--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise
essay containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
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There once was a man who had a permanent erection. No matter what he
tried, he just couldn't get it to go down. Finally, he went down to
his local pharmacy where he encountered a female pharmacist. "Excuse
me, but if possible, I'd like to speak to a male pharmacist," he said
politely.
The lady replied, "Sir, I can assure you that I'm a professional in
every sense of the word. I own this pharmacy with my sister, who is
also a professional. Anything you can say to a man, you can say to
either of us."
The man hesitated for a moment then said, "O.K., you see I have a
permanent erection. It just never goes down, and I wondered what you
could give me for it?"
"Oh, that is quite unusual," she replied, "I'll go into the back and
discuss the situation with my sister."
After a few minutes, she returned to the counter and said, "Sir, this
is the best we can offer you......we'll give you $25,000 and half the
business."
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The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies
fused together as they gyrated to their own tattoo.
The woman cocked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming
through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.
The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under
the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through
the bedroom door.
"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.
"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to
receive you." she replied with a knowing smile.
"Great," he said, "I'll just nip into the bathroom and
I'll be with you in two shakes."
Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where
he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.
"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.
"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in
to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.
"But..but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.
The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and
said, "The little bastards!"
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WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN
"I'm going fishing." Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and
stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the
fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car." Really means....
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and
completely out of gas."
"Woman driver." Really means....
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear,
make obscene gestures and has a better driving
record than me."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means....
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow,
lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any
other color besides white."
"It's a guy thing." Really means....
"There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making
it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means....
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like
Pavlov's dog drooling.
"Good idea." Really means....
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the
day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?" Really means....
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means....
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of
them."
"It would take too long to explain." Really means....
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means....
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done." Really means....
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late." Really means....
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive
like a maniac."
"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means....
"She used the smoke detector as a
meal timer, too."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really
means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear." Really means....
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me." Really means....
"You want me to stay awake?"
"It's a really good movie." Really means....
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars,
and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work." Really means....
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?" Really means....
"Both my roommates have moved out,
I can't find the washer, and there is no
more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother." Really means....
"I am incapable of making a decision."
"You know how bad my memory is." Really means....
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed and
the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every
car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"Football is a man's game." Really means....
"Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really
means....
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed
to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house." Really means....
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really
means....
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it." Really means....
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands,
so I'm completely clueless."
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Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough
to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to
court. In court the trucking company's lawyer was questioning farmer
Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?",
asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to
establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told
the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several
weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he
is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer
and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop
sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one
ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and
didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and
groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her
groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the
scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to
her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between
the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his
hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had
to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
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A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while Saint
Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Pete goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and
says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything
really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good
either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD deed, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time
when I was drivin' down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker
Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl.
I slowed down my to see what was going on and, sure enough, there they
were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young
woman. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my
trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy
with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his
ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a
circle around me.
"So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the
head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest
of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of
sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in
pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."
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A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire
department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than
the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a
nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the
volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled
straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames
and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started
spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the
center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily-controlled
parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire
department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared,
that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check
for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain
what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That ought to be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat.
"The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire
truck!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Billboard:
...Until we get the beaming-thing figured out:
United Airlines
"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be
a violent psychopath who knows where you live."
John F. Woods
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to
compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a
question though, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many
times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the
woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it
was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the
frog and it said, "Kiss me. and I will turn into a genie and grant you
3 wishes."
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a
kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked
woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes."
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body
like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded whispered a spell, and POOF!
there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing
there naked!
She then asked, "What will be your second wish? I looked hungrily at
her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you
here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We
then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other,
sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You
know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"
I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* He who hesitates is probably right.
* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
* No one is listening until you make a mistake.
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
* The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
* Two wrongs are only the beginning.
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
* Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
* Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
* A fool and his money are soon partying.
* Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
* Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
* Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
* How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
* Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade!
* Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
* I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
* Death to all fanatics!
* Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo.
* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
* Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
* Beware of geeks bearing gifs.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
And finally ...
* If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when finally
someone noticed and called the cops. They went round to his flat and
broke the door down. They found him dead in the still running shower
with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. Apparently he'd
been washing his hair.
The instructions on the bottle said:
Wet hair
Apply shampoo
Lather
Rinse
Repeat
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While visiting a friend who works at a local hospital, I learned more than
I wanted to about the sick sense of humor shared by people in the medical
profession. While eating lunch in the hospital cafeteria I overheard two
nurses discussing a patient who had recently gone through a lung
transplant.
"Well, how is Mr. Jones?"
"He's doing as well as can be expected for a guy who's coughing up
somebody else's phlegm."
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This is an actual job application someone submitted for a fast-food
establishment:
APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already
be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with
a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing
since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
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A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ...fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and
having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a
claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he
had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company
refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the
cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued... and won. In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that
since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that
the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the
cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable
fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather
than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company
accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he
lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him
arrested ... on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the
man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to
24 consecutive one year terms.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After spending three and a half hours enduring the long lines , surly
clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I
stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.
I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.
"Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.
"Cash," I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained,
"I just spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."
"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going
straight back there?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement
park.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I drive this way to piss you off.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.
Keep honking while I reload.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like
that.
Save the whales! Collect the whole set!
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Support Cannibalism -- Eat Me!
Sure you can trust the government!
Just ask an Indian!
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A short history of medicine
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen; say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition; drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil; swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective; take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the
time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was
calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little
Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually
his turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and
with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then
sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his
report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnny.
"Well I can see that" she said, "but what is so exciting about a
period?"
"Damned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man
next door shot himself."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My son has a new nickname for me-"Baldy."
Son, I've got a new word for you-"Heredity!"
He's at that age where he's got to be so cool.
"Dad, can you drop me a block away so I won't be embarrassed?"
"You want to be really cool, walk the five miles!"
Being cool means knowing the names of the latest bands. There is a
band, no I'm not making this up, named "Garbage."
"Son, what is that garbage you're listening to?"
"Hey dad, I didn't know you were that cool!"
"What is that crap?"
"No dad, Crap opened for Garbage."
"Son, this is madness!"
"Dad, Madness broke up over a year ago! You're really not so cool."
My son's got rollerblades, a skateboard and now he wants a BMX bike.
"Son, if you want to die let me kill you. I save money and we both
get something out of it!"
He wasn't always so damned cool. When he was a li'l guy he woke me up
in the middle of the night.
"Dad, my penis hurts! It's sticking out and it won't stop."
"Don't worry son, it's perfectly normal. When you get to be my age
and it doesn't stick out, that's when it hurts."
Drugs
When I talk to my son about drugs I'm worried I'll sound like my
father. Son, you can't do drugs because... because... because they
don't make drugs like they used to.
They really don't. They have this stuff now called "Ecstasy," it's a
designer drug. Designer drug? What's that, like a Calvin Klein-Bill
Blass look good, feel good, touchy horny thing that lasts six to eight
hours and they get fifty dollars for this?
FIFTY DOLLARS!!! When I was a kid, I wouldn't pay more than five
bucks for a four way tab of sunshine. That hit of acid would have the
Timothy Leary stamp of approval. It would last twenty four to forty
eight hours. I'd wake up in another city, another state, maybe
another country! I'd have shaved my head, gotten a tattoo, grown a
toe, had a sex change operation-all for a buck and a quarter!
For fifty dollars, I want room service! I want a limousine filled
with Sports Illustrated cover models giving me foot massages and
pedicures. I want Claudia Schiffer to suck my big toe til I go off
like a roman candle on the fourth of July at midnight. I want Kate
Moss to floss my teeth. For fifty dollars I want to see Cindy
Crawford with a foot long strap-on riding Richard Gere just like Slim
Pickins at the end of DR STRANGELOVE-wee haw! Wee haw! For fifty
dollars I want to wake up with hair on my head! And the things they
drill in kids heads these days. Just say no to drugs? Just say no to
drugs now son, you don't need the drugs now, you need them when you're
my age, so give 'em to me.
Can you tell I grew up in the sixties? No Dan, you burnt out freak,
we'd never know. We were the generation that was going to change the
world. Change the world? We can't even change the clock on our VCRs.
You know you're getting older when... you look in the mirror, see your
father, and you think "You know, the old man didn't look so bad!"
You know you're getting older when... you're listening to country
music and relating to it.
You know you're getting older when... you're having sex with someone
half your age and it's legal.
You know you're getting older when... you're having long and serious
discussions about fiber and the word regular takes on a whole new
meaning.
You know you're getting older when... you realize the term joint
custody is not about who's holding the drugs.
You know you're getting older when... listening to classical music,
not because you like the music but you know it'll be twenty minutes
before there's another commercial and it won't be for light beer.
I try to listen to classical music but I feel so stupid so when I do.
Why do they tell you more than you need to know? "That was
Ludwig... Von... Beethoven's Sonata #7 in C minor... you insignificant
little twit!" Why do they tell you what key it's in? Did Beethoven
write more than one Sonata #7? Was there one in C minor, one in D
minor, one in E minor? I'm just listening to it, I don't care! You
figure it out, Maestro!
"So, how was the concert last night?"
"Really sucked man, they played the Sonata #7 in F minor."
"No wonder man, they were supposed to play in C minor!"
"Yeah, but they forgot their capos and they haven't been the same
since the percussionist died and the lead violinist got busted with
that thirteen year old."
How would it be if modern music was announced in that style? "That
was Edward... Van... Halen... performing on lead stratocaster guitar
playing JUMP... in A major... you ignorant little speedmetal freak!"
My son was a huge Nirvana fan so he was really bummed out when Kurt
Kobaine killed himself about a year ago. That was a tough
talk... Son, they just don't make rock stars like they used to. No,
they really don't. Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrision... they
didn't take the easy way out with a shotgun, damnit, they went out the
old fashioned way... in a pool of vomit!
They say Kurt Kobaine was the John Lennon of his generation. I don't
think so. John Lennon wrote beautiful songs like IMAGINE. One of
Kurt Kobaine's last songs was called, and I'm not making this up, I
HATE MY LIFE AND I WANT TO DIE. Very cool, Kurt. Talk about life
imitating crap, folks. Why can't Michael Bolton sing that song?
I was wondering why someone who seemed to have everything going for
him would want to take his life and then I heard an interview with his
wife, Courtney Love... the grunge rocker widow from hell who makes
Yoko Ono look like Glinda The Good Witch From The North. Seeing her
on MTV makes me nostalgic for the Plastic Ono band, gonna go get a
Yoko Box set right now! Not that my heroes are any better. Pete
Townsend, to me one of the most macho of rock guitarists, announces in
an interview that he thinks he's a woman trapped in a man's body. You
know Pete, you should've died before you got old. Because now when I
hear "Tommy, Can You Feel Me?" I shudder. They really don't make rock
stars like they used to. Prince has changed his name to a symbol.
How do you pronounce it? He's the only rock star who's got his own
goddamned font! "The artist formerly known as Prince, now known as a
pompous ass too highly evolved to use a name we can f***ing
pronounce!" Levon Helm, of The Band, wrote a book called SECRETS OF
THE BAND. I loved their music but hey-I don't need to hear any
secrets, thank you very much. We're talking about five guys who looked
like something out of CHILDREN OF THE CORN, hung out with Bob Dylan
and lived together in Woodstock in a house called Big Pink. I've
heard all I need to know, thank you very much.
Permission granted to reproduce online provided that credit is given
completely as ") Dan Savage dans@tiac.net
"
(
geocities.com/timessquare)