Why am I going back to school? I don't want to be a goddamn psychologist. It's interesting to study, but I have no desire to spend the rest of my life sitting in a chair listening to people bitch and whine about their problems. So why am I fucking spening $7000 a year to get a degree in something completely impractical? FUCK!!! IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!!! My mother's fucking going off about "Where there's a will, there's a way." FUCK!!! Do you know what I really want to be doing??? I want to go to fucking Rhode Island and become an Egyptologist. Again, impractical, but at least it's something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. BUT FUCK!!! WHERE AM I GOING TO GET FUCKING $34,000 US FOR THE NEXT FOUR FUCKING YEARS??!! Sometimes no matter how much you want to do something it just isn't possible so you have to settle for second best, even though it mean being stuck doing something you don't really want to do. And if you don't really want to be doing it, and you know there's something you'd rather be doing but you can't, you're going to be really miserable. AND IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT SOMETHING AS STUPID AS MONEY CAN GET IN THE WAY OF SO MANY PEOPLE'S HAPPINESS!!!!!!! I was talking with Kevin one night, and we got to talking about happiness. He said that I should do what I can to be happy. But I never will be, cuz I'm never really going to be doing what I want to do. I don't even know where I'm going to end up when I'm done school, that is, if I even bother finishing, but I know it's not where I want to be. I guess, there's just something about the civilization, the culture, the art, the myths, the people of ancient Egypt that just captivates me. I can't describe it. This culture died 3000 years ago, but people are still learning about them, still copying their art, still unearthing the bodies of their leaders... they left a legacy that's still going strong 3000 years later and I want to be a part of that. I'm drawn to it; it pulls me like a magnet, but I can never reach it. If I'm always stuck doing something I don't really want to do, I'm never really going to be happy with that part of my life, and if I'm not happy with that part of my life, I'm never going to be happy with any part of my life and I can never truly make anyone else happy to be part of my life. In other words, I'm fucked and I can't afford to be un-fucked. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! FFFUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!!