A Randomness Poem to All of My Friends On My Birthday
by Jonathan R. Radke

For the friends I've known for most my life;
And those of you I haven't,
I know I'm not the sharpest knife;
But at least I can pitch a tent.

My pancreas sucks, and I lack a spleen;
I threw my first party when I turned eighteen.
My thyroid is an idiot and my lungs are tards;
Please, don't send them sympathy cards.

I have to accept the fact that I am a mutt;
The rumors are true, Asia is half of my butt.
The white people are in there too;
And they're responsible for my low IQ.

I try to check my blood sugar everyday;
But let's face it...I prolly forgot to today.
In my family, I'm the sickest one;
But I'm also the one who has all the fun.

My mom is Asian and my dad is white;
I got my dad's intelligence, and my mother's height.
I work at the hospital, on I-10 and Gessner;
I wish there was such thing as a spleenless molestor (but not really).

Now that I think about it, there probably is;
When I'm in the bathroom, I usually wiz.
When I was on chemo, it was hard to piss;
But now that I'm off it, every time is bliss.

I serenade on the piano and bang on the drums;
I never give money to those old, dirty bums.
Thalamus is the band I am in;
Now I can legally mix fruit punch and gin.

Drinkin' beer is a new hobby of mine;
I'll drink all night until the morning sun shines.
But I'm not really gonna drink a lot;
Just Thursday through Tuesday, everyday another shot.

My best friend Johnny is often called "Duck";
One of my favorite words has got to be "fuck."
There are many foods I have not tasted;
What I want for my birthday is to get extremely wasted.



EL FIN