9/24 /2002- 1:22am - quote (by me) and questions at 1 am
enlightenment is found in the hearts of the individuals, you just have to get into their heart to find it
the truth doesn't set you free it just gives you somewhere else to go
money talks, but a group of poor slobs talks louder
what is it like to have people love you when you dont even know them
it seems like its always bad cause you for get when its good
why is it so damn hard to have a deep emotional/mental connection with a person?
why are guys so obsessed with sex?
why are girls not?
or are they?
no.
why do we work so damn hard when we want to relax?
its been 8 days since i said "I love you" to someone
how long has it been for you?
what does anyone want from this life?
what do i want from this life?
driving in a car at night with jazz on is really soothing to the soul
once you leave its so very hard to come back (in every sense)
having a lot of homework and a 11 hour school day when your 16 is ridiculous, simply ridiculous (excuse my speeling grammar, punctuation-or lack thereof)(it is 1:30)
im so tired and the tea is wearing off i wanted to write something, even if it was babble, cause i havent and isaid i would. school has just been overwhelming along with football and family and school work for home. and stupid (really stupid) physics labs. but im making due. I have lifeguarding on thursday and a game on fridaynight and a ball on saturday (like dance and dinner ball). THe ball should be snazzy.
thats about it for now. Ive probably said this before but if you want to check out my journal from further back than it goesher goto www.oocities.org/thoughts_on_whatever/
well ill say goodnight i got jazz ensemble at 630 tomarrow and im already exhausted beyond belief.
well peace and love im out
your friend in the war on... well im sure there something worth warring over..,
Doug
8/28/ 2002- 4:02pm - back - or- alive again -or- back to the dead (journal)
hey all whats goin on. if anyone reads this that is. ahh im kinda in a rush so this might be short. As you can see summers just about over )-: but school awaits and i guess you have to look at the pros...(well once i figure them out lol) well my mom was recently in atlantic city we had a small party...it was nuts. all ill say is that when i woke up the guy who dropped his shrooms the night before was sleeping on the floor in my room. lukily my mom is none the wiser. ahh so footballs going and well its football. its a lotof sacrifice but it can be really rewarding. not to mention it makes you tough, lol. well as you see its been a while since my journaling soi got nothing for you right now maybe in another couple months haha but ill write again when i feel like it. peace and love.
6/2 3/2002- 2:19am - random ramblings @2 am
Well holy cow, it Summer, its freaking summer! ITS SUMMER! friends are about, the water's cool, the sun is hot and theres no more school! AHem, now that i got that off my chest. (i warn you that what i am about to write has almost now for but ill try to seperate it into little paragraphs of topics.
Is it just me or do like all good conversations happen after midnight! It seems that way to me. I guess when people are tired they talk better, or are less likely to not saythings. This happens to me alot and a example would be the conversation i had (this was online but the after midnight theory works well inperson too cause ive been to parties and when your bummed and tired thats when good talking occurs...anyway where was I)with my girlfriend tonight. somehow we just get into topics that arent so cheespuffy and have some relavance (although the conversation was not without humor). And ive probably said this a million times but i love a little verbal interplay.
summer jobs: AHHHH what is a boy to do, on one hand by the end of summer im gonna need a car, and im gonna have to pay for it and moreso the insurance! (that word scares me, but not really) and a part of me wants the challenge; then the other part (possibly the lazier part) is saying, "i dont wanna grow up cause if i did..." anyways so im torn, torn between man and child, between earning my keep and slacking. so what do i do? I go around on my bike and half heartedly put in job aplications at a few places. I figure if i get hired it's fate right?.....right?....(oh well just think about metal on four wheels (MY own metal) with the girl inside, now thats motivation!)
I went on a nice hike today in salamanca ; the outdoors are so great. There was a beautiful stream that we walked over. (by beautiful i mean moss coverd boulders will pristine water churningg over and through them creating a sound used to calm giants) There was plant life, such as wild flowers, and little orange salamanders. It wasjust so nice. THere was more to the hike as well but its not that important. All i have to say is get outside in some nature and enjoy it and appreiciate it and respect it.
Just a note if you own a GPS unit or know someone who does check out geocaching.Search for it ont he web its pretty cool.
I hope i did good i my exams........hmmm now where was all that material i was gonna use to write this entry about and stuff....well things are going good with my girlfriend. THe relationship is progressing, changing for the better all the time, which has not happened to me in other times before and its a good thing. I think this is gonna , if it isnt already, be something real good. umm what else...o well thats good enough for today
peace and love to all..."tomarrow it may rain so, I'll follow the sun" byebye
6/3/ 2002- 9:49pm - at night
ahh what a tremendous celebration! Ah i hada good day today. School went quickly and i enjoyed coming home and resting. I had some nice conversations and i finally lined up(or so i think) a meeting for my new band with matt and kevin, which should be cool. I love music. Its my art for of choice and it can convey so much. Speaking of conveying much conversation also works!
Is there anything so pleasant as a good meaning ful conversation and discussion. Its the apitamy of human society, I think. The exchange of Ideas, and feelings, the very hings that make us human. (and how sweet it is) Sometimes hearing a view with an open mind can change everything. I dontremember where i was going with this so i will gracefully subside.
Also brought up today was the topic of how you know you love someone. (ok i guess we could say like feel for and a whole buch of weaker terms, but for our purposes lets say love.) (Its really not a word to be afraid of, just use it wisely) How do you know that you love someone? Iguess me and my gal came to the conclusion that its a combination: emotion feelings, personality compatibility, and knowing what you want and what the person is. Isuppose sometimes love can be created byacts of compassion and sacrifice but, then its kinda forced. Of course, any of you who have experience in the field of this know one thing....ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE. Human relations are complicated (muy muy complicado). They conuse evryone. so my advice, if you want it or wish to comment on it, just let it roll. A gamble of your self can always have a chance of being worth it.well iguess thats it. it's getting late.
HOw bout afew quotesi can member at 10:30 "It's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all" ? "All you need is love, love, love is all you need"
well peace and love and goodnight.
11:43am - spanish class
I'm so tired today. I was at my cousin steven's confirmation last night and was up late. i forgot to come in early (6:45) today as well, in fact, i missed the bus! I felt horrible because missy and Mr a. had to move allthe chairs and stands from the band room into the aud themselves. (thatswhy i was supposed to goin early because im a stage crew manager) Letting people down really sucks. Oh well it's not really a big deal. Currently i am pretending to review irregular er and ir verbs in the present tense. I love how so many peopl in this class are saying they are gonna fail the exam (i apologize for lacking a topic). I think its cause when they were in earlier school those who did bad we're told "thats good, thats your best" and nowq they choose notto strive to be better well iguess the bells gonna ring Peace and love to you all ("i livein a van down by the river!)(for all of you who that last quote made sense to i say wow im not the only one)
(this was transcribed from ripped notebook paper containg answers to a spanish quiz and the number 56)
6/2 /2002- 1:43 pm - So im out of gas. Literally, i ran out of gas and i cant finish mowing th lawn.I have four strips done on the left side in the rear yard, Why did my sister have to totally destroy our riding mower!! so now im just doing nothing. This little thing is so convienent i fearthat i may just write anything anytime. possibly so much that it is all crap, crap that nobody will want to read.! and te only reason i put this up here is for people to read(note: these first few entries are kind to establish my journal i apologize for the pointlessness)so besides lawnmowers i dont have anything to talk about how bout a little poetry?what to write about. ......
a breeze blows softly across me
invisible, magical force
It tickles me gently to consiousness
as i lie asleep in the grass
like a soft lovers caress
the wind across my skin
it brings me back to the world of day
and brightens a smile within
i awake to a vison of magic
feathers suspended in the air
i think about them floating there
as breeze through my hair
refreshed by the natures touch
i rise and face the task
the task of life and living
if only life were like the breeze. free easy and light.
so where was i, i was outside so much the past few days biking running mowing, sleeping on ahammon in the rain ect lol (that poem cheered me up)(-:
-well peace andlove
11:26am - writing stuff
Yeah so i have to write about stuff and it presents to me the current issue in my life (at least socially, which to mean means imnot gonna get to upset about it either way, althought in the end its our relationships with people and how weve changed themthat matter isnt it?...anyway where was I). That issue is walking the fine line between being really you (whatever the hell that is) and altering yourself to get what you want. A case example is whats going on with my girlfriend. I like her more and more evryday, but whenever im around her im afraid im gonna look bad or sound or act cheesy or something. The only problem with this is then i look so dejected or lonely or just not fun that it hurts my postion more. IM not gonna lie i m not the guy with a lot of experience in the love department but i have some, and imust this new endevor is proving to be most difficult. i wish sometimes i could just make things how i want with out having to take risky moves (or at least they are risky in my mind) and evrything i seemto do turns out to be so akward and almost humorus.GAH! anyway im off topic. back to writing. yeah so i dont know what i should put in here(kinda like that dream - it was really wierd. really wierd like for all my life its one of those your gonna remember.) so hopefully ill beable to walk that line because anyone who says they always act like 'themselves' is full of crap. possibly full of more crap than the people whoadmit they try to impress or at least put up afront to get what they want