AM-

This morning, when I woke up, hugging my diapered ?Grr-Grr? Bear friend, I was ?mega-soaked? in my own pee-pee. After getting cleaned up, diapered & dressed, I took more dirty laundry downstairs to the cellar, including my pee-pee soaked bedsheet & started washing dirty laundry for Dad.

Early this morning, around 6:00 AM, I turned on my television, & I watched only Channel 11 (WENH-TV, Durham, NH, PBS), the child-appropriate television programs, ?It?s a Big, Big World?, ?Bob the Builder?, ?Curious George?, & Clifford the Big Red Dog?. I simply mutely laid there in my own ?puddle? of pee-pee in my bed, in autistic ?hyperfocusing? mode, watching my gentle & loving ?friends? on my television, feeling ?happy?. @ one point, while watching my ?friends? on the television, I had a little ?whispering? ?Heart-to-Heart Talk?, with my diapered ?Grr-Grr? Bear ?friend?. We talked about God not wanting us to ever go into a ?very bad place? on NH Route 28 in Windham, because there are ?very bad things there?, about ?grow?d ups? ?going pee-pee into each other?, which very much ?anger & frighten me?, ?Adult Baby Tommy?.

Not want to go to ?Hell? where the ?Bad Grow?d Ups? have to ?live?.

9:05 AM-

?Inner thoughts?, as I am sitting here @ my computer in the Den, & ?self-rocking? in my chair, in my usual ?autistic? way:

?Me Baby??, ?Me Baby??, ?Me Baby??, ?

9:22 AM-

Had to ?interrupt? my ?withdrawing inward into myself, to ?lower? the water level in the backyard swimming pool, by 3/8?, due to rainfall.

9:25 AM-

Back to ?self-rocking? in my chair & gentle, loving thoughts of:

?Me Baby??, ?Me Baby??, ?Me Baby??, ?

2:33 PM-

Here is where the cash went. Only $0.97? was used to purchase a ?single? ?Hot Wheels? toy car for my ?collection?, @ Walmart.

Lunch earlier, was ?home-made? Ham & Cheese Sandwiches from what I purchased ?fresh? @ the Shaw?s Supermarket this morning.

Earlier this afternoon, I shot this photograph from my Ute. The old building in the center, is the old Salem Depot Railway Station, which has been ?abandoned? for decades. The ?tracks? are long gone, & this is where the Pedestrian/Bicycle Trail will ?end-up? in the near future. One will be able to walk or ride a bicycle eventually from here, all the way into the center of Downtown Manchester, 23 miles north of here ? someday?

4:31 PM-

Supper was ?Pancakes? again. Right now, I am watching the gentle & nonviolent child?s television program, ?The Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin? here in my computer, ?Episode #3?. Not feel like watching television shows for ?grow?d ups?.

5:01 PM- Switched DVD disks in my E:\ DVD Drive, & am now watching ?The Adventures of Paddington Bear?.

Another thing I have done this afternoon, is to mutely play with my ?Wooden Railroad Toy? for a while before Supper.

5:10 PM-

It is raining more now outside.

I have just been thinking, that as an autistic person with Asperger?s Syndrome, the ?simple? loves, of a child, like ?loving? huggable plush cuddle toy friends, are ?easier? for me to ?cognitively understand?, than the ?complexity? of a one-on-one ?social? relationship with another person, which leads to ?icky touching? stuff, that frightens me. I as an autistic adult cognitively process & ?misinterpret? an adult not wearing clothes, touching another adult who is also not wearing clothes, as ?hurting each other?, not ?love?. Long ago, when I was a teenager, I was profoundly ?cognitively behind them?, in my ?cognitive understanding? of what a ?loving relationship? between 2 people is ?all about?.

Love & happiness for me, is being alone, mutely playing with my stuffed animal friends & playing with my toys. Anyway, lie it always was, even when I was a child. My own Mom, never expected or ever wanted me to love anything else, except the ?children?s toys? she & Dad ?gave me? during childhood. Mom, in her own ?sick way?, wanted to simply ?keep me? as a ?little helpless child? ? ?still in diapers?.

I guess in the end, she ?got her way? with me. I am autistic, & I am a ?sexually celibate? ?Gay Adult Baby?, who spends long periods of time ?hiding away from the world?, dressed in nothing but my diapers, & playing with my young child?s/toddler?s/baby?s toys, all alone in my bedroom here in the family home, as a 50 year-old developmentally disabled man.

5:42 PM-

Washing more dirty laundry for Dad, after being upstairs in the kitchen a short time, to ?clear out? the kitchen sink for Dad.

5:54 PM-

I should ?note?, that my ?Ute? is running out of Petrol, & I have to go to the Bank, to withdraw cash to fill my Ute?s petrol tank tomorrow.

August 8, 2008

1:36 PM-

I just finished mowing the lawn for Dad. This morning, Nate went out to the grocery store for Dad. This morning, before getting myself cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day, I again watched ?Curious George? & ?Clifford the Big Red Dog? on WENH-TV, Channel 11 (PBS, Durham, NH). Right now, my diaper is ?very wet? again, & it is time for another ?diaper change?.

August 9, 2008

11:30 AM-

This morning, I took all the household trash/recyclables over to the Refuse Collection Center on Shannon Road for Dad. Nate of course, sent me out for 3 ?Hot? Sub Sandwiches for Lunch from the ?Papa Cholesterol? in the shopping plaza where the Shaw?s Supermarket is located.

Yesterday afternoon, I did a very bad thing?. Via the www.wikipedia.org ?online? Encyclopedia, I ?looked up? the ?very bad words?, ?Penis? & ?Masturbation?. I stored the information on one of my USB Flash-RAM drives to read some other time alone @ home. L

3:40 PM-

Just purchasing (3) little ?Hot Wheels? Mattel Corporation, Inc. toy cars, was my only ?self-entertainment? expense today.

4:01 PM-

Nate is cooking Supper, & I was just outside in the backyard, shooting a couple frames of 35mm film with my old Chinon CS 35mm SLR Camera.

4:06 PM-

I find myself with ?feelings?, about ?hiding myself away? in my bedroom, where a autistic ?Adult Baby? like myself is ?supposed? to ?stay confined? & ?locked-away? from the ?outside world?. Mommy, while alive, ?trained me? since very early childhood, to ?keep? myself ?hidden away from the world?. Mom thought, that I was ?better-off? not ?knowing much? about the ?outside world? away from home.

4:42 PM-

Just had Supper & ?changed my dydee?, because it was ?very wet? with pee-pee.

6:50 PM-

Was just upstairs, changing my dydee, because it was ?poopy?. I had been ?hyperfocusing? on working on correspondence to some of my cousins.

August 10, 2008

3:40 PM-

A thunderstorm just came through this afternoon, & the ?CATV Signal? from the telephone pole outside is ?absent?, knocked out by ESD.

I myself had woken up from an afternoon naptime after Sunday Dinner early this afternoon an hour ago, & changed my dydee & re-dressed myself. I slept with ?my soft pink ?Gorilla? huggable. Not sure why, but I ?diapered him? too, the other day.

Yesterday evening, just after 7:00 PM, I ?hid myself away? in my bedroom, only coming out @ 6:30 AM this morning, after waking up, & ?arranging my cuddle friends? before getting cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day, to go to church. Yesterday evening on my television, all I watched, was a couple of episodes of the Astronomy/Space Science documentary series, ?The Universe?, that I have on DVD. While watching my television, I mutely played with some of my ?baby toys?, while lying there in my bed. developmentally disabled autistic ?Adult Babies? like me are supposed to ?hide ourselves away?, all alone by ourselves, & only ?play with baby appropriate/safe toys?.

August 11, 2008

8:15 AM-

Just started washing more dirty laundry for Dad. Yesterday evening before bedtime, I watched a sort-of ?History of Science? Documentary on Dad?s HDTV in the Parlour, & when I ?retired? into my bedroom, to change my diaper & put myself down for bedtime, with my huggable plushie friends, ?Grr-Grr? Bear, ?Gertrude? Gorilla, & ?Moo-Moo? Moose, I watched the science documentary series, ?NOVA? on WENH-TV, Channel 11 (PBS). It was about the effects of pollution on incoming Solar Radiation & Global Warming.

8:40 AM-

?Internal? rigid autistic thoughts & feelings are telling me, that I am only allowed to watch ?nonviolent? child-appropriate television programs today, & only mutely play with my different children?s toys. Right now on Nate?s old television, I am watching ?Clifford the Big Red Dog?, & to just mutely play with my wooden railroad toy train set.

9:36 AM-

Continuing to wash dirty laundry for Dad, while watching ?Dragon Tales? on WGBH-TV, Channel 2 (PBS), & still mutely playing with my wooden railroad train set toy. While playing with my wooden railway train set, I watched the child?s reading/phonics television program, ?Super Why?.

August 12, 2008

9:13 AM-

The more I think about it, the more I realize, that the website, www.youtube.com is really filled with lots of ?Godless Filth?. As an ?experiment?, a few times, I typed in the term, ?Plastic Pants? into their ?Search Engine?, & what comes up, is ?100% Amateur Diaper Fetish Peep Shows?. Most are ?correctly blocked? from access, unless you have an ?account? with the www.youtube.com website, but I was on 3 occasions in the last week over @ the Kelley Library, improperly able to access a 90 second video clip of a ?Middle-Aged Man?, my own age, ?dressed? in a ?pink? 100% vinyl plastic adult-sized ?shorty? dress, bonnet, & bib - & diapers & plastic ?bloomer? rhumba panties, & being an Adult Baby ? ?female version?.

There was no ?nudity?, but www.youtube.com, should be ?more vigilant? as to whether even that can be ?accessed?.

Also, I am just recalling something I saw 2 afternoon?s ago over in the parking lot of the Target Dayton-Hudson) Department Store here in Salem. There was a mother, ?leading? a 7 year-old boy ?by the hand? back to her car. The little boy was not ?properly? wearing ?gender appropriate? clothes, & he was ?diapered?, & his Mom had him ?holding? a very large ?baby dolly friend?. The boy was crying, & it was ?obvious?, he was being ?punished?.

DAMN!!!!! DAMN!!!!! DAMN!!!!! DAMN!!!!! DAMN!!!!! DAMN!!!!!

That was ?child sexual abuse???Diaper Discipline? perpetrated on a ?School-Aged Child? out in ?public?.

Damn!!!!! Whoever that little boy, who was ?doing some crying? was, probably in a few years, he will end-up being an ?Adult Baby? or @ least, a ?Diaper Fetishist?.

Unfortunately if a bystander ?interferes?, to say that what was being done to that little boy was ?wrong?, to that woman, one could get in ?trouble?.

Feeling very ?hateful?!!!!! When I was a teenager, long after I was ?Diaper disciplined? as a very young toddler/preschooler. When I was a teenager, one year, she made me wear ?girls? pretty ?pastel-colored? underpanties to school in 7^th Grade, & in Physical Education Class, I was ?tormented?, punched, & abused by all the other boys ? all the time. Mr. Morrill, the Physical Education Teacher, even @ times, ?call me a little girl?. L

Bad enough, when I had to go home on the school bus (enduring more emotional/physical abuse), & having to ?go home for more physical/emotional/sexual abuse, from my Mommy, who was as I remember, ?really cuckoo ? all the time?, especially that year.

Also as a teenager, in High school, Mommy ?made me wear? ?girls? blouses, & ?girls? pant slacks to school, all during high school.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just so very angry, ?remembering? the what I would call, ?Petticoat Punishment? Mommy perpetrated on my, as a teenaged boy.

Very ?rightly?, @ the ?Bus Stop? @ the end of my street one morning, a younger ?tormenter?, who loved emotionally hurting me, ?David King?, ?heaved rotten eggs? @ me?, & ?filthy?d? one set of the cute girls pants & blouse Mommy made me wear to school all the time, there in my ?Junior Year?.

August 13, 2008

9:06 AM-

Just washing more dirty laundry, after getting cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day. Yesterday afternoon, other than going too the Kelley Library to read my e-mail, I drove down to Danvers, Massachusetts to another meetup of the www.aane.org ?North Shore Social Group?, to watch a movie. It was the new Disney animated film, ?Wall-E?, about a ?Garbage Cleaning Robot?.

10:08 AM-

Have to ?clean up? the ?shit-hole? upstairs, as far as ?picking up? after Nate & Dad. Maybe I should have been born with a (bleep!) instead of a (bleep!). Anyway, Nate sent me out for a few groceries @ the Shaw?s Supermarket. When Mom was alive, she used to ?air-mail? ?garbage? down the cellar stairs into the downstairs Den room, like a ?N-Word?, who ?expects? ?Whitey? to ?clean up after them?, & I had to ?clean up? the (bleep!) mess she made. A few years ago, I did call my own ?Mom?, a darn ?N-Word? to her face, after she ?air-mailed? ?garbage? down the cellar stairs a couple of times. Needless to say, she took? ?massive? ?Psychotic Rage Tantrums?, & I just ?stormed out of the house? in a ?rage?, & took off in my Ute for a while those times (& others, whenever she ?did something wrong?, that ?upset? my rigid autistic ?rote memory? of processes & procedures, related to ?correctly? performing house chores, these past 30 years or her just ?spewing psychotic illogic?, ect.).

11:55 AM-

Just being mute & quiet this morning. Waiting for the mail to arrive, before I go out in my Ute, on more errands for Dad & Nate. A short time ago, I was in the Parlour, & I piled the newspapers ?neatly?, for when I next have to take the trash/recyclables to the Refuse Collection Center on Shannon Road for my Dad in my Ute.

12:10 PM-

Had just seen a Hawk over in the top of the huge spruce tree in one of our next-door neighbor?s yard.

5:51 PM-

Been doing a bunch of ?cleaning? here in the downstairs Den room, with the vacuum cleaner.

5:57 PM-

I apologize for my ?politically incorrect? thoughts this morning.

6:13 PM-

Had moved my ?Fursuit Costumes?, ?Sheriff George Wolf? & ?Usagi Bunny? into the Den, where it is ?cleaner?.

6:15 PM-

Did not go to the Kelley Library yet today, to read my e-mail. Been ?cleaning? the Den room downstairs here.

8:44 PM-

Returned home from the Kelley Library.

August 14, 2008

9:39 AM-

Nate is out grocery shopping & other ?errands?, while I have been spending more time here in the downstairs Den, ?cleaning the mess?. Yesterday evening, I was in autistic temper-tantrum mode, due to the stress of trying to ?organize the mess? here in the Den room.

4:35 PM-

This afternoon, I mowed where Dad?s riding lawnmower can not reach. I will have to mow the rest of the lawn tomorrow.

5:32 PM-

Made sure Dad ate Supper & took his Insulin injection. I did of course, make sure that the kitchen sink was cleared out of dirty dishes & pots & pans, ect.

6:04 PM-

Had been working on ?expanding my wooden railroad toy ?layout?, using the ?new? track pieces I purchased @ the Nashua & Salem, NH ?Toys R? Us stores. Also earlier this afternoon, after mowing some of the lawn for Dad, I have been hanging up a couple more of my ?replica? old-fashioned ?Advertising Signs? here in the Den.

August 15, 2008

3:48 PM-

Have been busy, ?clearing out? another corner of the downstairs Den room this morning. I also went out to the Shaw?s Supermarket, the ?Peters?? Family Farm Stand?, & to the ?Papa Cholesterol? Pizza Joint (for Lunch for Dad, Nate, & I).

After Lunch, I had to go out in my Ute over to the Mobil Petrol Station on N. Broadway, to purchase Petrol for the ?Jerry Can? for the lawnmowers. On my way there, I stopped @ the ?Learning Express? Toy Store in the Barnes & Noble Bookstore Plaza here in town, to purchase wooden ?track adapters?, more ?straight track?, 2 more ?track switches?, & 1 ?Thomas? Tank Engine ?locomotive? ?friend? for my wooden railroad toy.

Immediately when I returned home, I ?mowed the rest of the lawn? for my Dad. Then, I cooled off in the swimming pool in our backyard.

4:42 PM-

Supper was Tuna & Pasta Salad.

?

August 16, 2008

9:52 AM-

“Updated” my Ledger Book. As an autistic adult with Asperger’s Syndrome, I am “not permitted” to purchase things from “evil bad places” to “Entertain Myself”. I am only allowed to have “Children’s Toys”, to mutely play all alone by myself “here @ home”. Also, I read only my books on Science or History, or only “simple” children’s picture storybooks.

10:00 AM-

To “make room” for more of my “cleaning up” & “rearranging”, & “organizing” the downstairs Den room, I will have to “dismantle” my Wooden Railway “layout” temporarily, & put it into it’s “tote box”.

11:39 AM-

Need to go out & purchase a 2nd “tote box”, to hold all my wooden model railroad track, buildings, locomotives, & cars. Plus, I will spend time @ the Kelley Library, reading my e-mail.

2:44 PM-

It is “raining” again. Plus, all day today, I have been having a bit of “lower back pain”.

Not sure what Nate has “planned” for Supper. Earlier, before I went out in my Ute over to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail, I “emptied” all the clean dishes out of the dishwasher machine for Dad, & I put them away for him.

Plus today, I am washing more dirty laundry for Dad.

3:05 PM-

Finished hanging up one of Dad’s old Motor Vehicle Registration Plates from 1962, & another of my replica old-fashioned advertising signs here in the downstairs Den room.

4:31 PM-

Had to revise my “Ledger Book” again. Nate sent me out to the “Wendy’s Cholesterol Burger Joint”, for Cheeseburgers, & “Side” Salads for Supper. L

I find myself apologizing for “wrenching my back – a bit” yesterday, moving Dad’s “riding lawnmower”, “back where it belongs” in the Garage room, so that Nate can get his car back into the Garage, after I used it to “mow the lawn” for my Dad. L

4:53 PM-

Had to change my diaper, for the 3^rd time today, because it was “extremely” soaked with pee-pee.

I have of course, just turned on Nate’s old “analog” television, to watch more coverage of the 2008 “Olympic Games” on WHDH-TV, Channel 7 (NBC Network) out of Boston, Massachusetts.

6:15 PM-

Earlier today @ the Kelley Library, I had a look @ the Lawrence Eagle Tribune Newspaper “front page” headlines, & I guess, the other day, “crooks” smashed the front doors of the Walmart Department Store in Methuen, MA, & “swiped” one of those ATM Machines. L

7:01 PM-

Sunday Dinner will be “Chicken Pie & Vegetables”. But 1^st, early tomorrow morning @ 7:00 AM, when the Shaw’s Supermarket “opens up”, I have to go purchase it, before going to church.

August 17, 2008

2:33 PM-

            Woke up from an afternoon naptime an hour ago. Before getting myself re-diapered & dressed, I mutely self comfort touched myself,, but no “bad white pee-pee” came out into my incontinence diaper, which is where it belongs, while playing with my Playskool “Pop-Up-Pals” toy & my Fisher-Price “Nesting Cars” toy & mutely “hugging” “Elmo” cuddle friend, sitting on my bed for a while. No “dirty” thoughts while self comfort touching. My mind was “blank”, & “empty” of anything of what one would call “imagination”. Autistics like myself, who are “high functioning”, can not “summon up” “Erotic Scenarios”, the way a “normal” Neurotypical adult can.

Yet, Friday evening, a couple of days ago, I noticed “this” during watching an episode of the “Discovery Channel” Paleontology Miniseries, “Walking with Prehistoric Beasts”, which is a scene of a “Daddy” Indricotherium making his Wee-Wee “very big”, & then “going pee-pee” into the “Mommy” Indricotherium. The “Baby” Indricotherium did not like the “Daddy” Indricotherium “Hurting his Mommy!!!!! - with his very bad Wee-Wee”. @ least, that is how my “autistic” mind “processes” what I saw in this “Science Documentary” television program.

2:52 PM-

Nate wants me to go out to the D’Angelo’s Sub Sandwich Shop on S. Broadway, NH Route 28, to purchase Sub Sandwiches for Supper. We eat “too much” “take out food”. L

5:47 PM-

Just have been watching an episode of the old “Supermarionation” “Kid-Vid” TV show from the 1960’s, “Thunderbirds”. It is the one, where a nuclear-fueled “Mobile Ethanol Fuel Production Plant/Clear-Cut Logging Machine”, goes “out of control”.

Hmm? “Stripping” the Amazon Rain Forest, just to produce “Ethanol Fuel” for cars? In this episode of “Thunderbirds”, when it originally aired in the 1960, the idea of using “Ethanol” for fueling cars, was “laughed @ - as being totally absurd, even by the Petroleum Producers”.

8:11 PM-

Had an enjoyable evening with us having another “backyard picnic” with family & friends over. Plus of course, playing “outdoor” games too.

August 18, 2008

8:33 AM-

Just being mute & quiet, sitting here @ my computer in the downstairs Den room. My bedsheet is “flooded” with pee-pee & has to be washed again, despite my being diapered all night long, & sleeping on a disposable bed pad, which was also extremely wet & “flooded” with pee-pee, along with the absorbent padding of my nighttime diaper.

Anyway, I am washing dirty laundry for my Dad, since he can not negotiate the stairs very well anymore.

9:08 AM-

Had just “cleaned myself up, after uncontrollably “filling my diaper” with poo-poo. Of course, I placed my “poopy” diaper into my diaper pail in my bedroom, where it belongs.

9:27 AM-

Had to put a couple pieces of “extra” lawn furniture “away” in the shed.

11:00 AM-

Just had Lunch, after going out to the Shaw’s Supermarket for groceries. After Lunch, I watched some old “original” “Space Ghost” Superhero Cartoons here on my computer.

August 18, 2008 (Continued)

1:59 PM-

Arrived back home a few minutes ago, from being out @ the Kelley Library, & also stopping @ the Rite-Aid Pharmacy next to the Post Office, to purchase “Male Hominid Primate” Vitamin tablets for Dad, Nate, & I. I also stopped @ the Walmart Supercenter Department Store to purchase another disposal bag “refill” canister for my “diaper pail” in my bedroom.

While there @ the Kelley Library, I did see a middle-aged “White Male Hominid Primate” accessing “Neo-Nazi Websites”. Somewhat disturbing, given, that the “Neo-Nazis” want developmentally disabled “people like me”, “dead”.

2:35 PM-

On my 4^th diaper of the day.

3:16 PM-

Spent time as an intellectual exercise, computing the “Magnetic Mirror Radius” for a “single Electron (e-) Particle, in the Earth’s “Magnetosphere”. According to my calculations, it is “~ 17 m”.

Earth’s Magnetic Field Strength:            ~100 μT = B

Charge on a “single” Electron (e-) particle:

                                                            -1.602 x 10^-19 C

“Rest” Mass of a “single” Electron (e-) particle:

                                                            9.11 x 10^-31 Kg

Next, “compute” the “Cyclotron” Electron (e-) particle “Orbit Frequency” in Earth’s Magnetic Field in the “Magnetosphere”:

                                                            ω = e * B         (Radians/s)

                                                                     m

3:33 PM-

Unfortunately, I have to continue this “explanation”, “later, due to my having to cook Supper now.

4:17 PM-

Back to “plugging in #’s:

                                                ω = (-1.602 x 10^-19)(100 x 10^-6)   (Radians/s)

                                                                        (9.11 x 10^-31)

Which yields a figure of:

                                                ω = 17,585,071.35 (Radians/s)

But:

                                                ω = v/R

Letting “v = c”, then the equation becomes:

                                                ω = c/R

But, c ≡ “Velocity of Light”, which is:

                                                c = 3 x 10^8 Km/s

Solving the equation for “R”, the “Electron Orbital Radius”, @ the Earth’s “Magnetic Field Strength, B ~ 100 μT, yields:

                                                R = c/ω

Next “plugging in the #’s, yields:

                                                R = (3 x 10^8 Km/s)/(1.758507135 x 10^7)

Therefore,

                                                R =  ~ 17.045 m =  ~ 0.017045 Km

Well, @ least I think, that this is an “answer”. It has been a while, since I last did a bit of the “mathematics” of “Electromagnetic Fields”.

Anyway, Supper is “cooked” by myself, & Nate & Dad have to eat their “share” of the Spaghetti & Cheese I cooked for Supper, myself.

4:47 PM-

Here it is, that I can do some “Electromagnetic Field Computations”, as an autistic adult, but I can no longer “obtain employment” or “hold down employment” anywhere.

5:31 PM-

I just turned on the telly here in the Den, & I guess up in Londonderry, 3 towns north of here, a “brain dead idiot” went around in public, wearing nothing but a “Female Hominid Primate” “baby making part cover panty”. L

As a developmentally disabled autistic adult, I can not just wear only my “incontinence” diaper.

The “rule” is, is that my diaper(s) are always to be “covered”, except @ “naptimes” & “bedtimes’ here @ home in my own “bedroom”, where it is “private”. Experiencing “hateful feelings”, while sitting here “mute” & unable to speak, directed @ the “bad man” in Londonderry here in New Hampshire who “did a very bad thing” today.

6:41 PM-

An “Absolute Fact”:

In the “People’s Republic of China”, one may “protest” about what the government’s internal/external “policies” are, as long as you are “dead & buried in the ground” – not “while you are alive”.

This has been the “policy” of the Chinese “Emperors”, for the past 2,000 years. The “Godless Antichrist Commies” running the country now, are just keeping this “ancient established internal protest/dissent policy”, “alive & well”.

6:53 PM-

The Police in Mexico, are performing “criminal kidnappings” & “extortion” of Middle Class/Upper class Mexican Citizens.

My Solution:

Send the US Military into Mexico,  & “arrest” every single Police Officer in the entire country of Mexico, & “replace them” with “new” “uncorruptable” Police Officers…

Which is absurd, & plain “unrealistic & unworkable”…

Why?

We have “tried a variation of it” in Iraq, & have “totally failed” there in that policy.

August 19, 2008

8:25 AM-

Still feeling “sleepy” right now. Need to take & hug “Eeep”, my little soft plush toy tan-colored Bat “huggable”.

10:22 AM-

Just “updated” my “running” Ledger Book of where cash is going, after making myself a Bologna Sandwich for Lunch. Nate sent me out to the grocery store earlier, plus I stopped @ my Bank, to “transfer” funds into my Chequing Account to “pay another of my own bills”.

10:38 AM-

As usual, due to my own “internal” “Autistic Routine” programming, I turned the television on in the Den, & I am watching/listening to the child-appropriate television program, “Word World”, on WENH-TV, Channel 11 (PBS). I am “not allowed” to watch the “bad” television “Talk Show” television programs, “Maury”, “Jerry Springer”, & “The View”. “Jerry Springer” is “very bad & very dirty”.

10:55 AM-

Today it is “raining” again.

11:31 AM-

A “typical” Saturday morning cartoon aimed @ 9 year-olds back in the 1960’s, was the “Superhero” Cartoon, “Birdman”. Today, it would not be “politically correct”, I suppose. When I am feeling extremely “child-like”, I alternately watch either the “Baby/Toddler” appropriate PBS children’s television programs, or I watch “old” Saturday morning “Kid-Vid” cartoons.

Anyway, since the “FCC Television Code Standards” were “trashed” by President Ronald Reagan in the “early” 1980’s, through the “political lobbying” of a “coalition” of the “Religious Right Leadership” & the “Children’s Toy Manufacturers”, Saturday morning “Kid-Vid” cartoons, have “gone to Hell”.

“Space Ghost”, “Birdman”, “Herculoids”, as old “Superhero” cartoons are “less violent”, than the “trash” on “what is left” of Saturday morning “Kid-Vid” time today.

Also, the “FCC Political & Religious Fairness Doctrine Code” was “trashed”, resulting in “Xenophobic”, & “Bigoted” & “Ignorant ‘Fascist-Nazi’ Shit-Heads”, like “Dr. Laura Schlessenger”, “Dr. James Dobson”, “Rush Limbaugh”, “Phyllis Schaffly”, & “Michael Savage” being able to “spew” their “trash gutter intellectual filth” over the “Radio Airwaves” to millions. Not long ago, “Michael Savage” “trashed” developmentally disabled people like myself, who have “Autism”.

1:37 PM-

Time to go out 1^st to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail, & then to spend time @ my volunteer employment @ Derry CTV.

August 20, 2008

4:41 PM-

Yesterday, I did not write very much, I suppose. Yesterday afternoon, I spent time @ the Derry Community Television CATV Studio, “uploading” the footage of this year’s Shakespere Performance in MacGregor Park in Downtown Derry by the “New England Shakespere Festival Players”. Was finally able to get the 1^st ½ of their performance of “Much Adoe About Nothing” into the “Editing” computer. Will get the 2^nd ½ of the performance up into the editor next Tuesday. Anyway, afterwards, I had to drive over to the Taylor Library to videotape the children’s Summer Reading Program “Awards” Ceremony there for Derry Community Television.

Today, I took all our household trash/recyclables over to the Refuse collection Center on Shannon Road for my Dad.

5:13 PM-

Have been spending more time “updating” my “daily” Ledger Book. Nate has been handing me funds from Dad, to purchase “take-out” meals, plus groceries. “My own funds”, were spent @ the Walgreen’s Pharmacy for a Soda Pop, & “Super-Sized” disposable Bed Pads to “overflow flood” with pee-pee during my naptimes & bedtimes due to total urinary/fecal incontinence. Only “rummaged” through the “Big Lots Discount store for a “cheap” baby toy, & 2 $3.00¢ DVD’s. A lot of the stuff there, is “cheap” decorative “Kitch”, to use the old “Yiddish Slang Term”.

5:43 PM-

Just finished “cleaning myself up”, after uncontrollably “filling my diaper” with poo-poo, while “hyperfocusing” on getting my “Ledger Book” updated here on my computer. It is better to just be “100% Pee/Poop Incontinent”, as an autistic adult, since I can “hyperfocus” on “tasks”, & just let my body “do it’s own thing, & not even “try anymore” to “hold in my pee & poop”. It is cognitively/emotionally “calming”, “filling” my diaper “full of pee & poop”, instead of “piling on cognitive stress/sensory overload”, trying to “multitask” what is happening with my body  in this manner, than “interrupting” performing other “cognitive/intellectual tasks”.

One may, I suppose, “complain”, that “dirtying oneself” with pee & poop 24/7 is “disgusting”. But, it is better to be “calm & happy”, rather than “hyper-aroused” & “irritable”.

6:35 PM-

Airliner crash in Madrid Spain.

Pardon my “scribbling” on my “White Board” here in my corner of the Den, but I was just looking up & reviewing a few equations, related to “Atomic Particles” in “Electric Fields”. Notice something “familiar”? Yes! “Newton’s 2^nd Law” applies to atomic particles passing through an “Electric field”, with an Electric Field Potential difference, (V).

August 21, 2008

9:00 AM-

Washing my pee-pee flooded bed sheets again. Plus, I started the automatic swimming pool bottom vacuum device to get that chore accomplished also.

9:33 AM-

Compared to my “former” life, being “employed”, my life is “less stressful”, & “things get done”, “when they get done”, “in my own time”, not to “somebody else’s schedule”.

11:38 AM-

Nate needs 6 Eggs @ the grocery store. Plus, I will go to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail.

August 20, 2008

4:41 PM-

Yesterday, I did not write very much, I suppose. Yesterday afternoon, I spent time @ the Derry Community Television CATV Studio, “uploading” the footage of this year’s Shakespere Performance in MacGregor Park in Downtown Derry by the “New England Shakespere Festival Players”. Was finally able to get the 1^st ½ of their performance of “Much Adoe About Nothing” into the “Editing” computer. Will get the 2^nd ½ of the performance up into the editor next Tuesday. Anyway, afterwards, I had to drive over to the Taylor Library to videotape the children’s Summer Reading Program “Awards” Ceremony there for Derry Community Television.

Today, I took all our household trash/recyclables over to the Refuse collection Center on Shannon Road for my Dad.

5:13 PM-

Have been spending more time “updating” my “daily” Ledger Book. Nate has been handing me funds from Dad, to purchase “take-out” meals, plus groceries. “My own funds”, were spent @ the Walgreen’s Pharmacy for a Soda Pop, & “Super-Sized” disposable Bed Pads to “overflow flood” with pee-pee during my naptimes & bedtimes due to total urinary/fecal incontinence. Only “rummaged” through the “Big Lots Discount store for a “cheap” baby toy, & 2 $3.00¢ DVD’s. A lot of the stuff there, is “cheap” decorative “Kitch”, to use the old “Yiddish Slang Term”.

5:43 PM-

Just finished “cleaning myself up”, after uncontrollably “filling my diaper” with poo-poo, while “hyperfocusing” on getting my “Ledger Book” updated here on my computer. It is better to just be “100% Pee/Poop Incontinent”, as an autistic adult, since I can “hyperfocus” on “tasks”, & just let my body “do it’s own thing, & not even “try anymore” to “hold in my pee & poop”. It is cognitively/emotionally “calming”, “filling” my diaper “full of pee & poop”, instead of “piling on cognitive stress/sensory overload”, trying to “multitask” what is happening with my body  in this manner, than “interrupting” performing other “cognitive/intellectual tasks”.

One may, I suppose, “complain”, that “dirtying oneself” with pee & poop 24/7 is “disgusting”. But, it is better to be “calm & happy”, rather than “hyper-aroused” & “irritable”.

6:35 PM-

Airliner crash in Madrid Spain.

Pardon my “scribbling” on my “White Board” here in my corner of the Den, but I was just looking up & reviewing a few equations, related to “Atomic Particles” in “Electric Fields”. Notice something “familiar”? Yes! “Newton’s 2^nd Law” applies to atomic particles passing through an “Electric field”, with an Electric Field Potential difference, (V).

August 21, 2008

9:00 AM-

Washing my pee-pee flooded bed sheets again. Plus, I started the automatic swimming pool bottom vacuum device to get that chore accomplished also.

9:33 AM-

Compared to my “former” life, being “employed”, my life is “less stressful”, & “things get done”, “when they get done”, “in my own time”, not to “somebody else’s schedule”.

11:38 AM-

Nate needs 6 Eggs @ the grocery store. Plus, I will go to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail.

6/21/2008 7:01 AM-

Today, I am cleaned up, diapered & dressed, “early”, because in a short time, I am going out in my Ute down to Watertown, Massachusetts, to a Barbecue Picnic for other adults with Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism like myself.

As a person, with the exception of over @ church, & my volunteering for Derry Community Television, I prefer to really only socialize either @ www.aane.org events or “online” via the Internet with other autistic adults like myself.

6/21/2008 7:10 AM-

As usual, like I have done for a very long time, (6) days a week, from Monday through Saturday, I do not eat breakfast. It is normal for me to just have (2) meals a day, (6) days a week, & on Sunday mornings, before church, to have my only Breakfast of the week, @ the McCholesterol in Pelham, before church.

6/21/2008 7:17 AM-

It seems, that home here is more “empty”, with my Mom now living with Lord Jesus in Heaven. The last 30+ years, we never got along with each other, but I find myself “missing” her “constant” nagging me about the way I looked, and her “complaints” about my having “Poo-Poo in my underpants” (before I went back to using “diapers” 24/7). I find myself “missing” my having to “attempt” to “make her stop spouting illogic @ me”, whenever I tried to have “conversations with her”, about subjects I preferred to talk about, as an autistic developmentally disabled person, who is a “walking encyclopedia” in a way.

6/21/2008 6:53 PM-

Had an interesting afternoon being with other Asperger’s/Autism adults, which was enjoyable for me. Afterwards, one of the www.aane.org Adult Activities organizers needed me to help transport over to the Charles Street MBTA Station, a Jewish Asperger’s adult, so he could get home. Anyway, he & I talked further, while I drove him over to the MBTA Station, which was good.

Anyway, myself and a whole lot of other Asperger’s adults, ended up talking about “everything under the Sun”, between stuffing ourselves with food. J

6/22/2008 4:03 PM-

Had just ate Supper. Nate had me go out to McCholesterol for Cheeseburgers & French Fries for the (3) of us here @ home. Today has been relatively quiet & relaxed. The humidity has been quite high & a bit uncomfortable physically, & outside, it has been raining.

This morning, the live broadcast & simultaneous DVD recording of this morning’s 10:00 AM Worship Service went well. This week, the DVD recorder did not get stuck in some endless “No Operation” Loop. & I got the disk over to the Pelham Community Television CATV Studio, for rebroadcast during the week.

Sunday Dinner @ Noon Time was “frozen” Chicken Pie with Vegetables. Afterwards, I took a nap. The cuddle friend I napped with, was “Humfrey” Bear. I also had my “big chain” of linkable teether/rattle baby toys to “manipulate in my hands or put into my mouth, for “comforting autistic sensory stimulation”.

When I woke up around 2:00 PM, I changed my “wet” diaper for the 3^rd time today, & I sat on my bed, & mutely watched a bit of a “Formula 1 Car” Auto Race on WMUR-TV, Channel 9 (ABC) out of Manchester, NH, that was out in Indiana. I was “physically comfortable”, just sitting on my bed for a while, & doing “atypical” autistic “self-rocking” behavior, clad in nothing but my incontinence diaper, a vinyl bib with “Tigger” on it, & my socks. I did get dressed, because, I anticipated, that as usual, Nate would hand me a $20.00¢ “Greenback” to go out in my Ute to purchase something for Supper.

6/22/2008 4:23 PM

One thing I did before going to church, was that while I did a bit of grocery shopping for Nate & Dad, I purchased a package of “Plastic Trash Bags”, because we were “all out of them”, & I needed to put all my wet (& poopy) “little” diaper trash bags into a neater order, which I did this afternoon, before going out & purchasing Supper.

6/22/2008 4:41 PM-

I hardly shot any photographs yesterday afternoon. This is the Charles River in Watertown, Massachusetts, not far from Arsenal Park, where the Asperger’s Adult’s Barbecue Picnic was held.

& my Ute @ that location along the Charles River.

& this is what Arsenal Park looks like. This Recreation Park, is located behind the Arsenal Shopping Mall, off of Arsenal Street in Watertown, Massachusetts.

6/22/2008 4:51 PM-

I just watched the 2^nd Episode of “The Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin” here on my computer. I suppose, that I needed to watch a child-appropriate TV program. Earlier this afternoon, there was another “Amber Alert” “Child Abduction APB (All-Points Bulletin)”, to be on the lookout for a “Very Bad Mommy & Daddy” from Everett, Massachusetts, who have been “abusing” their 10 month-old baby who is physically very sick, flashed on the television, while I was watching automobile racing.

It makes me feel very “upset”, hearing about “Very Bad Mommies & Daddies” who hurt their “little babies”.

6/22/2008 6:10 PM-

Took a few minutes, to sit down & “pay” a couple of my own Bills that arrived yesterday in the mail. Anyway, time to watch the Evening News.

6/22/2008 6:41 PM-

I guess that in the International News, Saudi Arabia, is not going to change their Crude Oil “Production Output” very much. Plus, I guess that the “Goon” running the African Country of Zimbabwe, “Dictator Robert Mugabe”, had “driven his rival” to “abandon ever trying to run for political office – ever again”, & still has an “Iron Grip” on “total temporal power” in Zimbabwe. He is “destroying his own country”, & Zimbabwe, is nothing more than a “Failed Nation State”, that has degenerated into a “Kleptocracy” @ the top, & “Lawless Social Anarchy” @ the bottom rung(s) of Zimbabwiean  Society.

6/22/2008 6:53 PM-

I am not surprised that there was a news report about the Mississippi River System Flood-Control “Levee” System, is causing more “Catastrophic Flooding”, now that “Global Warming” is a “fact”. The higher the US Army Corps of Engineers “rework” the “levees” on the riverbanks, the more “catastrophic” the yearly flooding has become, especially over the past 30 years.

6/22/2008 7:01 PM-

Started washing more dirty laundry for Dad.

6/23/2008 8:25 AM-

The Battery for the RTC (Real-Time Clock) on my computer’s Motherboard, has finally “died”, because, I had to “reset” the System Time twice, in the last 2 days.

Also, a shot time ago, I assembled our swimming pool’s “ladder”, to get into & out of the swimming pool. It is of course now ready to swim in.

6/23/2008 8:37 AM-

With nothing good on “broadcast” television in the morning to watch, I am simply watching my DVD documentary, “Kingdom of David: The Saga of the Israelites”. PART III is about the conflict between the Jewish People, & the Roman Empire.

6/23/2008 8:43 AM-

King “Herod The Great” was “not a Jew”, because his own Mommy was an Arabian Princess. To the Jews, having a “Non-Jew” ruling them, instead of a “legitimate” “King”, descended from “King David Himself”, was “Religious Blasphemy”.

6/23/2008 8:49 AM-

The Essenes were an “Apocalyptic Doomsday Cult”, who preached the “End of the World”, & one of their beliefs, was that a 40 year long “All-Out War” was coming between them, the “Sons of Light”, against “everyone else in the whole world”, who they called the “Sons of Darkness”.

This of course, is “familiar”, like the “Branch Davidian Doomsday Cult”, led by “Vernon Howell”, A.K.A., “David Koresh”, who’s “immolation by fire”, back in 1992, played-out, exactly like what happened to the Essenes, during the 1^st “Jewish Revolt”, which ignited when Roman Imperator “Nero” was in power. The Romans “exterminated them”, & likewise, our FBI & ATF Agents, along with the US Army, “exterminated” the “Branch Davidians”.

Another belief system, “Christian Reconstructionism” also has @ its core, “Apocalyptic Warfare”, by the “Godly”, against the “Ungodly”, until all the “Ungodly Are Exterminated”, then “Jesus Christ will return again in glory”, to “Rule the Earth”, “forever” – “with an Iron Fist”.

The “People’s Temple Cult”, led by “Reverend Jim Jones” down in Guyana, also was an Apocalyptic Doomsday Cult, inspired by the Essenes.

6/23/2008 9:05 AM-

It is interesting, that the “original model”, for “Al Queda”, “Hezbollah”, “Hamas”, & “Islamic Jihad”, are the Jewish “Zealots/Siccari”, who “assassinated” the “High Priest” of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, & ignited the 1^st Jewish Rebellion in 67 A.D. It is also said, that one of the “Zealots/Siccari”, also ignited a “massive riot” among the “male” civil population of Jerusalem directed against the Roman “Occupiers”, by “heaving” a bucket of “Human Urine & Excrement” onto an Altar in one of the “neighborhood” Synagogues.

The “equivalent” of doing this today, would be, if Al Queda “hijacked” a KC-130 Refueling Tanker Aircraft, & “filled it” with “Liquified Pig Urine & Excrement”, & “sprayed” it all over the Great Mosque in Mecca, & the “Holy of Holies”, “The Kaaba”.

The “result” would be the same, except, on a “planetary scale”, all over this planet, with Muslims “rioting” everywhere, & picking up weapons, & “exterminating all the Non-Believer Infidels”.L

6/23/2008 9:24 AM-

In a scenario, like I described earlier, to “save ourselves”, as a nation, all our Nuclear Weapons “will be used”, to “carpet bomb” the whole Middle East, from Casablanca, to Kabul in “Apocalyptic Holy Fire”.

6/23/2008 9:52 AM-

It is also interesting, that Rabbinic Judaism, & Christianity “split off from each other”, in the aftermath of the 1^st Jewish Rebellion against the Roman Empire.

Back then, “Rome” was the “Evil Empire”.

& who is “today’s” “Evil Empire”?

The answer is, it is “US”, as defined by Al Queda, Hezbollah, Hamas, & Islamic Jihad, the “Zealots/Siccari” of today.

6/23/2008 10:02 AM-

To “finally crush” the Bar Kochba Rebellion, Imperator Hadrian’s Legions, “exterminated” 600,000 Jews, & those that were left, were “removed @ sword-point” from Judea, & Imperator Hadrian “renamed” the region, “Palestine”.

6/23/2008 10:07 AM-

“Constantinism”, is the “form”, that Christianity took, where @ its “core”, is “violently Anti-Semitic”,  which of course, became the Roman Catholic & Eastern Orthodox Church Denominations. “Constantinism” is “Politicized Christianity”, & pretty-much the same as “Fundamentalist Politicized Christianity” here in my time here in the United States.

The rest is history…& the “Thesis” of a history book, called “Constantine’s Sword”, that was published not too long ago.

6/23/2008 4:47 PM-

Supper this evening was only “Hot Dogs & Beans”. Earlier, I was out to go to my Bank to extract enough cash, to purchase another 28-count package of XL-size adult diapers, super-sized disposable bed pads, & tomorrow, I will just use the last $20.00¢ to put more Petrol into the Petrol Tank of my Ute.

6/23/2008 4:55 PM-

We are having a good “tropical” type rain storm around here, which will do the vegetation in this area some good.

6/23/2008 6:30 PM-

Just feeling sad. Nate is going to need to find “more” paid employment. As to whether he can enter the electronics industry again, given, that he has a degree in Electrical Engineering, I find myself doubting that anyone will ever “hire him”. After all, the last job he had in the electronics industry was in January of 1991, 17 years ago.

Plus my own “blacklisting” from employment everywhere in both the States of Massachusetts & New Hampshire, as a “high-functioning” developmentally disabled autistic adult with Asperger’s Syndrome, will negatively affect his prospects of obtaining employment.

6/23/2008 6:52 PM-

I was simply looking @ my own “Employment Resume”, & the only honest feeling I have, about my “Resume”, is that the only thing it is “good for”, is only as “toilet paper” to wipe my autistic developmentally disabled ass with.

Anyway, no employer in the States of New Hampshire or Massachusetts, really wanted to “even talk to me” regarding “employment”, since the Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001, (7) years ago.

90% of us autistic adults with Asperger’s Syndrome, are unemployed & unemployable, despite having very valuable skills & abilities.

6/23/2008 7:28 PM-

Decided to practice a few Liturgical Hymns on my “child’s” Toy Electronic Keyboard.

6/24/2008 8:32 AM-

Just got myself cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day. Last night, I had a dream about being “restrained/strapped-down” in an adult-sized Invalid Crib, & wearing nothing but a diaper, plastic pants, an “adult-sized” snap-crotch onsie, & my head was “encased” in a hockey mask/helmet, because of autistic “self-abuse hitting”. In my dream, male nurses in the “Institution” only came around to “check” regarding whether my diaper was wet or dirty, & whether I was thirsty or hungry. The male nurses in my dream only “talked to me”, as if I “were a baby”. In my dream, the only “cognitive stimulation” there was inside the “adult-sized” Invalid Crib, was an infant’s “Busy Box”, & a bunch of “linked” teethers & rattles, & a “single” very large “stuffed” Toy Bunny Rabbit.

Also in my dream, I was “not alone there”, strapped-down, & helpless in an “adult-sized” Invalid Crib, made of steel. Turning my head, & being barely able to “look over” the “juvenile print” thick bumper pad, covering the lower part of the bars of my crib, & looking through the wire cage of the “protective” hockey helmet, the nurses “made me wear”, even while strapped-down by my waist, wrists & ankles in my crib, I could see (2) other “adult-sized” Invalid Cribs on either side of me, also occupied by older adults like myself, who wore “protective” hockey helmets, & were also “autistic” self-abuse hitters, & were “strapped-down & helpless like I was. In my dream, one of them, only made sounds like a doggie friend, & the other man only screamed “NAAAAA!!!!!” over & over again “all day long”. As for me, my mind had withdrawn “deep within myself”, & I was “profoundly catatonic”, & was “cognitively overloaded” all day long, except when the nurses had me “out of my crib”, & “in a wheelchair” over in the Institution’s Day Room, where I was “dumped” in front of the television, that played nothing but “toddler-appropriate” TV shows all day long. In this “nighttime dream I had” last night, other than mutely sitting in my wheelchair (or sometimes laid-out onto the linoleum floor, on a blanket, & propped-up with pillows…) in the Day Room, was that I “comforted myself”, by well “____________ myself” in front of the other “Institution Invalid Inmates”, who themselves, were “doing that too”, while watching the toddler-appropriate television programs on the TV in the Day Room in the Institution, intermittently all day long, despite the nurses having both my hands “encased” in padded leather “thumbless mitts”, to mostly “deny me the use of my own hands/fingers”.

6/24/2008 9:21 AM-

Had added chemicals to the swimming pool for Nate, while he has gone out to the grocery store for Dad. Of course, why did I again have a nighttime dream of being “Institutionalized”, when in “real life”, “that never happened to me”, as a high-functioning developmentally disabled autistic adult?

Not sure why, but perhaps I had this dream, was that I am feeling anxiety about the future, I created this dream last night about being “cared for by others”, & “Intsitutionalized”, because I would want that done to me. As it is, I myself would readily “sign” Permanent Committal Paperwork, to “take away all my freedom”, & “live in an Institution, if it were to be with other older adults with autistic & other developmental disabilities.

6/24/2008 9:54 AM-

Just drying more clean laundry for Dad, & I have to wash more dirty laundry for him.

As an older “autistic” adult, I pretty much look like the stereotype autistic adult, “living @ home”, with no employment whatsoever”, & very few connections to the “outside world”, who just spends time “plopped in front of” a television or computer, or just reads books “all day long”…Ect.

6/24/2008 10:24 AM-

Just having an “early” Lunch of just “Potato Salad”.

6/24/2008 12:55 PM-

Just got up from resting in my bed. I spent most of the time, awake, catatonic, mute, & unmoving, staring @ 1 of my big Rattle/Activity Cubes. My mind was “empty” of any real thoughts, simply in a “neutral state”, only looking @ the colors, shapes, & patterns of my Rattle/Activity Cube Toy. I also, only “hugged” “Goo-Gee” Bear really tight to my chest all during my “Rest Period”. While hyperfocused on the tactile senstation of “Goo-Gee” Bear, and looking @ the colors, shapes, & patterns on 1 of my Activity Cubes, I had absolutely no sensory-motor awareness of anything going on “below my belly”.

Monday, August 25, 2008

6:06 PM-

Just watching the Evening News on WHDH-TV, Channel 7 out of Boston, Massachusetts. Here in my town on Interstate Route 93, there is a “massive traffic accident” @ Exit #1 (Rockingham Park Boulevard).

According to the “Kinematic” Formula:

F * Δt = m * Δv

Plug in #’s for the “masses” of the Semi-Lorry & the car(s) involved in the “collision”, along with the velocities involved, & the time it took for the collision to occur, & the “result” is that there is “no way” a passenger automobile or an SUV can “survive” an impact with a Semi-Lorry, given the “magnitude” of the force of the collision.

Anyway, just thinking about electromagnetic field theory some more…

dF = (I x B) * dl

But,

I = J * A = ρ * v * A

Therefore,

dF = ρ * A * ( dl * (v x B))

But,

ρ * A * dl = dq

Thus,

dF = dq * (v x B)

For a single particle of charge, e,

F = e * (v x B)

The preceding equation, is the “Lorentz Force” for a single charged atomic particle.

F = m * a = e * E

But,

E = (v x B)

Therefore,

a = (e/m) * (v x B)

                        F = m * a = e * v * B

But,

                        F = m * v²

                                  R

Therefore, combining equations yields:

                        m * v² = e * v * B

                            R

Therefore, the Atomic Particle Orbital Radius, within a magnetic field intensity, “B”, is:

                        R = m * v

                               e * B

For a charged Atomic Particle in a Magnetic Field, the “Cyclotron Frequency” is:

                        ƒ = v /(2 * π * R) = (e * B)/ (2 * π * m) where m ≡ “Mass”

7:46 PM-

Been feeling “very emotionally enraged”, that Nate “interrupted” my “autistic” hyperfocusing” on reviewing equations for Atomic Particles in Magnetic Fields, by having me “back up” the damn 2 Gbyte memory card in his Canon EOS “Rebel” Digital SLR camera.

I “get really enraged”, if I am “interrupted” as an autistic person, if I am “made” to do “some other task”.

For a Magnetic Dipole of length, “l”, the rotational “torque” is:

                        T = 2 * F * (l/2) * sin θ

Letting F = Q(m) * B

Therefore,

                        T = Q(m) * l * B * sin θ

But,

                                    ^

m = n * m (Unit Vector)

                            ≡ “Magnetic Dipole Moment”

Therefore,

                                    T = I * A * B * sin θ

I ≡ “Loop Current”

A ≡ “Area of Loop” (m²)

But, for a “solenoid”,

Q(m) * l = N * I’ * A (Magnetic Dipole Moment)

Where,

N ≡ # of loop turns of the Solenoid

I’ ≡ Current through Solenoid Coil

A ≡ Cross-Sectional area of Solenoid Coil (m²)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

9:33 AM-

Washing more dirty laundry for my Dad, plus I emptied the dishwasher machine & placed everything in it away where they belong. Plus, I started clearing off & organizing my “desk” in my bedroom. Now Nate wants me to go to the Shaw’s Supermarket for a couple items, plus he wants his “Columbian Crud & Doughnut” habit “satisfied”, & mail 2 letters @ the Post Office, & purchase Sub Sandwiches for Lunch for Dad, himself, & I too.

11:46 AM-

Feeling a bit angry, that the “remote control” to my fairly new portable DVD player “went through the washing machine”. Now it is “busted” – permanently. L

Anyway, I can still use my little DVD player, using the control buttons on it.

12:11 PM-

On my 3^rd diaper of the day, after I had uncontrollably filled my diaper with poop, & had to change myself upstairs in the bathroom.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

1:59 PM-

I just finished mowing most of the lawn for Dad. Earlier today, Nate took Dad up to the Vascular Surgeon’s office, for “Vascular Mapping” of both his legs. Plus I washed more dirty laundry, plus cleared the “mess” out of the kitchen sink for Dad.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 (Continued)-

5:40 PM-

Just arrived back home, from being over @ the Kelley Library. I also stopped @ the Barnes & Noble Bookstore, & for $5.95¢, I found another book on the history of the Roman Empire with illustrations.

Yes, I know, that I “wasted” $5.95¢ on a “book”. But books are “better” than “Booze or Dope”.

8:48 PM-

Dad & Nate sent me out for groceries for an “eat-in” Lunch tomorrow. Of course, I spent more time @ the Kelley Library, reading my e-mail. Further contact with “Claudia” in Nashua, an Asperger’s person, who is “organizing” the Friday “outing” to the Canobie Lake Amusement Park here in Salem for others with Asperger’s Syndrome. I guess she is a “Teacher”.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

9:10 AM-

As usual, I woke up in my own “puddle” of pee-pee. Got cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day, & I checked the operational status of the swimming pool filtration/circulation system. Plus, I started washing more dirty laundry for Dad.

9:38 AM-

Not sure why, but feeling a bit sad. Just have a lot of “cleaning” to do.

12:23 PM-

Had mowed where Dad’s riding lawnmower could not reach, plus I have been picking up the Den even more.

Still feeling a bit sad. Nate went off in his car & took his bicycle with him. Not sure when he will return.

Friday, August 29, 2008

8:06 AM-

Just started washing my pee-pee soaked bed sheet again. Also had cleared out the kitchen sink for Dad.

@ least I got something accomplished, before I go out on another “outing” with other Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism adults. I have also made sure, that I have my diaper/toy bag packed for today’s “outing” over @ the Canobie Lake Amusement Park.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

10:09 AM-

Had a lot of fun yesterday @ Canobie Lake Park. Went on the “Canobie Cannonball” Roller Coaster Ride, Merry-Go-Round, ect.

Here is myself &  “new” Asperger’s/Autism adult friend, “Claudia”, going down the 60’ “final drop” on Canobie Lake Park’s “Log Flume Ride” – behind a couple “little kids”. One ends-up “drenched” @ the end of the ride.

Anyway, just think of it as “Getting Baptized”…J

Yesterday, there were quite a few parents, with “autistic” kids there @ Canobie Lake Park. Plus also, there were kids & teenagers with Cerebral Palsy there too.

10:29 AM-

In a few minutes, Nate wants me to go out to purchase Cheeseburgers @ the “Cholesterol King” Burger Joint on Route 28, near the Salem Animal Hospital.

4:14 PM-

Had cooked Meatloaf, Rice, & Carrots (out of a can) for Supper. This morning, I did also go grocery shopping for Dad. We had “run out” of the particular flavors of “Diet Soda Pop” each of us 3 men like.

After Lunch, I did take a long naptime. I slept with my soft green-colored “GooGee” Bear friend. Also, I mutely played with one of my infant’s activity cubes a bit before falling asleep for my nap.

Well, not much on the television. Here in the Den, I turned on my portable DVD player/viewer, & have started watching “Episode # 12” of the Japanese Anime Miniseries, “Neon Genesis Evangelion”.

4:40 PM-

Now watching “Episode #8” of “Tekkaman: Blade”.

5:13 PM-

On “Tekkaman: Blade”, the “Space Knights” have a “traitor” in their midst…

Now watching “Episode # 2” of “GUNDAM: Seed”. Just more “Mecha”…

5:21 PM-

It is interesting, that the “GUNDAM” Armored Combat Suits, are conceptually like the Armored Combat Suits in the old Science Fiction novel, “Starship Troopers”, by Robert Heinlein.

5:45 PM-

Decided to turn on the telly here in the Den. The Evening News will be on in a few minutes.

6:08 PM-

I guess that the city of New Orleans, Louisiana, is going to get “wrecked again”, by another “Category 5” Hurricane this weekend.

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