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Papa Myshkin, Recently, I've had quite a problem getting dates. I don't understand it. I'm reasonably attractive. I work out. I don't have an offensive body odor. I'm also really smart and have a bright career ahead of me. However, all the girls seem to either be living a completely comfortable single life or they are quite attracted to complete assholes with alcohol problems. I know that Russians are known the world round for their charm and tenacious love-making skills. Can you help me? Loin-locked in Lincoln Loin Locked in Lincoln, You ungrateful biped! You're not ugly, you have a great body and brains, you don't stink, and have future moneymaking potential. And you're worried about going on some superficial social engagement with the "fairer" sex? "fairer", hah. "fair" as in "You're too nice for me," fair as in "I think of you more as a brother."... but I digress. Well, despite your shallow whining, I shall offer you my advice on the matter. The way I see it you've got a few options to obtain the desired result: 1. Become a complete asshole, and drink vodka out of old coke cans regularly. This is perhaps the easiest solution. Being an asshole is easy, so easy that I could not even find a "being an asshole for dummies" book on the subject. Just begin listening to you local jock rock morning radio show and begin to emulate the behavior of the host. You'll be gettin' the swank on before you know it. You should be aware of a couple of side effects such as beginning to think that intellectual means you know who makes a 12 round magazine for your winchester, and you begin to talk about Toto being the greatest rock band ever. 2. Change your sexual preference. This isn't so easy. You'll have to endure hours of Survivor watching parties, ballet lessons, and old episodes of Fame. You've also got to make the big decision to become the pitcher or the catcher. I think the side effects are obvious. 3. Just enjoy your stinkin' life, and wait for the chicks to wise up. About 10% of them do. It may take a few more years, but the true scum lovers will be out of the collective "available chick" pool: pregnant, sponsoring the local cheerleading team, or flirting with their 60 year old middle manager boss. Your favorite epileptic prince, Papa Myshkin <<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Back |