Lactacia (name changed to protect myself because she's bigger than me and can kick my ass) developed two of the most humongeous natural ta-ta's (as opposed to having bags of toxic jello shoved under your skin to please superficial shallow men who are only looking for THOSE) in the face of mankind. Her gazonkas were so big she had to buy her bras at Hechingers. When they wore out, her children would use her old ones as a double decker dome tent. When she would walk into Victoria's Secret, the salesladies would scream and direct her to Marvin's Sport City for football tee's. When she grocery shopped, she'd lay her bodacious bazookas in the child seat and wheel them around. When it rained, little children would stand under her at the school bus stop. When she did the nasty thing, one would always hang over the side of the bed and if she slept on her stomach, her butt would always be grazed by the ceiling fan.

Lactacia was a very unhappy woman, but the men loved her and she got several offers from Howard Stern to appear on his New Year's show, but she had no interest in exploiting the fact that her chest was bigger than her car.

All Lactacia wanted was a boob job. So she booked a boob bobber, had those bad boys lopped off and for once, Latacia could eat spaghetti and tie her own shoes without falling over. She thought she had found happiness at last. People for once looked at her face first instead of her humdinger hooters. Her husband for the first time gazed upon her face and they could see eye to eye while prone. Subsquently, he filed for divorce because for the first time, he realized that Lactacia was butt ugly, had the personality of a witch with PMS, spent all of his money without remorse and was dummer than shit.

The End

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