How Asperger’s Syndrome Affects Me:

What Asperger’s Syndrome has done with me, is that it has affected my capacity to "socially function" on a daily basis. I myself am completely unable to read and interpret facial expressions and gestural/posture nonverbal communications in other hominid primate biological units. I also easily "misinterpret" verbal communication in other hominid primate biological units.

I do not know how to start, maintain, and conclude conversations with other hominid primate biological units. Whenever I do communicate with other hominid primate biological units, I tend to sound like an "Academic Lecturer", stating "facts" out of my vast "rote memory". I also tend to "say exactly what I think", regardless or whether what I say is appropriate, given whatever social situation I find myself in. Consequently, I tend to get other hominid primate biological units "angry at me" most of the time.

Of course, there are lots of times, when I seem to be "totally deaf" to whatever is going on around me, and I never notice much if any other hominid primate biological unit is "trying to communicate with me" about anything. Other hominid primate biological units seem to think that I seem to live "up there in the clouds" all of the time. I never notice if anybody is in "distress". This is especially true with my elderly Father, who is severely diabetic, and I can not even figure out when he gets into physical distress from going into a hypoglycemia attack.

I myself do not like being in "close physical proximity" to other hominid primate biological units. I also do not tolerate very well, "being physically touched" by other hominid primate biological units. I tend to "stiffen my entire body", and let out a short high-pitched cry. I also do not like being touched during medical examinations, and getting needles in my arm. I "barely" tolerate having blood drawn for tests. I always keep my eyes closed to not see the "Boo-Boo" being made on my arm. I also experience "intense fear", when a doctor or nurse makes me take off my adult diaper, to look at and touch where pee-pee comes from on my body to make sure it is ok.

I also do not tolerate being given "hugs", except when "occasionally" given by my Dad and little brother Nate. My Mom does not give me hugs. Mom is now "bedridden", and for many years, she has been severely mentally-ill for decades, and is not affectionate towards anybody.

I am an extremely "concrete" "visual thinker". I do read exceptionally well, and have a very large collection of my own books on History and different subjects in Science, "mainly" Astronomy and Paleontology. I "read", only for "learning" facts. Since my "advanced" academic training is in Electronics, I understand this subject, via having in my "rote memory" a large number of "pictorial schematic diagrams" of electronic circuits. I am capable of "manipulating" the applied mathematics related to electronics, but I have to have handy with me, a "visual aide", to help me "match" the correct mathematical equations to the correct electronic circuit topology.

I also tend to be a "hyperfocuser", and I tend to be "intolerant" of "interruptions" and "changes". I just like to be "left alone" to "pursue my interests". I am 100% urinary incontinent, and lots of times, I practically have to be "told to take a break", to "change my diaper", and many times, to sit down and eat meals.

One thing I still do as an adult is that I still experience "emotional meltdowns" or the "typical toddler-style temper tantrum". The "triggers" for my temper tantrums, are "frustration", when trying to figure out what other hominid primates say to me or when I am told to do some task, but I receive no "detailed" procedural instructions about how another hominid primate wants me to do something. I also have "emotional meltdowns", when I get "too much sensory input", like whenever I am in places that are too crowded. I also have "emotional meltdowns", when I am in a store, and I am standing there at a counter waiting to purchase something, and I am "simply ignored" by a sales hominid primate, who is more "interested" in "communicating with his/her coworkers, than in waiting on customers". The final thing that brings on "emotional meltdowns" in me, is when I am trying to do some assembly/repair task with my hands, and I can not physically "coordinate" my hand movements to get things taken apart or put back together to fix them. At assembly/disassembly tasks, I am "profoundly slow", but I tend to do things with exceptionally high accuracy.

I also experience problems with coordination and movement, especially with my hands. I write cursive and print with a pen or pencil profoundly slowly, and I can not write with my left hand very long without losing the ability to write. I have found using a computer keyboard to be a "liberation" to me, making it easier for me to write down my thoughts, feelings, and ideas. I also like using my computer’s CAD (Computer-Aided Design) software, because it helps me to "structure" my own "visualizations" from my mind, related to electronic circuits, and drawing my own simple mechanical designs in 3 dimensions.

I am not "ambidexterous", and I am almost exclusively "Left-Handed".The only task I can do "Right-Handed", is to play my guitar, which is a "Right-Handed" musical instrument. One kitchen gadget I find to be "frustrating" for me to use, is a "hand crank" can opener. I have to use it "backwards" from normal hominid primates. I also find using electric power tools at times "frustrating" to use. When working on a "Vertical Drill Press to bore holes, I always have to "cross both my arms and hands" to operate the vertical boring lever, and to "hold down" whatever I am working on. I am also exceptionally clumsy and awkward in using petrol-powered outdoor machines. The "starting" pull-cords are always on the "right", opposite to my left hand, and I have to be extremely careful, when starting petrol-powered machines, to keep myself from getting injured. I also sometimes experienced "frustration", using electronic/electrical connector wire crimping hand tools, because they are made for "Right-Handed" hominid primates.

When I do walk, I tend to do a lot of "toe walking", and I tend to "posture" my arms and hands up to my chest, with my hands and fingers curled, which makes me look a bit like a "begging" Canis Familiaris. Since other hominid primates see me walk and move the way I do, it gets "assumed" that I am "mentally retarded", which is not the case at all.

One thing I can not do is "let go of whatever task I happen to be performing" at any one time or another. As I mentioned before, I am a "hyperfocuser". I always have to have some other hominid primate give me advance warning, that there will be any kind of "changes" in my routines.

Another thing I normally do, is that I like to turn objects over and over in my hands, and I like to intensely look at objects very closely. I also like looking at moving, spinning objects. At my previous employer, a high-technology robotics manufacturer, if it were not for my "duties" as an Electronic Engineering Technician, I would spend long periods of time just looking at the different robots, moving around there in their Engineering Development Laboratory. I also flap my harms and hands a lot, when I am upset or excited, I also at times spend a lot of time "self-rocking", and I do like "bouncing up and down like Winnie The Pooh’s friend, Tigger".

Metaphors are very difficult for me to understand, because I process language in my cerebral cortex in a "concrete" exact meaning manner. I do have in my "rote memory" a lot of "stored clichés", but lots of times, I end-up using them "out of context", and at the "inappropriate time".

I also have a difficult time with the concept of "lying". Not that I do not know how to do this sort of cognitive language "deception", but I am not able to do it "convincingly". All my attempts at this "neurotypical" hominid primate cognitive skill are shall I say, "all to transparent and easily seen through".

A "problem" issue I used to have, until I was medicated for "severe" depression, was that I used to "self-injure". It started in Puberty, when my body started changing, and my wee-wee started making white stuff I thought of as "awful sickness pus". Every time the "sickness pus" came out, I would try and hurt my wee-wee to "atone" for doing something very bad and awful. Lexapro is a Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor, which has stopped this self-injury behavior in me. The "side effect", is that I experience little to no "dirty" thoughts related to my wee-wee any more. I used to experience "emotional distress", whenever I had "dirty" thoughts about my wee-wee, causing me to try and hurt it to "make my wee-wee ‘go-away’ forever". But I had "damaged" myself, and I have been 100% urinary incontinent 24/7 since 1990.

I will add more about how Asperger’s Syndrome affects me at a later time.