"Welcome to the Jerry Springer show!" Jerry Springer waited for a few moments, letting his audience calm down. "Tonight we have women on the show who have two lovers! And they have to decide who they want!"

The audience erupted into loud cheers. Jerry grinned at them. "Ok! First up, we have a woman who is dating two men, who used to be friends! Now, Willow!"

Willow walked out nervously. She glanced at the audience and sighed, sitting down. "Hello, Jerry."

"Willow! So tell us about your two lovers!"

"Well. . ." Willow started, wringing her hands. "I started dating Spike first. . .sorta. Um, I had been with Angel a couple of years ago, when he was having um. . .personality problems. . ."

"Personality problems?" Jerry asked.

"Yea," Willow said. "He um. . .well. . .he was being a real jerk, trying to kill. . .er, um. . .really piss off my best friend, who was his ex-girlfriend. . ."

"And you slept with him?"

"Well, yea," Willow said. "It was all the leather."

"Leather?"

"He tended to wear leather a lot, back in those days." Willow sighed, brushing her hair away from her face. "So anyway, Angelus and I were together, then he had a sudden. . .attack of a conscience, and we broke up. He moved."

"Angelus?"

"That's what he. . .went by when he was being. . .not himself."

"Ok, so you and Angelus break up."

"Angel," Willow corrected him. "He was back to himself." She sighed. "So anyway, Spike came back home, and we started dating. When Angel found out, he wasn't happy. See, he and Spike used to be. . .friends." She grimaced. "So Angel came back home and claimed me again. And so I have been dating both of them."

"Claimed you?"

"Don't ask," Willow said, rubbing her neck. "It can hurt a little bit."

"Ok, so do both of them know about each other?"

"Yes, Spike rubs it in Angel's face all the time that he and I live in the same town and I live with him. And Angel sweeps into town and keeps me locked away in his mansion for the weekend." Willow giggled.

"Alright! Let's meet Spike!"

Spike walked out from the backstage. He glared at the audience, who was cheering for the blonde vampire. "Shut the bloody hell up!" he growled.

"Spike, be nice," Willow said softly.

Spike threw himself in the chair next to the redhead. "Don't know why I have to be here. You should have just broken it up with Peaches back home."

"Welcome, Spike."

"Hey, thanks, Jerry," Spike said, taking out a cigarette. He lit it. "You have one of the few shows on the tele that I actually enjoy."

"Uh, Spike," Jerry said, "you can't smoke here. . ."

Spike laughed.

"I would let him smoke," Willow said softly. "You don't want to make him mad."

"But. . ." Jerry said. He stepped back, startled that he imagined that Spike's eyes flashed yellow. "Yea, ok, smoking is fine."

"Thought you would agree, mate," Spike said.

"So you want her to break up with Angel, right?" Jerry said.

"Bloody hell! Of course I do! She's *mine*."

"She was mine first," a deep voice growled from the door leading to backstage.

Everyone looked towards the back of the stage. "Hey, Angel," Willow said softly.

Angel smiled at the redhead. "Hello, Little One." He strode onstage, sitting next to Willow on the other side. "Hey, Jerry."

"Angel, you. . .you weren't called out yet."

"I was sitting backstage, and I couldn't help it. I had to come out here. My Chil. . .Spike is being annoying."

"Shut up, Peaches! Didn't you learn your lesson when I had Marcus shoving hot pokers in your body?" Spike yelled, standing up. "Why can't you just leave Red alone! She's mine!"

Angel stood up. "She was mine first!"

"Hot pokers?" Jerry asked, sitting down. He was bewildered.

"She was Angelus'!" Spike replied. "You are just the wimp with the soul. You are *not* Angelus."

"I can be," Angel said dangerously.

Willow stood up, backing her chair away from them. She moved to the other side of the stage.

"Where the bloody hell are you going, witch?" Spike asked.

"Witch?" Jerry questioned.

"I don't want to be there when you two start fighting. Unlike you, I'm human and I will get hurt."

"Wait!" Jerry yelled, standing up. "What do you mean you are human!? Are you saying they aren't?"

Spike and Angel looked at Jerry. "Uh, no, we are human," Angel said.

"You might be, Poof, but I'm not," Spike said.

"You aren't human? What are you?" Jerry asked.

"You want to see?" Spike asked, grinning maniacally at the crowd.

They all cheered.

Spike vamped. The crowd gasped.

"Holy shit," Jerry said.

"Well, that's a good one, Spike. Just let the world know you are a vampire," Angel muttered, sitting down.

"Hey, dad, just because you are ashamed of being a vampire doesn't mean that I am."

"I am not ashamed!" Angel roared, standing up. He vamped in the process.

"Another?" Jerry whispered. "Thank god we don't do this show live, I don't think this segment will ever reach the screen."

"Guys!" Willow yelled. She was standing there; her green eyes blazing, hands on her hips. "Why can't we all be together? It never stopped you two and Dru!"

"Don't bring Dru into this, pet. I don't want Angelus anymore," Spike growled.

"Like I'd want to touch him again," Angel muttered.

The crowd roared. "Wait, wait, you two?" Jerry asked, motioning to the two vampires.

"We are vampires. We have no morals, we will sleep with anything," Spike said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Willow muttered, sitting down.

"No, pet, I didn't mean it like that, you are the best one I've ever been with. I love you, pet."

"I love you too, Little One," Angel said softly.

"Well, I'm leaving you both," Willow said, crossing her arms.

"WHAT?" they both yelled.

"Since you both are fighting, I'm going to leave you both," Willow said, crossing her arms.

Spike roared. "NO! I'll kill everyone in the whole audience if you leave me!"

The audience was quiet.

Willow sighed. "Whatever, Spike. You can't kill anyone."

"Don't remind me. It's like a buffet here."

"William," Angel said softly. "Let's just make up, so we both can have her."

Spike looked at Angel. "Make up? The two of us? Together?"

"Yea."

"Like the old days? Before the curse?"

"Before the curse," Angel smiled. "I don't want to lose Willow. And. . .yea, ok, I miss you."

Spike sighed. "Yea, I miss you too, Peaches."

They both turned to Willow. "Well?"

Willow grinned, rushing to them. She hugged them both. "Thank you," she said softly. "I love both of you."

Jerry turned to the audience. "Well, this has certainly been an interesting segment. Only on the Jerry Springer show."

END

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