The second was a short shriek.
The third was a thud as a large body hit the ground.
The fourth was an, "Oh shit!"
As the smell of ozone dissipated into the cool night air, Bettie and Sandra looked at the now-still body of their would-be assailant. Other than the twitches, drooling, and soft moaning coming from the burly guy, he wasn't doing much of anything.
"Bettie! Ohmygod, I can't believe you zapped him! You killed him! Ohmygod we're gonna go to prison! You know what they do to people like us in prison?! Ohmygod I always wanted to be a girl but now I'm gonna be the girlfriend of some guy named Honey Bear!
What will my mother say???"
Bettie looked at the hysterical Sandra, who seemed to be on the verge of running down the darkened street in a panic. Oddly enough, Bettie felt nothing. She didn't feel panic, fear, or even have a sense of triumph. She only felt an odd sort of clinical detachment. She murmured to herself, "I wonder if seventy thousand was too many volts? Too many capacitors I guess... "
"WHAT? Too many volts? You killed him!!! We're gonna go to jail cause you had too many damn volts! I told you not to use that handheld electric chair!" Sandra cried. "Ohmygod, my whole life is ruined cause of seventy-thousand volts!"
"Alright, shut up already! We're not gonna go to jail, it was self defense!" Bettie snapped. From considerable prior experience she knew Sandra's hysterics grew old quickly.
"Self-defense??? Stun guns are illegal in this state! And yours is homebuilt! Think of the negative publicity! Great! Now we're never gonna have any rights. Transvestites jailed for murder using illegal homebuilt execution devices-on the next Geraldo! We re going to pariahs in the community!"
Bettie was forced to grin. "More likely heroines. Radio Shack's stock is gonna go up, I think!"
Sandra's expression changed to one of horror. "You're JOKING about this???"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Look, see? He's not dead, he's just out of it for a bit. See him twitching and drooling? He's probably even conscious, just not in control of his faculties."
"Are you sure? Look, he just pissed his pants. Don't dead people pee themselves?"
Bettie looked down at the poor slob. Sure enough, there was a puddle forming around him and a foul stench rose into the air. She wrinkled her nose. "Ewwww. disgusting."
"You're right, He's not dead, he blinked his eyes, just now." Sandra was noticeably calming down after her initial freakout.
Bettie poked the large prone beast with her pointed toe. A loud moan escaped the pathetic creature and he slowly rolled his head to face Bettie. She gave him a look as one might study a bug pinned to a board. "He's starting to come around...I think he'll be out of it for a while, though. Too many volts." she added matter-of-factly.
Sandra looked around the dark street and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Mebbe we should get out of here, don'tcha think? What if somebody comes along? This isn't exactly the best thing, a couple of boys in dresses standing over the body of a guy lying in his own piss. I mean, even if we don't got jail for murder it would still look kinda bad...What would JoAnn Roberts say? Now I'm never going to get my own column in The News and Views."
It was all Bettie could do to keep from laughing. She looked up at Sandra and said, "I think JoAnn Roberts might just give him a shock or five for good measure. You know, I think I'm gonna teach this bozo a lesson here."
"Teach him A LESSON??? You already taught him a lesson! You're one sick bitch! You know that? You're sick, sick, sick! First you make a phaser from radio parts. Then you zap a guy with it and nearly kill him. And now you wanna teach him a lesson??? What are you going to do, make him write 'I will not pick on transgenders' one hundred times on the blackboard? Ohhhh yeah, that'll do the trick..."
Bettie waggled her finger at Sandra. "Do I detect a note of sarcasm, here? As I recall, you're the one who told me to get out the 'phaser' in the first place when you noticed he followed us the last three blocks. Second of all, he ripped your blouse when he grabbed you. I think there was evil intent. Third of all, this bozo needs to learn that he's not gonna mess with us again. I don't think one hundred sentences are gonna cut it. But I got something in mind here. Give me your purse."
Sandra eyed Bettie with great suspicion. "What are you gonna do?"
"Just watch and see."
"No way, chick. I'm not giving my purse to you. You can play your sick games with someone else."
"Give it to me, NOW!" Bettie commanded. Her eyes were large. Sandra did not wish to challenge the determination in those eyes.
"Here, take it. Don't zap me, too." Sandra surrendered her purse with a dour expression on her face.
"I'm not going to zap you, you silly goose. I wouldn't hurt such a poor defenseless creature as yourself."
"What would you have done if I hadn't given you my purse?" Sandra probed.
Bettie replied as she rummaged through Sandra's purse. "Don't forget, I drove tonight." Bettie hid a smile by looking into the purse.
"You'd have LEFT me here?"
"Just kidding, again. I wouldn't have done that to even Nasty Janis."
Sandra's upper lip curled at the thought of Janis or 'Nasty Janis' as everyone called her. "Ewwww. I'd have left her..."
"See? There you go. I'm not as bad as you think I am." From the overstuffed purse Bettie extracted a tube of shocking pink lipstick. She removed the cap and turned the cylinder to expose it's length.
"NOOOO!!! You're NOT using my lipstick on him! Stop it right now! Stoooooopppp!" Sandra was whining now.
"Look, sister, I've been meaning to tell you this for months now. But I hate this shade on you. It sucks!"
"It's my favorite one, oh don't use it!" Sandra pleaded.
"Tough titty, my pretty. I guess I'm teaching two lessons tonight. One to this idiot and another to you. Fashion sense in the nineties. Real girls DON'T wear shocking pink lipstick!"
"They do in Cosmo..." Sandra weakly countered.
"Funny thing you should say that. I've heard it somewhere before. They look great, but really... That size 16 body of yours just isn't one for the Cosmo cover."
"Oh gee, thanks, litte miss size seven. I'll remember that one. Not everybody is born petite like you."
"I got picked on in school a lot. You never got called pee-wee, and had your jock strap pulled up to your eyeballs."
Bettie knelt down next to the monster. She took the hideous shade of lipstick and drew a huge pink mouth on the poor slob. The guy responded by moaning, "bulfff- ahhgam..." He closed his eyes and squeezed them tight.
"What'd he say?" asked Sandra.
Bettie shook her head. "I dunno. I think he was saying that he likes the color very much and would like us to do more." She dug through the purse for more makeup.
Sandra studied the lip work. "It does look kinda cute on him actually. I like that color on him. It goes well."
Bettie turned and gave Sandra a disbelieving look. "And YOU think I'M the sick bitch here? I can't believe you said that...either that or you've actually got a sense of humor."
"Looks can be deceiving." Sandra delivered this line with a smile.
"If that means you want to try walking into your office enfemme to see if they recognize you, forget it." She found the blusher compact and went to work with the brush. "You do have nice skin, big boy. You'd have made a good drag queen, you know."
When done with the blusher she opened up a huge compact of eyeshadow and perused the large selection of color. "Hmmm what shall it be? Seafoam green? Plumberry? Autumn breeze brown? Electric Blue perhaps???"
"Oh yeah you can use the blue. That's one color I never touch."
"The queen does have some fashion sense after all... Amazing." Bettie dug deeply into the blue with the applicator. The man tightly squeezed his eyes shut again. She carefully smeared it all over his lids and up to the brow. She then made sure to taper it off on the outer edge.
"Ok...need a bit of mascara now. I seem to have some of that right here, lover boy." She pulled out a wand from her left jacket pocket. She then applied it liberally to the poor beast's lashes.
She stood up and handed the purse back to Sandra who snatched it and drew it close to her body. "What do you think of my handiwork, girl?"
"In-fargin'-credible. You've not only created a monster, but you've created gorgeous one who is going to literally kill the next TG he sees."
"Mebbe...I think though he'll probably run from the next one he sees and go cower in the closet for three hours. I got another one last idea."
Out of her jacket pocket she pulled a small spray bottle of Passion perfume. "You know, I really hate to waste this stuff, but mebbe you'll like it. Besides, you really reek!" She told him. She sprayed copious amounts on him and then being careful to avoid the urine, helped the smelly boor to sit up.
"What are you doing?" Sandra asked.
"We're having a discussion, Sandra. Now, Stinky Boy, you know that what you did was bad, right?" The man moved his head up and down slightly and moaned, "uhhhhh hungh."
"You know that we're nice girls and would have been nice to you if you were nice first, right? You don't follow scared girls three blocks and then grab them. Right?"
A nod and a moan. "Uhh, huuuuh."
"You know that you won't do anything like this again? Cause if I hear of anyone messing with a friend of mine, I'll find you. I've got your address. It's on your ID here. See John Stricker from 408 Sinclair?" Bettie showed him his ID which she has fished out of his wallet a moment earlier.
John Stricker from 408 Sinclair replied, "Uhhh huh..."
"Is that a promise? I mean it. My friend, Sandra, says I'm one sick bitch. You should believe her." Bettie held up her "phaser" and pulled the trigger. A blue field arced across the electrodes and John Stricker's eyes grew very wide. She then nodded her head deeply and looked at Sandra.
The suppressed assailant flicked his round eyes to Sandra who nodded deeply also. "Uhhhhhhhh huuuuh." he nodded in return.
"Good, I'm glad to hear you're going to change your ways. I think there's redemption for everyone. And here's my thanks." Bettie leaned over and delivered a big kiss onto his blush covered cheek. She helped him lie back down and laid his wallet - sans ID - on his chest.
"Oh, one last thing, John Stricker. 'Thank you ladies, have a pleasant evening'!'"
"Faangggg...ooooohhh....layyy-dies. Haff ...uh pwezent....evenin..." John Stricker rolled his eyes back and moaned, "oohhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiittt...."
The Lady of Justice smiled sweetly at Sandra and said, "Let's go dearie!"
The two hurried off down the dark street to Betties waiting car. Grinning, Sandra looked back at John and then back at Bettie. "Wait till I tell the girls about this!"
Bettie sighed, "Yeah, I know. Now everybody is gonna want one of my phasers..."
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