a free will. He created us with free a free will so we would not be just animals that had no ability to understand God. He created us with the ability to understand that he created us and also with free will, which is the ability to love him. We abused that privilege and paid the consequences. But God sent somebody to "right our wrong." He is called the Messiah or Jesus Christ. He "righted our wrong" through sacrifice. This sacrifice allows us to love God directly again because all of our sins have been carried by Jesus Himself. In God's eyes, we are pure again. That is the reason we can love God directly.
          There are many other attributes of Christianity. In fact, I suggest you read C.S. Lewis' book. But htis is what C.S. Lewis called "mere Christianity." It is the inspiration for everything good and the conviction for depravity. Perhaps this has "cleared the air" and I may even seem a little saner to the rest of you.


Just Let it Come

          Parental advisory: The following may be offensive to thoughtless, pathetic losers who can't appreciate life. Although the events depicted in this story are real, the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
          One fine evening, Papa Smurf and Grandpa Smurf were celebrating Hefty Smurf's birthday. As occasion called for, they had a hundred dollars of booze coming their way and, like all good Smurfs, had resolved themselves to drink it all that night. For this event, 		smurfs from all over the forest hadcome to "celebrate" and show their love for Hefty.
          Once the beer had arrived, Papa was faced with a hard decision: cooler #1 or cooler #2. He decided to raid #2 and, to his joyful surprise, found it to be full of BudIce and WickedAle. The SkrewDriver was playin', the booze was flowin': He was lovin' life.
          After he lost count of how many beers he had, (forgive me for using this term) Scandalous Smurf was lookin' hot...so he decided he was going to impress her by becoming Bruce Lee and flipping and running through the bushes. Everything was going great until he noticed a Troya Cactus clinging to his left, inner thigh. (Obviously a trap, cleverly placed by the evil Gargamel, the Smurfs' eternal enemy). He stumbled toward the trailer-half stunned, half amused-to look for help. by now Papa had forgotten about his momentary lust. He stepped into the trailer and, without shame, dropped his pants saying, "F#$*ing S@%t, someone help me!" Hefty Smurf whipped out a pair of plyers and slowly removed the abomination from Papa's leg.
          After drinking even more, Papa Smurf had to rest, or at least sit down to conserve his smurferific strength so he could watch the sunrise. Into the trailer he retreated. Ther he noticed the sweet smell of purple sticky punch! (For those of you who don't know, "purple sticky punch" is a favorite amongst all Smurfs. It has an unforgettable smell and gives you that smurfy feeling). Papa Smurf had bowl after bowl but he was dissapointed, he wasn't feeling smurfy. Papa Smurf said "This is shwagg.....purple sticky punch sucks."
          No sooner had he spoken those terrible, bad, bad words when Baker Smurf arrived with some purple sticky punch from Georgia, the mystical land of purple sticky punch. After one mouthful, he felt very, very smurfy! He felt so smurfy he became the Great Cornholio who was looking for T.P. for his bung hole.
          When the smurfyness left him, he felt two things. First of all, he felt a