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| The camera is rolling. We are looking at orange, yellow and red leaves on the ground. The camera is on its side. We see feet walk toward the camera and the camera is picked up. Sharc looks down at the lens. SHARC: What the f*ck happened last night? The camera moves violently and now it focuses on Sharc. CAM: It looks like we taped whatever happened. Good thing I used this 8 hour tape. They are back at their truck. Sharc looks down at his hands and sees they are all dirty. The camera then spies Shirley, Chelsea and Victoria all huddled together on the ground beside the rear left tire of the truck. MASKED JOBBER 2 (voice): Oh damn it, I peed my pants. TOOTH-PAC (voice): You dumb little retard. MJ2 and Tooth-Pac walk around the right side of the truck and walk up to Sharc. Sharc gets a whiff of MJ2 and covers his nose with his arm. SHARC: Oh dude, what happened to you? Weren't you ever toilet trained man? MJ2: How did we get back here? TOOTH-PAC: I don't know. I woke up in front of the truck. Jobber was near me. We've been up for about 20 minutes. Not one car has come down this road. It's like, we're in a forgotten part of the world. MJ2: Maybe we were abducted by aliens last night. SHARC: Is your ass bloody? MJ2: Probably. But I have a problem I don't want to talk about. I don't think it was a probe that did that. I had some bad ass chili last night. SHARC: (He makes a disgusted noise.) Let's wake the girls up. Actually, I'll wake the girls up. You keep an eye on smelly pants here. TOOTH-PAC: Sure boss. Sharc starts to walk, then suddenly stops. SHARC: Oh God. (He grabs his head and starts rocking back and forth on his feet.) CAM: You okay? SHARC: (He turns around.) I just got an incredible flashback...of boredom. CAM: I had that too a while ago. SHARC: Oh man, it's eating away at me. My God, I just want to, die. MJ2: Dude! SHARC: I want to get in that truck, drive it into a tree and explode I'm so bored right now. TOOTH-PAC: What made us so bored last night we forgot what happened to us? What could possibly be so boring that we are scared to even know what it is! Man, this is spooky. We're not supposed to have stuff like this happen to us in the daylight. Now suck my d*ck motherf*cker!! (he says jumping up and down doing a crotch slide move). MJ2: Dude. You were so close to breaking character. TOOTH-PAC: Character? I don't need no stinking character. SHARC: Wow. Okay. (He walks over to the girls. He smacks Victoria on the ass, who lets out a loud, horror movie quality scream, which makes Shirley wake up screaming, which makes Chelsea get up screaming. Sharc puts his fingers in his ears unttil they stop after about 10 to 20 seconds.) Morning ladies. TOOTH-PAC: Remind me never to give them the naked cavity buster in the morning. MJ2: They'd probably bite your. SHARC: Guys! No time for jokes. You girls okay? SHIRLEY: (She is shaking as Sharc helps her up.) I think so (she stutters out). Last night was horrible. VICTORIA: (Sharc helps her up.) No kidding. I'm freezing. CHELSEA: (Sharc helps her up and hugs her. She grabs him tightly.) Oh God, those words. Those words were so, BORING. MJ2: What words? SHIRLEY: You mean you don't remember? TOOTH-PAC: No. CHELSEA: Oh, you are so lucky. SHARC: Why? I need to know what this disgusting feeling of boredom I feel in my gut is. I can't stand it anymore. What day is it? I feel so confused. CAM: Given the sun, the wind, and the fact that this camera shows the date in here when I look through the lens, I'd say it's, oh, Thursday morning. About, oh, 7:30 or so. SHARC: Sh*t. I have a match with Syth I haven't even dealt with. CHELSEA: Oh God, don't say that name again. He's a monster! SHARC: What? Why? VICTORIA: How can you not remember? CHELSEA: What's the last thing you guys remember? SHARC: Sh*t and piss pants tripping over something. Then, the rest, is like. A void. Nothingness. Despair. Absolute blackness. Pain. Rain. Darkness. Boringness. Agony. Fear. Suicidal thoughts. Oh God! Why, no why! CHELSEA: Will you relax? Let the memories come. What did yoou see when you turned the flashlight on, what he tripped over? SHARC: I, I, I, need to pee. Excuse me. (Sharc quickly walks away.) TOOTH-PAC: I also need to pee. Excuse me. MJ2: (He looks at the camera, then the girls.) I wish I had to pee. CAM: Well, I have to pee too. Be right back. Static We're back in the woods. Cam, Sharc and Tooth-Pac are huddled together near the thing MJ2 tripped over last night. It has now been revealed. It is a dead body. A man. Unknown age. Not too badly decayed, at most, two weeks since gone. SHARC: Man. I've never seen a dead body in the woods before. CAM: Looks like suicide. TOOTH-PAC: Really? I think he looks like one of our referees. SHARC: Shut up. Not the wrestler Suicide. Like, he committed suicide. TOOTH-PAC: What gave it away, the gun in his hand? CAM: Yeah. SHARC: Is there a note? CAM: You think I'm checking? SHARC: Oh Jobber! Static Jobber feels the inside coat pockets of the dead man. He pulls out a videotape, with a piece of bloody paper attached. MJ2: Oh my God. SHARC: A videotaped suicide? CAM: Where's the camera then? SHARC: That must be his note. MJ2: No. It says, "The reason I killed myself is on this tape." SHARC: How does this tie into why I'm so bored? TOOTH-PAC: Do any of you remember last night, I have this foggy memory of weird noises all around us, like, swallowing us last night. SHARC: Really? I remember that sort of too. CAM: Dude! SHARC: What? CAM: Look over there. About 20 feet up. All heads turn. We see another big pile of leaves, about the shape of a body. SHARC: You don't suppose. CAM: Oh no dude. Look just up further on the right. MJ2: (He falls to his knees and begins chanting.) There are many yet to believe what I hold, the shade is black, unlike their gold, it will not be long until they both become one, the titles and the spotlight, are all fun, but when I fight, it all disappears, the pain takes over, in tears. You all shall be brought on a journey of pain, hot like the sun, wet like the rain, it won't be fun, as raises the pain, it all no longer, is simply a game. For you Jay Gavin, Graduate, all of this, is far too late, the darkness shall defeat you. Sharc, Cam and Tooth-Pac are yelling at him to come out of his trance. Sharc picks him up and powerbombs him on the ground to shut him up. It works. SHARC: Good, I feel creepy all over now. Like I've just been, bored. Again. But really bad this time. I'm talking, critical conditions. CAM: (The camera suddenly drops down to knee level and we hear him start chanting.) It shall not be long, until James Edwards realizes something, of grave importance that he is wrong, soon I will reign as king, the save will cower, nothing but the small droplets, in a cold shower. At Shockwave there shall be, a journey of pain, hot like the sun, wet like the rain, it won't be fun, as there will be agony, as there will fear, the next apithany, will appear, in the form of darkness. TOOTH-PAC: (He shoves Cam, and the camera, backward against a tree. He delivers the cavity buster (X-Pac's bronco buster in case you didn't catch on.) Shut up beeeiiiitccch. SHARC: Are these woods cursed with bad poetry? Is that why I'm so bored? Is that why not one single creature will even live here? Good God, Syth must have been here once. And now the force of boredom is haunting us like ghosts! Oh, the humanity. TOOTH-PAC: (He goes down on his knees.) Sharc. I don't want to become really boring. HELP ME. Help me! Kill me! Kill me! SHARC: (He runs over to Tooth-Pac and slaps his face over and over and over.) Out you damn bastard, get out of him. TAKE ME. TAKE ME. (Sharc collapses to his knees and begins chanting.) You all stand in my way, not realizing the threat I bring, thinking that I do not even exist, soon you will find out I am the king, it will become apparent through the mist. Tomorrow as the lightning strikes, both 2 II None will be on, the journey of pain, hot like the sun, wet like the rain, it won't be fun, as there will be agony, as there will fear, resulting in the darkness. Sharc, MJ2 and Cam are all face down on the ground. Tooth-Pac grabs the camera and starts running wildly through the woods. He trips and falls. He puts the camera between his legs so we stare up at his face. TOOTH-PAC: I am really, really scared right now. I don't want to be boring! I don't want to be like Syth! I don't want to bore everyone to death! This is not right. Somebody has to kill Syth. Somebody has to hurt him so bad he loses the ability to talk. Somebody has to chop out his tongue. Hey, if Sharc is dead, I guess Chelsea is available now. But, dude, this is really, really, scary right here. The sunlight isn't hiding anything. All the demons are loose. Look at them! Boredom rules. Nothingness has destroyed us. Oh God, I'm so scared! SHARC (voice): Tooth-Pac? Where are you? It's me, Sharc! TOOTH-PAC: It can't be. He's dead! Isn't he? SHARC (voice): I know what you did last summer! HAHAHAHAHAHA. You went to see "The Blair Witch Project," didn't you Tooth-Pac! You short little bastard. And it scared you, didn't it? TOOTH-PAC: What the f*ck! SHARC: You dumb bastard. Bring back my camera! TOOTH-PAC: What the hell is your problem Sharc! Was this all a joke to you? SHARC: Joke? No, boredom is one topic I never joke about. Because everyone knows, there is nobody, and I mean nobody, more boring on this planet than Syth. Where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are. TOOTH-PAC: (He stands up and starts walking back the way he came. Sharc comes into view in a few seconds.) I can't believe I fell for this crap. SHARC: There you are. So how dumb are you? TOOTH-PAC: Very. SHARC: Good. But, it's nothing compared to Syth. I mean, dude, someone with any hint of intelligence is supposed to be scared by atmosphere? Gullible little bastard. All Syth is, is smoke and mirrors. He says all this stuff to make him seem all gloomy and doomy, like he's a real misfit of the world. He is just a pretender. Take away all the sh*t he talks, and he ain't anything but a pathetic wrestler. Which is exactly what I will show tomorrow night on Lightning. He ain't as good as me. They start walking back toward Cam and MJ2, who are laughing at Tooth-Pac. TOOTH-PAC: But what about the dead bodies? CAM: Yeah, Sharc, what's up with the dead bodies? That's the one thing you never explained to us. SHARC: You didn't put these dead bodies out here? CAM: Where would I get a dead body, dude? MJ2: Where would I, Masked Jobber 2, get a dead body? TOOTH-PAC: You probably brought your dead mommy out here since you still got her carcass in your closet to screw her skull every night. SHARC: Hey, that's uncalled for. And besides that, all these dead bodies are guys. No chicks. CAM: Do you think, that Syth bored all these people to suicide. MJ2: My God! This is just here. There must be hundreds more alll over the country. An owl hoots. Sharc pulls out a gun and fires into the air at the trees. CAM: DUDE. SHARC: What? CAM: Where'd you get that gun? SHARC: From the dead guy. MJ2: We are in such trouble right now. SHARC: I know. We've got involved in something here I still don't understand. Dead bodies everywhere. Syth bored them all to death. TOOTH-PAC: The only thing scarier is when he actually wrestles. SHARC: What do you suppose is on the tape? CAM: Dude, it says right there. On the sticker on front. TWW: The Best of Syth. SHARC: How the f*ck does he have a best of tape. This company is marketing the sh*t out of us. CAM: It's a homemade tape dude, relax. So dude, how do we wrap up this promo? SHARC: (He looks at the camera.) You think I know? I guess I'm supposed to address Syth right now. But I'm too disgusted by what he has done to these poor innocent TWW viewers. He's bored them with promo after promo and boring match after boring match. So far, he has beaten the worst. But tomorrow, Syth, prepare to lose. Prepare to be beaten. Prepare to feel the boredom I've felt watching your short career thus far in TWW. Because tomorrow, I will be your God. And you will my know my name is the lord, when I lay my vengeance upon you, you little, boring, bastard. Static |
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