These are the ten commandments set forth by our gods, the Loud One and the Polyester God. Obey them and you will find a hell of a lot more fun. If it will help you to follow them, we can always call them the Ten Mission Statements.

1. There is no Lord or God. Except maybe the Polyester God. Oh and that Loud One. But you can have other Gods before them. They don't care.

2. You can makes sculptures in their image. But they have to get a percentage.

3. You may use the gods' names in vain. They really like it if you scream it, ladies.

4. Remember Black Sabbath, to play it loudly.

5. Honor your father and mother or they'll get you back when you least expect it.

6. Thou shalt not kill. Unless it is your partner and it's only a part of the show. In that case, go for it and don't skimp on the corn syrup blood.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

8. Thou shalt not steal...but feel free to put free CDs in the CD store. That ought to get a few laughs.

9. Thou shalt make one pilgrimage to Las Vegas or the Mutter Museum. If you can't make it, make sure you get your friends to buy you a T-shirt. The gods need the money.

10. Thou shalt take communion with YooHoo and pancakes.