No Holds Barred
(or What are going to do when this crappy movie runs wild on you?)
Starring: Hulk Hogan, Zeus, and a bunch other people who probably did a lot of drugs to forget they were in this piece of shit
In the late eighty’s hulkamania was at its peak. So Vince decided to cash in on Hogan’s popularity by making a movie starring the WWF champ. Hogan pays Rip, who is really just Hogan in blue and white instead of red and yellow. Everyone loves Rip and he is the current WWF champion. An evil executive at a television company wants to sign Rip to a contract, but Rip already has a contract and it would be wrong for him to break it. So the evil executive (in movies is there any other kind) decides to make is own wrestling league, the battle of the tough guys. Now that’s a name that just screams the best wrestling in the world. Hell the only name better then that is battle of the real man’s macho men. Because white trash loves wrestling they hold the battle of the tough guys at a dirt pit of a bar. The combatants must be tough, because they’re all old, fat guys and red necks. Then the second most ugly man in the world (the first of course is Viscera) comes walking through a wall and then destroys all the tough guys. We find out that his name is Zeus and that he is a murder that has just got out of jail. The evil executive makes Zeus his champion and has him beat up more old, fat guys and red necks to prove that he is the toughest tough guy ever. The evil executive then challenges Rip to fight Zeus, but Rip doesn’t want to fight. Rip’s idiot brother goes to a battle of the tough guys match. The evil people find out who he is and Zeus being the nice guy that he is beats the shit out of him. We get to see Hogan’s great acting skills as he looks over his beaten dip shit brother in the hospital. Only if you replace “great acting skills” with “makes me wish for death” that is. Rip agrees to face Zeus but the evil people being evil do something evil on the night of the fight. They kidnap Rip’s girlfriend (did I forget to talk about her, any ways no gives a damn about that part of this waste of film) and tell him to job to Zeus. Rip and Zeus duke it out in Hogan’s usual boring manner. Rip’s girlfriend easily escapes from the idiots that are guarding her and lets Rip knows that she is free so Rip doesn’t have to job (which is good because if Hogan jobbed to Zeus the world would have ended). The fight ends when our hero pushes Zeus to his death. Nice going Hogan how are you going to explain to all your little hulkamaniacs that killing someone in a wrestling match is a good thing. On top of this the evil executive has a face off with Rip and walks into some live wires, which sends his evil un-hulklike ass to hell. After watching this movie I pray to god every night before I go to bed that Vince never makes another movie ever.
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