For personal use and select distribution only © November 1997 by S.L. Snyder

FATHER AND SON
by S. L. Snyder

Timeline: August 1872


"Ma," said Brian, across the breakfast table, "can I go up to stay with pa for awhile? Just me and him?"

Michaela looked at her son and saw the need in his eyes. "I'll tell you what, Brian, I have to go up and take him some supplies today. I will see if now is a good time for you. How's that?"

"Thanks, ma!"


Sully came out to meet Michaela as she rode up to the cave. He lifted her off Flash and into his arms, for a kiss and a hug. As he started to let go, she put her arms around his neck, held on tight and returned the kiss with gusto. For a little while, all things were forgotten as they were lost in each others arms. Finally they parted, out of breath and with rapid heartbeats.

"How long can you stay?" Sully asked, with a mischievous grin.

"Not that long," said Michaela, laughing. "I have some appointments at the clinic and need to head back down right away."

"Next time, come when ya ain't got anythin' to get back to!" he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Or maybe, I should come down and kidnap ya!"

"Hmmm....that's wouldn't be so bad."

They moved together again for another kiss.


As Sully took the supplies from Flash, Michaela said, "How would you feel about Brian coming up here and staying with you for a few days? He asked this morning if he could...he said just you and him."

"I'd like that a lot, Michaela. I'm glad he wants to. Ya can bring him up today."

"I'll ask Matthew to. Then I won't be up for a few days until I come to get him. I think he wants your undivided attention for a little while. When I do come, I'll bring Katie up."

"Okay. Why don't ya send the checkers up with him since he likes to play checkers."

"I'll do that. Do I get another kiss for the road? One that will keep me for a few days?"

"You bet!" And Sully gave her a kiss that would last a whole lot longer than a few days and then some.


It was mid-afternoon and Sully heard horses again. He came out and saw Brian and Matthew coming up the trail.

"Hey, pa!" Brian said, waving excitedly.

Sully raised his hand in hello as the boys rode up to him. Brian jumped off Taffy and hugged Sully.

"Dr. Mike sent some extra supplies since you'll be feeding an extra mouth," said Matthew. He reached down and shook Sully's hand. "Outside of having to be up here, you doin' okay?"

"Yeh," Sully replied. "Just missin' all of you an awful lot."

"We miss you too," Matthew said. "But we'll get all this fixed soon and you'll be back home."

"Sure hope so."

"Hey, Brian, have a good time here. Dr. Mike will come up to get you in three days, okay?" said Matthew.

"Yeh...thanks, Matthew."

"Bye little brother, bye Sully."

Sully and Brian waved at Matthew as he headed for home.


"Let's get the supplies in the cave. Did ya bring your checkers?" Sully asked as they walked into the cave.

"Sure did!" Brian was so excited. He'd never had a chance to be with Sully, alone, for more than a day. He was missing Sully so much and at times he almost felt like he did when his blood pa kept leaving. But Brian knew this pa would never leave him by choice and he knew how much Sully loved him. "Pa?"

"Yeh...son."

"Thanks for letting me come up and be with you."

"It's my pleasure, Brian. I would'a asked ya too, but wasn't really sure how ya felt and if ya would want to. I know I disappointed all of you with what happened."

"No you didn’t, pa. I was upset at first, but the more I thought on it, I knew you were really right. Those soldiers would have ended up killing Cloud Dancing. I know you couldn't help that those other Indians wanted to kill soldiers and other people. You thought they wanted to go north like Cloud Dancing, huh?"

"Yeh, I did. Worryin' about Cloud Dancing kinda blinded me to what the braves really wanted to do. I wanted to believe they meant no harm, that all they wanted was to go north and live free in the Indian Territory. But I should'a thought of my family and what this would do to you all."

"But Cloud Dancing's family, too, isn't he, pa?"

"Yes, he is Brian."

"Then you had to help him. We'll be okay. I know Matthew was really mad at you in the beginning, but when you got lost, he was real worried. And then he knew you were right, he told me so. Then when the soldiers started bringing in the Indians they caught, some of them my age, and putting them in his jail, Matthew got mad at the soldiers. Then when that sergeant said Matthew couldn't look for you but had to guard the Indians in jail, well, you should'a seen the look on Matthew's face! I think he was ready to fight that sergeant! Instead, all he did was quit being sheriff and I really think he's glad he ain't sheriff anymore. He likes reading them law books and trying to figure out how to do things legal. After he quit I asked him if he was sorry he quit and he said he wasn't cause if he had too choose between being sheriff and guarding Indians or looking for his pa, then he'd look for his pa!" Brian finally stopped and took a breath.

"Boy, you got a lot to say. You been keepin' this inside you all this time?"

"I guess. I didn't wanna worry ma or Matthew. I would'a told Colleen, but she's been so busy at school she ain't been home much. You're the only other person I wanted to talk to, so I just haven't said anything. I thought about talking to Miss Dorothy, but she's worried about Cloud Dancing hiding out here and up north, so I didn't want to worry her either. Pa?"

"Yes?"

"Miss Dorothy really loves Cloud Dancing, huh?"

"Yes."

"Kinda like you love ma, huh?"

"I think so."

"Do you think Cloud Dancing loves her, like he loved Snow Bird?"

"I know he loves Miss Dorothy, but not like he loved Snow Bird. Just like I love your ma, but it's different than the way I loved Abagail."

"So who does he love more?"

"It ain't about loving someone more, Brian, it's about loving someone different."

"You mean there are different ways to love someone?... I mean, I know the way I love you is different from the way I love ma, but that's loving your parents or your sisters or brothers. But loving a girl is different than loving a different girl?"

"Yes. I think different parts of your heart and soul are touched by love for different women. Like when Abagail and our baby died, I thought I would die too, then when I didn't, I thought I'd never love again and would be alone the rest of my life. That day when I looked up and saw Michaela for the first time, I started to heal. She was a vision to me and from that moment on, the thought of her was always with me."

Brian smiled at that. "You really love ma, huh?"

"More than I can put into words."

"Did ya love Abagail the first time you saw her?"

"What's with all these questions?"

"I just wanna know 'bout this stuff. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Why don't we settle down for the evening and I'll tell you about loving Abagail and loving Michaela."

Brian unpacked his knapsack and helped Sully put the supplies away. They went out to put Taffy in the tree corral and then had dinner. After dinner, they settled on the cave floor and Brian asked, "Are ya going to tell me now?"

Sully smiled, "Yes.....when I first saw Abagail, she was surrounded by a few guys who wanted to marry her. I thought she was pretty, but didn't think much else about her. I'd see her when I went into the store for supplies. She always smiled at me and was nice. I took to asking her about her day, she'd ask me about mine, and we just kept the talking up. I started looking forward to seeing her when I went to the store, and I started going for supplies more often. I was nervous the first time I asked her for a walk, and also a few days later when I kissed her for the first time. Things just started happening after that, until we ran away to Manato to get married.'

"How come ya did that?"

"Because Loren didn't want us to get married. We were afraid he'd convince the Reverend not to marry us. When we came back, Loren knew he couldn't do anything about it, so he disowned Abagail."

"Did you do things together the way you and ma do? Like going up to the hills and stuff."

"No. I knew of some of the places I still go in the woods, but not a lot of them. And Abagail didn't like the woods. She liked being at the homestead or in town."

"So ya talked a lot, like you and ma do, huh?"

"No, not really. I had to worry about food and money and Abagail wanted to work in her garden and keep the homestead nice. I mean we talked, but usually about things to do with the homestead, or town, or about Loren and Maude. Abagail wasn't interested in the world and people the way your ma is. She just wanted a home and a family, nothin' else."

"Did you and her read poetry to each other the way you and ma do?"

"No. It wasn't something Abagail liked to do. Mainly she talked about us having kids and what she wanted them to be and how she wanted us to live and could I build a bigger homestead."

"Oh."

"I don't know if I can explain the difference, Brian, but I'll try. Abagail was beautiful and delicate and had a very straight path she wanted to take. She didn't have a lot of opinions about things and like Maude, thought her husband should make all the decisions. If where we lived had been her decision, we probably would have lived in town. The homestead was as far into the wilderness as she ever got. The wild scared her."

"How come?"

"Maybe because she didn't understand the wilderness and didn't want to. I wanted her to learn to ride a horse, but she wouldn't cause women didn't do that sort of thing. Then when she found out she was gonna have a baby, that's all she wanted to talk or think about. The baby became her whole life."

"After you, right?"

"No. I think I became second in her mind. Abagail wanted a baby more than anything."

'That's real different than ma, huh?"

"Yeh. Abagail would never consider doing to college and being something, like a doctor." Sully smiled at the thought of Dr. Michaela Quinn Sully!

"Is it because ma is real different than Abagail that you love her?"

"No. It's not one thing, Brian. It's everything that makes her Michaela. The first thing I saw was her beauty and then her falling into the mud. If Abagail had fallen like that, she would have cried and waited for someone to help her up. Michaela got up by herself, and although embarrassed, she went on with the Reverend. If Michaela wants something she goes after it. She's not afraid to make decisions. She knows what she thinks and what she believes and sticks to that path unless someone can prove to her a different path is better. She ain't afraid to try things. She ain't afraid to take a chance. She cares about people and wants to believe in the goodness of everyone. She doesn't dislike someone because they are different, because their skin is a different color. Abagail was afraid of Indians, thought they were all out to hurt her and kill her."

"She didn't like Cloud Dancing?"

"I didn't know Cloud Dancing then. I met him after Abagail died. But she wouldn't have been friends with him. She thought, like Loren, that Indians aren't good."

Brian shook his head in wonder.

"It's late, Brian. I think it's time for bed. We can talk more tomorrow."

"Okay." Brian settled into his blanket bed, "Good night, pa. I love you."

"I love you, too, son."


When Brian woke up, he didn't see Sully. He went outside the cave and found Sully sitting on a log, whittling. "Morning, pa."

"Mornin', Brian. What would you like to do today?"

"Could we go riding up to the mountains?"

"Sure thing."

They had breakfast, packed a lunch and went riding up into the mountains, careful to steer clear of areas they might meet someone. It was a wonderful day to enjoy being outside, riding the mountains. Brian felt so good being with Sully, by himself. He was feeling grown-up because Sully had talked to him about Michaela and Abagail like a grown-up.

At noontime, they stopped for their lunch. Sully could see that Brian was thinking about something important. "What'ca thinking about?"

"My blood pa. I don't even like calling him 'pa' any more. He's never been around when I needed him. Do you think it'd be okay if I called him Ethan when I talk about him?"

"If that's what you want to say, it's okay with me."

"I use to think that we, meaning me and Colleen and Matthew, musta done something real bad for him to leave us. But ma, Dr. Mike, said we didn't do anything. She said Ethan probably wasn't just the kind to be a father. Or even a husband. He shouldn'a left us just cuz he wanted to look for gold."

"Your ma is right. Ethan was wrong to leave Charlotte and you three. You didn't do anything to make him leave. It was really his loss. You're a good person, Brian, and I'm proud to call you son."

Brian beamed at Sully, "Thanks, PA!"


They headed back toward the cave. They come upon a small pond and Brian asked, "Can I go swimming?"

"It'll be cold,' Sully said.

"I know. I won't stay in long, but I haven't gone swimming much like I use to cause there ain't a swimming place close to home.:

"Okay."

"Will you come in with me, Pa?"

"Sure."

They took off their clothes and plunged into the cold pond. It didn't take Brian long to realize how cold it really was. They got out and sat in the sun to dry.

"That's colder than the swimming places down near the old homestead," Brian said.

"That's cause we're closer to the ice fields that feed the creek for this pond. This is close to being just melted snow."

"Gosh, how do you know all these things?"

"The Cheyenne taught me a lot. I've read some. It's just learning through living life."

"Do you think I'll ever know all this stuff?"

"This and more, Brian. You're very smart and gettin' the book learnin' I never had."

'I want to learn the things you know about being out here."

"That's good and I can show ya, but ya gotta make sure you finish school, too. Book learnin' is important. Look where it got your ma."


Sully and Brian got back to the cave around dinner time and fixed their dinner together. After dinner, they decided to play checkers.

"Can we go fishing tomorrow?" Brian asked.

"You bet."

"Pa, can I ask you something about the other stuff?" Brian said.

"What other stuff?"

"The birds and the bees thing, anyway that's what ma calls it."

"Okay," Sully said, a little apprehensive.

"I remember the things you and Mr. Bray told me that time I ran away. I kinda remember what ma said, but she used big words I wasn't sure of. I didn't wanna talk to Matthew about things and I thought I could talk to you."

"Of course you can, Brian."

"I know kissing is part of being with a girl. You and ma do a lot of kissing, and Matthew and Ingrid did a lot. The other boys at school say things and talk about Hank's girls. One of the things they said was that a guy and a girl are together, alone, they have to be naked. Is that true?"

"No one has to be, Brian. They can be, one or both. It's whatever makes those involved comfortable. It's the kinda thing that's between those two."

"Hmmm....." Brian said, lost in thought. "Sometimes something happens to me, down there. I was scared at first, then I heard the other guys at school talking about it and they said it has to do with being with a girl."

"Brian, when a boy is growing up there are certain body reactions that ya can't control. It ain't bad, it just the way it is. Ya don't have to be around a girl for it to happen. As you get older you can gain more control. What happens is called an erection and even grown men can have one unexpectedly. What's really important is that, as a man, it's something you share with the woman you love and marry. It can be bad when a man forces himself on a woman."

"Like what happened to Rosemary Hart, huh?"

"Yes. The man who hurt Rosemary didn't want to control himself and didn't care about hurtin' someone else. All he cared about was what he wanted. Part of being a man is caring how what you do affects others."

"What about the men who go see Hank's girls? Aren't they doing what married people do?"

"Yes. Some men aren't married and want to be with a woman, so they use and pay for girls like Hank's. Some married men go there, too. Unfortunately, some husbands and wives don't get along very well and the man feels the only way he can get the pleasure he wants is to go to those girls."

"You wouldn't, would ya, Pa?"

"No. I haven't and never would. I enjoy my relationship with your ma and she's all that I want. There ain't any other woman who excites me. For me, it has to do with lovin' someone. I wouldn't wanna be with a woman I didn't love. If ya like a girl, listen to your heart, not your body."

"Is it the same for girls?"

"Feelin's are the same, but their bodies react differently. Ya learn these things by being with the woman you love."

"Did you learn from Abagail or from ma?"

"Mostly your ma. Abagail felt different about being with me. She felt it was only important if ya wanted a baby. With your ma, we enjoy each other. And if we have a baby because of it, that's good, but if not, that's okay too."

Brian nodded his head, obviously trying to take all this in. "Thanks, pa, for talking with me."

"Any time. Brian," said Sully, relieved that Brian had heard enough, for now.


"Ma and Katie are comin' today, huh?" asked Brian.

"Yes, they should be."

"Ma'll be surprised to see all the fish I caught."

Sully smiled at Brian and nodded his agreement.


They heard a horse coming up the trail and Michaela came around the corner with Katie. Katie saw Sully, held out her arms and yelled, "Papa!"

Brian and Sully laughed as they rode up. Sully reached up and took Katie in his arms. She buried her little face in her papa's neck. Michaela got off Flash and gave Sully a kiss. Then she hugged Brian, "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too, ma! And Katie and Matthew! But Pa and me had a good time."

"I'm so glad." Michaela said.

"Pa and me did a lot of talking," Brian told Michaela, sounding so proud that he talked with Sully like a grown-up.

"About what?" Michaela asked.

"Man things," Brian answered.

"Oh," she said, glancing up at Sully and seeing the smile on his face.


The End

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