(A girl who is dressed similarly to him except in a female version of the "sophisticated suit" walks up to him)
Law student, Akira: There you are! Lars, what are you doing here?
(A humongous golden UFO crashes down on the surface)
Diplomatic legal nightmare, Lars: Akira! I was just..... um.... what was that?
(Lars walks over to the wreck and hides behind a large rock to see what's
going on)
Mop man, Fu So Ya: Ack! MEMEMEOOOOOAH!!!!! Dammit, you idiot! Drive better next time!
Dark knight, Golbez: Hey, don't blame me, Ki Ra Yo was using her mind tricks on me!
Fu So Ya: Ah well. Let us make sure this never happens again. Let us banish that brat, Ki Ra Yo, to this planet, where she can never bother anyone again.
Golbez: Yes, let's! Let's!
(Fu So Ya and Golbez dump a big pile of white hair on the floor)
Fu So Ya: So, how do we get home?
Golbez: Hmm..... Let's ask Lord Bahamut. He'll give us a lift.
Fu So Ya: Um.... ok.
(Fu So Ya and Golbez walk away)
(A chocobo walks up to the big pile of hair)
Chocobo: Wark?
(The chocobo examines the hair)
Chocobo: Wark! Wark! (Re: Free nest! Woohooo!)
(The chocobo jumps on the hair and lays an egg. It then sits on the egg to warm it, and starts knitting a wool sweater to pass the time)
Chocobo (whistling while knitting): Wark wark wark...
(The "nest" shakes)
Chocobo: Choc?
(The chocobo has a questioning look on its face)
(The chocobo puts away the knitting kit and jumps off the pile of white hair and stares at it)
(A white haired lady in silver platemail sticks her head out of the hair, sending the egg flying to the ground and breaking it)
Female Lunar, Ki Ra Yo: Huzzah, biznatch!
Chocobo: Wark? WARK!!!
(The chocobo starts running around Ki Ra Yo frantically)
Chocobo: Wark...
(The chocobo walks up to Ki Ra Yo and looks at her with tears in its eyes)
Chocobo: Coo......
(The chocobo nuzzles up against Ki Ra Yo)
Ki Ra Yo: ?
(Ki Ra Yo stares at the chocobo and grins fiendishly. She then grabs it and puts her sword up against its throat)
Chocobo (wondering what's going on): Wark?
Ki Ra Yo: Ha ha. Free lunch.
(Lars walks up from behind the rock)
Lars: Um.... hi. What just happened here?
Ki Ra Yo: Oh!
(Ki Ra Yo lets go of the chocobo. The chocobo runs off)
Ki Ra Yo: Hey there! You get the honor of being the one who gets to help a great goddess get home!
Lars: Huh? I was chosen?
Ki Ra Yo: Well, actually, you were the only guy around, so for convenience's sake...
Lars: What do you mean, Goddess?
Ki Ra Yo: Ah.... I'll tell you about it later.
Lars: Um... whatever.
Akira: Lars, who is she?
Lars: Beats me.
(The chocobo runs back and puts some grass in Ki Ra Yo's hand)
Ki Ra Yo: What the....?!? You still here?
Chocobo: Coo...
(The chocobo nuzzles up against Ki Ra Yo)
Lars: I think it likes you.
Ki Ra Yo: Who cares? I'm hungry!
(Ki Ra Yo grabs out her sword)
Ki Ra Yo: Ha ha! Lunch!
Lars: Aw.... that's pretty cruel. I mean, it thinks you're family.
(Ki Ra Yo looks into the chocobo's loving eyes)
Ki Ra Yo: So?
Lars: ........
Ki Ra Yo: Well, I guess it might be of some use to me alive.
(Ki Ra Yo puts away her sword)
Chocobo: Wark?
Ki Ra Yo: So...... which planet is this?
Lars: This is... The Planet.
Ki Ra Yo: Yeah... ok, so you think everything revolves around your planet, huh? Now tell me, which planet is this?
Lars: That's it. It's called, "The Planet."
Ki Ra Yo: Sheesh. That's even worse than the planet that is called, "The blue planet." Oh well. Hmm... maybe this is the planet that Bahamut's son always rants about. Hey... maybe if I help him out, he'll find a way to get me back home! Is there a nation called Wutai here?
Lars: Yeah. It's a big nation to the north. Interesting country.
Ki Ra Yo: Ok, this is it, then. So, you'll help me, right?
Lars: Um...
Ki Ra Yo: Here! With this special orb, you'll be able to recruit some people to assist us!
(Ki Ra Yo hands Lars an orb)
Ki Ra Yo: You can have one too.
Akira: Gee.... thanks.
Ki Ra Yo: Now, to the first order of business, we'll
(Judith turns off the videotape)
Yuffie: HEY!!!! I was watching that!
Judith: This has nothing to do with the war! Is there any video tape in this freaking library that we can use?
Yuffie: ........
Judith: Dammit. I still don't see where this school fits in.
Yuffie: Well, according to the records, this is an institute for the gifted or something like that. Now can I watch that?
Judith: There's nothing here!
Franchesca's voice over the loudspeaker: Attention! Just a reminder, we got a cool Wutai trip planned for next week! Now's the time to see what life is like, "Over there." Remember to talk to Brand and sign up!
Judith: Bingo!
Nari: Up up!
Yuffie: Ugh...... what? What time is it?
Nari: Dammit! It's 4:30 AM! We'll be late for class! Lenore is already there! Why can't you two be more responsible?
Yuffie: .......
Carnie: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.....
Nari: Carnie!
Carnie: I'll catch up. Good night.
Nari: Man!
(Yuffie dashes into the classroom. Judith is reading a book at her desk, Shake is trying to get on the too-tall seat, Nathan's STILL trying to beat Apollo in that Final Fantasy Legend game, and Patricia is standing at the front desk)
Yuffie: Woohoo! Made it on time!
Patricia: Psh.
(Yuffie looks at Lenore, who's hair is pretty messed up)
Yuffie: Whoa! You look like a zombie surf commander from Mars or something! Are you feeling ok?
Lenore: Damn... it's 4:30 AM!!!!! It's NOT EVEN MORNING YET!!!
(Lenore plops her head down on the desk)
(Akira runs in)
Akira: Class! Class!
Yuffie: Is that our teacher? She seems to be pretty young. Heck, she's not even much older than me!
Lenore: Need sleep......
Nari: The really smart students teach the classes. I don't think hiring real teachers fitted into the budget.
Yuffie: What kind of freaky school is this?
Judith: Well, you two seem to be in a bad mood.
Lenore: Ow.......
Yuffie: Shaddup.
Akira: Ok, now, lessee..... this semester we'll be studying calculus.
Yuffie: Well, at least once I get back to the present, I'll have a head start in math class.
Akira: Well... ah.....
Yuffie: Is this teacher any good?
Nari: Well, it's kind of hard to teach when you don't have any textbooks.
Yuffie: No textbooks either? WTF?
Akira: (Aw man, I forgot what today's lesson was supposed to be about.)
Yuffie: (Hoo boy, what a crock.)
Akira: (What will I do?)
(Carnie zooms in)
Carnie: Hi.
Akira: You're late!
Judith: As if she missed anything...
Akira: Hmm.... well, class, just work on these problems for a moment.
(Akira hands out a bunch of xeroxed papers)
Yuffie: Huh? That's it? Isn't there something called, "Teaching," that....
Akira (getting really nervous): What do you mean to imply?
Nari: Hey, Yuffie, stop that. It's not worth it. All the classes are like this.
Yuffie: This place is messed up.
Patricia: She has a point, Akira.
Akira: Hey! You think you can rub it in just because your lousy team is at the top!
Patricia: No I'm don't!
Akira: Yes you do!
Patricia: Why would I? It's not like the Myciplo is any big.......
(Akira looks at Patricia)
Patricia: Ah.... never mind. Besides, Kesley sent me to supervise this class, so I need to offer you constructive criticism.
Akira: Constructive? I don't need supervision.
Patricia: It's not that. It's because Kesley is constantly worrying about.... you know, "her favorite."
Akira: Oh. Damn nepotism...
Yuffie: Can you be quiet? I'm trying to do this freaking assignment!
(Yuffie looks at the paper)
Yuffie: (Find the derivative of XXX + XX + X + 1) Gee... what's with this primitive font? There aren't even any exponents!
Akira: Do you want detention?
Yuffie: ......
(Akira leans on Nari's desk)
Akira: So, Nari, I see your Black Shadow team has managed to go up the ranks, even though you lost Kafan and Saki. But you won't be able to beat me and the rest of Psychic Thunder when you fight us in four days.
Nari: Wanna bet?
Judith: This is class! Why are you two talking about that stupid game?
Yuffie: Yeah, it's just an after school sport.
(Patricia snickers. Everyone gasps and glares at Judith and Yuffie)
Yuffie: What?
WHAAAAT?
(Later......)
(Yuffie and Judith are cleaning the black board)
Judith: Dammit, this stinks. I think I'll go on that Wutai trip and stay there! I can't stand this lousy school.
Yuffie: It's actually pretty nice. No homework or anything like that.
(Shake runs in)
Shake: HA HA! You two got detention!
Yuffie: But I wonder, if it's not for the academics, what IS the
point of this place?
(Yuffie looks at Patricia, who's over in the corner smiling)
Yuffie: Hmph. She must enjoy our misery or something.
Akira: Hey, Trisha, I'm sorry I mouthed off at you like that. It's just that Brand's been giving me hell all week because you guys beat us again.
Patricia: Hey? What can you expect? Lifestream is the best! It has Sephy, Franchesca, and, of course, me!
Akira: And Lars!
Patricia: Lars? Well.... I guess.... but he's kind of like dead weight.
Akira: What? No he's not!
Patricia: Ok, he's not completely worthless. He's really smart and good at strategies, I'll admit that. He can't seem to fight well, though, but he seems to be good at holding off anyone who tries to take our flag.
Akira: Really? What does he do? I wouldn't know because I'm always stuck guarding MY team's flag.
Patricia: I actually have no idea. He talks too much, though. But why are we always talking about Myciplo? Let's talk about something else.
(Yuffie and Judith listening in the background)
Akira: But Myciplo is EVERYTHING!
Patricia: Hmm..... well, I'm sure you have other things to do besides worry about it. So.... have any good boyfriends lately?
Akira: What?!?
Patricia: Haha. Well if you don't want to talk about that, then...
Akira: Well, there is this one guy....
(Akira looks at Yuffie and Judith)
Akira: GET BACK TO WORK!
(Yuffie salutes)
Yuffie: Mein gocht ein schmit von Hitler!
(Yuffie angrily starts erasing the board again)
Akira (looking at her watch): Oh, wait. It's been long enough. You can go now. I'm outta here.
(Akira leaves)
Patricia: Ah well. Whatever. Hey, that was pretty bold of you, mocking the Myciplo like that.
Yuffie: Myciplo? Oh! The game!
Patricia: Some students here get annoyed when you call it, "A game." I think everyone is too obsessed with it.
Yuffie: You're telling me?
Patricia: Hey, you're pretty cool. Next saturday, I'll show you some other recreational stuff that we do when we're not practicing or anything like that. But for now, I guess you'd probably need some experience, being a newbie and all. Follow me.
(Patricia leaves, with Yuffie, Shake, and Judith following her)
Yuffie: This chapter has a higher dialogue-to-actual playing time
ratio than Xenogears!
(Tiamat makes the party fight through fifty monsters just because Yuffie
said that)
Patricia: Here we are!
Yuffie: OOOOOW!!!! Damn monsters!
Patricia: Hmm. That was strange. I've never seen wild monsters on campus before.
Tiamat: Please forget about the monsters. They had nothing to do with the storyline.
Patricia: Oh.
(Patricia enters the Lifestream dorm)
(Sephiroth slams into the wall)
Sephiroth: ACK!
Franchesca: HEY! No escaping into the halls! We have to keep this dual in the gym!
Sephiroth: It's not like it's MY fault! You knocked me in here!
Patricia: Hey, Sephy!
Sephiroth: Oh, Trisha. Hey. Man, Franchesca's winning.
(Everyone enters the gym)
Franchesca: Hey! It's Yuffaruni! What's she doing here?
Patricia: I invited them.
Franchesca: You? But you always hate newbies.
Patricia: These are ENLIGHTENED newbies.
Franchesca: Oh. Um.... what do you mean by "enlightened?"
Patricia: They realize that Myciplo is just a stupid game!
Sephiroth: GASP! Trisha! Quiet! What if someone hears you?
Lars: She's right, you know.
(Lars walks in)
Lars: It IS just a stupid game.
Sephiroth: SHH!
Franchesca: We'll be killed!
Lars: Oh come on, now. The only people around to hear us are these ignorant... er, "enlightened" newbies.
Franchesca: Oh. Well, I guess.
Sephiroth: But.... Myciplo is everything! That's what we've all worked for.
Lars: Sigh. Ignorance is bliss.
(Lars walks away)
Franchesca: Lars can be annoying sometime. Oh well. Anyone care to dual? Patricia? Sephiroth-san?
Patricia: No thanks. I'm a long range fighter.
Sephiroth: Lemme just take a break for a sec.
Franchesca: The newbies could use some practice. How about it?
Yuffie: Um..... I don't use a sword.
Franchesca: Huh? But you're a ninja! You're supposed to use a sword!
Shake: Ninja? Yuffie? HA! She stinks! She can't even untie herself from a rope, much less a shoelace.
Yuffie: SHADDUP!
Franchesca: Well, she should learn to. Come on, I'll show you. Here.
(Franchesca hands Yuffie her sword)
Franchesca: It's a little hard to handle for a newbie. It's a very special sword that I recieved a long time ago. It's actually a legendary weapon, the Murasame.
Patricia: Sephiroth owns it's "sister sword," the Masamune.
Yuffie: Um.....
Franchesca: Nervous? Don't worry! I'll just use a normal sword, so you'll have the advantage!
Kraken: Kids, don't try dueling with real swords at home.
(Yuffie grabs the sword)
Yuffie: EEEEEEEK!
(Yuffie spins around, turns Shake into chopped sushi, and slams into the wall)
Shake: OOOOOOOW!
Yuffie: Dear gawd! I don't know how to use this!
Franchesca: Come on! Try harder.
Yuffie: Um..... who do I know that uses swords?
(Yuffie pathetically tries to stand like Cloud's battling pose. Note the word, "pathetic")
Yuffie: Gawd.........
(Yuffie takes her normal battle position)
Franchesca: No no! You're standing like you're wielding a shurikan.
Yuffie: Well, I do sometimes use my shurikan as an up close weapon.
Franchesca: Hmm. I'm finding it difficult to believe that you're from Wutai.
Yuffie: Huh?
Franchesca: Here, why don't you try leaning forward with your sword by your hip, like I'm doing?
(Franchesca tries to teach Yuffie how to use a sword)
Franchesca: Or stand straight and hold your sword in a forward line like Sephiroth does.
(Yuffie looks at Sephiroth)
Yuffie: Aaaaaaaah.... I don't wanna be like Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: Eh?
Franchesca: Whatever. Let's begin then.
(Franchesca pulls out a katana)
Shake: This is going to be so pathetic that it's not funny! No... wait.... never mind. Seeing Yuffie get beat up is always funny!
Sephiroth: Well? Don't just stand there! Do something!
Franchesca: I'll let her get the first blow.
Yuffie: Ok! Hey, wait! You're going to unleash some super powerful counterattack, huh?
Franchesca: What? No way!
(Yuffie and Franchesca stare at eachother for fifteen minutes)
Yuffie: Hmm........ Screw this!
(Yuffie darts her shurikan at Franchesca, but Franchesca quickly blocks it)
Franchesca: I expected that. Ninjas are always so dishonorable.
Yuffie: WHAT?!?
Franchesca: Well, it's true! That's the definition of a ninja! In fact, that's what separates them from the samurai. But, no matter.
(Franchesca jumps up to Yuffie, holds her sword in the air, and Yuffie gets blasted with a bunch of swirling knives)
Yuffie: YEOUCH! And that wasn't cheating?!?
Franchesca: Hey, I'm allowed to focus my chi into my weapon! At least I don't need a bunch of back up weapons to dart at my opponent!
Yuffie: I don't need back up weapons!
(Yuffie swings the Murasame clumsily at Franchesca. Franchesca dodges and smacks Yuffie upside the head with the hilt of her sword)
Yuffie: Dammit!
Franchesca: You need to focus more, and not waste energy cursing so much!
(Franchesca and Yuffie dual on for a while, with Franchesca winning, needless to say)
(Yuffie holds up her sword and it flashes)
Franchesca: Huh?
Yuffie: Cool! I wonder what this is?
(Yuffie charges at Franchesca, and swings her sword wildly as cool Soul Blade swishy lines appear behind it)
(Sephiroth looks at the Franchesca-shaped hole in the wall)
Sephiroth: Holy shit.
Patricia: Damn.
Lars: Franchesca! What the hell are you doing in my room?
Franchesca: .......
Patricia: Hey, I think that's enough for today.
Sephiroth: Sure, I think Franchesca's had enough practicing.
(Patricia looks at Yuffie and Judith)
Patricia: Well, I hoped you enjoyed your little visit. Come back this saturday and I'll show you some of the recreational activities around here. Until then, why don't you get some work? The job office is north of here. People are always looking to hire gifted fighters like us in order to do their dirty work, so you can make a quick buck or two.
Yuffie: Money is good!
(Yuffie, Judith, and Shake exit)
(Nari runs up to Yuffie)
Nari: Oh! There you are....... hey....... what were you doing at the Lifestream dorm?
Yuffie: Patricia invited us.
Nari: What?? Why'd she do that? I would think that she'd hate my team members too.
Judith: Hey, why does she always seem so angry with you?
Nari: Aw, she's just annoyed because she thinks my mom makes things too easy for me.
Yuffie: You're mom?
Nari: Kesley! When you're mother is the head of the college, people constantly scream about biasnessnessecity. Oh well. I just came to remind you that our battle with Psychic Thunder is in four days, so make sure you don't overstrain yourself doing jobs or something like that.
Yuffie: Oh, sure, whatever.
Note: The following are a bunch of optional side quests that you
can take to earn some cash or thrifty items. Please skip this section
if you don't give a damn.
Yuffie: Hooray! The recruitment offices!
Akira: Uh oh. The juvenile.
Yuffie: Shaddup.
Akira: What!? You don't know how to talk to your superiors, do you?
Yuffie: I scoff in the face of authority! Scoff scoff!
Judith: Ack! Just pretend that we don't know her.
Shake: Ok.
Akira: Here's the job list. I hope you know what you're doing.
Yuffie: Hmm.... grade C difficulty?
Akira: Yeah, being in the 3rd place team allows you to choose from some of the tougher jobs.
Yuffie: And that's more money, right?
Akira: Riiiiiiight.
Yuffie: Woohoo!
Yuffie and the battle of the Sandworms!
Farmer: Please! You must destroy all of these evil sandworms!
(Yuffie glares at a bunch of puny worms squirming around on the ground)
Yuffie: This is the third highest level of difficulty?
(All the puny sandworms jump on Yuffie's face and start eating her)
Yuffie: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
Yuffie and the ghost of the mines
Young Barret: You see, the mines are haunted.
Yuffie: How do you know?
Dyne: Our pet canary died!
Yuffie: Psh! It probably died of natural causes!
(Yuffie enters the mine and glares up at this huge ghost canary)
Yuffie: Yeep.
Yuffie and the evil midget of...
Yuffie: SHADDUP! I quit! I'm going back to the stupid school while I'm still alive!
Shake: Ha ha ha!
(Yuffie crushes Shake)
Back on campus
Yuffie: Oi....
Akira: Well? How did it go?
Yuffie: It was easy, so long as I always remembered to save the game before each boss battle.
Akira: Um......... glad to here that, I GUESS.......
(Night time sets. Stars shine brightly.)
Yuffie: I'm home!
(Yuffie enters her dorm)
Yuffie: Hello?
(Yuffie runs into the kitchen)
Lenore: Oh, hey, Yuffie. You look beat. If you really wanted a rest, all you had to do was stop by here.
Yuffie: You mean I could've used this dorm as a free inn?!? Why didn't anyone tell me? Dammit.
Lenore: Oh well.
(Lenore looks at the shrimp balls, fish balls, and quail eggs roasting in a pan)
Lenore: I've never cooked before. I just followed the recipe. I hope this turns out ok. At least Carnie finally stopped her damn singing.
Yuffie: Yeah.
Lenore: She just got up and left just a short while ago.
Yuffie: Man, this dusty dessert atmosphere is really getting to me. When can we get out of this freaking time warp?
Lenore: Well, I haven't heard anything from Tenko or anyone else. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
Yuffie: It's okay, I guess. Hey, exactly when did we time warp back to, anyway?
Lenore: Well, looking at the Calender, today is Thursday, November 18, and it's about 16 and a half years back.
Yuffie: Hmph. Well, I guess Judith and I get to see the material for our project first-hand. Maybe I'll get a good grade for once. Maybe for once my project won't make Kafan look like she's cringing in extreme pain.
Lenore: Well, I think dinner is ready. Be warned, though, I've never cooked before and you could end up getting poisoned or something like that.
Yuffie: I'll take my chances. I'm starved.
Lenore: Hey, I cooked, you set the table while I find Nari.
(Yuffie quickly plops three plates and three forks on the table)
Yuffie: Ta da!
Lenore: Or I guess we could both look for her, seeing as to how
you're already done here.
(Yuffie and Lenore run down the hall and around the dorm for a while until they reach their dorm's practice room/gym)
Yuffie: Sup?
Nari: .........
Lenore: I cooked dinner! Yay!
Nari: Kafan used to cook dinner before.
Yuffie: (Ha. What a coincidence. Maybe it's just the same name? What would Profesor Kafan have to do with a place like this?)
Lenore: Gee, do you ever use this gym?
Yuffie: The Lifestream team sure seems to use theirs', all the time.
Nari: Nah. The only one who seriously practiced all the time was Saki.
Yuffie: Hmm... did Saki die or something?
Nari: Sort of. She got badly hurt during a battle against a foreign team from Wutai. Clockwork Terror or something like that. Those guys went REALLY beserk, and their team even got disqualified for "overdoing it." She's now been confined to a hospital for two weeks so far. I hope she's alright.
Yuffie: (I'd care, but I think I already know what happens. Saki got revived with those brain eating thingies, so what do I have to be sad about?)
Yuffie: I'm starved! Let's eat!
(Nari glares at Yuffie)
Novembe19
Akira: Back for more jobs? They're practically a requirement if you want to get a good grade.
Yuffie: As if I care. Not like any of this matters.
Akira: What?
Yuffie: Nothing.
Judith: Dammit. Maybe I'll get more research for our project
done once the actual war starts.
Tiamat: MORE OPTIONAL SUB QUESTS FOR STUFF! JOY!
Yuffie and the really big sandworm
Yuffie: Deja vu? Can we skip this one? Because I think
I've fought enough big sandworms.
Yuffie and the ghost of the mine's mother in-law
Really big hideous canary ghost: WAAAAARK!
Yuffie: Um.... skip.
Yuffie and the revenge of the evil midget of....
Yuffie: STOP THIS! This is so damn pointless that it's not funny!
Shake: HA HA!
(Yuffie crushes Shake)
Shake: HEY? Isn't this supposed to be my revenge?
Yuffie: Shaddup.
November 20
(In a dark room sitting at a table, Yuffie looks at a cupcake with a candle in it)
Yuffie (quietly): Happy birthday to me....
(Nathan walks in)
Yuffie: Sniff.... I had no birthday party. I guess I really can't blame anyone since no one had the chance to set one up for me. Oh well. When we get back to the present, November 20 should be coming up soon, so I'll get another chance to celebrate my birthday! I'll even be 2 years older! Woohoo! Age 18! THE ADULT AGE! Maybe I'll get my driver's license.... too bad Wutai doesn't use cars.
Nathan: This is exactly what I'm worried about.
Yuffie: What? My birthday, or car accidents?
Nathan: No, I mean, the same thing recurring again.
Yuffie: Two birthdays is a bad thing?
Nathan: Well... don't you think people will be curious that we'll all seem to be.... older? I mean, I assume that we're still aging here.
Yuffie: Yuck. You sound like we're rotting in the past or something.
Nathan: But it just seems strange that people could go into the past. I wonder if time is still going by in the present?
Yuffie: Are you sure we won't just appear back at the exact time when we timewarped?
Nathan: That's just it. What if time isn't moving in the present while we're in the past? Genmari said that he would go into the past so he could recover some supervillains from then. I did some reading on the black orb when my game boy's batteries ran out. Legend has it that in the past, the dark knight, Garland, found the black orb and discovered how to time warp much like us. He continued to travel back in time, take the same four evil fiends from right before they got killed, and bring them to the present. And when they got defeated, he would simply go back in time to retrieve them again. But why didn't he just keep going back in time and continue taking those four fiends until he had an army of supervillains?
Yuffie: You lost me.
Nathan: I think it has to do with the law of conservation of matter. That matter can neither be created nor destroyed because it always manifests itself, even as a different form. Like how when a deer dies, it doesn't just dissappear. It's mass decays into food that is proccessed by plants, goes through the entire food cycle, and is used to provide the energy to make more... well, deer.
Yuffie: Grossness. There you go again with the rotting thing.
Nathan: Stick with me here! Anyway, so I figured that you can't have two of the same being, and when you take something from the past into the present, something has to happen. So that would explain why only one of each fiend could be in the present at a time. But I think I'm digressing. At any rate, I was also wondering if the law of conservaton of matter also applied to time, like how time could neither be destroyed or created.
Yuffie: In English, please.
Nathan: Well, in essence, either time is passing in the present while we're here, or time isn't passing in both places, thus this is just a dream, which explains why nothing we do here affects nothing in the present.
Yuffie: Hmm.... so....
Nathan: At any rate, I guess Judith is happy. She has plenty of material for your project.
Yuffie: Oh well. I don't care whether time matters or not. I'm going to celebrate my birthday anyway.
(Yuffie blows out the candle)
Nathan: Just thought you should know.
Yuffie: Thanks.
(Nathan leaves)
(Nathan peeks his head in)
Nathan: Oh, are you going to eat all of that cake?
Saturday, November 21
(Yuffie, Judith, and Shake run over to the Lifestream dorm)
Yuffie: Knock knock!
(Franchesca opens the door)
Franchesca: Hey! It's Yuffaruni!
Yuffie: DAMMIT! Stop calling me that goofy name!
Franchesca: But it's funny! Ah well. Hey, we're going out to the Golden Saucer tonight.
Patricia: Yeah! It's really neat! Legend has it that the entire building came from outer space.
Lars: It's probably one of Dio's scams for publicity.
Yuffie: The Golden Saucer?
Sephiroth: WAIT FOR ME!
(Sephiroth comes charging over and hears a squishy noise)
SQUISH!
Sephiroth: Eh? What was that?
Shake: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Patricia: Hey, we're going to have some fun tonight!
Sephiroth: We're taking them along?
Patricia: What?!? Oh... yeah, I forgot. Um...
(Patricia looks at Yuffie)
Patricia: I guess we are.
Sephiroth: Well, who's paying for their tickets?
Franchesca: No way, those tickets are too expensive.
Lars: No.
Sephiroth: Trisha, YOU invited them.
Patricia: But I'm saving up for the arcades!
Yuffie: Wait a minute... Gold Saucer? Hey, it's all right. I have a golden ticket. They give free permanent access.
All Four Members of Lifestream: GOLDEN TICKET?!?
Sephiroth: WHOA!
Franchesca: Only the elite get golden tickets!
Lars: What kind of VIP are you?
Yuffie: Um.........
Patricia: Who cares? I wouldn't care even if it was a fraud. It's free access!
Sephiroth: Whatever. If it saves me a buck.
Lars: Where did you get that?
Yuffie: Cloud gave it to me. He gave one to all of his friends.
Sephiroth: And Cloud is....?
Yuffie: (oops) He's..... um...... a big Shinra executive!
Patricia: Dunno what a big Shinra executive would do with you, but we should get going. I don't even want to think about it.
Yuffie: What?
(Franchesca whispers into Yuffie's ear)
Franchesca: Most Shinra Executives from the main company constantly hang out at Don Corneo's Honey Bee Square. They grant favours like golden tickets to their "favorites."
Yuffie: Eh? ACK! Grossness! You were thinking THAT? He's just a friend!
Shake: Yeah, a boyfriend!
(Everyone glares at Yuffie)
Yuffie: For crying out loud, he's married! And he's not interested in me.
Patricia: Married doesn't matter. The prez is married, and he's always hanging out there. But I guess Cloud probably IS just a friend of yours. Kinda hard to picture it any other way. Let's go!
(Patricia, Yuffie, Shake, Sephiroth, Franchesca, Lars, and Judith head
for the gold saucer)
Yuffie: HEY! Wait a minute.........
(The Gold Saucer)
Ticket Guy: OH! A GOLDEN TICKET! WHO THE (#@$&) ARE YOU?
Yuffie: I'm a friend of a very important Shinra executive! And don't curse in front of me!
Ticket Guy (Looking at Yuffie): Boy, some of those executives must be getting REALLY desperate...
Yuffie: DAMMIT! I'M NOT A F#@(*$&$#)(@&*#$)#@(*& WHORE, SO STOP THINKING THAT I AM!
(Everyone looks at Yuffie)
Yuffie: Sheesh! Cloud doesn't even like me!
Shake: That's true.
Ticket Guy: At any rate, I need to verify your ticket. Which Shinra guy gave it to you?
Yuffie: What? Uh oh....
(Kesley walks in)
Kesley: Oh no. You ALWAYS spend the weekends here.
Patricia: Hey! We know what we're doing!
Kesley: I'm tired of watching all of you always getting dragged back to your dorm. Can't you lay off the booze for a while?
Sephiroth: Nah! We never get drunk! We have tolerance.
Kesley: That's what you said last week. You should enjoy some more civilized entertainment.
Patricia: But Lady Kesley, the opera is soo........ um.....
(Patricia looks at an annoyed Kesley)
Patricia: I don't feel like opera tonight.
Kesley: Hmph.
(Kesley leaves)
Ticket Guy: Why is the purchase date on this ticket 16 years into the future?
Yuffie: Ulp...... ah..... bye! I'm off to join Kesley at the opera!
(Yuffie grabs the ticket and runs after Kesley)
Judith: Ah..... me too.
Shake: Yeah....
(Shake and Judith run off)
Patricia: Well, that was strange.
Kesley: Well, I'm glad to see that SOME of the students on campus are civilized.
Yuffie: Um..... Yeeeeaaaaaah...... that's it......
Judith: Hmm.... opera.... gee, that's quite a rarity nowadays.
Kesley: Come on, it's not THAT unpopular.
Judith: (It sure is in our time. In fact, I've never seen an opera theater)
Kesley: Hmm.....
(Kesley looks at Yuffie)
(Kesley looks at Judith and Shake)
(Kesley looks at Yuffie again)
(Kesley quickly glances at Judith and Shake)
Kesley: Are you going to go to the opera dressed like that?
Yuffie: Who, me?
Kesley: That outfit is fine and all for fighting and such, but at the opera, you should look like a lady.
Yuffie: Groan..... you sound almost like Chekhov.
Kesley: I have a kimono that I brought with me. It was supposed to be for Nari, but she likes her black one. You could try it on.
Yuffie: Whatever.
(Yuffie comes out of the dressing room wearing a white kimono. Just think kind of like Nakaruru/Rimnururu from Samurai Shodown)
Yuffie: This.... is RIDICULOUS.
Kesley: I think you look fine. NOW we can go to the opera.
Shake: HA HA!
(Yuffie crushes Shake)
Shake: DAMMIT! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING CRUSHED! I'M NOT THAT SHORT!
Yuffie: Yes you are.
Judith: (I guess even Yuffie gets her chance to flame Shake sometimes)
(A man wearing a pointy musketeer hat and ridiculously high-society red cape (complete with red coat of arms and fancy long pants) walks up to Kesley)
Kesley: See, Seret? Some people DO care.
Master Milich's ranger of cosmetics, Seret: Ah, Lady Kesley!
I am so glad that you brought friends. Don't worry, the seats are
on the house. I reserved your favorite position! I hope you
enjoy tonight's show at the opera square!
Yuffie: Opera square?!?
Seret: I agree that it sounds corny. It was Dio's idea.
(Seret looks at Yuffie, Judith, and Shake)
Seret: I'm sure you'll like the seats! It's reserved for President Shinra himself! Of course, he's always hanging out at that no good pimp Corneo's place.... DAMN, I hate that #(&$)....... ??!?!? EEP! Pardon my language! I get carried away sometimes. At any rate, the seats are free, so go ahead and enjoy yourselves.
Kesley: Thanks, Seret.
(Kesley, Yuffie, Shake, and Judith get the balcony seats. The crowd below is watching the opera as the band plays some teaser music)
Lenore: Oh, hey Yuffie! It seems that Nari's entire team was forced to go here.
Kesley: I didn't FORCE you.
Lenore: But if I decided not to go, according to you, I would have been an uncivilized barbarian or something.
Kesley: Well, I'm sick and tired of what the students always do every weekend.
Nari: Lucky Carnie. She always dissappears at night, so she never has to come here.
Kesley: Look, if you don't want to stay, then go ahead and leave. Enjoy the Gold Saucer, I'm not stopping you!
Nari: Bye, mom!
(Nari runs off)
Kesley: ........
Lenore: Whatever. Maybe I'll stick around. I'm curious to see what Opera really is like.
(Lenore looks at Yuffie)
Lenore: Um.....
Yuffie: Shaddup. It's only temporary.
Lenore: Actually, it's a pretty nice kimono.
Yuffie: ..........
Lenore: At any rate, it makes you look a bit more sophisticated.
Yuffie: I don't wanna be sophisticated! I'm a rebel!
Lenore: Well, rebel against what? Yourself? You ARE after all going to be the leader of Wutai someday, so I don't think you should be endorsing rebellion.
Yuffie: Hmm..... good point.
(The opera starts)
(A man comes running up on stage and starts singing in a deep voice)
Man: Aaaaaaaah........ NOBODY'S HOME..... NOBODY'S HOME.....!
Yuffie: What the HELL is this?
(a bunch of men and women come onto stage and start flapping their arms frantically while singing)
Drunken actors/actressess: Supercallifragulouspyispialladocious!
Seret: Eh? This is strange. I don't remember rehearsing it like this.
(Kesley has her hand to her head and looks kinda distressed)
Magus (singing): AH HA! Tis I, the phantom of the Oopeeeeeera!
Ozzie, Flea, and Slash: TIS HIM, the phantom of the Oooopeeeeeeeera!
(Huge cymbol clash)
Magus(deep resonating voice): FEAR ME!
(Music plays frantically for a short time then stops. Cymbols clash)
Ozzie, Flea, and Slash: FEAR HIM!
(CLASH!)
(A bunch of big burly bouncers grab Magus and drag him off. Beating noises are heard in the background)
Magus (screeching): AAAAAAAAGH!!!!! OMIGOOOOODD!!!!!!
Slash: Um, bye!
Flea: EEK!
(Slash and Flea run off. The curtain comes crashing down. Ozzie is in front of the curtain glaring at the audience)
Ozzie: Oh dear! What do I do?
Seret: Dammit! Do SOMETHING! That was bad, but we can't just let the show freeze like this!
Ozzie: Um....
(Ozzie looks at the audience. Sweat builds up on his forehead)
Ozzie: Err.....
(Ozzie shivers from nervousness)
Ozzie: Ulp.
(Ozzie stops quivering and looks at the audience. All is quiet........)
Ozzie: ................ OZZIE PANTS!
(Ending music plays. Ozzie is dragged behind the curtains)
(Backstage)
Yuffie: Damn. Patricia, Sephiroth, Franchesca, and Lars don't know what they were missing.
Judith: That was WIERD.
Kesley: ........
Seret: I sincerely apologize for all of that!
The guy who's too horneo, Don Corneo: Tee hee hee! Seret, your opera is a disaster! The audience is horrified!
Seret (deep adventurous voice): SHUT UP, VILE SAVAGE!
Don Corneo: Ha ha ha! When Dio finds out about this, you're going to be shut down! Then I will get the building! I think I'll call it the Honey Bee Opera, where the entertainment will be something that everyone will REALLY want to watch!
Yuffie: GROSSNESS! Why the #($&@) does this loser have to be here? I'm glad he died! Damn, I hate Corneo.
Don Corneo: HUH? Hey, you're a pretty cute chickadee.
(Yuffie prepares to slap Corneo, but decides to impale him with her shurikan instead)
Corneo: EEEEEK!
(Corneo runs away)
Kesley: .........
Seret: Why do I have a feeling that Corneo hired those goons?
Magus: Nah. We just did that because we were tired of never being in any fan fics, so we took this opportunity for a cameo.
Ozzie: Yeah!
Flea: That's right!
Slash: No one ever appreciates us!
Kesley: Don't worry about it.
Seret: I REALLY hate him.........
Kesley: Sigh. Here are some gold saucer tickets. Go ahead and enjoy the rest of the night.
(Kesley leaves)
Yuffie: Woohoo!
Judith: That wasn't a real opera, was it?
Shake: Nope.
(Yuffie, Shake, Lenore, and Judith run back to the gold saucer)
Ticket Guy: So... still have your forged golden ticket?
Yuffie: Shaddup.
(Yuffie hands him a normal ticket and enters)
Lenore: So........ I guess we can spend what little we have left of the night having fun. Hey....
(Lenore looks at the short blond haired girl who's milling around at the center of the main square)
Lenore: Hey..... what is Vivian doing, here?
Yuffie: Vivian?
Lenore: She's a student at my Midgar school. But I have no clue as to how she could get back in time with us.
(Vivian looks at Lenore, then runs up to her)
Overly enthusiastic fun loving somewhat airheaded teen, Vivian: Like, oh wow! I didn't expect you to come here!
Lenore: Um...... how the heck did you get here?
Vivian: Huh? Oh! Back in time! Well, I was just having some fun in the Gold Saucer, when there was just this huge blast, and a bunch of swirly things, and suddenly, I'm in a new time zone!
Lenore: Ok..........
Vivian: This is soooooo cool. I didn't know that you were here! Weren't you like, searching for Genmari, or something?
Lenore: Yeah......
Vivian: Oh! Well, if it interests you, I saw him head to the saucer tops.
Lenore: Genmari's here? Great. Everyone else is in Midgar or far away. But I guess I have to go after him.
Vivian: Here, I'll show you where he went.
(Vivian runs off)
Lenore: Hmm... Vivian didn't seem to be very interested in stopping Gen before.... oh well.
(Lenore looks at Yuffie)
Lenore: I guess you want to get back to the dorm, now, huh? Don't worry about it, I guess I'll handle this alone. I mean, it's not like you HAVE to help.
Yuffie: Ah, whatever. I'm bored and I haven't done any battling that was story-line related in a while, so I'll come along.
Shake: Whatever.
Judith: Do I have to go? Well, it's good practice, I guess.
Vivian: Well, they went through this door.
(Lenore, Yuffie, Judith, and Shake run through the door)
(Judith almost runs off the edge of a gold saucer, which would have led her spiralling to her death)
Judith: WHOA! Outside? On the saucer roof tops?
Yuffie: Hey, what's all of those guys doing here?
(Vivian closes the door)
Lenore: What the....?
(Lenore runs up to the door)
Lenore: Locked? Vivian, what's going on?
Squire: Stop right there! We are the Lunaria army! You have been declared a threat to the great dark dragon of our planet, so we shall eliminate you right here!
Yuffie: Dammit! Those guys are coming for us!
Judith: Well, I can lock pick the door, but you guys will have to hold them off for a while.
Shake: Well, hurry it up!
Lenore: Why would Vivian... Damn!
(Sort of like the Myciplo battles, where you get to run around getting into battles)
Yuffie: Hmm.... there are some guys with bows in those elevated saucers, and a bunch of soldiers down there armed with maces.
Judith: BOWS?!? What, these people come from the stone age or something?
(Archers fire from the top of the saucer. An arrow stabs Judith)
Judith: AAAAAAGH! Dammit! Go get them!
(Judith drinks a tonic)
Yuffie: Sheesh. Ulp, here goes.
(Yuffie bounds across to the left saucer while Shake runs off to the right saucer)
Lenore: Dammit. Not being a ninja sometimes stinks. I don't even want to TRY jumping from saucer to saucer.
(Lenore blocks an arrow)
(Lenore casts her heal spell on Judith)
Yuffie: Die, evil-type-people-who-want-to-kill-us-for-a-reason-that-I-don't-know-but-it-must-be-an-evil-
reason-because-we're-the-good-guys!
(Yuffie blasts one of the squires with her shurikan)
(An arrow barely missesYuffie)
Yuffie: Ack! They might be primitive weapons, but bows
are ANNOYING.
(Two other squires smack Yuffie with their maces)
(Two more arrows fly at Yuffie)
(Yuffie notices that she still has to battle past two more saucers to get to the archers)
Yuffie: ........ Screw this...
(Yuffie quickly runs past the squires, jumps onto the next saucer, runs past a couple squires, jumps onto the next saucer, notices that Shake just ran into the squires she ran past, and jumps onto the saucer with the archers)
(Yuffie looks up at a big spiralling road)
Yuffie: Sigh. I have to run up this?
(Yuffie charges up the saucer while Shake gets pummeled)
Shake: THANKS A LOT for leaving these guys to me!
Yuffie: Woohoo!
(Yuffie assassinates the two archers)
(A knight smacks Yuffie in the back)
(Yuffie grabs the knight and throws him off the saucer)
Yuffie: I think we killed them all!
Lenore: Oh good! Hey, are you done yet?
Judith: Shut up! This takes time!
(Lenore kicks the door down)
Lenore: Hmm.....
Judith: ........
(Yuffie and Lenore arrive back at the dorm)
Yuffie: Whew! What a night.
Lenore: Hey, what is that Lifestream guy doing over there?
(Yuffie and Lenore look at Lars, who's talking to Nari)
Lars: Ah, hello. I'm so glad you came. I have something I need to tell all of you.
Yuffie: Hey, what's going on?
Lars: I've been thinking.... Nari, your team has advanced quite a bit, hasn't it?
Nari: Third place. Pretty good, but you know that.
Lars: I wish I could get in touch with your two original team members, but your two new members seem to be extraordinarily powerful for.... newbies.
Yuffie: That's me, extraordinarily powerful!
Lenore: I appreciate the complement.
Lars: I was wondering if you would like to join us.
Nari: Join you? For what?
Lars: We've been.... impressed by your abilities. I was initially planning to ask you, Nari, as well as the rest of your team, until it split up. But your new members a great, too. Perhaps they could help us out also.
Nari: What are you ranting about?
Lars: I'm telling you that you are each one of the eight Light Warriors!
Lenore: (Boy, is he in for a shock. This isn't even our own time zone)
Nari: What are you talking about?
Lars: Here, why don't you all have a seat? I'll explain.
Yuffie: (Hmm.... this is almost stranger than that opera)
(Yuffie and Lenore sit down)
Lars: It started long ago.......
As Lars spoke with the charm and savvy that seemed
unhuman. His words seemed to occupy the entire room. He spoke
about the grand times when heroes were born, how Kesley had started the
school in order to find those that were born to be heroes. Ones that
could easily fell twenty to thirty normal human beings ALONE. Ones
which were able to defeat enormous monsters and machines that no one thought
were possible to defeat. Yet these heroes were always by destiny
damned to never be allowed to travel in large groups, up to five at the
max. Lars was searching for the eight greatest heroes in the land,
and was sure that he had found them here at Kesley's school. Together,
they could unite into something larger than the pathetic paltry parties
of five, and truly bring about good to the world. Power, riches,
fame, or the ability to do kindness, spread good works, and just be a darn
nice guy. He could offer it all, if only his offer would be accepted......
(Yuffie, Lenore, and Nari are staring blankly)
Lars: Well?
Yuffie: OH! Um..... could you repeat that?
Lars: .....
Yuffie: Just kidding.
Lars: Just consider it.
(Lars leaves)
Nari: I don't know why, but I feel like I HAVE to take up his offer.
Yet there's something in the back of my head... that just keeps bugging
me about it.
Yuffie: Yeah, me too.
Lenore: ARGH! Yuffie, why are we even considering this?
This isn't even our own time zone! And why the heck do I have this
damn headache all of a sudden?
(Yuffie's bandana flashes)
Yuffie: YEOUCH! What the heck was that? That never happened
before.
Nari: Maybe I'll have to tell him that we refuse, then........
Lenore: Eight Light Warriors..... hmm....... Could it be..... Genmari?
Yuffie: My head hurts like hell thanks to him. Must be because
he talked too fast. Let's get some sleep.
Lenore: Yeah...