Teachers, the Iowa way
The Two Cats Research Institute has decided to exact it’s feline vengeance on the people have single-handedly destroyed the better part of the social lives of all teenagers, teachers. We have created a small list for you to check you teachers off on. These typical brands of schoolmasters can be found in all corners of the land, except Iowa, where they recently passed a bill outlawing teachers. It may be the one thing tolerable about Iowa. Oh sure, they may pay the price in the education system ~ but how much do you need to know to succeed in Iowa? Corn Farming?
1. The Perky One
Remember the teacher who said things like, “Aren’t you glad the weekends over?” So do we at the TCRI. Everyone has these teachers. They seem to prefer foreign language positions or science department. Their natural habitat is the grade school environment ~ but they can be found anywhere. These teachers are always first period. We here at the TCRI suspect they clone themselves to work six first periods. We have never had a first period that didn’t involve teachers who say “I love mornings, don’t you?” Resist the urge to kill them. Although legal in Texas, the bureacracy there requires too much red tape for it to be worth it. Everywhere else they put up a big legal fuss as if they weren’t planning to do it themselves.
2. The Sadist
Ohhhh . . . You know this scum. They always mention the test before the study time ~ and never let you know if a test was postponed. There ain’t no gum in Their classroom, they won’t tolerate it. There isn’t any talking except when they asks a question, and everyone in his room is terrified to raise their hands anyway. The Sadist never allows for a student to disagree it might cause independent thought, or worse yet, actual enjoyment of school. This teacher’s motivations are simple. They had to go to school, and they are going to get their revenge through us. Resistance is futile ~ they are The Sadist. You probably want to kill this teacher too. We aren’t lawyers, but it sure sounds like Justifiable Homicide to us.
3. The Sleeper
Given how many teachers generate homicidal thoughts, it’s only natural that teachers would eventually develop a technique for survival. The most common, seen among substitutes most often, is an ability to cause everyone within a hundred yards to pass out. We here at the TCRI suspect that their monotone voice contains subliminal messages as well as a mindnumbingly boring quality. That when combined with the already sleepy environment of school causes unsuspecting students to lose all will and energy. You don’t even need to worry about this type of teacher. They will come and go and all you will remember is a pleasant dream of not being at school.
4. College Student
Oh you know the type! Bright eyed and bushy tailed, straight out of college and ready to take on the world and make a difference. Don’t exert yourself too much trying to teach them otherwise. That’s what the grad standards are here for. Once their independent thought has been properly squelched they will recede into one of the many teacher stereotypes available to choose from. Until then, their hopeful optimism provides endless hours of amusement for the students of the class.
There are other types, of course. We here at the TCRI do have a life (Well . . . the cats do) and have better things to do with out time than try and list every single teaching style. So become amateur teacher watchers and try and discover a new species!