It wasn't like he wanted to kill really.  It was something else that drove him, whether a defect in his mind, a demonic possession or simply a personality flaw, he did not know, nor did he agonize over finding the answer.  He knew only one thing - he was getting hungry for blood again.  No, not here.  Not again.  He wanted to start a new life on Enterprise.  Yet he found his eyes drawn more and more to the cabinet on the far side of the room.

His hands shook as he looked there again, then forced himself to turn.  How easy it would be to cover it up.  He could do it, he knew, but he had to stop himself.  He couldn't hurt these people that he cared for.  He glanced again at the cabinet and shuddered.  He needed to get out and away from that knife.  And so he left his quarters for a time.

Biting his lip he wandered the ship, nodding in greeting to those who passed and smiled.  The urge was getting stronger, today being worse than he could barely stand, and he knew it wouldn't be long.  He couldn't understand himself.  Why was he so attracted to the awful flowing of blood caused by his own hand?

His strength waned as he thought of taking a life again.  Maybe if he killed just one?  He closed his eyes and wiped a tear quickly from his cheek.  What would they think of him if they knew?  Oh, but the urge was so sensual and demanding.  At that time in his weakness Hoshi Sato walked by and he almost whimpered in need for that he knew he shouldn't want. 

And the decision was made.  He made his way sadly to his quarters and to the far cabinet, dreading the inevitable and yet knowing there was no escaping what he was.  He was a killer. 

Without motivation he opened it and removed the knife he'd used many times.  Crude, yes, but it would provide him with what he needed.  Maybe it would be the last time he used it.  Maybe he should use it on himself.  Stuffing the blade in his sleeve, he left his quarters with purpose.

The door buzzed and he waited in agony for her to reply.  When she did, he entered upon her call and her eyes lit up.  "Hello, Sir.  Is there anything I can help you with?" she asked him and his chest felt heavy.

"Hoshi," he said in a breathless voice as he closed in.  "I came to see how you were."  He didn't want to do this, but every fiber of his being cried out for it.  Closing his eyes, he reached back into his sleeve and fingered the blade.  Run, Hoshi, he thought, knowing she'd never question his actions until it were too late.  He was going to do it.

"Sir?" she replied at his odd demeanor.  "I'm fine.  Are you okay?"  Hoshi backed away.  Maybe she was frightened of him.  He was frightened of himself.  As he drew the blade she swallowed and looked into his eyes.  "Sir?" she breathed again, covering her throat with her hand unconsciously.

His breathing was labored as he advanced on her, holding the knife tightly.  "Shhh," he soothed, clasping cold hands around her arm and backing her into a wall.  She shivered in his grasp as he pressed the knife to her soft skin.  "It'll be okay."  He had to do this.  He had to finish or she would tell someone.  Maybe if he told her it was a joke?

"Sir," she whimpered out, trying to get from his grasp, yet too frightened to really put up a fight.  "Sir, don't hurt me, please."

Swallowing, he leaned close, looking into her brown eyes.  "This won't take long, Hoshi," he whispered, driven by unknown forces to do this evil thing that he had set in his mind to do.

Her eyes were wide when he drove the knife into the flesh of her throat and cut her.  He wasn't surprised by the familiar rush he felt as she struggled against him, then stopped.  It gave him a high like he couldn't imagine anything else doing.  Why, he wondered but couldn't fathom.  A quick killing and now Hoshi Sato lay dead in his arms.  What drove him to this madness?  All he could do was shiver, holding her there against him.  He touched her hair, wishing he could take it back.

Tears streamed down his cheeks and he sniffed, gripping the knife and letting her fall.  Wiping his face, he looked down at her as she lay in final silence.  "Why have I done this?" he whispered, watching her unmoving state with a strange fascination.

Rubbing the handle of his knife, he noted the blood on his hand.  He took a deep breath and moved to a nearby mirror and saw the smears on his cheeks from wiping.  Inevitably, with any killing, there came a cleanup afterwards.  He would have to remove his presence from the room, hide his trail.  He cursed himself for this sloppy work.  Anyone may have saw him heading this way.

Taking a deep breath, he went into the bathroom and began to wash away the blood from both his hands and face.  He had a lot of work ahead of him tonight, erasing his prints, any sensor readings that could indicate him.  Not any man would know how to cover his tracks so flawlessly, but he'd meticulously learned everything he'd need to know for such a wicked lifestyle.

Except, sometimes a part of him wanted to be caught.  Then the pain would end for them.  And yet something kept him hiding, perhaps the hope of killing again? Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he clenched his fists.  A sudden fury swept across him like a wave over a shore.

What am I?  You'd think the shame and guilt would stop me! he thought angrily, furrowing his eyebrows at his reflection.  The image scowled back, naturally, and it only reminded him of the monster that he was.  With a howl of anger he threw the bloody blade into the mirror, shattering it.  As little shards of glass clinked onto the counter and floor, he closed his eyes and fought for the very air he breathed.

And he turned and headed again for the living room, gazing at Sato's lifeless form as he set about the task of cleaning up the mistakes that would lead him to being discovered.  No, he wouldn't want that, would he?  Wouldn't want justice to be done.  He'd thought the problem gone and he could begin a new life here, but that most certainly wasn't so now.  He would never be free.

Perhaps rest would bring peace.  Though the night have never been so kind before.  Why should it now?

~