Angry Activists Sue the Sun December 2nd, 1999
(Los Angeles) A group of local activists gathered together and filed a lawsuit against the sun yesterday for $10 million. They say that the sun did not come with warning labels for many of their ailments, including skin cancer and cataracts leading to blindness. The leader of the group, Billy-Joe Suealot commented, "We have lived under the sun for years and while I admit it has given us a few things, it neglected to give us proper warning of it's harmful affects." The Sun was unavailable for comment, however rumor has it that it will hire Johnny Cochran in its defence. Some people are shocked that anyone would stand up to such an old and respected firm such as the Sun but the activists say they are doing it for the good of the world. "All sunlight coming from the Sun should have the proper warning labels, and therfore letting people make a more educated decision upon going outdoors" say the activists.

Huge French Anti-U.S. Plot Unveiled December 2nd, 1999
(Washington D.C.) The CIA announced today that they have uncovered a huge plot to destroy the United States, stemming from none other than our supposed long time ally, the French. Apparently, the French have been in possession of a weather machine on the long believed abandonded colony on the Ivory Coast of Africa. Every year, they try to destroy the east coast of the United States by sending hurricane after hurricane at it. The French Prime Minister denies any activity with the weather saying, "WHAT? are you crazy? you think WE created the hurricanes?!?!" The CIA responded by pointing out that it's mighty suspicious that no hurricanes land in France. In a response to this the French Prime Minister sighed deeply and walked off. Congress has declared war on France noting, "Now that Las Vegas has Paris... lets just destroy France." So for the second time, United States soldiers plan to land on the beaches of Normandy. "This time, it's D-Day for YOU!" said President Clinton to France.