THE NEXT GREAT POET
By Martin Douglas
Stan had a big fight with his wife earlier. He is now
attempting to write her a love letter to make it up to her.
His good friend Mort has come over to assist him in his
endeavor.
INT. SMALL RUNDOWN KITCHEN -- DAY
Stan paces back and forth nervously as Mort sits at the table
twiddling his thumbs.
STAN
I've got to do something really nice
for her Mort. It's got to be really
good because I really messed up
earlier you know. It's got to be
really special.
MORT
Got it Stan.
STAN
So what do you suggest?
MORT
Not sure Stan....What about a poem.
That always gets me on Roxie's good
side when we have a fight if you
know what I mean.
STAN
A poem? Yeah a poem. That's good.
Yeah that just might work. So where
do we start?
MORT
Paper and a pen works good for me.
STAN
Right, right.
Stan runs over to the cabinet and grabs a pen and piece of
paper from it. He lays it in front of Mort.
STAN (CONT'D)
You write. I think better when I'm
on my feet.
MORT
Got it.
Stan starts to say several words making the motions with his
body as if he's about to deliver a great speech of rhymes,
but the words never come out of his mouth. Mort looks at
him strangely.
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2.
MORT (CONT'D)
I don't think she's going to get
that Stan.
STAN
Get what. I haven't said anything
yet.
MORT
See that's my point.
STAN
Mort I...
Stan starts to angrily advance on Mort. Mort raises his
hands in apology.
MORT
Sorry Stan. Sorry. Just trying to
lighten the mood.
STAN
Well help me out here. I'm not too
good at this rhyming stuff.
MORT
Okay let's see....
Mort closes his eyes and starts making circles with his
fingers around his head.
STAN
What are you doing?
MORT
I'm trying to think...
STAN
Mort!
MORT
What?
STAN
Just take the pen and write.
MORT
Gotcha Stan.
STAN
How about something about her looks?
MORT
That's good Stan. That's good.
STAN
Okay write this. Your hair is like
fine strands of silk.
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3.
MORT
Oh she's gonna like that Stan.
STAN
Yeah she is, isn't she.
MORT
Can I try?
STAN
Sure but make it good.
MORT
Your lips taste like a sweet
buttercup.
As Mort continues writing he starts looking at the pen funny.
He shakes it a few times. Stan is too engrossed in his own
little world to notice.
STAN
Hey I like that. How about this?
Your eyes shine with all the
brightness of a beautiful sunrise.
Mort shakes the pen a few more times before trying to write
some more words down.
MORT
Your skin's as soft as the petal of
a rose.
Stan and Mort nod their approval to each other as they keep
trying to come up with more lines.
STAN
Your beauty is more than any man can
desire.
MORT
And your fingers are like short little
sausages.
Stan stops and glances at Mort.
STAN
What?
MORT
Huh?
STAN
What do you mean her fingers are
like short little sausages?
MORT
Well you know they're kind of short
and fat and when she....
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4.
STAN
Shut up Mort! Just shut up!
MORT
Sorry Stan.
STAN
Okay now I need a really good closing
line. How about...when I'm with you
the rest of the world ceases to exist.
Mort continues to shake the pen and then presses it really
hard against the paper. Mort starts to tear up. Stan's to
wrapped up in himself to notice.
STAN (CONT'D)
This is really good stuff. I could
be the next great poet. I'm glad
your getting all this down on paper.
This is the kind of stuff that only
comes to you once in a lifetime.
Mort bursts out crying.
MORT
It is Stan. It really is. It's
beautiful.
STAN
It's not that good Mort....But I
appreciate the compliment.
MORT
It's not that Stan.
STAN
It isn't?
MORT
No, the pens out of ink. I didn't
get a single word you said....
STAN
Mort!
MORT
Stan....
STAN
Get out! Get out!
Stan chases Mort out of the room.