(Lenore and Shake walk out of the mines)
Shake: Whew! We made it out of there! I wonder if Nathan made it out. I hope Yuffie got crushed, though.
Lenore: I hope you aren't serious.
Shake: Even if I were, she probably did get out in time. Annoying people have this nasty way of surviving through almost everything.
Lenore: Um, what happened here? Any idea why all these people from Wutai are here?
Shake: Beats me. We could always ask those soldiers heading our way.
Long dark haired commander wearing a blue military uniform: Mistress Shake, it's good to see you again. We were getting worried.
Shake: Hey! It's Zenith, the newbie!
Lenore: Who?
Shake: Yuffie brought him in from Wutai's slums and hired him as a bodyguard shortly before stupid Nathan grabbed me and forced me to go with him to find Yuffie.
Lenore: Huh? Wait... how does that work? Let me get this straight. Yuffie and I were sent underground by Judith and while we were down there, you, who was up there at Wutai, saw Yuffie hire this guy for a bodyguard then Nathan took you to find Yuffie who was lost underground during that time....HUH?
Shake: Huh? HUH?
Zenith: What are you talking about?
Shake: Oh, nevermind.
Zenith: At any rate, Lady Yuffie will be pleased that you caught that traitor, Lenore. Good work!
Lenore: I'm a traitor? What did I do?
Zenith: You tried to kill Lady Yuffie the day before her coronation ceremony! Luckily, Judith, Stilt, and Richiese were there to stop your dastardly plot! You're a traitor to Wutai for trying to kill our leader! In fact, I'm suspicious that you're the one that offed Lord Godo!
Lenore: First of all, that's all a lie. Second of all, I can't really be a traitor to Wutai mainly because I'm not from Wutai! I'm on exchange from Midgar.
Zenith: That's just as bad. It means that you're not a traitor to Wutai, but you're a spy from Midgar!
Lenore: ........this sucks. I wasn't aware that I was a traitor.
Shake: I wasn't aware that I captured you.
Zenith: Then what are you waiting for? Capture her now!
Shake: Um, okay.
(Shake starts tugging at Lenore's arm)
Lenore: WHAT are you doing?
Shake: I'm trying to capture you!
Lenore: Stop it! That hurts!
Shake: Sorry.
Zenith: Forget it. I'll have the troops do it. Men, capture her!
Soldiers: Yes sir!
(All the soldiers walk behind Lenore)
Soldiers: Suspect captured, sir!
Shake: That's it? No handcuffs? Not even making her put her arms up in the air at gunpoint? They didn't do anything!
Zenith: We operate on a limited budget.
Lenore: This must be a bad dream or something.
Zenith: Don't worry. I'm sure Lady Yuffie will be lenient on you because she's known you for a long time. You'll probably get off with a simple beheading and nothing more. Now come along.
(The men walk along with Lenore to a nearby building. Inside, Yuffie is looking out the window. She's wearing a long tan kimono and doesn't have her arm guard on.)
Zenith: Lady Yuffie, we have caught the traitor to Wutai... or the spy from Midgar (take your pick), Lenore.
Lenore: Yuffie, could you explain to these boneheads what's going
on?
Chapter 10: Collision
Yuffie: What? Dammit!
(Yuffie looks around)
Yuffie: I'm in the slums of Midgar? Wow, I didn't know I travelled that far.
(Irene yawns)
Yuffie: Crap, Wutai's all the way on the other side of the planet. I'll never get back at this rate. And where the hell is Nathan?
Irene: ??
Yuffie: Well, we have to get out of here somehow. Guess I'd better ask for directions.
(Yuffie walks up to the only soul around.)
Yuffie: Excuse me, but could you...
(The lady turns around)
Yuffie: WHOA!!! You're...
Kesley. .....
Yuffie: Um.... hiya, Miss Kesley... er....
Kesley: Hmm, it's good to see that you survived through that.
Yuffie: Well... yea, I guess. No matter what happens, I will survive! Um, what do you mean?
Kesley: I couldn't stick around to see how you'd turn out back at the Gold Saucer because I had other things to do, so I had to leave.
Yuffie: Leave? Where? What?
Kesley: After we were all teleported through that large portal when fighting the light warriors, remember?
Yuffie: Um....
Kesley: That was some sort of time travel gate. We appear to be in the future.
Yuffie: We do? Wow! It sure seems a lot like the present to me.
Kesley: It does? Midgar was completely destroyed, Shinra was ruined and was reborn as Reeve Enterprises, and Wutai is nothing but a pathetic tourist trap... or was, until you took over. And you know what happened to Sephiroth, right?
Yuffie: Um... depends. Is there some Sephiroth event that I missed or are you talking about the fact that he went psycho and tried to destroy the world with meteor then I killed him with a little of Cloud's help?
Kesley: Yea, that would be it. I guess I should explain
to you what happened while you were unconscious. It started after
we were all sucked into that portal back at the temple...
(Yuffie, Lenore, Nathan, Tenko, Kiryou, Shake, Judith, and Marel are all unconscious on the floor. Damn, what a list. I really have to cut down on character numbers here...)
(Genmari is standing shocked over all of them with his sword still through Nari, who's holding the black materia. Kesley and Tseng are standing at the opposite side of the Main Square of the Gold Saucer)
Genmari: What? Where?
Kesley: Huh?
(Kesley looks at Genmari)
Kesley: AAAAAH! Nari!!! What has he done to you?
Genmari: What the...!?
(Genmari quickly pulls his sword out of Nari)
Genmari: When the hell did I do that? Oh yea! Right before the time gate activated and sent us back to the past, I ran you through, didn't I?
(Nari slumps to the floor)
Nari: Aaaa, Jiminy Cricket that smarts....
(Kesley runs up to Nari)
Kesley: Nari, are you all right?
Genmari: And right before it opened, I also managed to blast everyone with an Ultima 2 spell.
Nari: That voice sounds familiar...
(Niel, Michael, and Vivian run into the room)
Michael: Woohoo! Genmari! We're back! And.... WHOA! What the $@&() happened here?
(Niel looks at his watch)
Niel: We were sent back to the exact time when we were sent back.
Michael: Huh? Say that in English, man!
Niel: Oh nevermind.
Michael: Daaaaaaamn, you kicked some serious ass before we timetravelled to the past. You even knocked out Tenko! That Ultima 2 spell that you were given is a little too powerful, don't you think?
Niel: We have five of the light warriors here, but we failed to get the other three.
Vivian: Wasn't one of them a traitor or some junk?
(Dio and a ton of guards run into the room and Dio glares at all the wreckage lying around)
Dio: WHAT?!? Who did this?
Michael: Uh oh.
Genmari: She did!
(Genmari quickly looks around for a random person, then points to Kesley)
Dio: What? Her? Where's your proof?
Genmari: Um, how about him?
(Genmari points to Tenko)
Dio: What did he do?
Genmari: Her?
(Genmari points to Yuffie)
Dio: Ah ha! Yuffie's up to her old tricks again, huh? Don't worry, we'll take care of it. Although all these people look like they could use some medical attention.
(A bunch of hospital aids run in with stretchers and begin bringing everyone who's unconscious to the nursing area of the saucer)
Michael: Whew, that was close.
Niel: Third time's the charm.
Vivian: So, now what? Let's kill Tenko or something.
Niel: No, we have to get going.
Vivian: But he's right there!
Niel: You just don't get it, do you? That's not how it's done. Besides, we don't really want to KILL him.
Genmari: We're done here. Let's go.
(Genmari, Niel, Vivian, and Michael leave)
Nari: Light warriors?
(Nari opens her eyes then gets up to her feet)
Nari: Wait!
(Nari stumbles after them)
Tseng: Are you going after her?
Kesley: .......She can handle herself. We need to find out where we are right now. I'll go ask Dio.
(Kesley and Tseng walk to the Nursing Station)
Dio: Take off that black cape this instant and put something else on! And get a haircut! You're being offensive to everyone!
Sephiroth: Black cape? I'm not wearing a black cape.
Dio: You know what a statement you're making by dressing up like that murderer, right?
Sephiroth: Huh?
Kesley: Dio, calm down. That's Sephiroth, remember? He's a hero!
Dio: What have you been smoking, lady? Sephiroth tried to kill all of us!
Sephiroth: Look, Trisha and I were drunk when we did that and it was actually Lar's idea, okay? I can't believe you haven't let that go, yet!
Dio: HUH?
Kesley: Forget it, Sephiroth. We all know that once Dio has his mind set, there isn't any changing it. But Dio, could you tell us where we are? This place doesn't look too familiar. It looks vaguely like the Golden Saucer, but different too.
Dio: This is the Golden Saucer! What kind of cave did you crawl out of, Lady?
(Kesley slaps Dio)
Kesley: Show some respect, you dimwitted half-naked musclebound twit! Or did you forget who I was?
Dio: You don't look too familiar. Wait. Kesley? Is that you? Oh my god!!!
(Dio hugs Kesley hard. Several cracking noises are heard)
Dio: It's been forever since I last saw you!
(Dio lets go of Kesley)
Dio: Wow, you look as great as ever! Almost as if you haven't aged a single year since then!
Kesley: Ow.
Dio: That's just like the Shinra to say that they secretly executed you when they really didn't! What happened? Reeve let you out of the prison or something? But I thought you hated each other! And furthermore, I'd think that you'd look much worse after being stuck in a jail cell for fifteen years.
Kesley: What the hell are you babbling about? Fifteen years?
Dio: It's been fifteen years since President Shinra announced that you were executed.
Kesley: It has? Someone give me the date, quickly!
(Tseng looks at his watch)
Tseng: It is aproximately ten minutes from when we were zapped into that portal.
Kesley: Dammit, Tseng, use a current watch!
Tseng: My watch IS current!
(Sephiroth rips a calendar off the wall and gives it to Kesley, who looks at it)
Tseng: Great. Now I have to reset my watch. And I had it down to the second, too.
Kesley: Forget that! We have to find out how to get back to our own time.
Sephiroth: Wait, I need to find out something. Dio, what did I do that would make me a murderer?
Dio: Beats me, I don't know you.
Sephiroth: Ooookay, what did Sephiroth do?
Dio: Oh, he went psycho when he found out that he was an ancient and tried to destroy the world and become a god.
Sephiroth: Sephiroth was an ancient? You mean a Cetra?
Dio: Yea, a Cetra. He wanted to get back at the humans because he felt they had ruined the Cetra and the planet rightfully belonged to the Cetra.
Sephiroth: Yes... I see... I see it all too clearly now.
(everyone fades into black while the screen focuses on Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: They were all against us. They all must die.
Kesley: SEPHIROTH!!!
(Kesley smacks Sephiroth)
Kesley: What the hell are you rambling about?
Sephiroth (evil-like, as if he's planning something evil): Oh... nothing. Nothing at all.
(Sephiroth secretly grins an evil grin)
Dio: What's really ironic was that he thought he was an ancient cause he found out that his mother, Jenova, was an ancient. But Jenova wasn't really a Cetra and she wasn't even Sephiroth's real mother!
(Sephiroth snaps out of his evil trance)
Sephiroth (dissappointed): She wasn't?
Dio: Nope. Sephiroth's real mother was Lucrecia.
Sephiroth: She was? What the hell? Why would my mother be Lucrecia?
Dio: Lucrecia was involved in a project called the Jenova project. So they made up the fact that your mother was Jenova.
Sephiroth: WHAT?!?!? WHAT THE HELL!? Oh yea, this is great. So I find out that all this time I've been lied to about who my mother was! And now I find out that I was nothing but a damn experiment?!?
(Sephiroth glares at Kesley)
Sephiroth: Why didn't you tell me any of this?!?
Kesley: Um...
Sephiroth: No, you probably didn't know. After all, your academy only recruited those who were naturally born with special powers. You'd never have taken me in if you knew that my ability was given to me via the Jenova project.
Kesley (nervously): Yea... um... that's right.
(Tseng puts his hand to his forhead)
Tseng: Hooboy....
Sephiroth: So if Lucrecia was my mother, that would mean my father is Vincent, right? Last I heard of the guy, he was in love with Lucrecia.
Dio: Nope, I'm pretty sure your father was Hojo.
Sephirth: WHAT?!!? That eleven toe'd freak was MY father?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Sephiroth goes psycho and starts running around the room in circles screaming his head off until Tseng tackles him and gives him a shot of tranquilizer)
Sephiroth: Hachimachi!
(Sephiroth slumps to the ground unconscious)
Kesley and Dio: Thanks.
Tseng: No problem.
Dio: Arrrr, what the heck am I saying? Now you got me saying you're Sephiroth. Sheesh. But we all know he was killed by Cloud before his meteor could destroy the planet.
Sephiroth: I was killed? Aw, darn!
Tseng: That's what you get for trying to destroy the planet and become a god.
Sephiroth: Oh shut up. Hey Dio, what happened to a man named Tseng?
Dio: He was killed by Sephiroth.
Tseng: WHAT?!?
(Sephiroth bursts out laughing)
Sephiroth: HA HA HA HA HA!!! LOSER LOSER LOSER!!! I killed you!!! I KILLED YOU?!? HAHAHA!!! How do you like that, you damn butcher knife?
Tseng: Well at least my father wasn't an eleven toe'd freak!
Sephiroth: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
(Sephiroth goes psycho and starts running around the room in circles screaming his head off until Tseng tackles him and gives him a shot of tranquilizer)
Sephiroth: Hachimachi!
(Sephiroth slumps to the ground unconscious)
Kesley and Dio: Thanks.
Tseng: No problem.
Kesley: This Cloud... so he's a hero for saving the planet from a huge disaster?
Dio: Yep!
Kesley: Did he happen to save it with the help of several "party members?"
Dio: Yep!
Kesley: Is he living happily ever after?
Dio: Yep! With a beautiful wife!
Kesley: Oh god....
Sephiroth: What's wrong?
Kesley: It will be starting soon. The wipe...
Sephiroth: The wipe?
Kesley: You don't know. I don't blame you. Did you ever wonder why some people were born with special powers?
Sephiroth: Because they were part of an experiment by a freaked out eleven toe'd asshole?
Kesley: No! Everyone else at the academy had their power come "naturally." Although in actuality, it came to them super-naturally.
Sephiroth: Sooo.... you're saying that some spirits decided, "Hey, let's just make these people stronger than everyone else for the hell of it."?
Kesley: Yes. But that's not our primary concern here.
It's...
(Kesley looks at Yuffie)
Kesley: Why do I have to tell you this? You aren't even paying attention!
(Kesley glares at Yuffie, who's playing Nathan's gameboy)
Yuffie: Huh? What? Yes I was!
Kesley: What did I just say, then?
Yuffie: Um... you said, "Why do I have to tell you this? You aren't even paying attention!"
Kesley: Whatever. You don't need to hear what's left anyway. Basically, Sephiroth went his own separate way while Tseng and I went here to... settle some business.
Yuffie: You want to kill Reeve or sumthin?
Kesley: No, something else.
(Kesley looks at Irene)
Kesley: Who's that?
Yuffie: Oh, that's Irene. She's my pet bird.
Irene: >{
Yuffie: I was joking!
Voice of Reno: I think I heard it come from here!
(Turks music starts)
(Reno and Rude walk over)
Reno: Damn, I hate slum duty! Why do we have to do this?
Rude: Wutai spies could be hiding anywhere.
(Reno and Rude look at Yuffie)
Yuffie: What's up?
Reno: WHOA! It's her! This can't be. I didn't think that their leader would be stupid enough to come here.
Rude: It must be a really important mission!
Yuffie: Huh? Reno? Rude? What are you two talking about?
Reno: We are professional men, Yuffie. Just because we let you go in the past doesn't mean we won't capture you here.
Yuffie: What the hell did I do now?
Reno: Don't go acting innocent with us! How stupid do you think we are? I mean, you freaking ADVERTISED about it!
Yuffie: About what?
Reno: There she goes again! Let's get her!
Yuffie: Aw crap.
(Kesley walks in front of Yuffie)
Kesley: Gentlemen, I'm afraid that Yuffie is currently under my jurisdiction. She has "giftomatic immunity," remember?
Rude: Giftomatic immunity? I haven't heard that stupid term for a long time...urk!
(Reno quickly yanks Rude away to talk with him)
Reno: Rude! That's Kesley! The principal of the gifted academy!
Rude: She is? But Kesley is dead! I saw her get executed!
Reno: I'm sure she is! She looks just like Kesley, doesn't she?
Rude: I'm not sure. It's been a long time. How do you know?
Reno: When I was in kindergarden there, she was the one I admired most!
Rude: You LOVED her?!?
Reno: It was that stupid love that stupid young kids who don't know any better get for their teachers sometimes. You know what I'm talking about!
Rude: No, I don't.
Reno: Oh nevermind. I'm pretty sure I have a picture of her somewhere.
(Reno takes out his photo-album of all the girls he ever really liked)
Reno: Oookay, she should be in here somewhere.
Rude: You have a book of all the girls you ever liked?
Reno: Don't you?
Rude: Well, yea, but... um... maybe I'd better just shut my mouth.
(Reno flips through some pages while Rude looks over his shoulder)
Reno: Hey, no peeping!
Rude: Sorry.
Kesley: It would be a good idea for you to escape right now.
Yuffie: Good idea!
(Yuffie and Irene run off and through a pipe tunnel)
(Rude is still looking over Reno's shoulder as Reno flips the pages. Reno stops to look at some pictures)
Rude: You liked HER?
Reno: Shut up!
(Reno continues flipping then stops at another page)
Rude: Whoa, Reno, I didn't know you were that type of guy.
Reno: Shut up!
(Reno continues flipping then stops at another page)
Rude: You're sick.
Reno: Shut up!
(Reno continues flipping then stops at another page)
Rude: RENO!!!!!
Reno: Shut up!
(Reno continues flipping then stops at another page)
Reno: Ah ha, here she is. Kesley Cheraye.
(Reno and Rude look at the picture, then at Kesley)
Rude: Gee, it'd be easier to compare if you had more than just a doodle of her that you made in kindergarden.
Reno: Hey... where's Yuffie? Damn! She got away! You moron! You were supposed to watch her while I flipped through the pages.
Rude: ME?!?
Reno: Nevermind! Let's just find her.
(Reno walks up to Kesley)
Reno: Are you going to help? It's your duty as a Midgar citizen.
Rude: Psh. You just want to be with her because she reminds you of your childhood sweetheart..
Reno: Shut up! That's not true! I'm just getting some extra insurance. After all, these damn slums are still infested with monsters.
Rude: Whatever.
Kesley: This will be good...
(Kesley, Reno, and Rude go deeper into the slums)
Reno: Any clue where she went?
(Footsteps echo from the pipe)
Rude: She's going in that direction.
Reno: Well, let's get her!
(Reno, Rude, and Kesley fight through the slums and some monsters)
Reno: Is there any way for Reeve to clean this place up?
Rude: I think he has enough financial problems already. Palmer blew half his budget on Rocket Town, remember? Only to have it be taken over by Wutai, too!
(More footsteps echo)
Reno: And we all know the bitch who's responsible for that. Come on!
(Reno, Rude, and Kesley fight through some more monsters)
Reno: I'm almost sure that's Kesley. Did you see the way she fights? She even used Kesley's signature Rune Blade ability.
Rude: You're right...
Reno: Maam, what is your name?
Kesley: You know me better than that, Reno. It's good to see that you didn't let any of your skills rust while I was gone.
Reno: AW JESUS!
Rude: Jesus? Who's Jesus?
Reno: She's a ghost!!!
Rude: Who the hell is Jesus?
Reno: K... Kesley? But you were dead....
Kesley: You'd be surprised at my resources.
Rude: .........
(More footsteps)
Yuffie: Dammit, I should have chosen a more quiet place to escape through.
Reno: Great, she's getting away again!
(Reno, Rude, and Kesley run up to the exit of the pipe, where they see Yuffie and Irene being confronted by a huge armadillo type monster with a very spiky back. The monster is between them and Yuffie)
Yuffie: Um...hehe... hi, guys.
Reno: Oh great.... they grow really big here, don't they?
Yuffie: Great...
Reno: Let's waste this thing.
(Reno whips out his nightstick and zaps the armourdillo in the back. The armourdillo turns around and glares at him angrily, then punches him hard to the ground)
(Rude runs up to the beast and slams his fist into it, causing it to reel back and it's spike back to slam into Yuffie and Irene)
Yuffie: OW OW OW!!!
(Kesley chops the monster with her sword, causing it to stumble back and it's spikes to slam into Yuffie and Irene again)
Yuffie: Dammit!!
(Irene casts cure 2 on her and Yuffie while Yuffie uses Clear Tranquil)
(Reno blasts the monster with his Neo-Turk light while Rude hits it with his ground shocker and Kesley blasts it with ice magic. The armourdillo is slammed back 3 times, and it's spikes slam into Yuffie and Irene 3 times killing Irene and seriously damaging Yuffie)
Yuffie: Ah, sons of bitches!!!
(The armourdillo grabs Reno and slams him into Rude)
(Yuffie unleashes her All Creation limit break, which slams into the armourdillo causing it to roll over and spike through Kesley, Reno, and Rude)
Reno: Dammit!
(Rude casts cure 2 on him, Reno, and Kesley. Kesley casts a cure 3 spell while Reno uses a phoenix down on Irene)
Reno: You owe me 500 gil for that.
(Yuffie quickly uses her Clear Tranquil limit on her and Irene again. Then the armourdillo stomps its foot causing rocks to tumble and slam into everyone)
(Everyone keeps smacking the armourdillo back and forth, resulting in
repeated pincushion repurcussions until it finally dies)
(Everyone stares for a moment then Reno kneels down)
Reno: We have got to get Reeve to clean up these damn slums!
(Reno gets up then walks up to Yuffie)
Reno: And now, Yuffie, you are under arrest!
Yuffie: What for? What did I do?
Reno: Psh, you only led your entire army to directly attack several Shinra occupied areas!
Rude: Reeve Enterprises occupied areas.
Reno: Shut up! Reeve Enterprises sounds corny!
Yuffie: I never led any armies against Reeve Enterprises!
Rude: She's right. Wee have no proof that they attacked us.
Reno: Damn! She's smarter than I thought.
Yuffie: Um... what did I do now?
Reno: Well, we can't arrest you, but I'm sure you would love to discuss the latest events with Reeve.
Yuffie: I would?
Reno: YES!
(Reno grabs Yuffie and yanks her away. Irene runs after him)
Rude: ....... It's nice to see you again, Kesley.
Kesley: Thanks. Nice to see you again, too.
Rude: Hmm. May I ask what you have been doing all these years?
Kesley: Oh.... just hanging low down here in the slums.
Rude: Oh. Well, nice to see you again, then.
(Rude catches up with Reno)
Rude: It's not right. If she's been living in the slums for fifteen years, I'm sure she'd look a lot more worn and wearied.
Reno: We'll discuss it later. Just make sure Yuffie doesn't escape.
Yuffie: Escape? I thought I wasn't under arrest!
Reno: Fine! Just make sure Yuffie doesn't "wander off" then!
Yuffie: Gay......
(The helicopter lands in front of Rude and Reno)
Reno: Um.... wait. Rude, if you're here and Tseng is dead, then who the heck is piloting the helicopter?
(The door to the copter opens up)
Elena: HI, GUYS!!!
Reno: Oh crap.
Elena: Oh crap what? What's there to crap about? Is something crappy that I'm not aware of?
Rude: Elena.... I thought you didn't know how to pilot the helicopter.
Elena: That's what I thought, then I decided to give it a try and guess what? I'm great at piloting this thing! So are you going to get in or not?
Reno: Um...
(Elena yanks Reno and Rude inside)
(Reno yanks Yuffie inside)
(Irene jumps inside)
(The helicopter takes off and flies through an opening in the plate of Midgar and is now above the huge Midgar Metropolis)
Elena: So.... tell me... why is Yuffie here? Must be pretty important for you guys to take her along like this. Or is there something between you three that I don't know about?
Reno: Us...
Yuffie: Three?
Rude: Shouldn't you be keeping your eyes on the road? Er, sky?
Elena: Psh... idiots.
Reno: Yuffie's on a diplomatic mission to see Reeve to discuss about Wutai's recent advancements.
Yuffie: I am?
Elena: Okay, so what's with the bird?
Reno: Bird? What bird?
Elena: The one behind Yuffie.
Yuffie: Oh, that's just my pet bird, Irene.
(An annoyed Irene smacks Yuffie upside the back of her head)
Irene: $(&@)@#!
Yuffie: Okay, okay! Sorry, I'll try not to refer to you like that anymore.
(Yuffie looks out the window)
Yuffie: Wasn't Midgar destroyed by Meteor?
Reno: Yep.
Yuffie: Than why am I looking at a humongous futuristic city below me?
Reno: Reeve rebuilt it. It's now known as Neo-Midgar.
Yuffie: How the hell did Reeve get the money to do this?!?
Rude: Stock market and bonds. Don't you just love overspeculation?
Yuffie: But... but... doesn't that mean that the company is really deep in debt to the stock holders?
Reno: No problem. So long as we make enough money to pay off the interest, we're fine!
Yuffie: HUH?
Reno: Bah, you don't know how finance works, do you? I wonder how Wutai has managed to get this far with you as its leader.
(The helicopter lands on the helipad of the Shinra building, and everyone enters. Yuffie is led to the Shinra meeting room)
Reno: Everyone, be quiet. Reeve is having a meeting right now!
Rude: .......
Reno: Yea, like that!
(Yuffie peeps into the meeting room)
(Around the meeting table are some of Reeve Enterprise's top executives. In the center seat, Reeve is reading some reports. Palmer is on the left side nearest to him and is drowning in his tears all over the table. Further down from him is Seretzen, who is reading a classic Shakespeare play. On the right side of the table closest to Reeve is an old man who's asleep and further down, Heidegger is grumbling about something. Finally, at the other end of the table is a brown haired lady wearing rustic dusty looking tan clothing. Her back is to Yuffie)
(Reeve puts down the reports then looks grimly at everyone and sighs)
Reeve: They took Corel too. You know what that means, Carnie?
(The lady stands up, walks all the way across the room to Reeve, and takes one of the reports and begins reading it)
Carnie: That's too close to the Gold Saucer. It would be devastating to lose one of our primary money-making institutions.
Reeve: Well, we all know what the subject of today's meeting will be. So, let's take role call, shall we?
(Carnie begins walking back to her seat while reading the report)
Reeve: I'm here. Head of Public Relations, Seretzen?
Seretzen: Present.
Reeve: Counselor of Finance, Carnie?
Carnie: Here.
Reeve: Head of Intergalactic Travel, Palmer?
Palmer: WHY?!? Why did she have to die?!? Waaaaaaaah!!!! She made the best damn lard tea EVER! It just won't be the same!
Seretzen: Calm down, there's no proof that Shera is dead. She is just merely missing, along with the rest of the inhabitants of Rocket Town.
Reeve: Head of Weapons Research, Lars Senior? Lars Senior? Lars Senior!!!
(The old man wakes up)
Lars Sr: MmmmmMMmmmmmMMLFJSmm?
Reeve: Head of Public Safety, Heideggar's corpse?
Heideggar: I'm not a corpse, dammit! Why the hell does everyone keep calling me that?!?
Reeve: Because you're dead, yet you're here. Therefore, you are a corpse.
Heideggar: I'M NOT A GOD DAMN CORPSE!!!
Reeve: We all know you exploded with the Proud Clod, Heideggar's corpse.
Heideggar: How many times do I have to tell you that I survived?!?
Reeve: How do you expect us to believe that? You freaking exploded!!!
Heideggar: You can't PROVE that I died then! You never saw my body!
Reeve: People die when things like that happen to them! We don't live in a magical world where people survive through the damndest things!
(A truck bursts into the room and crushes Palmer as it drives by)
Palmer: URK!!!!
(Everyone stares at Palmer. He quickly gets back up and on his seat. Everyone turns to look at Heideggar again)
Reeve: Okay, if you survived, then how come Scarlet didn't?
Heideggar: I don't know! I couldn't find her after the Proud Clod blew up.
Reeve: .......
Heideggar: Hmph!
Reeve: Moving along... Head of Science and Research?
(Everyone begins looking around. Yuffie looks around the room, then she looks behind her)
(Kafan is looking confusedly at Yuffie)
Reeve: HEAD OF SCIENCE AND RESEARCH!
Kafan: Oh!
(Kafan forcefully pushes Reno out of the way and he slams to the ground, then she walks quickly into the room and unpacks some files from her briefcase, then looks around the table)
Kafan: ......
Seretzen: My apologies, my dear, but there would appear to be a lack of free seats.
Heideggar: Gya ha ha! First come, first serve!
Kafan: Do you really want a corpse to rot in one of your expensive chairs, Reeve?
Reeve: No, I guess not.
(Reeve looks at Reno and Rude and motions to Heideggar. Reno and Rude run up to Heideggar and throw him out of the chair, then Kafan brushes the chair off and sits down in it)
Heideggar: HEY!
Reeve: Okay, now that role call is over, we have to discuss the war with Wutai.
Seretzen: A reminder, you can't prove that Wutai has openly attacked us, so please refrain from referring to the situation as a war.
Heideggar: Of course they attacked us, those bastards! Even if Rocket Town was mysteriously unoccupied, they don't have the right to simply move into it! That land belongs to the Shinra!
Reeve: Dammit, you stupid corpse! Not Shinra! Reeve Enterprises! REEVE ENTERPRISES!
Heideggar: Hmph!
Reno: Well, if you want to talk to Yuffie about it, we have her right here.
(Everyone looks at Yuffie)
Yuffie: Hiya, Reevie! What's up?
Reeve: ???
Yuffie: Did I drop in at a bad time? What's with all this talk about another war with Wutai?
(Reeve opens his mouth but can't think of anything to say)
Heideggar: You attacked us first! You occupied Rocket Town and somehow hypnotized everyone at Cosmo Canyon to join you! And you also somehow got rid of all the people in Corel and took that over but we don't care about that because that's not Shinra property anymore.
Reeve: REEVE ENTERPRISES, YOU STUPID CORPSE!
Yuffie: But I didn't...
(There is a ringing noise from an intercom on the table)
Reeve: What now?
Secretary's voice: Sir, incoming video phone message from the leader of Wutai.
(Everyone becomes quiet)
(Reeve looks at Yuffie)
Reeve: Um......... I..... guess..... I'll recieve it.
(A monitor lowers into the room. Reeve looks at Yuffie again then turns on the monitor)
(The screen shows inside the Main Pagoda of Wutai. Standing in the center beaming happily is Yuffie wearing a long tan kimono, flanked by Richiese and Marel)
Yuffie?: Hiya, Reevie! What's up?
(Reeve looks at Yuffie, then at Yuffie?)
Reeve: Um, Oreo....?
Yuffie: What the hell? Oh my gawd! I have an evil twin? Why doesn't dad ever tell me these things?
(Yuffie? looks at Yuffie. Richiese has a shocked look on her face)
Yuffie?: Ooooo, I'm more popular than I thought. I already have people in Midgar trying to dress up like me! You should get a clue like them, Reeve, and just let Wutai have everything. No one gives a damn about Reeve Enterprises, anyway.
Reeve: WHAT?
Yuffie?: Oh come on, everyone knows that I'm the most popular avalanche member. No one cares about the controller of that silly stuffed cat, anyway!
Reeve: How dare you! That silly stuffed cat sacrificed it's life to retrieve the black materia from the Cetra Temple! Course, he was rebuilt .5 seconds later, but that's besides the point!
Yuffie?: Yea, and right after his noble "sacrifice," Cloud gave that black materia to Sephiroth causing Aeris to go off on her own to stop him ending with a sword through her gut.
Reeve: What?!? Are you saying that it's MY fault that Aeris died?
Yuffie?: Nah, it was the result of multiple screw ups of avalanche members like you. All I did was steal your materia for a day. Compared to you spying for the Shinra, Cloud handing the materia over to Sephiroth all the time, Barret blowing up an entire mako plant full of people, and Tifa doing... um... stuff, I'm a goddess! U suk so ha ha!
Yuffie: Wow, I never knew I was such an evil bitch.
Reeve: ARGH!!!
(Reeve turns the monitor off and glares at Yuffie)
Reeve: I suk, huh? Throw this wench into the prison!
Yuffie: WHAT? You can't throw me into the prison! I didn't do anything yet!
Reno: She's right, boss. Badmouthing someone really isn't a good legal reason to throw someone in jail.
Reeve: Just get her out of my sight! Lock her up in a guest room as a guest or something.
Reno: Whatever.
(Reno and Rude drag Yuffie away)
Reeve: And who let that stupid bird in here? Someone leave a window open or something?
(Elena drags Irene out of the room)
Irene: (I don't even look like a stupid bird...)
Reno: In you go!
(Reno throws Yuffie into a big luxery suite)
Rude: And take your damn bird with you!
(Rude throws Irene into the room)
Reno: So now what?
Rude: Dunno.
Elena: Well, someone has to guard her!
Reno: You're right! Come on, Rude. Let's go get drunk.
(Rude and Reno leave)
Elena: HEY!
Yuffie: Wow, this bed is really comfy!
Elena: Just shut up and don't cause any trouble.
(Elena gets a seat and puts it to the side of the doorway, then sits down)
Yuffie: Stupid Reeve. At least he could have left a playstation for me in this room...
(Irene flaps her wings then looks around and frowns)
Yuffie: Might as well make the most of this situation.
(Yuffie turns on the big screen TV in the room)
(Rufus Shinra pops up on the screen)
Rufus: HELLO!!!!
Yuffie: Whoa!
Rufus: Rufus Shinra here, to remind you to buy bonds from
Reeve's Voice: Reeve Enterprises.
Rufus: I assure you that it will be the most sound investment you'll ever make. Why,
Reeve's Voice: Reeve Enterprises.
Rufus: Is growing bigger and bigger everyday. So just remember,
Reeve's Voice: Reeve Enterprises.
Rufus: Wants you! Or else we'll...
Reeve's Voice (as a muted angry looking Rufus looks like he's saying something really bad): cry or something sad like that.
(End commercial)
Yuffie: What a cheapskate. He doesn't even make new advertisements for his company.
(Kafan walks up to Elena)
Kafan: Hello, I am here to see Miss Yuffie.
Elena: What? Um... I don't think any visitors are allowed.
Kafan: Here. You look kind of bored.
(Kafan gives Elena a newspaper)
Elena: Um... thanks?
(Elena begins reading as Kafan walks into Yuffie's room)
Yuffie: Professor Kafan! You have to get me out of here! Er... after I find a way to steal this bed and take it with me.
Kafan: You have a lot of nerve, Miss Yuffie. You fire me, calling me an incompetant untrustworthy evil bitch, and then you ask for my help?
Yuffie: Not again... when I find my imposter, I'll have to think of some fiendishly evil way to kill her.
Elena: Hey, look at this! The paper says that Wutai used killer wasps to eat everyone in Rocket Town and Corel before moving in! These wasps are ninja wasps that are masters of stealth and can't be detected until it's too late! Isn't that interesting?
Yuffie: Kafan, that wasn't me! It was...
Kafan: Just shut up!
(Elena looks up from the paper)
Elena: Hey, this is pretty interesting, too!
(Kafan walks up to Elena)
Kafan: May I have a word with Miss Yuffie privately?
Elena: I don't think that AAAAAH!!!
(Kafan sprays Elena in the face with peppermint spray)
Kafan: OH NO!!! Look out! The hall is filling up with killer ninja wasps!!!
Elena: What? WHAT? OH NO!!!
(Blinded, Elena frantically waves her arms in the air to fend off those evil killer ninja wasps!)
Kafan: Quick, Miss Yuffie, run! Before the wasps eat you!
Yuffie: I don't see any wasps...
Kafan: Just escape.
Yuffie: Okay!
(Yuffie and Irene run through the hallway and into another room. Kafan runs into the room and slowly closes the door)
Kafan: What's so important that would make you come here to Midgar and leave a decoy to rule while you're gone?
Yuffie: Kafan....?
Kafan: Miss Yuffie, weren't you aware that Reeve would be angry at you for having Wutai move into Shinra lands?
Yuffie: But that wasn't me!
Kafan: I know that girl that's currently leading Wutai isn't you. I've only been your teacher for all your life. But I was under the impression that she was doing everything as you ordered it.
Yuffie: I don't even know her!
(Kafan looks at Irene)
Kafan: Who... is she?
Yuffie: It's Irene! Richiese, Lenore, and I found her in the ruins of her mansion, which is wierd because all the adults, including you, told us that her family moved to Midgar.
Kafan: I... they... um...
Yuffie: I guess you didn't know.
Kafan: .........
Yuffie: Were you really fired?
Kafan: No, I made that up. I have to make it seem like I hate Wutai or else I won't be trusted here.
Yuffie: Why are you here, anyway?
Kafan: I'm looking for someone. I should be asking you the same question.
Yuffie: Well, it's a long story. You see...
Carnie: Kafan, there's a security breach.
(Carnie enters the room)
Carnie: Elena is rambling about how she was attacked by killer ninja wasps.
(Carnie looks at Yuffie)
Carnie: I was correct. You are working with Wutai, Kafan.
Kafan: I don't know what I'm working for, anymore, Carnie.
Carnie: I'm wondering if I should tell Reeve or not.
Kafan: Why should you? I thought you hated the Shinra. And why are you reusing your third name? Isn't that risky?
Carnie: My third name? Ugh, I'm running out of ideas. But I don't care anymore. If Reeve finds out, so what. I have nothing to live for. Fighting for something is meaningless if you can't win.
Kafan: You really feel that way, now?
Carnie: I won't tell Reeve about this. But she'd better leave, quickly. This whole Wutai aggression fiasco has kind of marred Reeve's judgement due to the stress.
(Kafan looks at Yuffie)
Kafan: Well, Miss Yuffie, this is all I will do for you, for now. There are several maps located throughout the Shinra building if you get lost, and security isn't very tight since you really aren't technically a prisoner.
Yuffie: Thanks.
(Yuffie and Irene run to the elevator shaft)
Carnie: Um... I think you should have told her that the elevator was under repairs.
Kafan: What? And make Miss Yuffie have to run down fifty-eight flights of stairs instead of a quick drop? Security might not be very tight but she still needs to get out of here as soon as possible.
*splat!*
Carnie: Good point.
(Yuffie gets up as Irene slowly flutters to the ground)
Yuffie: Could you at least TRY to catch me, next time?!?
Irene: ??
(The elevator shaft opens up and Yuffie looks outside at a drunken Rude and Reno)
Reno: I tell ya, Rude, they really have got to hire some REALLY pretty girls at the Honey Bee inn.
Rude: But just last year, you really liked all of them.
Reno: Yea, I guess something happened to increase my standards or something. Like I saw some really REALLY pretty girl without noticing and that makes all the other ones look like crap. So, Rude, who did you like?
Rude: Tifa....
Reno: Tifa wasn't there, you twit!
(Rude and Reno look at Yuffie)
Reno: And speaking of crap...
Yuffie: Crap? Jerks!
(Yuffie runs outside the elevator shaft, shoves Rude and Reno in, and watches the door close right after Irene runs out)
(A squishing noise is heard and the door opens up again. Elena runs out of the elevator)
Elena: Hey guys, guess what? The elevator was fixed five seconds ago! And we also are being invaded by a bunch of mutant ninja wasps! Guys? That's funny, I heard their voices just this minute...
(Yuffie and Irene run away)
(Yuffie and Irene make their way through the first floor of the Shinra building until they reach a window, which Yuffie looks out of)
Yuffie: Damn! Why are all those Shinra soldiers surrounding the building?
Shinra Officer (From outside using a loudspeaker): Remain calm!!! I repeat, everyone inside remain calm! We will be sending in the SWAT team soon to clear out all those killer ninja wasps, so please just remain calm! And if you feel something stinging or biting you, quickly jump into the nearest water source!
Shinra Employee: OMIGOD!
(The Shinra Employee jumps headfirst into the drinking fountain)
*Clank!*
Shinra Employee: Ouch!
Yuffie: Great, how are we going to get past them?
Shinra Officer (Using loudspeaker): Sir! You can't go in there! The Shinra Building is infested with Wutai killer ninja wasps!
Nathan: AAAAAH!!! My ears! Put down that loudspeaker!
Reeve: IT'S REEVE ENTERPRISES, NOT SHINRA, DAMMIT!
Shinra Officer (Using loudspeaker): Aw, but Reeve Enterprises Building is too long a name!
(Nathan runs inside and up to Yuffie while the officer and Reeve bicker)
Nathan: Whew! I'm here to save the day! Where are those nasty killer ninja wasps? I'll protect you using the power of my trusty killer ninja fly swatter!
(Nathan presses a button on a little square device and out pops a fly swatter which immediately begins swatting Yuffie in the face really fast)
Yuffie: Ow ow ow! Turn that thing off!
(Nathan turns it off)
Yuffie: There aren't any stupid killer ninja wasps in here! And I'm perfectly fine without you helping me! Now help me get past those Shinra soldiers!
Nathan: Er, okay. Let's see what I have here...
(Nathan takes off his backpack and begins rummaging through it. He takes his bazooka out of it)
Nathan: Um, we could always try the direct approach.
(Nathan fires the bazooka out of the window as a shocked Yuffie watches him)
(Reeve gets blown up)
(All the soldiers and officers look at Yuffie and Nathan)
Yuffie: AAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Nathan: Oops, maybe that wasn't a very good idea.
(Reno, Rude, and Elena run over to Yuffie)
Reno: Trying to escape, huh?
Yuffie: Oh crap, now the turks are here, too!
(Nathan takes out his rocket skateboards)
Nathan: Now that I think about it, I forgot why I made these in the first place...
(Yuffie grabs one and throws another one to Irene)
Yuffie: Who cares? Come on!
(Yuffie, Irene, and Nathan rocket past Reno, Rude, and Elena)
Reno: Hey, I have got to get one of those for myself! Come
on!
Reeve: Stop them! They're the ones who shot me with that bazooka!
Heideggar: Can I start calling you a corpse? Because you should be dead, now!
(A bunch of Shinra soldiers
Reeve: REEVE ENTERPRISES!
jump on motorcycles and go after Yuffie)
(Later, as Yuffie, Nathan, and Irene continue to jet down the Midgar highway)
Yuffie: Wow, those goons weren't as hard to kill as I thought they would be.
(Nathan gasps for breath)
Yuffie: You need to get out some more!
Nathan: Do you do stuff like this everyday?
Yuffie: Pretty much.
Nathan: .......
(The Shinra Helicopter approaches from behind Yuffie)
Reno's Voice from the Helicopter's Radio: Stop right there! We outnumber you three to three, so surrender and hand over those rocket skateboards so we can use them for ourselves!
Yuffie: Go away! Don't you ever give up?
Reno: They aren't giving in. We'll have to kill them!
Elena: Hooboy, considering the fact that she hasn't gotten a fair trial yet, this is going to be hell on Reeve Enterprises' public relations.
Reno: Why? The Shinra always did stuff like this before.
(The helicopter quickly dodges under a bridge)
Rude: I can't drive this thing at these speeds forever! Go out and do something!
Reno: Oh yea!
(Elena and Reno stand out on the sides of the helicopter)
(The helicopter's two peashooter guns begin firing at Yuffie as Reno
fires Neo-turk lights and Elena throws grenades at her)
(Back inside the Shinra building)
Officer: Okay, all clear! The nuclear insecticides have destroyed all the killer ninja wasps!
Seretzen: Who ordered the nukes?
Reeve: Not me.
Heideggar: I did! You fools! Don't you realize that to kill killer ninja wasps, you need to bring out the big guns?
Carnie: But won't that nuclear insecticide contaminate the building for months?
Heideggar: An insignificant side effect, I assure you!
Reeve: I feel funny....
Heideggar: WELL?
Reeve: Well what?
Heideggar: DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!
Reeve: Shut up! I'm the president here, remember?
(Reeve takes out a telephone, presses a button, and a video screen comes up with Yuffie?, Richiese, and Marel)
Reeve: Ah ha! Well well well, we meet again!
Yuffie?: Well duh! It's only been an hour since that last call. What do you want? I have an important materia stealing trip in five minutes!
Reeve: Wutai has directly attacked us! You started this war, so ha ha! Now I get the advantage of being the defender because I look good while you look like an evil conquering power hungry maniac!
Yuffie?: Sigh... how many times do I have to tell you? It's not our fault that all your people abandoned your lands! We just merely moved into Rocket Town and Corel!
Reeve: I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about how you infested our building with killer ninja wasps!
Yuffie?: We did?
(Yuffie? looks at Marel and Richiese)
Richiese: I don't recall any plans to attack with killer ninja wasps.
Marel: I don't think there's such a thing as killer ninja wasps!
(Yuffie? looks back at Reeve)
Yuffie?: There! You see? Can you prove that we infested you with wasps?
Reeve: Um.... no, not really. In fact, we never actually SAW any wasps, we just assumed that... er... um.... DAMMIT! Elena's gonna REALLY get it for this!
Seretzen: There is still that other issue.
Reeve: Other issue? Oh yea! You tried to assassinate me!
Yuffie?: Me?
Reeve: Yes! I saw you in the window of the building right before a bazooka blast flew from it and blew me up! Therefore, because you tried to assassinate me, you started this war, so ha ha! Now I get the advantage of being the defender because I look good while you look like an evil conquering power hungry maniac!
Yuffie?: Why the hell do you keep babbling about nonsense?!?
(Richiese has a nervous look on her face)
Reeve: Well I know it was you! Your hideous face is easy to recognize!
Yuffie?: Hey! That's a cheap shot!
(Yuffie? looks at Richiese and Marel)
Yuffie?: Do you know anything about this?
Marel: Nope.
(Richiese whispers something into Yuffie?'s ear. Yuffie looks surprised)
Yuffie? (to Richiese): Wait wait.... you mean there really is a "Yuffie?" ARGH! Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?!?
Reeve: Now you're the one babbling about nonsense!
Yuffie?: Look, Reevie, that wasn't me. How could that be me when I'm all the way over here in Wutai?
Reeve: Um.... good point... er... well... I was assuming.... DAMMIT! Heideggar's gonna REALLY get it for this!
Heideggar: ME?!? What the hell did I do?!?
Yuffie?: As a gesture of my good will, I'll help you figure this out!
Reeve: You will?
Yuffie?: Yes, I'll send over my top assassin to investigate your attempted assassination.
Reeve: Really? Hey, thanks, Yuffie! I knew you'd pull through!
Yuffie?: Wutai transportation is much more advanced that Shinra's. We developed faster smoother fliers to cope with my damn air sickness. Gawd, I hate flying. So she'll be there very shortly.
(The screen turns off)
Carnie: Sending an assassin? Reeve, are you sure that...
Seretzen: Um, does anyone else besides me notice that we are glowing
some odd neon colors?
(Yuffie is looking at the wreckage of the Shinra helicopter and the unconscious turks. She jumps on her skateboard and jets away)
(Elena, Reno, and Rude get up)
Elena: Dammit! Why do you two ALWAYS lose to every avalanche member you encounter? I'm surprised you guys haven't lost your jobs yet!
Reno: US?!? What about YOU? You lost, too!
Elena: I didn't lose to avalanche nearly as much as you! You guys were beaten at the dropping of the Midgar plate, Gonzaga Canyon, Rocket Town, the Junon Submarine Port, and the Gelnika plane! I only lost at the fall of the Shinra battle!
Rude (mumbling): That's cause you were too chicken to fight them at any other time.
Reno: Damn.... DAMN! Do any of you know where they got those
cool rocket skateboards?
Nathan: Well, you've escaped. Sooo.... plan on doing anything else?
Yuffie: Not really. I have to get back to Wutai.
Nathan: So that's it? Good. Now I have to find Lenore and make sure she's all right, too!
Yuffie: So you're leaving me?
Nathan: Hmm.... um... guess I can't do that, either. Crap.
Yuffie: What kind of juggling act are you trying to pull?
(A beeping noise. Nathan takes a little radar device out of his pocket)
Nathan: Well, what do you know? Lenore's over at Wutai right now, according to my tracking device! Cool, so I can stay with you and go help Lenore at the same time! What luck!
Yuffie: How do you know that Lenore's in trouble?
Nathan: Oh... now that you mention it, if she's in Wutai, she's
probably safe. Still, I'd better check on her.
Zenith: Lady Yuffie! We have finally brought the traitor, Lenore, to Wutai, like you asked! What shall we...
Yuffie?: Not now, dammit! I have lots of problems on my hands right now! Where the hell is Judy? Just throw her in the prison for the time being!
(Yuffie? walks by Zenith)
Zenith: Um... but... Yuffie... we don't have a prison.
(Zenith looks at Lenore, who smiles)
Zenith: Wait, didn't Yuffie have some sort of cage in her basement? But I can't just go enter without permission!
Shake: Sure you can! She leaves her door unlocked, usually, just like every other wierdo in the universe.
Zenith: Well, I have to listen to orders, so I guess it's all right.
(Marel and Richiese start walking by)
Lenore: Marel!
(Richiese has a shocked look on her face)
Marel: Lenore! How are you? I haven't seen you since you left that morning to find Yuffie's father! Did you come to become one of Wutai's ninja elite? Course, you really aren't a ninja but then again neither was I until just recently.
Zenith: Huh? Lenore left to find Yuffie's father?
Marel: Yea, right before Yuffie's coronation ceremony!
Zenith: Huh? I thought she was part of the plot to kill Lord Godo!
Marel: Where did you hear that?
Zenith: Judith told me that!
Marel: Well, that figures, since she was the one who we saw dragging Godo into Da-Chao mountain right before he dissappeared.
Zenith: WHAT?!?
Shake: I'm so confused! Well, actually, I'm not.
Zenith: Shake, why didn't you tell me any of this?
Shake: I dropped in on Lenore after she did whatever with Yuffie's father, okay?
Lenore: I didn't do ANYTHING with Yuffie's father! And I'm rather annoyed with Yuffie right now. First she doesn't even notice that I'm accused of being a traitor and tells Zenith to bring me to Wutai, and now she tells him to throw me in jail! What the heck got into her?
Marel: I guess you don't want to join and work for her then, huh?
Lenore: No way! I'm leaving! Oh, and Richiese, I owe you this.
(Lenore punches Richiese to the ground and walks away. Shake follows her.)
(Richiese gets up and starts rubbing her cheek)
Richiese: I.... I'm sorry.
(Judith, Yuffie?, and Stilt arrive)
Yuffie?: I don't care if you have to plan our strategy! I have to have this discussion with my commanders, right now!
Zenith: Ah ha! Judith, you are under arrest for treason and attempted murder of Yuffie's father!
Judith: ME? What did I do?!?
Zenith: Marel here tells me that you were the one last seen with Lord Godo before he dissappeared!
Judith: You jump to conclusions way too quickly. You Kaishaks are useless! Look, I was taking Godo to safety because I heard of a plot to kill him. But I don't know who was in on it. I just overheard talk of it from some generic nameless people.
Marel: Oh? I guess that explains it.
Zenith: Useless? How dare you say that about my family!
Judith: What was she thinking when she chose you? Your father was a fool who lost an entire platoon of Wutai people over a simple insignificant school!
Zenith: You have no right to talk that way about my father! He sacrificed his life for Wutai!
Judith: He could've sacrificed it in so many more helpful ways.
Yuffie?: Judy!!! That's enough! I won't have you talking about Zenith's family like that! Don't you think he suffered enough? When I found him, he was in poverty! Wutai had shunned him but he still joined up to help us and this is how you repay him?
Zenith: Yuffie....
Judith: Hmph. Perhaps... if he helps Wutai become great again, then I'll put up with him.
Yuffie?: But we still have the matter of my imposter to discuss. Whoever she is, she's really annoying.
Judith: ......
Yuffie?: Well, it isn't that big a deal, yet. But I just thought that I'd warn you all so you'd be on your guard.
Zenith: An imposter? I'll keep my eye out for her.
Yuffie?: She's in Midgar right now, just so you all know. I guess that's it.
(Everyone starts to leave except Judith)
Judith: Hold it, you two!
(Judith grabs Richiese and Stilt)
Judith: You know what this means, right?
Richiese (distressed): I don't want to talk about it!
Stilt: Am I missing something?
Judith: Yuffie is still alive!
Stilt: Well DUH, she's alive. She's Yuffie. See, Richiese? I told you she'd be all right.
Richiese: I still don't like it...
Judith: At any rate, we can't let her cause any trouble. I refuse to lose all the progress that I've made for Wutai so far!
Stilt: Psh, whatever.
Judith: Are you even paying attention? This is really serious!
Stilt: It's not like I really care whether or not Yuffie leads Wutai.
Judith: What? Then why the hell did you help me out?
Stilt: Because we are the Wutai Mafia! We do stuff like that.
Judith: Then help me stop Yuffie!
Stilt: Stop making this argument go in circles! Why this, why that. Sheesh.
Judith: But don't you care about what will happen to Wutai?
Stilt: Not really.
Judith: You're impossible!
Richiese: I'm finding this to be pretty comical!
Stilt: All I'm worried about right now is putting back together my organization.
Judith: Look, your stupid mafia is over! You're better off as one of Wutai's elite ninjas.
Stilt: I suppose, but it's really boring compared to being a gang leader. And you suck too much at Mario Kart. Hell, it's not even fun to frag you in Golden Eye 007. You suck too much!
Judith: SHUT UP! That's cause I don't waste my life playing video games!
Stilt: How can you waste your life playing video games when you don't have one?
Judith: ....... I'm not even going to bother with you. But where's Mikaru? I didn't see her at that meeting.
Richiese: I watched our Yuffie tell Reeve she would send Mikaru to kill Yuffie.
Judith: WHAT?!? Without my permission?
Stilt: Hehe. You don't have as much control of the situation as you thought. You'd better take a rest. You look like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Judith: And who's fault do you think that is?
(Judith glares at Stilt)
Stilt: Um... Yuffie's? Both of them?
Judith: Just... leave me alone for a while.
(Judith walks off)
Stilt: Heh.
Richiese: I... I think I just got a great idea! I, the wonderful
lovable and charming villain, have devised a new devious scheme in the
name of evil villains everywhere!
(Yuffie is looking at a billboard map of Midgar)
Yuffie: Ok, so I'm in block 9 right now. If I take a right, I should be in block 8. From there I can hop a train to block 6 or walk to block 5 totally bypassing block 7 but block 4 is closed off due to construction and the exit is located in block 1 but you have to go there from block 3 and not 2 because block 1's two entrances each lead to different areas of block 1 that don't connect...
Nathan: Zzzzz....
Yuffie: Okay, I think I figured out where to go!
Nathan: Cool. But what if we run into some Shinra soldiers?
(Yuffie frowns then looks at the map again)
Yuffie: Okay, there are soldiers stationed here, here, and here, but not here, here, and here, so we just go here, here, and here! Simple!
Nathan: Here here!
Godo's voice: So if block 2 connects to 3 from the southern area... then...
(Yuffie walks around the big billboard and looks at Godo)
Yuffie: Hi, dad!
Godo: BWAH!!! Oh, it's you. Scared the shit out of me.
Yuffie: What's up?
Godo: Just trying to figure out a way out of here, that's all. So, have fun in the underground? I managed to wrestle my way through all those stupid zombies and find the elevator hidden in the men's room.
Yuffie: Yea. I think I know a good route we could take to get out of here.
Godo: Nah, I'll use my own route. I'm sure I can figure this out.
Yuffie: Whatever. Did you know that Kafan is here?
Godo: She is? Why the hell would she be here?
Yuffie: She said she was looking for someone.
Godo: In Midgar? Who?
Yuffie: Beats me. Maybe you? There's been lots of news about your dissappearance in Wutai lately, although no one seems to care about the fact that I dissappeared because I have a look alike to do everything for me at Wutai.
Godo: Do everything for you? What the hell would that include? Stealing everyone's materia?
Yuffie: I guess.
Godo: And why would Kafan be looking for me?
Yuffie: Maybe she still loves you.
Godo: HUH?
Yuffie: She was your childhood girlfriend, remember?
Godo: Where the hell did you hear that?!?
Yuffie: I went back in time and saw your conversations together!
(Godo gives Yuffie a funny confused look)
Yuffie: Er, I mean, I did some researching.
Godo: Well, don't believe your research. Kafan and I barely know each other.
Yuffie: Aw come on, dad. She looked really depressed... course, she always looks depressed but still, you should go see her.
Godo: .....
Nathan: We've been waiting around for a while. I'm surprised that the Shinra haven't found us yet.
Shinra officer: Freeze!
Yuffie: Thanks for jinxing us, Nathan.
(Yuffie, Nathan, and Irene run off with the Shinra soldiers hot on their
heels... until Godo puts his foot out causing them all to trip over it
and slam to the ground unconscious)
Yuffie: Okay, we're in block 3 right now. So according to my calculations, we just take that shortcut through that alley to get to block... um... whatever, then go whereever, and we'll be out!
(Yuffie, Nathan, and Irene wander around Midgar)
Yuffie: What's this stupid factory doing here? It's in the way!
Nathan: Maybe that map was outdated.
Yuffie: Well, we have to go through it. My route goes through here.
(Yuffie, Nathan, and Irene enter the factory as a long dark haired girl
in a white kimono watches them from the top of a building)
(Shinra clockwork factory)
Yuffie: A robotics factory?
Nathan: COOL!
(Yuffie watches a bunch of freshly built Cait Siths go down a conveyor belt. Tons of other pokemon like clockworks are also being manufactured)
Yuffie: Wonder why he needs all those robots for.
(Yuffie, Nathan, and Irene work the network of conveyors and robot guards until they reach the other end of the factory)
Yuffie: We made it! And no big bad robot boss to fight! Yay! Let's get out of here before the author remembers and gives us one to fight!
Seretzen: Stop!
Yuffie: Huh?
(Seretzen, Vivian, and Maslow enter from the exit)
Seretzen: I didn't expect to find you here.
Yuffie: Me neither. What are you doing at a toy factory?
Seretzen: This is not a toy factory. It used to be a robot soldier factory back in the Shinra days. It was shared by Scarlet and Reeve, and manufactored both mechs and clockworks.
Nathan (Mockingly): Psh. You call those clockworks?
(Seretzen looks at the robots being built)
Seretzen: Quite ironic. Those two hated each other. They were completely different. Yet they both loved robots, even though it was for the opposite reasons. Scarlet loved them because of their ability to take away life while Reeve appreciated them because of their ability to prevent the loss of life. After all, robots can be rebuilt but humans never can.
Maslow: ..........
Irene: :(
Seretzen: You've been too much trouble to us, my dear. Reeve taking power was the greatest thing that has ever happened to the Shinra. He completely rebuilt Midgar after the meteor incident. Taxes are lowered, the living standard is higher. He lowered those obscenely high taxes and started a welfare system for the poor. The economy is at the highest efficiency that it's been at for a long time. And... he's even reviving the lost arts. He reopened the opera and has sponsored the construction of several theatres. But then you came along. Wutai's aggression stands to destroy everything he's accomplished. Do you have any idea what you're doing? It isn't easy having power, and I highly doubt one so young, immature, and inexperienced as you could do a better job than Reeve has done.
Yuffie: That's really not a problem because I'm really not leading Wutai right now.
Seretzen: You aren't? But all official reports and evidence say you are. Hmm.... ah ha! You are simply a puppet.
Yuffie: A puppet?
Seretzen: Someone else holds the true power in Wutai. Is that what you are trying to say?
Yuffie: Um.... yea, I think so. I don't have any power in Wutai at all right now. Damn Judith...
Seretzen: So Judith holds all the power in Wutai? How intrigueing!
Yuffie: Yea, she's a real bitch, isn't she?
Seretzen: However, it is still quite obvious that she uses you as a symbol to unite the people of Wutai and consolidate her power.
Yuffie: It is?
Seretzen: Therefore, I would be dealing her quite a blow if I were to get rid of you.
Yuffie: Wait, that's not right. I'm trying to take her down, myself!
Seretzen: You don't have any real power. You just admitted it. One of my apprentices should be able to handle the job.
Vivian: I'll do it!
Seretzen: Very well. Maslow Jr, don't intefere.
Vivian: You've totally made a fool out of me way too many times.
Yuffie: Psh, you finally recognized me for once.
(Yuffie darts her shurkan at Vivian)
Nathan: Um... is this supposed to be a one on one battle?
Vivian: Ha!
(Vivian spins around and raises her arm, then starts chanting something)
Nathan: AAAAAAAH!!!!
(Nathan takes out his bazooka and shoots Yuffie)
Yuffie: Ow! What the hell are you doing?
(Irene casts cure on Yuffie while she punches Nathan)
(Vivian stops chanting)
Nathan: Sorry! She mind-controlled me or something!
(Vivian spins around and an image of Yuffie appears and grease lightnings Yuffie)
(Nathan blows Yuffie up)
Yuffie: OW!!! What the HELL did she do now?
Nathan: Oops! Wrong one! I'm trying to shoot her image of Yuffie.
(The image of Yuffie slashes Yuffie with her shurikan)
(Irene casts cure 2 on everyone)
(Nathan blows up the image while Yuffie uses her bloodfest combo on Vivian)
Vivian: Yeouch!!
Maslow: Master, are you sure about this?
Seretzen: She has no real power.
Maslow: She was still one of the avalanche members that saved the planet.
(Vivian spins around and raises her arm, then starts chanting again)
Seretzen: She was also the most insignificant of them.
(Irene casts cure 2 on Vivian)
Maslow: Good point. But what about the fact that Vivian is outnumbered?
Seretzen: If Vivian has learned anything from me, she'll use that fact to her advantage.
Yuffie: Irene, why the hell are you casting heal spells on Vivian? You're supposed to be on our side!
(Irene slashes Yuffie with one of her wings)
Nathan: She must have some way to temporarily mind control us.
Yuffie: Any idea how to get rid of it?
Nathan: Well, when you smacked me back then, it broke her spell. So maybe it wears off when you hit me?
(Yuffie hits Nathan)
(Irene slashes Yuffie)
Yuffie: Ow! That didn't work.
(Nathan shoots Vivian with his laser)
Nathan: Try using a remedy?
Yuffie: Dammit! I know now. It's the "muddled" status! It wears off when you hit the person who's muddled.
Nathan: I thought you spinned around in circles like an idiot when you were muddled. Irene isn't spinning right now...
(Yuffie slashes Irene)
(Vivian stops chanting)
Vivian: Dammit!
(Vivian blasts Yuffie with her fire spell)
(Irene casts cure 2 on Yuffie)
(Yuffie stabs Vivian with her shurikan while Nathan shoots her and Irene does another wing slash on her)
(Vivian stumbles back and falls to the ground)
Vivian: I.... I think that's enough!
Seretzen: .....Very well.
(Seretzen casts Life on Vivian, but nothing happens)
Seretzen: Huh?
(Seretzen casts Life 2, but nothing happens)
Seretzen: What kind of foul treachery is this??
(A phoenix down flies over Vivian, spins in the air, then sparkles and dissappears with a flash. Vivian gets up while Seretzen turns around and looks at Kafan)
Kafan: What do you think you're doing?
Seretzen: My dear, we were just...
Kafan: Do you know how much trouble you might have gotten Reeve into? It would seriously damage morale if Reeve was to be the one to start a war with Wutai.
Seretzen: But think of the damage to Wutai's morale if we destroyed their symbol of unity!
Kafan: You're the head of public relations, not warfare. That's Heidegger's job, and even he is better suited for it than you.
Seretzen: Sigh... I suppose you're right.... again. Reeve was lucky to have gotten you to rejoin the Shinra.
(Seretzen turns to Yuffie)
Seretzen: I sincerely apologize for this misdemeanor. I'll try to get Heideggar to order the Reeve Enterprises forces in the city to leave you alone.
(Seretzen leaves. Vivian shakes her head, glares at Yuffie, then runs after him)
Yuffie: Thanks again, Professor Kafan...
Kafan: ....... You just killed her, you know.
Yuffie: What?
Kafan: .....Nevermind. It's nothing.
Maslow: We wouldn't have to worry about death if you stayed with us, Kafan.
Kafan: Maslow, go away. I'm not returning to the Light Warriors. And why the heck are you with Seretzen, again? Don't you know that it's been fifteen years? And where's Karda? Wherever you are, she was always soon to follow.
Maslow: Hehe. Es de magika! He thinks I'm my son or something. As for Karda, she just disappeared when we reached Midgar. I think she's sightseeing the city or something. Anyway, even if you won't come back, we still need your poison orb. That's the property of the Light Warriors as a whole, and doesn't belong to only you.
Kafan: It is in my custody now, and I will use it however I please.
Maslow: When did you become so assertive? Well, you will return to us. Just remember, you can't fight against Lar's magic forever.
(Maslow leaves)
Kafan: .........
Yuffie: Don't worry about him! You won't betray Godo or me, judging by what you've done so far.
Nathan: Professor Kafan, you're okay, right?
(Kafan looks at Nathan, then Irene)
Kafan: I'm fine. But what did you tell Yuffie about her?
Nathan: Irene? I... Um...
Yuffie: Is there something that I'm missing right now? Does Irene hold some really dark secret that no one wants me to know?
Nathan: Well, we don't want ANYONE to know, actualEEK!
(Yuffie glares at Nathan)
Nathan: Whoa! Well, the truth is... um... er....
(Nathan looks at Irene)
Nathan: Irene... is... um... she's...
(Kafan has a look of "No! Don't tell!" on her face)
Nathan: She's.... really a bird! Yes, that's right! Irene is actually a real bird!
(Irene looks REALLY angrily at Nathan while Yuffie has a confused look. Kafan puts her hand to her forhead and sighs)
(Irene slaps Nathan)
Nathan: See? She's mad at me because I told you the truth. Now can we move on?
Irene: :(
Yuffie: Don't worry, Irene, I don't really think you're a bird. If it hurts you that much, we won't talk about it. Let's go.
(Irene slowly smiles)
(Yuffie and Irene leave)
Kafan: A BIRD?
Nathan: Um....
Kafan: What kind of stupid cover-up was that?
Nathan: Well, Edrick DID screw up and used a bird as the model instead of an angel.
Kafan: .......
Nathan: See ya, Kafan! Hope you come back to Wutai some time.
(Nathan runs after Yuffie)
Yuffie: Okay, now that we got through the factory, all we have to do is go through this section, jog a mile, then get past the guards at the gate! Then we'll be out of here! Woohoo!
(That dark haired girl who was stalking Yuffie jumps down from the factory roof)
Nathan: Mikaru?
Mikaru: I finally found you! I wasn't sure at first but now I know that you're not a real ninja. If you were, you would have just taken the roof instead of troubling yourself with going through that factory, and you wouldn't have been spotted by the Shinra.
Yuffie: Huh? Who are you?
Mikaru: I am Mikaru Wang, one of the Wutai ninja elite!
Yuffie: PLEASE don't say that you believe you're the third best out of all of them!
Mikaru: Huh?
Nathan: Long story.
Yuffie: So you're one of the Wutai elite, huh? Never heard of them before, but now that you're here, you can help me get back to Wutai!
Mikaru: What?
Yuffie: You see, I was sidetracked and ended up here. My imposter is at Wutai right now.
Mikaru: Well then, it's a good thing I came. We'll just get on the Highwind and GET BACK NATHAN!
(Mikaru grabs Nathan)
Nathan: URK!
Mikaru: She's armed and dangerous! She's the fake imposter!
Nathan: She is?
Mikaru: Come on, Nathan. You're getting out of here! You're lucky I found you.
Nathan: I am?
Yuffie: Hey! Nathan's with me!
Nathan: What the hell is happening?
Mikaru: Quick, Nathan, run away while I hold her off! The Highwind is parked behind that old run-down building in the next sector!
(Mikaru pushes Nathan behind her. Nathan trips over a bunch of trash cans, stumbles into an alley, slams into the wall of a building, and falls down unconscious)
Mikaru and Yuffie: ......
Mikaru: Dammit. I was only supposed to find out what was going on. This makes things so much more complicated.
(Yuffie starts running to Nathan, but Mikaru gets in her way)
Mikaru: Stop! I won't let you brainwash him any further! Don't come any closer or I'll have to fight you.
Yuffie: I'm not letting you take him away! Sure, he wastes too much time on that gameboy and screws up more often then I do, but he's still a valued member of the party! Especially since the party consists of only two people and an optional character. Irene! Go make sure Nathan is all right.
Mikaru: Great.... Here goes.
(Yuffie dashes towards Mikaru with her shurikan as Mikaru splits into multiple images of herself. Yuffie's shurikan flies right through one of the fake images while another one stabs Yuffie with a spade, causing her to stumble back but doing no real damage. A third one prepares to stab Yuffie in the back but she quickly turns around and slashes it, causing some blood to fly and all the images to dissappear. Mikaru clutches her wound, then quickly back flips away. In a puff of smoke, she dissappears then four Mikarus appear in front of Yuffie. All four attack Yuffie, who frantically dodges all of their blows. Most of the blows don't do any damage to her, but one of the images cuts Yuffie badly across the arm. Yuffie ignores all the other images and darts her shurikan at the real Mikaru, causing all the images to dissappear again. Mikaru dissappears and six more images of her appear surrounding Yuffie. All of the images attack at the same time so Yuffie can't figure out which one is really Mikaru, so Yuffie blasts all of them with her fire materia and slashes the one that looked like she took pain from the blast. All of the images dissappear and Yuffie uppercuts Mikaru with her shurikan, who spins through the air and crashes against the ground)
Yuffie: So who wasn't a real ninja?
Mikaru: But we were picked out of the best... how could you win? It's not like I was the weakest out of all of us...
(Mikaru, bleeding heavily, tries to get up)
Mikaru: She's more powerful than we thought. I have to make sure that they don't underestimate her. I... I have... to warn... them....
(Mikaru falls back to the ground)
(Nathan walks up to Yuffie, then looks down at Mikaru. He quickly jumps back in shock)
Nathan: Jiminy Cricket! You killed her?!?
Yuffie: Y... Yea...
(Yuffie looks at her shurikan)
Nathan: I didn't think Mikaru would die so easily... at most you should have only wounded her or knocked her unconscious. She wasn't a generic character, you know.
Yuffie: I know....
Nathan: .....We have to tell them that they're working for a fake, so that you won't have to do this anymore.
Yuffie: You believe me?
Nathan: Well, there's no way an imposter could get the metal arm guard on correctly, because you're the only one I ever gave it to.
(Nathan looks at Mikaru)
Nathan: I didn't know her very well, but she seemed like a pretty nice person.
Yuffie: Should we give her a proper burial?
(Yuffie and Nathan look at all the blood on the floor)
Nathan: I think I'm going to throw up.
Yuffie: I... can't!
Nathan: Me neither.
(Yuffie and Nathan quickly turn and run away. Irene looks down at Mikaru, then at her hand, which is glowing. She then shakes her head)
Edrick's Voice: What good is a robot programmed to kill that only has life giving abilities?! You fool! You gave me the wrong orb!
Nathan's Voice: You don't think that the raise ability is not powerful? It could save lives on the battlefield.
Edrick's Voice: I don't care about the lives of clockworks. I'll give her the same programming as all the others. She will never save a life with the raise spell.
(Irene looks at Mikaru again, then runs after Yuffie and Nathan)
Nathan: What are you doing?
Yuffie (wiping her shurikan with a piece of cloth): It's funny... in all my adventure of fighting Shinra soldiers and monsters with Cloud and the gang, I never had to clean blood off my weapon....
Nathan: Really? I would think that you'd be used to this.
(Yuffie glares at Nathan)
Yuffie: I'm not a murderor!
Nathan: Whoa! I'm sorry if that's the message you got from my statement.
Yuffie: Let's change the subject. She mentioned the Highwind. But that's Cid's ship!
Nathan: Maybe they confiscated it when they took over Rocket Town.
Yuffie: She said where it was, too. Come on. I want
to get as far away from here as possible for now.
End of Chapter 10