The Cat Commandments

  1. Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the computer.
  2. Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
  3. Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
  4. Thou shall not sit in front of the television or monitor as if thou art transparent.
  5. Thou shall not projectile hair balls from the top of the refrigerator.
  6. Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
  7. Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
  8. Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.
  9. Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors.
  10. Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
  11. Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou shalt surely fall in and trap thyself.
  12. Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.
  13. Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 a.m.
  14. Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
  15. Thou shall not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
  16. Thou shall not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.
  17. Thou shall remember that thou art a carnivore; houseplants are not meat.
  18. Thou shall pee only in thy litter box.
  19. Thou shall attempt to show remorse when being scolded.
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