Gringo
H I S T O R I A S -- true tales told to the gringo

The shoeshine man who likes to drink

told by Gonzalo, who works in our landlord's restaurant

Oye, guero, you think I am bad being such a barfly? ("Cantinero", Gonzalo said to me in Spanish.)  Mmmm you should see my friend, you know him, yes, that shoeshine man I was talking with on the corner eight days ago when you saw me downtown, remember?

Well, yes, he is one of my friends I like to drink with on the weekends, and ¡uy! some of the things he has done when he's been drinking, you think our Ramón is a clown?  Well, my friend is another straight out of the circus, let me tell you.

One time, we'd been drinking all night and finally had no more money, and he, that old goat ("cabrón"), goes out and climbs onto a bus -- it was already Sunday morning and the busses were running -- and without paying, he just starts singing and singing and I know he has a good voice, after hearing him all those nights in the bars, yes, and can you believe it, the people gave him money!  Enough to pay the bus driver extra and then come back into downtown and drink some more....

Heh, yes, but another time... aye, guero, you will not believe this heh heh it makes me laugh just to remember it... he went home late and very drunk and found out he had lost his keys and could not get in to his house.  No, no, he lives alone, no one could let him in.

And so he had to climb up onto the roof and walk across his rooftop to get over to where he knew there was a window he could open and get inside.

No, no, he could not go around the house, it was a window in between two parts of the house built together at different times and they left a space for air, only, between the walls, with no way in except over the roof, you see?  Oh yes, certainly, all the other windows on the outside have bars on them, yes, so he had to go climbing up over the roof.

But... heh heh heh... he was so drunk he stumbled and fell down and rolled over to where the neightbors had a covered place where they parked their cars next door, right next to his wall, and his legs broke through the... the... what do you call it... awning... ("toldo") and he was stuck there, his legs dangling down through the broken plastic roof, one on either side of a beam that was slowly sagging down, down, under his weight, and... heh heh heh...

Ay excuse me I cannot think of it without laughing because you know what?  His neighbors have dogs.  Heh heh heh heh... and the dogs came running and barking and commenced ("comenzaron") to jumping up and biting at his feet and....

Oh no, you saw him, he is perfectly fine... now....