Title: A Trip in Leggie's Shoes
Chapter 5: Crebain from Dunland!
Author: Audrey Ramirez
Contact: audreyramirez@aol.com
Rated: PG-13
Summary: What would happen if you got transported into the Lord of the Rings movie, it was real, and you were in Legolas's body....did I mention that you were utterly crazy too? Probably ruin his life...


*

A fortnight later, Sam stood over a fire, picking up sausages with his little fork, and went over to sit next to Frodo, who was watching Merry and Pippin practice sword fighting with Boromir. Yes, another scene from the movie was being played out before my eyes. It had been a very long time since I had seen any traces of the movie.

"You look good, Pippin," remarked Merry as he himself blocked Boromir's sword.

"Thanks!" Pippin answered back.

"Faster!" Boromir commanded.

"If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note they're not," Gimli began to say to Gandalf, who was seated a little way away on the rocks.

"Puh!" I said. "Who would want your opinion, Grumpy?" I had adopted that nickname for him a few days before, the name from Snow White fit the dwarf well. I had grown very bitter to him, even more than at the council. Seriously, you wouldn't believe how bothersome he is until you experience a day with him yourself. Or in my case, many days.

I had seen little more of my own body, we weren't allowed many chances to bathe in the streams, though I tried as often as I could to get a short hair-washing in.

Gimli ignored my comment. "I'd say we were taking the long way round. Gandalf! We could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome."

"Gimli, I'll bet you he won't. I'm serious.I'll bet you anything you have that Balin will do nothing for your coming," I challenged him.

Gandalf held out his hand, that was his new signal for me to calm down and shut up. Wizards..

"No, Gimli, I would not take the road through Moria unless I had no other choice," Gandalf said.

It was useless to tell him we would have to, Gandalf didn't listen to me much anymore. Suddenly I remembered something. One of my favorite lines was coming up, and I didn't want to lose my chance to say it in person.

I jumped from the rock to rock and stood on a boulder with my knee bent a little, looking at the expanse of sky that was out before me, my keen eyes searching for birds.

I heard the hobbitures playfully attacking Boromir in the background. As much as I would have liked to go and watch, I didn't move.

Then I saw it. A flock of birds flying swiftly towards us. However I didn't speak up. I had to give Gimli a chance to humiliate himself.

"What is that?" asked Sam, noticing the birds.

Gimli knew all, apparently. "Nothing! It's just a wisp of cloud!"

"Ignorant dwarf!" I said smugly so only he could hear.

Boromir remarked about it moving fast on the wind. Here was my chance. I could show up all the fellowship. Elves know all! "Crebain from Dunland!" I yelled.

My announcement spread panic throughout the Fellowship. Everyone rushed to gather the things they had so carelessly left out. Legolas was prepared however. *He* put his stuff behind the rocks.

I darted into the shrubbery, and watched as the birds flew past, searching hungrily for a sign of the ring bearer. I stayed quiet for the time being, until finally the shadow passed, and I slipped out from my hideout.

"Spies of Saruman," Gandalf stated as we gathered up. "The passage south is being watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras."

"Can I stay here?" I whined.

Everyone looked at me angrily.

"Hey! Caradhras is gonna be a waste of time! Ok, look, you do that, and we'll see whose right, huh!? No one believes the elf, do they? Noooooooo."

"I suggest you stay quiet, Master Elf," Aragorn said, trying not to lose his temper.

"I suggest you stick your head far, far up your ass.." I snapped back at him and retreated to where I had placed my things.

Searching around among my little cloth bundle, I found a piece of parchment and the elvish version of a pen that I had stolen from Gandalf's things a few weeks before. The little pen looked sort of like a needle, except it was glass and the blue ink flowed smoothly out of it and dried instantly.

When I was, well, me..I was an artist. Although I didn't know if Legolas himself was an artist, I found that I could draw just as well in his body then in mine. Presently, I sat down and began doodling my thoughts.

I was called to lunch, to retrieve my share of food that wasn't ruined during the panic of the Crebain, yet I did not come. I was mad at them, though I should have known they wouldn't have listened to the crazy elf anyway. Besides, Sam was a sucky cook. He made my old school's food seem like gourmet. Whoa, talk about disgusting.

Later, Merry came over to me. I was still sitting in the exact same spot, I had not moved, and still I was doodling away. Merry sat down and stared at the mess on the paper before me. I looked over at him, but still scribbled on, waiting for him to comment on my drawing.

"Um.."he seemed to be searching for the right words. "That's very...vivid.."

"I know," I said happily with a mischievous smile. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Before me on the paper, was a lovely scene. There was me, holding my bow, standing triumphantly next to Aragorn. Aragorn was lying on the ground, his body a bloody mess, five arrows randomly shot in him. His eyes were bugged out and bloodshot, his hands grasping, trying to hold on to the very life slipping away from him. His mouth was open, gasping for air, yet blood dripped out of it. Practically everything about him was bloody, actually. His blood ran down and touched the edge of my boots. I had a proud smile on my face, as if I had just won an Oscar, and my eyes were almost tearing with joy.

"I call it "Ecstasy"..or should I call it "Harmony"? What do you think, Merry?" I said proudly.

Merry grimaced, but then a glint of mischief flashed in his eye. "I think we should attach it to the front of your shirt."

"Good idea!" I said happily, tucking it under the straps of my quiver so that I was wearing my charming drawing on my chest.

"Alright everyone!" Aragorn called. "We should move on, I should think that we can reach the bottom of Caradhras by nightfall."

As the group gathered up once again to get more directions, I strutted over, my chest proudly stuck out so all could see my precious work of art.

"I..I..I think we should..start off at a fast...a fast...pace..." Aragorn had trouble talking, his eyes kept darting back nervously to my drawing. Concentrating grew hard for him, and he lost his train of thought.

"So, Aragorn, what were you saying?" I said, forcing his eyes to draw once again back to me.

"Legolas!" he shouted, his nerves has snapped. He grabbed my drawing, snatching it out of the leather straps that held it to my front, and tore it to pieces.

"Hey!" I said angrily. "I worked hard on that!"

"Just..just...GET YOUR THINGS!" he said, pointing off to where my stuff was but staring at the rocks at my feet. He refused to look into my eyes.

"You don't have to be such a bitch, man! You know I..I..I love you!" I grabbed him and hugged him, being extremely falsely sappy. Aragorn knew it to.

Aragorn threw me off him. "Why must you mock me!? I..I..can't stand it!"

I gave him a wide grin. "If you knew the answer why did you ask the question!?" I said, giving out a gentle laugh.

"Go!" he said, once again directing me to my bundle.

"By the way, there's plenty more paper where that came from." I added as I stalked away.



Note: Just to let y'all know, I'm really like this. Yes. I have few friends. I'm happy the way I am though. It's so much fun!

If you're in search of more entertainment today, why not check out my Lord of the Rings parodies to Disney songs, they seem to be very popular with the masses..

*

TBC