Willow Rosenberg stretched her legs, propping herself up on her elbows. She looked up at the stars with a sigh, smiling briefly as she watched a shooting star travel across the night sky. < I wish. . .I wish I could find someone that knows me, someone that accepts me for who I am, someone who will love me for me. Not for my magic, not for my hacking skills. Just me. > She sighed again.

"Wills?" a soft voice asked, pulling Willow out of her thoughts. She pulled her sunglasses down and looked up, smiling at her oldest still living friend in the world.

"Hey, Xand. Pull up a blanket."

Xander sat down next to her, crossing his legs. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "Sunglasses? It's night, Wills."

"Yea, I know, but they hide the tears," she said softly, a ghost of a smile on her pretty face.

Xander sighed softly, looking out over the moonlit ocean. It was peaceful, calmer than it had been in a long time. He'd spent a lot of time there, in that particular spot, when Anya left him. He watched the ocean as it went through cycles, from peaceful to almost violent. Somehow, when he heard that Tara had broken Willow's heart, he knew the fragile redhead would be there.

She reached out and touched his knee, drawing strength from his still form. "Xander, you didn't have to come out here."

"Yes, I did," he said without looking at her. "How many times did you come out here to me to make sure that I was ok? I'm just returning the favor."

"Yea, but I know that everyone was going Bronzin' tonight. . ." she whispered softly.

Xander snorted. "Like I'd chose watching Buffy and Riley gyrate against each other instead of being here with my best friend."

"I love you, Xander," she murmured softly.

He smiled down at her, then moved to lie beside her. "I love you too, Wills."

~*~

Willow sat up on the elbow between her and Xander, leaning towards him to point up at a star. "And there. . .that light red ball, that's Saturn."

Xander looked up, his eyes darkening as he thought of how close Willow was, how long it's been since he'd been with someone, how delicious she tasted when they went through their phase. . .He rolled over and sat up, covering his face with his hands. He couldn't do that, not to Willow. Not as much as he wanted to, as many times as he had in his dreams since long before Anya left him. Not since that was part of the reason the girl left him.

He thought he had the dreams because of the way they started out - watching Willow and Tara together. He thought that it was just a normal curiosity a twenty-year-old man had. And Tara had slowly been ebbed out, until it was finally just Willow, and Willow alone, laying on his bed, pleasuring herself as he watched. She would sigh and moan, finally crashing into a soft orgasm, his name always on her lips.

Eventually, he was able to make himself leave that ugly orange chair and move to the bed, move to his best friend, and join her on the bed, making love to her all night, watching her face as he brought waves and waves of orgasms to her. However, as gentle as they always made love in his dreams, he knew, deep in his heart, that Willow would be more than that, that she would rage and buck underneath him, a true hellcat.

And he wanted that. He wanted to experience that with her, wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her, drive into her over and over, have her cry out his name again and again. As his dearest friend in the world, he'd experienced more with her than he had with anyone else, and the idea that he could experience that with her. . .it was almost too much.

But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to her, not when she was hurting the way she was now, not the way he'd always hurt her. He loved her too much to hurt her again, as he knew he would eventually. It was the Curse of the Zeppo, to hurt Willow Rosenberg.

Willow watched his tense form as he turned away from her, his back to her. She'd done it again, angered Xander. She'd gotten too close, and he was pushing her away again. She reached up, pulling her sunglasses back over her eyes so he couldn't see the tears that welled up in her emerald eyes. She just wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, to have him hold her. She wanted him to love her.

She didn't tell him why Tara left her, why the blonde decided that she had enough of Willow's presence. She didn't tell him the *real* reason why Oz left her. It was the dreams, the softly muttered 'Xander' she would whisper as she slept. It was always Xander in her heart, and in her soul. He was the one her sun rose to, and the one it set on.

But she was older now, and she knew that even though she loved him, and always would, it would never work. He was beyond any kind of relationship more than what they had now - and she was happy that they'd finally gotten back to the place they'd always wanted to be at. They were close again, and spent a lot of time together. But as it was, she found herself feeling insecure and lonely, especially when he was around and paying attention to her, just as she had all those years ago when she loved him silently.

She just prayed to her goddesses that whomever she ended up with would understand, would accept the silent love she carried for her goofy best friend Xander Harris.

She reached out and touched his back. He stiffened, scared that her touch would cause him to turn around and capture her lips in a kiss. She yanked her hand away. "I'm. . .I'm sorry," she whispered. "Whatever I did, Xander, I'm sorry." She turned on her side away from him, wishing that the silent tears would stop streaming down her face.

Xander turned, seeing her shoulders move with her sobs. He closed his eyes, his own throat closing at the thought of hurting his best friend. "Wills," he whispered, tears filling his own eyes. He felt bad, mentally kicking himself for hurting her, when he was supposed to be consoling her. < There ya go again, Harris. Hurting the one woman you love. Idiot. >

When she didn't answer, he laid down beside her, on his side. He watched the back of her head as she tried not to cry, wanting to touch her, wanting to wrap his arms around her and hold her tightly. But he did none of those things, only watching the one woman he'd never have.

~*~

Willow snuggled closer to the hard body wrapped around her. She buried her face deeper in his neck, inhaling slightly, smiling against the skin when she smelled the familiar scent of chocolate and Xander. She shifted her body slightly, pulling him closer, wanting to surround herself with him.

Xander woke up, blinking bleary eyes. He was on his side, the petite body of his best friend in his arms. She was pushing against him, wanting to be closer to him. "Wills?" he asked softly.

The red head tilted slightly, yawning as she looked up at him. Emerald eyes blinked and a slow blush started over her cheeks. "Xander," she murmured, realizing that he probably didn't want her in his arms. She started to pull away, only to be stopped by him tightening his grip. "Xander?"

"I want you here," he whispered softly. "I want you in my arms."

She smiled slightly, seeing the love in his eyes. "I want to be in your arms," she whispered. She buried her face back in his neck and giggled slightly. "Xander?"

"Mmm?" he asked, starting to fall back asleep.

"It's night and we are sleeping outside."

"Just like we used to when we were kids," he murmured, sleep starting to overcome him again.

"On the Hellmouth."

His eyes flew open and a chill passed through his body. "Well, damn, Wills, I think we should go back to my apartment, what do you think? Nice big warm bed, comfy comforter. . .yep, I'm thinking it's time to go to bed for the two of us." He pulled out of her arms and stood up, taking her hand and helping her stand.

She looked up at him, a slight smile on her face. "Bed? Together?"

He chuckled slightly, gathering her things. "I'll be good if you are."

She slapped his back playfully, knowing deep in her heart that everything would be ok. "Yea, whatever," she giggled. She folded up her blanket and stood, watching him as he scurried around, getting all of her things. She sighed softly, enjoying the way the moonlight fell on his face. "Xander?"

He turned. "Yea, Wills?"

She opened her mouth to speak, then frowned when she realized she didn't know what to say. "Nothing," she murmured, touching her lips absentmindedly.

Xander grinned, then leaned forward to place a small kiss on her fingertips and lips. "Come on, milady. My bed awaits."

She took his arm, allowing him to lead her to his car. "Good, cause I am tired."

"Been a long night," he agreed, wrapping his arm around her. He knew that all would work out, that eventually, the two would be together. He opened the car door for her.

She blushed and climbed in the car. "Thanks, Xander."

"Anytime," he smiled at her, then shut the door. He walked slowly around the car, savoring the night. < Yea, > he thought with a self-satisfied smile, < everything will work out just fine. >

End