(~(~)~)
"This can't be real, Sam."
"Breathe, Will."
"I'm going to wake up in ten minutes and discover I've fallen asleep and dreamed all of this. In reality, I'm slumped over my desk drooling on the new farm subsidies report."
"I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that."
"How could today be real? How could Zoey still be missing? How could the President have removed himself from power and put Glen Walken in his place? How could Toby have children?"
"I don't know, but it's happening."
"My name's on the paper, Sam."
"What paper?"
"The Speaker's resignation from the House. He told me to witness it, and I did. I put my name on that piece of paper."
"Had to be done, Will."
"This is my footnote in history, Sam. When they write the chronicle of how Satan sent Glen Walken to destroy the Earth, William Bailey will be there at the bottom of the page."
"He's not an evil man, Will."
"He's not? Well, he's a war-hungry jingoist who lives in the Religious Right's pocket and is so hard-line conservative that Attila the Hun called him up once and told him to lighten up. But, hey, he's running the country now, so we're in good hands."
"It's a couple of hours, Will. Probably less."
"I hate John Hoynes right now."
"That's quite the turn-around."
"If he hadn't had to show off for his damned girlfriend - I swear, at this instant I could smack every straight man in the country with...with...with something that would hurt."
"When was the last time you slept, Will?"
"That's not what's important here, Sam."
"In a time of crisis, the administration's number two communications staffer is threatening forty-five percent of the nation's population with badly articulated violence. At this moment, that is all that's important here."
"Walken hates gays, Sam."
"I know."
"He has voted against every pro-gay bill that has crossed his desk. He supports a constitutional amendment for DOMA, opposed ENDA, hate-crime legislation, repealing 'don't ask, don't tell'--"
"I know."
"And I have to stand there - and he's in charge of the whole damned country now, Sam, and he's ordering the staff around like - and I have to stand there and advise him and not say, 'How can you live with what you've done to us?'"
"And you'll do it, Will, because you're a professional."
"I'm also a gay man who's lost too many friends because men like Glen Walken never met an AIDS bill they couldn't veto."
"So am I. Now isn't the time for this. Deal with the press until Zoey is found; keep Walken from plunging us into World War III. Then come home. That's all."
"But--"
"That's all, Will."
"Thank you. I needed that."
"I had a feeling."
"You'll be asleep by the time I get home."
"I'll wait."
"Sam, there's no point in both of us being sleep-deprived."
"I wasn't opening the matter for debate. I'll be up."
"Thank you."
"Congressman Walken can hate us all he wants, Will. He can keep us from ever getting married, or adopting children, or finding a cure for AIDS. But he can't keep us from loving each other. And in the end, that means we win."
"I am in awe of you, Sam Seaborn."
"He's the acting President of the United States. Don't ever let me find out that you repeated all of that to him."
"Damn. Busted."
END