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| [Sitting at a huge wooden desk amid a room full of books, Loki The Trickster appears to be sleeping. Head resting directly on the desk, Loki is making loud, snoring noises. The cameraman finally whispers "Loki!" The Trickster's head whips up from the desk and Loki looks wildly around the room, asking "What? Who?" Suddenly, The Trickster stops and gazed directly at the camera and winks: he wasn't sleeping, and he certainly wasn't really disoriented.] "Greetings and salutations, my friends. It is I, Loki The Trickster, unintentionally napping while attempting to hear the words of my next opponent, Chris Matthews. I have seen performing animals make more interesting promos... "Ah...Mr. Matthews. You open your mouth and the idiocy spews forth. I consider myself fortunate that I was not there to witness the recording of your latest rant firsthand, for the verbal diarrhea emitting from your gaping maw would have proven to be difficult to dodge, indeed! But before I begin my dissection of your ridiculous claims, let me publicly admonish you for your questionable taste in your choice of personal moniker. "Sir, the use of a thinly-veiled expletive, as well as your pitiful attempt at cleverness, is an insult to the fans and to real wrestlers everywhere. While there are crude louts who do not or can not see the influence that we as a collective have upon our younger viewers, it is still deplorable that you should flaunt your apathy with such a vile choice of name. I am certain that there are many parents that do not appreciate what you call yourself, just as I am certain that you do not care. Your cavalier attitude seems matched only by your immaturity and your stupidity. "Even as I express my disgust at your choice of identity, never once did it occur to me to mock or parody you name. 'Loki The Prickster'. Ha. Ho ho. How droll. Let me ask you, Mr. Matthews: was it worth your sleepless night of immense frustration and intense concentration to come up with that gem? Ah, and here is a second question: does it make you feel better to call people names? I realize that most people are able to leave that phase behind them with their diapers and pacifiers, but for you to hold on to such childish behavior seems to indicate that you have immediate, deep-seeded issues that need to be addressed. Your juvenile name-calling is one such issue, and your inability to keep a secret is another. "Instead of pointing out your faults, perhaps I should be thanking you. The revelation that you and The Graduate are companions was truly a godsend. Thank you, Mr. Matthews! Perhaps you meant to keep that information from me, but you possess the subtly of a neon billboard... You and The Graduate are friends, and that piece of knowledge shall be the basis of my strategy tomorrow night. I simply DO NOT expect a fair match to take place between us. Judging from the animosity that still exists between The Graduate and The Trickster, and the admission of your own affinity with the former, I can only surmise that I would be an utter FOOL to expect a fair fight. And so, I shan't. [Loki begins to laugh.] "But you see, the truly delicious twist on this whole tale is that The Trickster wins, no matter the outcome! I shall try to spell this out slowly and carefully, Mr. Matthews, for reasons already explained. Should I defeat The Real Effin Deal, then I shall be in the Nations Title match at Critical Condition this Friday. You, Mr. Matthews, shall have to deal with the humiliation of defeat as well as being tossed back in the rankings. Should the Seventh Sign of the Apocalypse come to pass and you actually defeat me, then I believe that I shall be granted yet another chance to spank The Graduate in public at the same Critical Condition! The way the situation appears to my eyes, I shall be in a featured match of some sort or another on Friday. A landmark day for Tidal Wave Wrestling, and a chance for Loki to shine! "So come, then, Mr. Matthews. Bring your little friend with you, and bring your woman as well. The one thing that I can guarantee to you, sir, is an encounter the likes of which you have never experienced, for The Trickster is not like other men you may have faced before. And to fully illustrate that point, I shall use the next few moments - the time most wrestlers would use to belittle and insult their opponents - to pleasure my ears, and bring a little refinement to our coming confrontation. Enjoy!" [Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" starts softly in the background, slowly increasing in volume as the smile on Loki's face grows. The Trickster closes his eyes, and the scene slowly fades to black.] |
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