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| ** The scene fades in at the set of The Real F’N Deal Chris Matthews latest movie. Camera crew are in place, and film workers are getting everything just perfect for an important shot in the movie. The backdrop is of a medieval castle and in the middle is a fine looking blonde girl dressed in an unflattering tight red dress. The lead male dressed as a knight is The Real F’N Deal Chris Matthews. They both glance over the script as the TWW camera closes in on what the actors are talking about** Women: Love is blind and thou is the light I see Chris: Then take my bare laid hand, and let me caress you body that could kill a thousand men Women: But Lancelot what if Arthur catches us? Chris: Then he will kneel beneath my ungodly power and thou will strike him down. Director: And…CUT Chris: Hey what the hell kinda lines are you having me read Coppola? I’m a TWW superstar, a wrestling legend and know I sound like a jackass. What the hell is this movie about, I thought it was a gangster movie only to be stuck in some 16th Century rubbish. ** The movie’s director Francis Ford Coppola steps out in front of camera to have a word with the angry Chris. ** Francis: Look this is a medieval play about Sir Lancelot traveling through time to save America from the aliens?!? Why would you think it was a gangster movie? I told Mr. Swift that it was this type of movie and I wanted a wrestler to play Lancelot and he recommended you. He was quite insistent you play the role. Chris: Don’t get me wrong Francis, I like you, and I loved all three of your Godfather movies, but I have to ask you one tiny question… DO YOU WATCH WRESTLING? Swift and I don’t like each other. The only reason I’m in the TWW is that he wants to put me through hell just for ratings. That’s it I quit this freakin’ movie I’m outta here. ** Chris storms of set still in costume and drives off in his BMW Z8 coupe, towards a local café. He changes into a black ‘Suicide’ T-Shirt, blue denim shorts, and black wrestling boots. Chris brushes his blonde hair back and puts a pair of shades on to cover his green eyes. He slowly makes his way to a seating area as he skims a look at the menu. A waiter comes over to which Chris simply asks for a "dark coffee". The TWW cameraman shows up with Simon Marsh in tail. ** Simon Chris. Fred the cameraman told me about the movie, and all I have to say is…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You dressed up like a knight; god did that made me laugh Chris. Chris: Oh I’m glad I amused you Marsh. I must be some sort of a clown to you. Well Marsh if you are here to laugh you better call your wife and tell her in advance you’re going to the hospital after I permanently injure you for laughing at The Real F’N Deal. Simon: Whoa, whoa Chris relax I’m only here for an interview. Chris: Fine then Marsh, what the hell do you want to know? Simon: One week ago you proved yourself in a brutal four way Hardcore match against Anarchist, Hardcore Camo- Chris: (Cutting Marsh off) That’s retard to you and everybody else. I’m the only Hardcore one in the TWW. Simon: Very well then. You proved yourself against Anarchist Retard and Gangsta that you can be extreme, what are your thoughts on that match? Chris: What do you mean proved? I proved nothing other than I’m the greatest, and the best the federation has to offer, all everyone had to do was believe what I hyped. I said I would beat the street thug wannabe Gangsta, I said I would beat the highly talented Anarchist, and I said… NO I promised I would beat retard and that’s what I did. I’m now among the Hardcore elite…Foley…Funk…Dreamer…Onita…Sabu…Mr. Pogo…And now Matthews. See all I had to do was use my superior wrestling skills to out do them, and I did exactly that. They gave each gave it 100% and still could not come close to beating me. Gangsta. He did well! He got his @ss kicked from ring post to ring post before finding out why I’m in a different class. Anarchist. Well he showed Chris Matthews that’s he’s good but not good enough, all that idiot has to do is go back to Italy and find his damn smile after a truly first class beating I gave him. Finally there is the Retard known as "Hardcore" Camo. Hardcore? What a f**king joke! He talked the talked about him and Foley, and all this BS about him being soooo ‘Hardcore’, and so ‘Extreme’ and how he’s gonna ‘Kick my @ss’ . All of that turned out to be mere talk to make himself look big and clever Marsh, and it failed. Simon: So you seriously class yourself as one of the Hardcore elite? Chris: Serious as a heart attack Marsh! I not only class myself as one of the elite, I say… I am the elite, I am the greatest, I am the King Of Extreme So while on the subject of Kings of Extreme, there is one man who is falsely using that name when it should be mine. None other than my old friend from the Extreme Wrestling Alliance…Jake West. To say Jake is a talent less, pathetic, loser is not the right term…well actually it is, but it’s more of a CorX term! A Jake West term would be a hypocrite. I got a call from a distress friend Suicide who told me that West was bad mouthing him and his fed over using something of his, what was it? Simon: A phrase I believe Chris: Thank you Marsh for ruining my build up. But you are right a phrase that Suicide used to promote his excellent federation. West complained like he usually does, but look what we have now!?! West is using MY RIGHT to use the King Xtreme name. Who did West beat, or What did he do to earn that? F**k all. West you gotta stop picking fights with me and my friends or you will get hurt, I predict the reason you got into a fight in the first place is not because of the phrase. Oh no! It’s because you can’t handle the fact you run a two bit federation that a washed up promoter would not apply for a job for the sake of his little reputation. West you are a mistake. You girlfriend is a slut of sells her body off to Playboy because the bills are too high, while my Phoenix keeps proving she’s the hottest bit off T&A in wrestling. If you don’t believe me look at Fyre. Then look a Phoenix: Simon: Well I’m a married man but I think they are both good looking young ladies. Chris: Marsh. Fyre looks like something you find in Bangkok! I’ve seen better looking men than Fyre. The word you think of when you here Fyre is Lady-Boy. West is an ugly bastard as well so they go well with each other. Simon: No comment on that. Look Chris I can see your coffee is coming I’m going to go, thanks for your time. ** Marsh and the cameraman walk off snickering about Chris dressed up as the knight, as Chris looks at his Rolex watch and becomes inpatient** Chris: Hey waiter! How long does it take for a cup of coffee? Oh f**k it I’m going. ** Chris leaves the café in a huff, and gets into his car. Chris puts his window down. Turns on his stereo which is playing "Last Resort" by Papa Roach as he speeds off into the distance as the camera fades to black. ** |
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