Dr Brandt,
You will never know, or perhaps you will, how much you have meant to me. Your strength, thoughts and feelings have guided me in the past three years to a point that I can be a giver and no longer only a taker. You gave me so much of your heart and your inner bieng that I feel I have to give back in some degree to those who turn to me for guidance and twinship in the same way I turned to others when I was in such need..
I remember so well the nights I sat at my computer frantically searching for anything on twin death. I would type in Twins, twin loss, twin death, twin support and nothing came up until I simply typed in twins. I had a hit from a university that did twin studies so I emailed them since they were the only twin hit I got on the internet. Thank God they wrote back even though they could offer me no answers, what they had to offer was your name and your phone number. I printed thier response and clutched it to my heart as a drowning man would a life ring. I held that flimsy piece of paper and thanked God there was something to hold onto, then I called you.
I am one of those that called in the middle of the night with my giref and pain and loss. I hated to call but I was so desperate I simply had to because to not call would have been to give up and float away. You answered the phone with your kind and loving voice and talked to me for over two hours. You told me I was still a twin and most important to my questions, Mike was waiting for me in heaven no matter what he believed in life. I wanted desperatly to know where he was since he did not believe in God since he felt his hell was on earth. You gave me what I needed to live one more day and to move on in my twinship despite what my family had to say. The next day you sent an email backing it all up and letting me know you loved me if no one else did. You were always there for me and made me feel I was the only one demanding your attention.
I also remember calling you when I had a pass from that mental hospital and your advice was to say what they wanted, play thier games, jump through the hoops, and throw the medication away and get to Cincinatti. I followed your advice and that is when the healing began. I walked up the the registration desk on my trembling legs with my heart on the line and there you were with your heart as big as all the universe and your arms that wrapped me in your love. I started to live again right then and there. Your heart knew mine and mine was looking for yours. Bless you so much for that gift.
I left Cincinatti knowing I was not alone.
The next year I leaned on you not knowing just how sick you were and you let me and even lectured me for not sharing sooner about David. You took care of that situation, gave me comfort and support and encouragement during the time you needed all of those things for yourself. You encouraged me to go to Denver no matter how scared I was for myself and my twin family and assured me all would be well. There is no way to repay you for that.
I will always cherish your email that said simply "Purple" I made that dream catcher for Phyllis and will continue to make them for the host/hostess of the conference in memory of you. This is the only way I can honor you in my daily life in a way I am good at.
In Detroit, I called your bride up to the front of the group and presented her with a dream catcher from my heart for all she continues to do for twinless twins. I am half sorry to say she cried but the other half feels she was just as honored as I was. I cried also and was so honored to do be able to present her with such a gift.
Dr. B, I will do the best I can to carry on and honor your vision with my humble contributions. Take care of our twins in heaven as you have taken care of us twins on earth!!!!! I love you and I miss you.
Twincerely,
Lori twin to Mike
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