Have you ever experienced strange, senseless behavior? Constant “blonde moments”? Laughing for no apparent reason? Well, you might have Telleritis. Commonly known as the ‘Teller Complex’, it affects hundreds of Americans and many others all over the world. I recently interviewed Dr. Winter Hugh, MD on this strange sickness.

Mofoan Times: Thank you, Dr. Hugh, for letting us interview you on this sickness. Let’s get started, shall we? Now, I understand that you have written a few books on Telleritis and have even created a foundation to aid its victims.
Dr. Hugh: Yes, my foundation, the Mike Jones Foundation, named for its most prominent supporter, accepts all monetary donations.

MT: What does your foundation do?
Dr. Hugh: Tellerists Against Degenerative Disease, or TADD, is our core group of donors and a good part of our staff. The foundation works to treat the disease in its many stages. We raise money for research and new equipment. With better research, we hope to find better treatments and isolate the cause of the disease.

MT: Would you tell a little bit about the books you have written on the subject?
Dr. Hugh: Well one of my books, my autobiography, describes living with Telleritis.

MT: What is that book called?
Dr. Hugh: The War Within: A Struggle with Telleritis

MT: Would you explain the complex itself? Its background, perhaps?
Dr. Hugh: Well, my former patient, Rudy Buggsfield*, has been known to do certain things for no other reason than that it is unusual. For example, this man has been known to pull foreign objects from his mouth.

MT: Foreign objects?
Dr. Hugh: Playing cards, pieces of brick, things like that.

MT: I see, and this was all for no apparent reason?
Dr. Hugh: For humor’s sake, I suppose.

MT: What are the symptoms of this complex?
Dr. Hugh: Spontaneous, strange behavior, laughing for no apparent reason, and a penchant for blonde moments.

MT: Define a “blonde moment”, would you please?
Dr. Hugh: Blonde moments are moments when a subject does something incredibly stupid when they have the intelligence not to, like tripping over one’s ankles.

MT: Is there a certain type of person more vulnerable to this sickness?
Dr. Hugh: People with high IQ’s, dark or strange senses of humor, and/or an obsession for strange or pointless information.

MT: Is there any known treatment?
Dr. Hugh: Lots of comedy specials, friends with same complex and a padded cell in extreme cases.

MT: So there are stages to this complex?
Dr. Hugh: Oh yes.

MT: Would you explain each of them?
Dr. Hugh: The first stage is obsession with magic and useless trivia.

MT: This is not to be confused with childhood/adolescent interests, correct?
Dr. Hugh: Correct. Second stage: ‘Blonde Moments’ at least four times a day. Stage three: Feeling the need to read Lewis Carroll and eat buttered toast in front of the telly. Also eating cottage cheese drizzled with maple syrup in excess. The final stage: Laughing openly at others' stupidity while engaging in a blonde moment. There is also a need to eat fire.

MT: Well, I’m sure many people have been through some of these stages unknowingly, surely not all of these people have this complex.
Dr. Hugh: No, of course not. But, if you have experienced any of these symptoms, it’s best to be careful.

MT: What should one do if one shows one or more of these symptoms?
Dr. Hugh: Watch some Discovery Channel and eat s’mores. Then learn a card trick. There is no cure yet, but it can be treated. By redirecting energy into something positive, or at least entertaining.

MT: No physician is to be contacted?
Dr. Hugh: The Teller Complex is not fatal or harmful to one's health unless one is already naturally clumsy, in which case all sharp objects should be hidden.

MT: Is there any additional information you wish to add?
Dr. Hugh: As more information becomes available, it will be published in psychoanalysis journals.

MT: Well, thank you Dr. Hugh for sharing your vast knowledge on this subject.
Dr. Hugh: Glad to be of service.

*Name changed to protect the innocent
If you have any information or questions on the Teller Complex, please contact the M.J.F. at (915) 555-6296 or at MikeJF@MD.com