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| (The lights in the arena go out, as Some Girls Do by Saywer Brown begins playing. The crowd start to boo, as the Tidal-Tron starts to flicker, and on screen we see the outside of a church. A small crowd is gathered, and one man stands on top of them all, atop a large stone. A coffin lay in the middle of the crowd, with a hole just next to it. A few people dressed in all black stand next to the coffin. As we zoom in on the man on the stone, it becomes clear that it is the vicar. And that he is actually standing on top of a gravestone.) Vicar:From ashes to ashes, dust to dust, umm, what was the rest of it? (As people look on appaled, one woman steps forward and slaps him across the face.) Vicar:Hey. It's my first day on the job and I have to perform a friggin' wedding. I mean funeral. Sorry. I keep getting mixed up between the two. The wedding is the one where people are sad, and the funeral where they're happy right? Woman:No. Vicar:Oh. That's the way it happens on Corrie. Woman:Shut up and deliver your speech. My son lies in that coffin. Vicar:Sorry. Don't want him going stale, do we? Anyway, from ashes to ashes, dust to dust, God, there isn't a damn body in there. (Out of nowhere, a well dressed man in all black walks up to the coffin. He is carrying a key, and as he bends down to the coffin lid, we catch a glimpse of his face. It is none other than J.J, the manager of Suicide. He leans down, sticks the key in a small lock, and turns it. The coffin springs open, and inside is a decomposed corpse. As everybody looks on in horror, J.J quickly slams the lid shut and the vicar takes a step back.) Vicar:Oops. My mistake. Oh well. Woman:Oh well. Is that all you can say? Oh well. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter then, does it? Vicar:Well, wuite frankly. No. Besides I didn't come over here to play damn vicar. I came to rob a few graves for my latest pyro. I need an arm, a leg and an eyeball. (The crowd all step back, as one little boy starts to cry. A man steps forward, and pulls the woman back. They both start to leave, as do the parents of the child. We then get a close up of the vicar. Shades. Black and white hair, with a small ponytail. A sly smirk across his ace. He rips off the dog collar he has around his neck and breathes a sigh of relief. Suicide.) Suicide:Eat your heart out Gary Linekar. J.J:Why'd ya say that? Suicide:Haven't the slightest clue. J.J:OK. Makes sense. Anyway, what the hell do you need an arm, leg and eyeball for? Suicide:Like I said my latest promo. Ya see, I was gonna start saying that I'm a deadman, and that I'm gonna beat the living hell outta watchyamacallit and Gangarate, or whatever his name is. Oh yeah, did I tell you that the Hot Shot is back? J.J:Numerous times. Why? Suicide:No reason. Just that it's main event news. I mean, Johnny boy was never that good, but he could, well, he could act like a homosexual, and without that quality, you can't really be an American member of the TWW roster, can you? J.J:No. I don't suppose you can. But what about your boss? Suicide:Louis? Oh, he's an exception. You see, Louis is one of those Americans that has actually seen the light held by AMW, and no, that is not an ad for a brand new car. J.J:The fans know who AMW are. Suicide:The Welsh don't. They don't know anything. J.J:True. But tell me. Do you have any intentions for Lightning? Suicide:Duh. Of course I do. I intend to, well, garner a few cheers. J.J:How the hell are you gonna do that? Suicide:Well, the girls are bound to like it if I strip off for them. It worked for Steph. J.J:Um, we are on LIVE TV at the moment. Suicide:LIVE? God, I thought they scrapped that damn channel ages ago. J.J:Um, they did. But I mean, live, as in, people are watching at this very moment. Suicide:And? J.J:And so is your girlfriend. Suicide:Your point is..... J.J:She's your girlfriend. Suicide:Girlfriend? Which one? J.J:Which one? You know, you really seem to be an idiot sometimes. Stephanie. Besides, who else have you been seeing? Suciide:Well, I went out for a drink with Phoenix the other night. Oh, and Hannah Swift don't look too bad. But one thing is for definite. Arriana, you are way out of my league you stupid little slut. Oh, and Eve. F**k you. J.J:Eve? Arriana? Suicide:Chase? EOE? Actually it's the other way around. Or was it EOE with Ari and Chase with Eve? Oh, I got it now. It was EOE with Chase, and Ari with Eve. J.J:That is the only thing you have said all day that has actually made sense. Suicide:Cool. Now shut the hell up. I'm tryin' to talk. So, Chase we meet again. Chase, there was a time when you were undefeated. There was also a time when you were champ. One is over, one is ending. You see, you were undefeated, but then Corx beat ya. Now I've had the pleasure of beatin' your ass. And on Friday, which for Low Class is gonna be their Black Friday, I'm gonna whip your ass again. So, Chase, you better beware, you're in for a scare. (Suicide grabs the bible and chucks it in the hole. He opens the lid of the coffin, and dumps the corpse on the floor. Just as he's about to end the promo, an attractive, young blonde comes up from behind. It's Stephanie. She slaps Suicide across the face. As the next TWW champ staggers back, he falls into the coffin. Stephanie pushes J.J into the coffin lid, and it slams shut. As muffled cries start to come out of the coffin, Stephanie kicks it into the grave. She looks at the corpse in horror, reaches down to the coffin, and opens the lid.) Suicide:Thanks honey. I knew you'd reconsider. After all, I'm too young to die. (With that, Stephanie grabs the corpse, throws it in the coffin on top of Suicide, and shuts the lid with both in their. She stares at J.J, who backs up and quickly retreats to a Hearst. Stephanie walks off rubbing her hands together. David meets her at the gates of the cemetry. As they kiss, both get in a large truck and drive off. All of a sudden, a loud cry is heard. It gets softer and softer, until we fade out.) |
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