Bloody hell. I really messed up this time. How could she think I'd mean that? Red should know me better than that. She really should.

I sigh, replaying the fight over and over in my head. We are lying here in our bed, the same bed we've shared for two years. Two bloody years. In my life, two years isn't much, but in Red's, two years is an eternity.

I can feel her heat. It radiates off her body. We aren't touching, of course. I want to pull her into my arms and kiss her tears away, but I know she doesn't want me to touch her.

How COULD I have said that? I wasn't really trying to hurt her, but let me tell you, I did. I have no idea what our fight was even about, but I, of course, being the big bad bloody vampire I am.... had to have the last word.

"I oughta bloody kill you and get it over with!" I yelled.

How could I have said something so stupid?

Every time I close my eyes, I see the look of horror on Red's face. There's really no way I can take that back.

I never wanted to hurt her. I really didn't.

I sit on the bed and watch her pack. She's leaving for real this time. She'll go to Buffy and Riley's. That's where she always goes when we fight.

This time she's serious. She's taking everything. "Do you even care that I'm leaving, Spike?" she asks.

I remain silent. Peaches always said I was too stubborn for my own good.

"Do you love me?" Her voice is a tiny whisper.

Of course I do, you bloody witch. More than life itself. Do I tell her? Of course not.

I guess Peaches was right.

And now that the bloody sun is up, she walks out, knowing I can't follow.

Bloody hell. I hate it when the DJs play our song. It aches. I didn't hurt this much when Dru left, and we were together for a century. Two years and I love that red head chit more than life itself.

"Love's a game of easy come, easy go," the DJ says.

"Bloody bastard," I mutter, throwing the radio against the wall. "If I only said I love you. She would have stayed."

Great. Red's gone, and now my radio's broken.

I stare at the mess of wires and my demon roars. I'm so angry, angry at the world, angry at her for leaving, but most of all, angry at myself for not stopping her. In a rage, I tear the whole bloody house up, leaving nothing unbroken.

It's been a year now, since she left. I have no idea why I'm still on the Hellmouth. Everything is so empty here.

Even killing is empty. I don't even bother now. There's no use. No matter how much blood I spill, it can't erase the scar that will never heal.

I still ache. I still wish she were here with me.

I could have fixed it. I could have said I loved her. She would have stayed. I bloody know she would have.

Why did I have to be so stubborn? Why did I have to screw it all up?

We could have made love. But no, I had to open my mouth when I didn't need to, and then closed it when I should have begged for her forgiveness. So she left me. ME! Spike! Bloody Master vampire! The chit left me.

"Hey, Spike."

I glance over. "Slayer."

"How ya been?"

"Year and a half. It still hurts like it was bloody yesterday."

"She's happy with Michael."

I sigh. "Is that her new pet's name? I see him, you know, when I follow her." I shrug. "I follow her still, make sure she's protected. She seems happy."

"Yeah," Slayer says quietly.

"I've heard her tell him I never meant that much to her." I turn to the slayer. "Slayer, does she mean it?"

"I don't think so. She loved you, Spike."

"Loved being the operative word here," I snarl.

"Buffy," a soft voice says. The same one that haunts my dreams every night.

We both turn. Cor, she's breathtaking. "Willow...." I say, my heart breaking again.

She glares at me, then turns to Buffy. "Come on, Michael and Riley are waiting."

Buffy pats me on the arm. "Bye, Spike." The two walk away.

You know, Peaches has been bugging me to go work with him in LA. Maybe tomorrow night, I'll go.

END.

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