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| (The lights in the arena go out, as the Tidal-Tron lights up. Some Girls Do by Saywer Brown starts playing as a small video package is shown on the large screen for everyone to see. Clip number one see's Suicide making his debut as the Suicide Kid in the EWA and taking on both Titan and Mike Gill on his own before Eric "The Edge" Roberts made his way out to come to his aid. Clip number two showed him falling at least twenty feet from the top of a cage in his non-title match with Carlos De Angelo on Warfare. Clip number three show's his Tag Title victory alongside Knucklebone defeating real-life best friend and former partner Scorpio, and his partner Omar Valley. Then, as the third clip dissapears, his TWW debut is shown, with him losing to Snake Eyes and John Vendetta on the very first show. It then shows Suicide losing to the Anarchist after Corx hits him with a sledgehammer. Then, as Some Girls Do starts to die down, the Tidal-Tron starts flickering on and off in black and white. As the crowd wonder what's going on, the lights go out. Then, red fireworks start blasting up from the stage. As the crowd stand in amazement, more blue and white fireworks start to blast up. All of a sudden, the fireworks stop, and the crowd is once again silent. Then, more srart up, but this time it is blue ones that start, then red and white again, but this time, lights start to flicker on. Red and white lights make up the English flag on the rampway, as the crowd in London, England watch in amazement. As the fans stand and watch, the English national Anthem starts playing. Then more fireworks and lights, as the Tidal-Tron begins showing pictures of the best British wrestlers over the years. First is Big Daddy, being shown as he squashes and kills King Kong. Then is the Dynamite Kid Tom Billington, in all his glory alongside cousin the British Bulldogs as Tag Team champions. Then Steven Regal is shown in a split screen, first swrestling at the Survivor Series 1998 in the World title torunament of the WWF, the second of him rasising the Union Jack in WCW. The next pic shows Norman Smiley in WCW with the Hardcore title belt, after winning it for the first time from Brian Knobs. Then Jodie Fleisch is shown on an FWA event, running up the wall for his moonsault off onto Jorge Castano at Sometimes They Come Back. Then The Real F’N Deal Chris Matthews is shown holding up the EWA World heavyweight title. Next up is the former EWA Cruiserweight and Tag Team champion, standing on the top of a twenty foot steel cage on Warfare ready to hit the Ice Cool on Carlos De Angelo on an EWA Warfare card. Then, the words "BEST OF BRITISH" comes across the screen in red, as the screen goes blank and the music stops. Then, as the camera pans around the sold out house show in London, such signs as "Corx ate all the Pies", "This is Suicide country", "Got petrol?" and "Porx ate them" start to pop up, to try and get their faces on television, for this specially televised show, which is set to air live on BBC2 right now. As the camera’s return to the entranceway, the Tidal-Tron once again lights up, as the Union Jack comes across it. Then, the flag disapears, and the scene comes into view. A large area of green at first, but as the camera moves away, it becomes clear that all that was was a bush, on the top of a very high cliff. However, upon further inspection, it becomes clear that there is something shining in the sunlight. As the camera backs off a bit more, it becomes even clearer. A number plate, and a part of a car, hanging over the top of a cliff, stuck in a bush. Then, the camera rotates to see a view of clear, blue sea for millions of miles. The rocks also start to bcome clear, as does the sand at the bottom of the cliffs. Then, the camera rotates around again, as green, green, grass comes into view. A few miles of it at least. Not a car in site, as plenty tourists are shown staring at the wonderful view. A few men are together, as are a few teenagers. On the other side are a couple of foreign students, and then a couple of old people. Then, on his own, walking on a crutch stands another man. Wearing a British top, with the Union Jack on, and a pair of dark blue denim jeans, he stands shorter than most people there, but looks better with his muscular build. He’s also wearing a pair of shades, and black and white Nike trainers, as well as an Adidas cap. As he limps closer, a bit of his hair can be seen. The man has short, black and white striped hair, and deep, blue eyes. As he stops and stares at the camera, the corwd in London start to realize who it is. A huge "CORX SUCKS" chants starts up as a "Corx may as well commit Suicide" sign is shown. As the man breaks his concentration away from the camera, it becomes even clearer who he is. On his back is a large, black Adidas bag, and around his neck is a large, heavy, gold chain. There is also a gold chain around his wrist, and a silver one hangs from his trousers. As he stands tall on his crutches, a shot of two bekts iver his shoulder come into view, as well as a gold earing. The belts don’t look like ordinary belts, and upon further inspection we come to realize that they are actually championship belts from the world of wrestling. EWA championship belts to be precise. One with the words "Tag Team" on and the other with the words "Cruiserweight" on. It then becomes completely clear, if it wasn’t already. This man is Suicide, the one who will go head to head with Corx this Friday at Critical Conditions in a Last Man Standing match, on crutches as a result of Corx’s brutal attack last Tuesday on Shockwave. He is at the beatiful tourist attraction of Beachy Head, just near Eastbourne, a place well known across the country for the suicide rates there. As we have already seen, one man must have attempted to commit suicide as he drovr his car over the edge, and more have died in the past too. Then, as Suicide looks at the camera he begins to talk to the millions of his fans in London.) Suicide:Finally, I’ve come back to Beachy Head. This place is a beatiful place, although it isn’t completely appreciated by some. Some meaning the people that would much rather see the action part of the suicide then the aftermath, as you saw earlier. I’m here on kind of a holiday, or at least it feels like it. Actually, the TWW asked me to cut a promo for Critical Conditions hyping my big match with Corx. Corx, I used to have respect for you. When I first entered the TWW, I showed you a little bit of respect as we went into that six man battle royale for number one and two contenderships. However, now you seem like a disgrace to the world of wrestling. You brutalized woman over the past couple of weeks, and you even put one in hospital. Well, luckily, Stephanie was OK afetr that guitar shot, but she has been suffering from some bad headaches recently as a result. Then you attacked me with a sledgehammer on Shockwave. Well, I hope you feel damn proud of yourself, because this is what you’ve done to me. I’m on crutches, but these’ll soon be gone. When I step in the ring on Friday at Critical Conditions, it won’t even contain my anger inside me. I’m mad at you Corx, and you’re gonna find out very soon that Payback is a bitch son, just like your fat momma. Now, if you want to start messin’ with me, then that’s fine. I’ve got to admit, it was me that made the challenge, so I’ll definitely accept yours. But Corx, it was also me that said that I wanted a fight with no camera’s, just you and me, in some back alley somewhere, but I guess this’ll have to do. In fact, it’ll be even better. This way, I can taeky uo out in front of millions of TWW fans. Unfortunately, I can’t do that to you over here on British soil, but some day, some day Corx, I’ll take you out in my own hometown of Fareham. Now, as an American, you probably can’t figure out why this is a beatiful place Corx, so I’ll just go talk to a few people, shall I? (With that Suicide walks over to an old man on his crutches and asks him a question. The man is roughly eighty years old, and a little shorter than Suicide. He’s wearing an old, gray, wool jumper, and a pair of grey trousers. He has a walking stick, and is looking thorugh a pair of binochulars.) Suicide:Hello sir. I was just wandering. I’m doing a small poll for the TWW, and was wondering what your views on Beacy Head are? Old Man:Ah, hello there young man. What’s this TWW you talk about. Sorry, I’m not very good with my hearing you see. Suicide:No, that’s fine. Not many people have heard of it. after all, it’s based in America. It’s a rather large wrestling federation, full of top guys like Jake West, Shawn Chase, Snake Eyes, John Vendetta and Anarchist. Unfortunately, all of the them are American, but there are a few refreshing good English names on the list. Like Chris Matthews for example. Old Man:Ah, wrestling. Yes, did you see Big Daddy on TV yesterday against Giant Haystacks? Suicide:Big Daddy? Exuse me, but this is the year 2000. Old Man:Yes, I know it’s 1980, why do you point that out? Big Daddy managed to get the win eventually, but only after a hard fought battle. Suicide:Just answer the question please? Old Man:What question? Suicide:OK, stay calm. What do you think about Beachy Head? Old Man:Beachy Head? Where’s that. We’re at Blackpool you silly person. Suicide:Blackpool? Right, well, so much for that poll. I guess I’ll just go onto the next person. (As Suicide walks over to one of the teenagers, the old man starts to mutter to himself.) Old Man:Beachy Head. Ha. The young of today. Just because I’m getting into my twenties they think they can fool me with something like that. (The old man then starts to walk away, as Suicide walks over to the tallest teenager.) Suicide:Hi. I’m Suicide from the TWW, I’m just doing a quick poll for the TV. I need to know your opinion of Beachy Head, please? Teenager:Beacy Head? God, I didn’t even know this place had a name, it’s so boring. Back in America, where we have the tallest skyscrapers in the world, and petrol, is where I should be. In my home state of New York. Suicide:Damn Americans. This was supposed to be an American-free poll. (Suicide turns away from the teenager and walks over to a tourist just on the cliff edge. As he limps over there with the crutches, the man quickly jumps to his aid, and helps him to stand up straight.) Suicide:Finally, a decent foreigner. I take it you’re not from America? Tourist:Far from it. I’m a proud Canadian, I am. Suicide:That’ll explain it then. Canada is only one behind England for cleanest country award, if not it’s drawing. Which reminds me, Pre Canadian Talent, good luck on Friday. You deserve those titles much more than High Class do. Author Wellington III and whatever his name is needed to stoop as low as to buy those titles to be able to get themselves on the title history records. Which, by the way, I have a copy of. Just thought I’d mention that. Don’t know why, just like keeping documents. Actually, come to think of it, I have alist of every WWF champion there has been, so if you need it, just mail me and I’ll send it to you. But anyway, please PCT, take out Low Class on Friday night, because they don’t deserve to be Tag Champs. I’ve held the EWA Tag Tit;es before, and actually have my belt with me at this very moment, and I know how much honour and respect they deserve. Honour and respect are nt what them two jerks are showing them. I know that you two will have the right honour and resopect to hold the belts. After all, you’re not American. Anyway, sir, thanks for helping me. I was just wandering if you knew what the TWW was? Tourist:Of course I do. I watch it all the time on FOX network. It’s the wrestling show. Critical Conditions is this Friday, and you’ll be facing Corx in a Last Man Standing match. Suicide:Correct. Who’s your favourite wrestler, ot group or wrestlers? Tourist:Well, because of my patriotism, it’s the PCT. Suicide:One of the best answers a proud Canadian could give. Tourist:But straight behind them are the Real F’N Deal Chris Mathews and you. Suicide:Well done, you have the sense not to cheer those snobby, greedy, selfish, common Americans. But, I just need to know from you. What do you think of Beachy Head? Tourist:It’s a beatiful place. This is the nicest tourit attraction I’ve ever been to, and I’ve been all around the world. From Spain to Canada to England to Scotland to Wales to America... Suicide:Poor you Tourist:Yeah, I know. From America to Spain to Canada to England to Scotland to Wales.... Suicide:You’ve already said those. Tourist:Oh yes, so I have. Sorry, I get a bit carried away cometimes. I’ve also been to Germany, Mexico, New Zealond and I especially remember New York. Suicide:Why? Tourist:Because the food there was poor, they were distastful, they made fun of Canadians and Englishmen, and most importantly, they’re dirty, and their streets are littered with rubbish. Suicide:Well, Americans, this man puts it best. America is bad for your health. Anyway, I’ll stop the poll right there, because I’ve just had the right answer quite early. I didn’t expect to go through only one brain dead pensioner with amnesia and one dumb American. I thought I’d have at least two of each before I came across a highly sophisticated Canadian or Englishmen like myself and this fine gentleman here. Well, I’ve got to go, and thanks for making life easy for me. Tourist:That’s OK. I can’t wait to see Critical Conditions, where you’ll beat the living hell out of Corx. Suicide:Thanks. (Suicide steps away from the tourist and the cliff edge, and takes his backpack off his back. He puts it on the floor, opens it up and pulls something out. At first is looks like a piece of plain, white paper, but upon further inspection it becomes clear it is actually a piece of paper, with a lot of writing already on it, printed from a computer. At the bottom, it looks like there is a line to sign on, and at the top are the letters "TWW".) Suicide:Right. This is the contract that I’ve managed to get my hands on, and I want to sign it. It’s a contract for a World title shot, but, unfortunately, it’s not mine...yet. This ill be officially mine once I beat that brain dead American Corx all over the ring, and out of it, and make him fall for the 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 count. Man, that sounds harder than it actually is. You see, I shouldn’t actually have this piece of paper, but I managed to get our secretary to give me it. Actually, I heard she got fired this afternoon. Oh well. Probably just a coincidence. Anyway, I shouldn’t have this, but I am gonna be fair. No, I don’t mean in the match. In the match I’ll break every rule in the book. Wait a mo. In a Last Man Standing match, there are no rules to break. Oh well. Guess I can just play some country tunes over his head without getting into trouble. That sounds like fun. But Corx, on Friday night, you won’t be facing the nice, fun kinda guy Suicide that’s standing at Beachy Hed right now. You’ll be facing the pissed as hell, and twice as dangerous Suicide that knocks everybody’s head off within a few minutes. I might give it five for you. Gotta get some torture in, haven’t I? Oh, and Swift. Me and you have never really seen eye to eye, but I guess we agree on one thing now. Corx is an asshole, a pervert, and we both want him taken out. So, I will take him out. For you Martin, and for your daughter Hannah. Oh, and Swift-lay off the drugs. It’s a bad example for children. Man, I’m begining to sound like Hogan. "It’s a bad example for kids". Do I give a damn? Hell no. You still need to lay off them though. But, just to make sure I don’t sound like Hogan-folg ‘em to the kids! I’m sure the Parents Television Council wouldn’t mind. Speakin’ of drugs, Corx, what do you use, cos’ I wanna stay well away from them-they obviously don’t work! (With that the camera zooms outs, looks at the sea again, then the screen goes completely blank. The fans are shown, and as the show goes off the air a few more signs are shown, such as "Hire the Masked Jobber", "WWF:Suck It!", "Corx-the Ratings Killer" and "The people were at Shockwave. The people were at Lightning. The people are gonna be at Critical Conditions. Now the people are broke".) |
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