1/1/2008 9:36 AM-
Already been busy this morning, “taking down” our
Christmas Tree, until the Next Christmas Holiday Season, next December. I also
vacuumed most of the Parlour, but Nate has to “pick up” his “stuff”.
1/1/2008 3:17 PM-
Woke up from a quiet naptime after watching the yearly
New Year’s Day Tournament of Roses Holiday Parade. Lunch was Sub Sandwiches
that Nate went out to get for the 3 of us. Nate of course, did go out up to
Derry, to the Nursing Home to check on Mom.
Outside, it is snowing again, and I am here @ my computer
in the Den, watching another episode of that old cartoon, “Kimba, The White
Lion” that I have on DVD. @ least it is better than the “crap” that is on the
“Cartoon Network” now, given that “Kimba” as an animated cartoon character is
something like 44 years old. The “older” animated cartoons, produced “Pre-1990”
with very few “exceptions” were “better-made” than the “trash” that is out now.
1/1/2008 4:57 PM-
I cooked most of the Supper of Ham & Mashed Potatoes.
1/2/2008 11:17 AM-
Spent time shoveling more snow this morning, after
another small snowstorm. Anyway, Nate & Dad are out going to medical
appointments, while I wash more dirty laundry for the 3 of us, and do other
“cleaning up” around here.
1/2/2008 12:07 PM-
With all the “animated cartoons”, ect., I as an autistic
person have on DVD, if I were to “create” my own “Saturday Morning Kid-Vid”
Cartoon “line-up”, if it were “Me”, who was running the “Cartoon Network” it
would look like this:
7:00-7:30AM “Darkwing Duck”
7:30-8:00AM “Tale Spin”
8:00-8:30AM “Danger Mouse”
8:30-9:00AM “The Adventures of Superman” – “Live
Action”
9:00-9:30AM “Sonic The Hedgehog” – “Original
Series”
9:30-10:00AM “The ‘New’ Adventures of The Lone
Ranger”
10:00-10:30AM “The
‘New’ Adventures of Zorro”
10:30-11:00AM “Flash
Gordon”
11:00-11:30AM “Voltron:
Defender of the Universe”
11:30-12:00PM “He-Man
and the Masters of the Universe”
12:00-12:30PM “Captain
Scarlet”
12:30-1:00PM “Bravestarr”
1:00-1:30PM “Stingray”
1:30-2:30PM “Thunderbirds”
@ least, that is what I would “air”, instead of the
“garbage” cartoons that are on the “Cartoon Network”, now…
1/2/2008 7:36 PM-
Have been “busy” the last couple of hours, continuing to
build the “hardware” for my 8-Bit ALU design. I have to stop, because I “need
more parts”, like IC sockets, & TTL IC’s, and 0.1uf capacitors, ect. This
will be “one big TTL logic circuit”, when I finish it, whenever that is.
1/3/2008 8:44 AM-
I should “finish” washing dirty laundry for Dad this
morning. Since I need more parts for my ALU design, this morning, I am no able
to proceed any further on my own “technical project”, I will just “relax” this
morning, waiting to see if Dad needs me to go to the grocery store for him.
1/3/2008 9:10 AM-
Finished watching an episode of “Ultraman” on my
computer. @ least it is better than the “garbage” on the “Cartoon Network”.
1/3/2008 12:05 PM-
I guess that today, my little brother, Nate, has been
“taking care of the details” of getting “pre-paid” “Funerals” for both Dad
& Mom. Of course, this should have been done “long ago”, but @ least it is
getting done now.
Before Lunch, which Nate brought home from the Wendy’s
Fast-food Joint on NH Route 28 across town, Dad and I watched the “Military
Channel” for a while together. The documentary was about “(G)A(Y)dolf
(S)Hitler’s” “henchman”, “Adolf Eichman”. Besides Jews, “Eichman” also
orchestrated the “slaughter” of Homosexuals too. Here in my own country of
America, the “Christian” “Religious Right”, have been “whitewashing” and
ignoring the “fact”, that the Nazis besides rounding up and exterminating Jews,
also rounded-up, and “exterminated” Homosexuals, by the tens of thousands, and
it is not fully clear, how many Homosexuals “perished” during the Holocaust.
Since yesterday, I have been having a “lot of pain” in my
“left hip joint”. I was of course, outside yesterday, doing a lot of shoveling (by
hand) of the snow from the previous snowstorm from yesterday morning. Even I am
starting to “feel my age”, physically. The last time I was an 18 year-old, was
almost 32 years ago.
1/4/2008 9:29 AM-
Spent part of yesterday afternoon @ the Derry Community
Television CATV Studio, uploading “Winter Bird Behavior” I have shot in the
last week.
1/4/2008 4:56 PM-
Went to the grocery store for Dad this afternoon, plus I
had to “retrieve” needed information for Nate @ the Kelley Library, via the
Internet, regarding Nate still trying to “liquidate” Mom’s financial assets,
which is proving more difficult, than expected. While online, I did answer an
e-mail, from a “new” contact in Sao Paulo, Brazil, regarding “Charity Event
Fursuiting”, which I am now into via my church. I should note, that yesterday,
I received an e-mail message from another Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism Disability
Community “contact” in Southeastern Massachusetts, who is an adult, just
slightly < ½ my age. Had not heard from him in a while, and was wondering
what was happening with him.
1/5/2008 9:14 AM-
Woke up “late”, and after I got myself cleaned up,
diapered & dressed for the day, I “cleaned up” the “mess” in the kitchen
sink for Dad. Anyway, if In the “Autistic Mental Retard” does not do it, it
will not get done. Yesterday, I mopped the kitchen linoleum floor, because it
would never have been “cleaned up”, if I did not do it.
Yesterday evening I did spend more time “working” on
“prototype” breadboarding the 8-Bit ALU I have been designing here in the
downstairs Den, @ my “temporary” workbench.
1/5/2008 9:23 AM-
Since the Saturday Morning Cartoons on now “suck”, I am
watching the Cartoons in my own DVD collection here @ home.
1/6/2008 5:52 PM-
Yesterday afternoon, I drove down to Needham, MA, to the
“You-Do-It” Electronics Store, to purchase more TTL IC’s for my 8-Bit ALU
design. I then went over to Westwood and Walpole, MA, to visit a couple of
different cousins on my Dad’s side of the family.
This morning, I went to church, like I usually do on
Sunday morning. On my way home, I drove down “Main Street” here In Salem, and I
guess that “Republican Party” Presidential “Candidate” “Senator John McCain”
made an “appearance”, “soliciting” for “votes” in this upcoming Tuesday’s
Presidential “Primary” Election here in New Hampshire.
1/6/2008 6:55 PM-
Just thinking about my “next” appearance as “Sheriff
George Wolf”. In another couple of weeks, there will be another “Church
Supper/Family Gathering” @ my church.
1/7/2008 8:36 AM-
Just got myself cleaned up, diapered & dressed for
the day. Yesterday, my little brother, Nate, purchased a “new” television for
Mom to watch in her bedroom in the Nursing home.
1/7/2008 8:51 AM-
I did not realize this, but I can access my own Hotmail
& Yahoo e-mail via my Cellular Telephone.
Well, later on this morning, I myself have a doctor’s
appointment to go to. I also have to purchase Petrol for my Ute.
1/7/2008 3:15 PM-
Earlier, I showed Dad, my “present” “Engineering
Notebook”, and talked to him, in my own “autistic”, “one-sided way”. Nate of
course, went out grocery shopping for Dad, after the Visiting Nurse was here to
check on Dad, which is good.
Also, a few minutes ago, I started washing more dirty laundry for Dad, which seem to be “my chore” here @ home, I suppose.
1/8/2008 9:33 AM-
Had taken the household trash & recyclables to the
refuse collection center for Dad, after getting cleaned up, diapered &
dressed for the day. I also ended up cleaning out the sink of dirty dishes,
ect., because if I do not do it myself, it never gets done by my little
brother. He always “makes excuses”, about being “too busy”, dealing with
“issues” related to Mom.
1/8/2008 11:38 AM-
Spent part of this morning, “cleaning out” Nate’s “junk
corner” here in the downstairs Den room. He just simply “piles” all his
“stuff”, “everywhere”…And he does not “pick it up and “organize it”. Simply
tired of “picking up after him”…
1/8/2008 12:17 PM-
Spent time “copying” onto a CD-ROM Disk, some
“Instrumental Celtic Music”, that I want to use as part of the “Sound Track” of
my “latest” Cinema Verite “Wildlife/Nature” documentary for Derry Community
Television where I volunteer.
1/9/2008 8:31 AM-
It is like, well, I have been “intermittently” engaging
in “Autistic Temper Tantrums” off and on for days. The “trigger”, has been
trying to “make things neat & tidy” here @ home. Nate did “finally” clean
up the Parlour yesterday afternoon, while I was away from home.
I should not be so harsh, but in my own “autistic way”, I
prefer “order”, not “chaos”, as to where my things are, and where “everyone
else’s is” here @ home.
1/9/2008 9:43 AM-
Had to “copy” more damn “documents” for Nate. One of
these days, I will have to start “charging him” $0.10¢/sheet to “pay for” Ink
Jet Cartridges for my printer/scanner/copier peripheral to my computer here in
the downstairs Den room. Anyway, he “emotionally blew up @ me”, about my having
told him, in my own “autistic” way of talking, that I had to “replace” the Ink
Jet Cartridge in my printer/scanner/copier to get what he wanted copied,
“copied”. As an “autistic” developmentally disabled adult, I probably “piss him
off” a lot of times.
1/9/2008 3:08 PM-
Had to go out in my Ute a 2nd time this
afternoon, to go to the bank, after already visiting my Social
Worker/Counselor, Ms. Fisher up in Derry. On my way up there before Noon Time,
I uncontrollably “pooped my diaper”, with a massive amount of “mushy poop”, and
I stopped into the donut shop on Ryan’s Hill in Derry, to use their Men’s Potty
Chair room to “clean myself up”, before continuing up to my appointment with Ms
Fisher.
1/9/2008 3:28 PM-
Had a “goose chase”, trying to “find” the “Master Appointment
Calendar” for 2008, under all the “paperwork” piled on the Kitchen table. Of
course, Dad & I got “angry @ each other”, over the “mess”. I told dad, that
if there is “mail” for “me”, to “please put it on my bed in my bedroom” when it
is received, so that it does not get “mixed” into the “giant pile of paperwork”
on the damn Kitchen table.
All this…just to find the darn Master Appointment
Calendar, to make sure that my “next” appointment to visit with my Social
Worker/Counselor, Ms. Fisher next month.
1/9/2008 7:49 PM-
Had to “print out” a letter to the IRS Nate wrote,
regarding the “sale/cashing out” of Mom’s life insurance “Annuity”, which is
“Capital Gains Taxable”, which Nate is “paying” out of the “annuity”, well,
“deducting” out of it. “Liquidating” Mom’s “financial assets” has turned into a
“nightmare” for Nate to accomplish.
Right now, I find myself feeling sad, thinking about my
own “failures” to “find appropriate employment” for an autistic adult like
myself, these past 30 years. As I mentioned in an “earlier” blog entry,
Everywhere I ever worked, was a “total failure”, resulting in the fact that
now, I am “permanently blacklisted from employment” in New Hampshire and
Massachusetts, and I “have not a single employment reference”, from any “former
employer”, to ever “present” to any “potential employer”.
Anyway, really, “nobody” in either the States of New
Hampshire or Massachusetts, even really “interviewed” me for employment, since
being “fired”, after the Islamic Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001,
almost 7 years ago.
I am also thinking again about how, as a developmentally
disabled adult, with Asperger’s Syndrome/High-Functioning Autism, I really
“wasted my time” asking for “assistance” in trying to “find appropriate
employment”. Anyway, I got permanently “kicked-out” of New Hampshire’s State
Department of Vocational Rehabilitation “Services”, as an “autistic”
developmentally disabled “adult”, because I have a “Biblically-Incorrect (and
Immoral)” “Sexual Orientation”, besides my “Autism-Spectrum” developmental
disability.
Well, I do “apologize” for my “saying it like it is”. I
might as well be my “usual” “brutally-honest” self, in this matter.
1/9/2008 8:18 PM-
I find myself thinking, that both my “College Degrees”,
are about only good for being used as “toilet paper”, to wipe my damn
“Autistic” developmentally disabled “adult diapered” ass with…
Anyway, a couple of days ago, I tried “explaining” what I
was doing down here @ my “temporary” electronics work/test bench here in the downstairs
Den of our family home to my Dad, whom I “assisted” in getting through his own
“electronics-oriented” “night courses” years ago, “could have cared less”,
about my “explaining” my designing & building a 16-Instruction “RISC”
“Asynchronous” 8-Bit ALU (Arithmetic & Logic Unit) “prototype” of my own
using “conventional” TTL (Transistor-Transistor Logic).
Anyway, what “employer”, would want to even “talk” to an
“ Autistic Mental Retard”, like me? As I said earlier, “nobody” has really
“talked to me” for almost the last 7 years, since getting “fired” from my
previous employer, after the Islamic Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001…
1/10/2008 9:03 AM-
Just feeling too “angry” internally to even bother eating
Breakfast this morning. After getting myself cleaned up, diapered and dressed
for the day, I went out into the Kitchen, to “clear out the mess” in the
Kitchen sink for my Dad.
1/10/2008 9:28 AM-
I should continue work on my own 8-Bit Asynchronous ALU
“design”, but I guess that I will just wait, until this evening.
1/10/2008 1:57 PM-
Ended-up taking a nap after going out to the grocery
store for Dad this morning. After all, that is all an “Autistic Mental Retard”
like me is “good for”, other than “house chores”. The way it is, my plush
cuddle friend, “Grr-Grr Bear”, “treats me better”, than any “human”. I find
myself sort-of thinking, that “I have no use whatsoever” for “humans”. “Real”
animals (or “plush” animals) are “better companions/friends” for an autistic
developmentally disabled person, than “other humans”.
Even
an “Anthropormorphic” cartoon character, like “30-30” here, who is “totally
make-believe”, as a “friend” would be “preferable” to “humans”.
1/10/2008 2:57 PM-
Other than “live” & “plush” animals, I also have
always liked “Anthropomorphic” Cartoon Characters. With my profoundly “limited”
“imagination”, most of my life, I have had “Anthropomorphic” Science-fiction
cartoon characters as “imaginary friends”, especially, when I was growing up,
and “nobody my own age” ever wanted to “be my friend” in “realty”. WE “autistic
developmentally disabled people, tend to typically have “rather lonely and
friendless childhoods”, because of our cognitive inability to initiate &
maintain “age appropriate” social connections.
1/11/2008 11:06 AM-
I find myself apologizing for my “cynicism” the last
couple of days. It is a bit “difficult” for me to “adjust” to “never again
being employed anywhere”.
This morning, While Nate has been out, being with Mom,
while having a series of “X-Ray” photographs done on her “massively enlarged”
Thyroid Gland, I have been continuing to try and “make order” out of the
“chaos” that is still here in the downstairs Den room. I am “missing” the
¼-inch Socket Drive Wrench “adaptor” to my T-Handle Screwdriver/SAE Socket Set
in one of my Tool Boxes.
@ least “now”, my own “hand tools” are “organized”, where
I can find them…
1/11/2008 12:10 PM-
Had made myself Lunch a short time ago.
1/11/2008 3:45 PM-
Arrived home from being out @ the Kelley Library, the
Post Office, and the Target (Dayton-Hudson) Department Store. Only purchased
(1) plastic “storage bin” to put my computer CD-ROM/DVD-ROM disks in to “keep
them organized”.
1/11/2008 6:30 PM-
Tried “multitasking”, watching a DVD on my computer, and
wiring the final connector wires on the A=0, A_ INVERT REGISTER prototype
board, and guess what? I “messed up”. Not surprised. We autistics, can not “do
multiple tasks”, “@ the same time”.
1/11/2008 6:34 PM-
Watching the evening National/International News on
WHDH-TV, Channel 7 (NBC). The “US Economy” is “in a Recession”. Too many “bad”
Housing Mortgage Loans, “sinking” every part of the “US Economy”. The old
“campaign issue”, “It is the ‘Economy’ Stupid…!!!!!”, still “applies”.
1/11/2008 6:42 PM-
“Another” American Sports “Star”, got “convicted” of
“cheating” by using Anabolic Steroids. Sports stars “today”, “suck”, as
“role-models” for young people.
1/11/2008 6:45 PM-
For the 1st time in years, it “snowed” in
Baghdad, Iraq.
1/13/2008 3:56 PM-
Had not felt like writing in my journal/blog yesterday.
Yesterday, I did drive up to Derry in my Ute, to check on Mom there in the
Nursing Home. Not surprised her being “unhappy”. She was a bit “upset” with me,
that Nate purchased a small, nice “digital-ready/compatible” HDTV for her to
watch her “what I call”, “Hate the Sinner, Hate the Sin” “Religion Programs” on
(that she has always watched).
1/14/2008 2:28 PM-
Today we are having a snowstorm, and this morning, I had
to go out into it up to Londonderry to an appointment to my physician, Dr.
Egenolf. The driving conditions were extremely treacherous to be out on the
roads around here in my Ute. On my way home, I stopped @ the Shaw’s Supermarket
here in town to purchase a few groceries for Dad, and then to the Walgreen’s
Pharmacy, for more XL-size “Adult Diapers”.
This morning, @ Dr. Egenolf’s office, I had my little
snuggle friend, “G’Waffe” Giraffe “friend”, to help to “comfort me”, while Dr.
Egenolf needed to touch where the Pee-Pee comes from on my body, and to touch
where the Poo-Poo comes from on my body, to check my Prostate Gland “inside”. I
always experience “great fearfulness” when “touched” in those places by others. This is because my Mom “bad touched” me in
those places as a toddler/preschooler inside my diaper. Even though what Dr.
Egenolf had to do was “Clinical/Medical Good touching”, that is “necessary”
during a physical examination, I am still “haunted” by the “Bad Touching” my
Mom did to me decades ago when I was a little boy.
“Autistic” Developmentally-Disabled Person Rule (I
follow) – “Only persons in whole world ‘allowed’ to touch where Pee-Pee &
Poo-Poo come from on my body is Dr. Egenolf (or one of her nurses) or a nurse
if I ever have to go into the hospital.” “Nobody else, anywhere, ever, may
‘touch my body’ in those places…”
1/14/2008 2:50 PM-
A few minutes ago, I started washing more dirty laundry
for Dad.
1/14/2008 4:34 PM-
I have spent the last 90 minutes shoveling out the
driveway, front walkway/front steps, and the porch steps & porch, and the
wheelchair ramp for Dad. @ least I got a lot of physical exercise this
afternoon.
1/15/2008 12:33 PM-
Spent time this morning, vacuuming out my Ute. Nate wants
me to “get a new one”, to “spend down” my own “financial assets” as a
developmentally disabled autistic adult. Also this morning, I had to follow
Nate up to “Roger’s” Auto body Shop, because Nate had a “fender-bender” last
week, and his front bumper on “his” 2004 Crysler PT Cruiser got damaged.
1/16/2008 9:08 AM-
Yesterday’s video project @ Derry community Television,
was to “put together” an “interview” of myself, as an autistic adult with
Asperger’s Syndrome.
Later on this morning, Nate wants me to go up to
Londonderry to “look @ ‘new’ Utes”.
1/16/2008 4:40 PM-
I guess that it was more than “look @ ‘new’ Utes” this
morning. I “blew” $500.00¢ on a “down-payment” on a “new” 2008 Model Year Ford
Ranger “Ute”, and tomorrow, I will “spend-down” my life’s savings, per New
Hampshire “Medicare for the Disabled” “Rules”, to “complete the purchase”, with
“no financing charges” or “debt” on it. “Medicare” Rules are that an autistic
developmentally-disabled adult like myself, who is middle-aged now, has to
“live in poverty”. If it were not for my Dad, I would be “homeless” and “on the
street”.
It may be “stupid”, but the way the government here in
New Hampshire “made the rules” for adults with “developmental disabilities”, is
such, that it is “ok to own a vehicle”, and have my own children’s toys, and my
books, and my CD’s/DVD’s/VHS tapes, and my telly, DVD player and VCR, and my
tools & electronics test equipment,
and of course personal clothes, but it is “forbidden” for me to have any more
than $2,500.00¢ in my “Passbook Savings Account @ my bank.
So, this past week, I had to “fritter-away” $12,803.00¢
to “purchase” a “new” 2008 Ford Ranger XL 2.3 Liter, 4-Cylinder, 5-Speed
Automatic Transmission “Ute” to “destroy my Fluid Assets”, per New Hampshire’s
“interpretation” of SSDI/Medicare “Federal Regulations”.
After all, the “stereotype” of a “developmentally
disabled” adult, is someone, who can not, and never will (or would have been)
able to be employed, and to have “saved money for the future”…
Well, “the deed has been done”, and Nate was “helpful to
me”, in “brokering a deal”, to get me my “new” Ute, which I will pick up
tomorrow afternoon. Unlike an “autistic” person like myself, Nate, as a
“neurotypical” adult, “understands” how to communicate with people, and
“negotiate” a “deal/bargain”, in “my favor”, since my autistic-wired mind, can
not understand the “social” cognitive mechanisms of “haggling” over the price
of a “major” consumer product, such as a vehicle.
1/17/2008 8:44 AM-
Later on this afternoon, I will be going out in my “old”
Ute, to Ford of Londonderry, to pick up my “new” Ute. This morning, I have to
go to my bank, to get a “Certified” Bank Cheque, to “pay off the ‘balance’ of
the negotiated ‘price’ of my new Ute”.
1/18/2008 11:58 AM-
Had picked up my “new” Ute yesterday afternoon, after
dropping my “old” Ute off @ Ford of Londonderry. Anyway, it is “100% Paid For”,
and “I own it”…After the 1st of next month, I will have to get it
“Registered” @ the Town Municipal Building.
Yesterday, I took a couple of digital photographs of my
“new” Ute. Driving a vehicle is something that I, a “high-functioning” adult
with Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism am “able to do by myself”. Over in Prague, in
the Czech Republic, my Pen Pal, “Stefan” who is a year older than I am, and
also has Asperger’s Syndrome, can not “drive a motor vehicle”, and has to rely
on “his feet” or “Public Transit”, to “get around anywhere”, there in Prague. I
wonder, if he “envies” my having the ability to drive my own Ute, anywhere I
need to (or want to) travel to?
For any “disabled” teenager or adult, “learning how to
drive a motor vehicle”, is a “major” milestone in “personal independence”. But,
of course, I would not “recommend” the way I “learned” how to “drive down the
road safely” in a motor vehicle. Back in 1976, a couple days after I graduated
from Salem High School, I “wrapped my Dad’s 1974 Dodge Dart ‘Custom’ 4-door
Sedan – around a tree”, trying to “multitask”, and not “watching where my Dad’s
car was heading…” Of course, I ended-up having a “ride” in a Salem, NH Fire
Department “Meat Wagon” to the ER @ the Holy Family hospital in Methuen,
Massachusetts, with my “upper left” Canine Tooth “ripped out of my mouth, and
my shirt all “bloody”, from whacking my mouth on the steering wheel, even with
my “seat-belt” fastened…
“Ouch!”, Is all I can say…And people nowadays I keep
seeing on the road, “multitasking” “ratchet-jawing” on their Cellular
Telephones, while zooming down the roads. Lots of times, I have had to “get
their attention – blowing my Ute’s horn”, and I have @ times, “rolled down my
Driver’s side window, and “yelled”, “Hey Bitch!!! Put that ‘damn’ Cell Phone
down!!! And learn how to drive!!!” From what I have seen, “female” Hominid
Primates are “worse than men” when it comes to driving down the roads in a
motor vehicle, and “multitasking”, not just Cell Phone Use, but “minding
toddlers/infants, putting on fancy “face paint”, ect.
1/19/2008 8:52 AM-
This morning, after waking up as usual, in a “soaked”
nighttime diaper, I spent a short time quietly playing “nicely”, with my cuddle
friend, “Grr-Grr” Bear. While quietly playing with him, I gently put him in a
diaper, and had some simple “toddler-like” “doll-play” with him. Since I can
not “imagine” very well, as an autistic adult, I did to my cuddle friend,
“Grr-Grr” Bear, exactly procedurally what you do with a baby (from my own
long-term memory) of watching my Mom “diaper”, and then “feed” my little
brother, “Nate”, when he was a baby 45 years ago. “Simple” child-like “play
activities”, appeal to me as an autistic adult, who was “forcibly” kept
“infantilized” and in “diapers”, until Kindergarten by my Mom, who was a
“psychopathic” personality.
Yes, although I am an “adult”, who can do “adult” things,
like driving, paying my own bills (with some assistance with “organizing”), and
“designing & building electronic circuits”, cognitively/socially, I am
still “regressed” and severely developmentally-delayed, and prefer the leisure
activities of a boy of only 5 to 7 years old.
1/19/2008 9:13 AM-
Decided to watch my DVD of old “animated” cartoon
adventures of “The Lone Ranger” “Western”, that was created & produced by
Filmation, Inc., back in 1980. Anyway, as an “old” cartoon, it is better than
any of the “crap” cartoons there are now on the telly.
1/19/2008 10:55 AM-
Watched the telly with Dad for a while this morning,
before having an “early” Lunch of a Ham & Cheese Sandwich. When I go out in
my Ute this afternoon, I have to stop @ the Post Office here in town and “mail”
a snail-mail letter to one of my Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism contacts over in
the United Kingdom.
1/19/2008 11:14 AM-
Well, after Noon Time, I have to go out in my Ute, and
then spen time @ the Kelley Library, reading and answering my e-mail messages
from my contacts in the Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism Disability Community. I then
will be going to another “Family-Oriented Church Supper” over @ my church, the
1st Congregational, United Church of Christ in Pelham, to “perform”
again as “Sheriff George Wolf – Bible Policeman”. On the Menu, is Roast Pork,
with all the “Fixings”.
1/20/2008 3:05 PM-
Just woke up form a very long naptime.
1/20/2008 4:01 PM-
Nate interrupted me when I was “starting” to write here
in my journal again, @ 3:07 PM, to go out in my Ute to purchase a “small” pizza
for the 3 of us men @ home for Supper. Sunday Dinner @ Noon Time, was Baked
Chicken Breasts, Baked Potatoes, & Sliced Beets (out of a tin can).
Earlier this morning, the “live” broadcast of my church’s
10:00 AM Worship Service “went badly”. The “remote” Dial-Up Switch @ the Pelham
Community Television Studio “was not working”, and I could not get “On The
Air”. Plus, the DVD Recorder Deck “malfunctioned”, and would not “finalize” the
recorded disk of the Worship Service for “playback.
But, all is “not lost”. I have it on the “Analog” Backup
VHS SMPTE, TYPE-E, UMATIC Cassette Recording Deck. Tuesday, I will “transfer”
the “analog” recording onto a DVD disk up @ the Derry Community Television CATV
Studio, when I go there on Tuesday afternoon this week.
1/20/2008 5:28 PM-
Nate gave me the money to go out in my Ute a couple hours
ago, to purchase a “small” pizza for Supper from the Papa Gino’s Fast-Food
Joint over in the Rockingham Plaza on Cluff’s Crossing Road here in town.
Yesterday, this was “me”, @ the Church Supper over @ my
church, portraying “Sheriff George Wolf”, my fursuiting alter-ego. As an
autistic developmentally disabled adult, being “encased” in a costume like this
fills a need in me for “total body tactile stimulation”, which I find I need
every so often. While in costume, because it is “warm” inside the costume, I
only wear just a t-shirt, socks, and just my incontinence diaper. I spent over
an hour, “encased” in my costume, and by the time I got out of costume, my
diaper was “massively flooded” with Pee-Pee. I do wonder, if the people in
costumes, like Mickey Mouse, down in Disney World in Florida, have to wear
diapers while in costume?
1/21/2008 9:03 AM-
Woke up early this morning, with pain in my left hip,
radiating down my left leg. My Hip Joint was hurting a lot, but I remained mute
and unable to talk or make any sounds, as an autistic person. After a short
time, the pain went away by itself. I then turned on my telly, and on the news,
down in the nearby city of Lawrence, Massachusetts, there was a “massive” arson
fire, that destroyed an entire city block last night. The fire started in an
evil, satanic “Stripper Club”, that was going to “reopen” for their evil,
satanic activities, almost next to a “Group Home” for the
Developmentally-Disabled. 14 buildings “destroyed”, and 180+ “Hispanic”
minority people were “made homeless and on the street” now.
1/21/2008 9:15 AM-
This morning, I have started to “sort” what I purchased a
couple of weeks ago @ “You-Do-It” Electronics, as far as 100-count bags of
“assorted” TTL IC’s. Saturday, I did purchase (2) stackable covered “utility
bins”, for “storing small parts”, @ the Home Depot Warehouse Hardware/Lumber
Store in Londonderry.
1/21/2008 1:02 PM-
Came home to an “empty “ house, after visiting Mom in the
Nursing Home, and then going grocery shopping for Dad. Nate took Dad up to his
latest doctor’s appointment, because Dad’s legs were “hurting too much”, making
it difficult for him to walk, let-alone drive his own car. I myself visited Mom
up in the Nursing home, and “delivered” a cheque to the Nursing Home’s Business
Department, to help Nate “liquidate” Mom’s “Financial Assets”, to pay for her
Nursing Home “care”. Mom “cried” a little bit when I visited her. “This is not
my home…I want to go home…”, was what she told me. @ least, while being
cared-for there, Mom is “around other women – her own age”, for the 1st
time in “decades”, which is in a way, “very good”.
1/21/2008 2:43 PM-
Nate & Dad arrived back home a few minutes ago. I of
course, got Dad a bit angry @ me, with my “blunt” laconic way of speaking,
telling him to “get out of the way”, to let me assist him in picking up clean
clothes out of the clothes dryer that he “dropped onto the floor”. It is quite
“normal”, for us autistic developmentally-disabled adults (and children), to be
unusually blunt & forthright, in our way of “making requests” of others. I
did of course, bring the clean clothes upstairs into the Parlour to be
“folded”. Well, I should get back to “clearing out” the mess in the kitchen
sink for Dad, that I started, before they arrived back home.
1/21/2008 3:14 PM-
Nate has stuffed a “frozen” Lasagna into the oven to
bake, for Supper for the 3 of us men here @ home.
1/22/2008 9:40 AM-
Arrived back home a few minutes ago, from taking more
trash/recyclables to the Refuse Collection Center on Shannon Road for Dad. I
should continue work on that 8-Bit ALU design I started, but downstairs here,
in this “unheated” Den room, it is “too cold”, to spend long periods of
“working” @ my own electronics test bench.
1/23/2008 8:28 AM-
Yesterday, I did spend time up @ Derry Community
Television, where I volunteer, creating another CATV “Public-Access” television
program.
After I returned home and had Supper, Nate was talking
about Mom & Dad “not being around” much longer. Being autistic, I can not
“imagine” a future without Mom & Dad. The “eventual” death of both my Mom
& Dad is something I as an autistic person, have no concept of, except that
when a primate mammal is “dead”, it does not move, think, eat or make pee-pee
and poo-poo anymore. We autistic developmentally disabled people, live in a
“perpetual” “Now-State”, where there is a “remembered” past, but no “speculated
upon” or “planned” future. This is difficult, and “disappointing” for “normal”
people to “understand” about us people with Autism. I can talk about historical
events/facts or Science & Engineering “facts”, but when it comes down to
thinking about “abstract” metaphysical “questions”, we are a “total blank” as
far as imaginative speculation in that area. (With the exception of the 20th
Century Philosopher, “Wittgenstein”, who also seemed to have Asperger’s
Syndrome).
1/23/2008 11:25 AM-
Have just been mostly mute & quiet for almost the
last 3 hours. Nate is out @ a Dentist appointment, and I am here @ home with
Dad. For most of the last 2 hours, I have been doing “Autistic Self-Rocking” in
my favorite chair in the Parlour, while watching the “Science Channel”. A few
minutes ago, I did bring the dirty laundry downstairs for Dad, and I started
washing clothes. I also cleared out the kitchen sink again for him too.
1/23/2008 12:32 PM-
The Visiting Nurse is here to check on Dad. I myself
retrieved the Mail a few minutes ago for him, plus I placed the 1st
load of clean laundry into the dryer for him, and started washing a 2nd
load of dirty laundry for him. I am of course, “waiting” for Nate to return
home from going to the Dentist, and performing other errands.
1/23/2008 12:58 PM-
A short time ago, I had to change my diaper, but now I am
“wet” again. I am “better-off”, not taking that “Detrol LA”, and just having
large numbers of uncontrollable wettings all day long, that dealing with the
“side-effects” of that medication.
1/23/2008 2:19 PM-
I guess that Nate wants me to mail something for him @
the Post Office to his “favorite” Cousin. I will do that, and then take and
drive over to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail. He had to go up to
Manchester, to the CMC Hospital, to make arrangements, for Mom to be
transported there tomorrow for special tests, and an appointment with a Thyroid
Gland Specialist.
Seeing this “Thyroid Gland Specialist”, should have been
done 28 years ago…
1/23/2008 7:31 PM-
Have been spending the last couple of hours here @ my
electronics workbench here in the Den, continuing to “wire” the A=0/A_INV logic
for the 8-Bit ALU I am designing and building. Being autistic, it always takes
me a “long time” to do any “assembly task” with my hands, because it is
“normal” for me to have “difficulty” with “fine motor control” of both of my
hands to perform assembly tasks, like soldering electronic connections.
1/24/2008 12:00 PM-
So far today, Nate has been gone for the past 5 hours, to
be with Mom up in Manchester for a doctor’s appointment and tests. I have
been alone here @ home, keeping an eye
on Dad for him. A few minutes ago, I started washing more dirty laundry for him.
Earlier this morning, I cleared out the kitchen sink again, and started filling
the dishwashing machine up again. I also a short time ago, retrieved the mail
for him.
1/24/2008 12:25 PM-
I just emptied the kitchen trash/recyclables baskets for
Dad, after cleaning myself up, after uncontrollably making poo-poo into my
diaper. Right now, I can hear Dad upstairs using the potty chair.
I am guessing, but Dad is just “depressed”, from being in
pain all the time from his left leg/foot. Being autistic, I do not know how to
comfort or make him feel better.
1/24/2008 4:42 PM-
I just ate Supper, after arriving home from being over @
the Kelley Library to read my e-mail. Nate is out again, and over @ the
Rite-Aid Pharmacy for Dad, picking up a couple of prescriptions for him.
1/24/2008 6:44 PM-
“Finished” wiring the A=0, A_REGISTER_INVERT Logic
prototype circuit board. With this “large” electronics tinkering project, I
have been working in “fits & starts”, which is my usual way of doing
something. We autistic adults do have issues, with “completing” projects, once
we “start them”.
1/25/2008 2:41 PM-
Started washing more dirty laundry for Dad, after
arriving back home from spending time @ the Kelley Library, reading my e-mail
and then taking $30.00˘ out of my profoundly meager savings account, for
spending money for the next week.
1/25/2008 7:14 PM-
Arrived back home from spending more time @ the Kelley
Library, reading and answering e-mail messages from my contacts in the
Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism Disability Community. “Stefan” my autistic pen pal
in Prague, sent me some pictures of the area he is living.
The “modern” building diagonally across the street from
where “Stefan” was “standing”, is an Indoor Shopping Mall. As I can see here,
there is “plenty” of “clean”, “non-polluting” “Public Transit” in Prague where
Stefan is living.
Through my friend “Stefan’s” digital camera, I am able to
really “share” being there what the ancient European city of Prague, in the
Czeck Republic is like, which makes me feel “happy”.
I can also “share” with my friend, “Stefan”, what it is
like to drive around my town of Salem, New Hampshire in my “new” Ute. Here of
course, is the Salem Animal Hospital Veterinary Clinic @ the corner of Cluff’s
Crossing Road and NH Route 28 not far from where I live.
Here is NH Route 28 @ the intersection of NH Route 28
& NH Route 97 (Main Street) here in Salem, NH.
And
here is the “Hitty-Titty Brook this afternoon, @ the entrance to Salem, NH’s
Town Forest Preserve, which is another of my favorite places to videotape bird
behavior. Sometimes, this little “open water” area here is “packed full” of
Mallard Ducks, even in the middle of Winter…
In Windham, NH, just off of Roulston Road, is the
“Inter-Town” Nature/Pedestrian/Bicycle/Horse Trail. This old railway bridge
viaduct is I guess 0.3 miles north of Roulston Road on the nature trail. 4
miles north of here, is the old abandoned “Windham Depot” Railway Station.
During the Winter it is used also by Snowmobiles.
1/26/2008 6:23 PM-
Not much has been happening today. This morning, I watched
an episode of the “Original” “The Adventures of Superman” on Dad’s TV/DVD
player in the Parlour. Plus I watched a couple more cartoons on DVD, from my
collection.
After Lunch, I had a long naptime for some needed
“sensory down-time”. While resting, I wore my yellow “Winnie The Pooh” vinyl
bib, and I comforted myself, with one of my “activity” rattles, and my “Shrek
Ogre” plush friend, before “falling asleep for 80 minutes”. After waking up, I
watched the “3, 2, 1 Penguins” and “Veggie Tales” animated cartoons on my
television in my bedroom, lying there in my bed in my pee-pee soaked naptime
diaper.
After watching those cartoons, I went out in my Ute to
the Kelley Library, and I then drove over to Hudson, NH, to visit one of my
cousins on my “Dad’s” side of the family. I then came home, after stopping @
the Shaw’s Supermarket in Windham on NH Route 111 to purchase some “diet” soda
pop, that I like to drink, and a “small dessert” for later…
1/26/2008 6:42 PM-
Right now, I am watching the evening National/International
News on WHDH-TV, Channel 7 (NBC) out of Boston, MA. All the major news stories
so far, have been about the Presidential “Primary” Election in the State of
South Carolina, which “seceded” from the United States in 1861, “igniting” the
American Civil War. Unfortunately, “Race”, is a “major issue”, because
Presidential Candidate, Senator Barak Obama is “Black”, and “Senator Hillary
Clinton (a “female”) is “White”.
One news story that has been “missed”, is a little story
about a group of people in Edinburgh, Scotland, trying to get together to
create a “War Memorial” for a “Special Animal Hero”, a “Bear” , named “Voytek”
that served with “expatriot” Polish Troops, and “carried ammunition”, to them,
while under “heavy bombardment fire” by the “German” defenders of Monte Casino
in Italy during World War II during that battle for that strategic mountain
fortification.
This
is “Voytek”, who lived in the Edinburgh, Scotland Zoo after World War II, until
he passed-away of “Bear Old Age” in 1963, when I myself was 5 years old.
1/27/2008 3:42 PM-
Today has been busy, first going to the grocery store for
Dad, and then going to church. Today was “Youth Sunday”, and the Sr. High
School Church Youth Group @ our church “led” today’s Worship Service. Afterwards,
there was our “yearly” Congregational Meeting.
Once that was done, I drove up to Derry through today’s
snowstorm, to visit Mom, and give her 2 more nightgowns to wear to bed there in
the Nursing Home. A short time ago, after I returned home, Nate sent me out
“again” in my Ute to purchase a small pizza for the 3 of us here @ home for
Supper.
1/27/2008 3:47 PM-
It may be the “Sabbath”, but I still have laundry to wash
for Dad. As a “rule”, chores always have to be performed, even on “God’s” “Day
of Rest”.
I myself have been washing over and over again,
“reusable” incontinence bed pads, which have lately been catching the
“overflow” from what disposable pads have not been able to “hold”, of my
nighttime uncontrollable wetting during sleep. @ least it is easier to “wash”
reusable rubberized/plasticized absorbent cotton bed pads, than having to strip
my bed sheets off and wash them every darn day.
1/28/2008 10:00 AM-
Not sure where Nate is. I guess he went out to do errands
of his own. Dad went into his bedroom to lie down for a bit. For a while, he
and I watched the “History Channel” on his television in the Parlour.
1/28/2008 11:20 AM-
Yesterday evening, I made a DVD copy of a digital video I
shot of myself working here @ my home electronics workbench here in the Den,
that I am going to send to my pen pal friend, “Stefan” in Prague.
Well, it is time for me to “change” my “adult” diaper
again, because it is extremely wet.
1/28/2008 11:57 AM-
Nate is still not home from performing errands off his
own, and right now, the visiting Nurse is here to check on Dad.
1/28/2008 12:58 PM-
A few minutes ago, I retrieved the Mail for Dad, and
started washing more dirty laundry for him. Not sure where Nate is, because I
myself have had “nothing” for Lunch today, and there is “nothing” in the
Refrigerator, to make a sandwich, ect.
1/28/2008 1:04 PM-
Have been playing “over & over” again, the *.mp3 file
I downloaded for “free” from a website, offering “free” “legal” music
“downloads” a year ago, called “The Fall of Love”, performed by “Maneli Jamal”,
which is a “Modern Flamenco” music composition. As an autistic
developmentally-disabled person, this piece of music, is an “auditory”
repetitive “autistic stimulation” for me.š
šš
šš
1/28/2008 5:30 PM-
Supper this evening was Tomato Soup & Biscuits. This afternoon, I did spend time @ the Kelley Library, after having a “late” Lunch @ the McCholesterol @ Klemm’s Corner in Windham. I also went to the Post Office here in Salem, to “snail-mail” a video of me working @ my workbench, to my pen pal friend, “Stefan” over in Prague.
1/28/2008 5:53 PM-
To “compensate” for not having any 3-INPUT NAND GATE IC’s, this circuit topology will be used for the A_REGISTER SHIFT_LEFT/SHIFT_RIGHT logic byte “function”. “6” of these circuits are needed for this 8-Bit ALU logic function.
Leaving
IC Pin # 5 “unconnected” to the 5 VDC_RETURN bus, turns the previous 3-Input
NAND GATE circuit topology into a 4-Input NAND GATE. “2” of these circuits are
needed for the A_REGISTER SHIFT_LEFT/SHIFT_RIGHT logic byte function of the
8-Bit ALU I am designing and building.
This logic circuit topology, will perform thee “EXCLUSIVE OR” logic function, for the 8-Bit “Full-Adder” Circuit in the 8-Bit ALU (with CARRY_IN/CARRY_OUT bit functions). This circuit topology, is the “alternate”, to using 7486 QUAD EXCLUSIVE OR GATE IC’s in my ALU design.
1/28/2008 6:56 PM-
This logic circuit topology will perform the function of indicating whether the output of the 8-Bit Adder Section off the 8-Bit ALU I am designing will be either “Zero” or a “Negative” number (+127/-127 (decimal)). This is a (5) 7400 QUAD NAND GATE IC “implimentation” of this ALU “function”.
Anyway, I am designing (& building) this ALU @ my workbench & computer, a “piece @ a time”.
1/29/2008 8:38 AM-
I just got myself cleaned up, diapered & dressed for the day, after spending some time quietly laying in my bed, watching “Bob The Builder” & “Curious George” on WENH-TV, Channel 11 (PBS) out of Durham, NH.
1/29/2008 8:47 AM-
Right now, I should start to “finalize” the A_REGISTER SHIFT_LEFT/SHIFT_RIGHT Logic Circuit topology, using ORCAD for my ALU “design”.
1/29/2008 11:35 AM-
Earlier this morning, I had to stop working on my computer using ORCAD, because Nate needed me to go to the grocery store for Dad, and purchase Sub Sandwiches for the 3 of us men for Lunch today. Supper tonight will simply be Pancakes. After Lunch, I had to change my diaper, because it was very wet.
1/29/2008 12:29 PM-
Just drew up on ORCAD, a (4) 7400 QUAD NAND GATE IC “implementation” of a “Full Adder Logic Circuit”, of which (8) of these “cascaded” circuits are needed for my 8-Bit ALU design.
Right now, I should think about going out in my Ute to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail, and then to the Derry Community Television Studio, where I volunteer.
1/30/2008 9:40 AM-
Had finished taking the household trash/recyclables to the Refuse Collection Center on Shannon Road for Dad. Not sure what the rest of the day’s “schedule” is. Of course, I always end-up having to “give up” any simple “plans” I have for myself for activities, as an autistic person, and I end up being on “whatever Dad and Nate’s schedule of things to do is”.
1/30/2008 12:37 PM-
Nate was the one, who went to the grocery store for Dad, and he then went out on “other errands”.
1/30/2008 5:40 PM-
Earlier this afternoon, I went out in my Ute over to the Kelley Library to read my e-mail. I then went over to the PETSMART Pet Store, to look @ different rodent species. I think Nate wants to get me a rodent, of the genus “Lepus” for my birthday in March, coming up in 5 weeks, as a “long-overdue” “replacement” to the Rabbit I had 24 years ago, that my “psychopathic” Mom “abused”, whenever I, Dad and Nate were “not around to stop her”.
1/31/2008 2:16 PM-
Woke up from a long needed naptime. As I woke up from my nap, I found myself softly whispering to my plush cuddle friend, “Grr-Grr” Bear, that I would never hurt or abuse him, and he would always be loved by me. As a developmentally-disabled autistic adult, I really despise other adults who hurt and abuse children.
After getting out of my bed, and changing my wet naptime diaper, I took the bed sheets off of my bed, leaving my “plastic” bed sheet, because I made pee-pee into my bed sheets while napping this afternoon.
Before my naptime today, I watched “MisterRoger’s Neighborhood” on my television in my bedroom. Before then, I had gone out in my Ute to the grocery store for Dad, and I purchased Sub Sandwiches for Dad, Nate, & I @ the “Papa Cholesterol” Pizza/Sub Fast-food Joint in the Rockingham Shopping Plaza on Cluff’s Crossing Road here in town.
This is what I started to “finalize” the design on, which is a part of the 8-bit ALU I am designing. Although not “finished”, as far as the “input” wiring to the various logic element gates, this will be the A_REGISTER SHIFT_LEFT/SHIFT_RIGHT ALU logic function. Essentially, it really is a set of “Asynchronous Multiplexers”, for shifting an 8-bit “byte” of data, one bit to the left or right, per the assertion of the proper “control logic bit” signal. I will of course, take my time in “drawing up” the input wiring, because it is a bit “complex.”.
1/31/2008 3:16 PM-
Just placed my bed sheets into the washing machine, and placed the other load of now clean laundry into the dryer for Dad.