(Ethereal Void.  Psychic Thunder's battleground.  It's just a big black mass of nothingness, like when Yuffie fought Brand)

(Lars is standing in front of and looking at Psychic Thunder, which consists of the spiky haired Ki Ra Yo, his girlfriend Akira, the astute and serious Drexler, and the proud Brand)

Ki Ra Yo:  And you understand we want only the best.

Akira:  The ones we selectively chose should do it.

Drexler:  It has already been decreed that they shall be victorious.

Brand:  I'll make sure that only the best are chosen.
 
 

(Flash to Golden Saucer Hospital)

Ki Ra Yo's voice:  We definately want her.  She's a much better fighter than anyone would suspect.

(Lars walks past the doctors and up to a patient's bed)

Lars:  Now that you're well again, did you consider my offer?

(Saki jumps out of bed)

Saki:  What would the Dark Dragon have for me?

Lars:  What does the academy have?

Saki:  It's not fair!  I deserve to win!  But something always goes wrong!  Why was I cursed with such bad luck?

Lars:  Because THEY decreed it.  But should you help HIM, then you'll be able to get back at them.

(A grim reaper is following Saki around)

(Saki and Lars start walking out of the room, but the door that has just started to close slams in Saki's face)

Saki:  OW!

(The grim reaper smiles)

Lars:  I assure you that...

(A patient is quickly being wheeled to the emergency room, and Saki is run over in the process)

Lars:  You'll never have to fear this "bad luck" again.

(Saki gets up)

Saki:  Hmm.....

(Saki glares at the grim reaper)

Saki:  Dammit, Garf, stop that!

(Garf takes off his grim reaper robe)

Garf:  Sorry, Saki!  I'm bored.

Saki:  Well, don't bother me about it.

(Saki turns and starts talking with Lars)

Garren:  That was mean.

Gern:  Yea, making fun of her prediction from Drexler like that.

Garf:  I was only joking around.  Where's Marankalanevshkofk?

Garren:  He's busy performing brain surgery.

Lars:  So you believe me then?

Saki:  Sure.  I thought Drexler was joking when he said what was going to happen... but it all makes sense now!

Garf:  It does?  All he said was that you were fated to die!  He said the exact same thing Drexler did, and you believe him that easily?

Lars (a bunch of word bubbles appear over his head):  Of course she does!

Garf:  Oh!  Ok!  Now it makes sense.  Sorry about that.

Lars:  (This orb is more powerful than I thought....)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

(Back at the Ethereal Vortex, Lars walks up to Psychic Thunder, but they all have angry looks on their faces)

Lars:  What?  Is something wrong?

Brand:  Pray tell, Lars, why you didn't get the ones I recommended.  Which were the cream of the crop, the greatest of all the hero characters, for nothing picks out a hero like I can!

Lars:  .......

Ki Ra Yo:  That's it, isn't it?  You can't?  You know what this means...

Akira:  Please, Lars.  You have to.

Drexler:  The future will be uncertain if you don't.

Lars:  Patricia, Sephiroth, Franchesca, I will NOT force them into this.

(Lars leaves)

Brand:  Grr.... he'll regret it.

Akira:  Brand!

Brand:  Well, I can't just let him get away with this.

Ki Ra Yo:  Lars might be getting out of control.

Drexler:  I.... I do not see him bringing any harm upon our plan.

Akira:  Well, there you have it!  He's harmless.  We don't have to kill him or anything.

Brand:  ......Harmless, eh?  Well, it doesn't matter.  Nothing will stop us, no matter what.
 
 

(Wutai Harbor)

(Yuffie, Lenore, and Shake walk in)

Yuffie:  I feel that we're going in circles, here.  Where the heck is Judy?

Lenore:  She stayed behind at the Wutai capital for some reason.

(Gorky, and a tall man in a blue army uniform run up to Yuffie)

Gorky:  I think this is it, Garrant!

Garrant:  Hmm.... yes, she does fit the description!  Soldier!  Where have you been?

Yuffie:  Huh?  Me?

Garrant:  We can not stand for this lack of discipline!  Get down and do 50, then report to the office immediately!

(Garrant glares at Yuffie)

Garrant:  WELL?!?

Yuffie:  Well, what?  Who do you think you are?

Gorky:  Quite rebellious for a clockwork, isn't she?

Garrant:  Make a note to talk to Edrick about these new talking models.

Gorky:  Yes, I do agree that I like the ones that don't talk back.

Garrant:  Well, take her to the office for debriefing.

(Gorky picks up Yuffie and carries her away, as Garrant follows)

Yuffie:  HEY!!!

Shake (Like Nelson on Simpsons):  HA HA.
 
 
 

(Small office room with a little chalkboard in front.  Two clockworks are sitting down.  One of them looks like a man in red armour, while the other is a big brown robot that resembles a big brown garbage can with eyes)

Paladin type Clockwork, Lariot:  ......

Giant type Clockwork, Uther:  ......

(Gorky kicks open the door, runs in, and puts Yuffie down on one of the chairs)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAAAAH!  How demeaning!  I'm going to tell my father on you!

Garrant:  Quiet, soldier!

Gorky:  I don't think Edrick cares about how we treat his clockworks, anyway.

Garrant:  Ok, now here's the mission!  We just recieved word from Aria that Shinra is INDEED planning to attack us.  Maybe not in the near future, but eventually they will strike!

Gorky:  Yea, they already took out the land of Promise up north, and a whole bunch of countless other nations.  They are feigning that they want peace, but that's only to get us off guard.

(Yuffie is raising her hand)

Garrant:  WHAT?

Yuffie:  Oh, oh!  What is Aria doing?

Garrant:  .....

Gorky:  .....newbie clockworks........no, I do not like this new model.  It appears that the Material Hunter version is greatly over rated.

Garrant:  Aria is our top secret spy!  Her work is so secret that not even her brother knows that she's spying for Wutai!  Now be quiet!

Gorky:  Anyway...

Garrant:  Uther, brief her on the mission!

(Uther walks up to the chalk board, makes a bunch of gesturing motions, points to some pictures, gestures some more, and points again.  He then looks at Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Huh?

(Uther makes a bunch of gesturing motions, points to some pictures, gestures some more, and points again)

Yuffie:  What?

(Uther ANGRILY makes a bunch of gesturing motions, points to some pictures, gestures some more, and glares at Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Um...

(Uther jumps up and down pointing to the chalk board)

Garrant:  USELESS!

(Garrant slaps Yuffie at the back of her head)

Yuffie:  OW!

Gorky:  She seems to have trouble listening to orders.  Maybe something is wrong with her communicator?

Garrant:  Have it fixed.

(Gorky walks up to Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Touch me again and I'll send a bunch of really spiky shurikans up your arse!

(Gorky pulls at Yuffie's bandana)

Yuffie:  Hey!

Gorky:  Here's the problem.  It's not turned on!  Ack!  The switch is rusty.  Must not have been used for years.

Garrant:  This type of inefficiency is inexcusable!  Edrick will pay for this!

Gorky:  Ok!  It's done!

Yuffie:  What did you do?

Garrant:  Now, Uther, brief her on the mission.

Uther (Communicates via radio):  (We will be dropping into a top secret shinra base in the sleeping forest.  Aria already took out the communication systems there.  We must get in, take no prisoners, get the information files there, and get out.  If done correctly, Shinra will never know it was Wutai that attacked.  We have plans to make it look like a rebel group from Promise was the group that took out the base.  Any questions?)

Yuffie:  Um.....

Garrant:  Embark immediately!

(A helicopter that is much more advanced than the crappy shinra copter lands)
 
 
 
 
 

(The helicopter is flying over the jungle)

Yuffie:  Air sickness!  URK!

Garrent:  THE HELL??
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

(The helicopter, high in the air, opens its door.  A whole bunch of wind and windy noise and helicopter propellar noise is screeching in as Garrant is yelling)

Garrant:  GO GO GO!

(Uther and Lariot jump out of the helicopter)

Yuffie:  JUMP?  But...

(Gorky kicks Yuffie out)

Yuffie:  AIEEEEEEE!
 
 
 
 

(The middle of the sky.  Parachutes pop out of Uther's and Lariot's backs.  All is quiet as they slowly fall)

Lariot:  (I do say, old chap.  These Shinra shall surely fall before us.  My blade shalt deal them swift justice, whilst thy light brings terror upon their souls!)

Uther:  (Just remember to stick to the mission.)

Lariot:  (Ah, yes, the mission!  We must not stray from it.)

Uther:  (Whatever.)

Lariot:  (That new girl.  She seems to be kinda... odd.  Praytell, do you know what's going on with her?)

Uther:  (She must have been rushed out of the factory.)

Yuffie:  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Yuffie quickly falls past Uther and Lariot)

Lariot:  (She seems to have forgotten to let loose her built in floatation contraption.)

(A slamming noise is heard)

Uther:  (Nah, I'm sure she's just biding her time.  Clockworks aren't that stupid.)

(Lariot and Uther slowly land to the ground.  Lariot quickly runs over to Yuffie, who's lying face down implanted into the floor)

Lariot:  (Art thou alright?)

(Yuffie quickly gets up, leaving a Yuffie shaped hole in the ground)

Yuffie:  $@$#@$$#........

Uther:  (Come on!)

(Uther, Lariot, and Yuffie run up to a small building)

Shinra soldier:  What the...!?

(Uther grabs the soldier and slams him into the ground)

(Lariot smashes the soldier's helmet to pieces, then elbows him in the head)

Shinra soldier:  Ouch!  Why the hell did you two do that?

(Uther opens up his chest, revealing a bunch of laser cannons that blast the Shinra soldier)

Shinra soldier:  OW!!!!!  You SHOT ME?  You can't just go around shooting people!

(Lariot slashes the soldier)

Shinra soldier:  OW!!!!  YOU SLASHED ME IN MY ARM!  What the hell did you do that for?

(Uther and Lariot kill the soldier)

Lariot:  (How stupid, that the auther of this fic must use something so nondescriptive as "kill the soldier.")

Tiamat:  Shaddup.

(Uther, Lariot, and Yuffie quickly mop up all the soldiers in the near vicinity)

Yuffie:  (Hey, you guys are pretty good!)  Um.... did I just think that out loud?

Uther:  (No time for talk!  Get in!)

(Uther, Yuffie, and Lariot charge up to the big door way of the building.  A bunch of laser cannons pop out of the wall and
fire at them.  Yuffie gets charbroiled)

Yuffie:  ......Oooook, you can cut out the "Make Yuffie hurt" crap....

Uther:  (It seems that Material Hunters don't withstand too much.  Lariot, provide cover for her.)

Lariot:  (Certainly.)

(Lariot uses "cover" on Yuffie)

(Lariot dives in front of all the lasers aimed at Yuffie and takes the hits for her)

Yuffie:  (Um..... thanks?)

(Uther spins around, firing a bunch of shadow beams and destroying all the lasers)

(Soldiers are on the other side of the door waiting)

Soldier:  We're being invaded!  Someone tell Reeve, quickly!

Soldier:  Here they come!  Get ready!

(A fist flies through the door, breaking it down and punching out one of the soldiers.  It then returns to Uther)

Soldier:  Fire!

Yuffie:  Oh great, now I'm gonna get blasted again.

(Lariot gets blown to smithereens as he jumps in front of Yuffie.  Uther, Lariot, and Yuffie quickly take out the soldiers)

Uther:  (You ok?)

Lariot:  (Don't worry about it.)

(Lariot casts cure2 on himself)

Yuffie:  Magic, too?

(Yuffie, Uther, and Lariot get past a bunch of soldiers and sweepers (those shinra mechs) until they get to the main room)

(Silence as the door closes behind them)

(Reeve is looking at the computers.  On the monitors are views of the base from various security camera posts)

Reeve:  Ah... welcome.

(Reeve turns around)

(Shinra music starts)

Reeve:  Good work!

(Reeve walks up to Uther)

Reeve:  It looks like you pulled out all the stops, Aria, using only the most advanced clockworks.  I didn't even know the material hunter was anywhere near completion.

(Reeve looks at Yuffie)

Reeve:  You think you got me again, eh, Aria?  Now that I'm trapped here and defenseless...  I still remember the last time we met.  I remember it well.

(Reeve walks back to the computers, then turns to face Uther)

Reeve:  Shall we have a contest?  Your clockworks vs mine!  Wutai always brags that their clockwork models are the best, but we shall see about that.

(Reeve smiles as he takes a small ball out of his pocket.  He presses a button on the ball, and it enlarges to the size of his hand)

Reeve:  GOOOOOOOOOO, Chocoball!

(Enter boss battle.  Carnival music.  Reeve is standing there)

Reeve:  Kupochu, I choose you!

(Reeve slams the ball down and it opens.  A yellow moogle with brown zigzag stripes pops out)

Kupochu:  Kupo... KupoCHU!

Reeve:  Kupochu, Thundershock!

Kupochu:  KUPOCHU!

(Kupochu shocks Yuffie and Lariot, but it does no damage to Uther)

Yuffie:  What the HELL is this?

(Yuffie darts a shurikan at Kupochu)

(Lariot sets cover to Yuffie)

(Uther runs up to Kupochu and crushes it)

(Reeve uses a super potion on Kupochu)

Reeve:  Kupochu, quick attack!

(Kupochu runs up to Yuffie and jumps at her, but Lariot jumps in front of it and blocks)

(Yuffie runs up to Kupochu and slashes it)

(Uther uses some of his energy to blast Kupochu with a huge barrage of lasers)

(Lariot slashes Kupochu)

(Reeve throws a chocoball that bops Uther on the head)

Reeve:  Kupochu, THUNDERBOLT!

Kupochu:  KUPOCHU!

(Kupochu fills the room with thunder that does lots of damage to Yuffie and Lariot, but none to Uther)

(Yuffie uses clear tranquil)

(Lariot casts cure 2 on himself)

(Uther's fist flies at Kupochu and punches it rapidly, sending it flying to the ground)

Kupochu:  Kupochu....

Reeve:  Eek!  Kupochu, return!

(Reeve holds out a chocoball that sucks Kupochu in)

Reeve:  LEVELLATHON!

(Reeve slams down a chocoball, and a huge rock Leviathon pops out)

Levellathon:  ROAR!

Yuffie:  Holy crap, that thing is big!

(Levellathon slams into Lariot and does 1 hp)

Yuffie:  Holy crap, that thing is weak!

(Levellathon, despite his big size, does very little damage when he slams into anyone or tries to crush them or whatever.  In fact, what is the point of Levellathon?  Why does it suck so much?  Onix has got to be the most worthless pokemon.... er, wait... forget I said that)

(Lariot breaks Levellathon's thick armour skin, then Uther blows it away)

Reeve:  Argh!  Levellathon, return!

(Reeve holds out his chocoball, which sucks Levellathon back in)

Reeve:  Pugsly!

(Reeve slams down a chocoball, and a fish with a lantern pops out)

Pugsly:  Pugsly!

(Pugsly starts running in circles)

(Reeve throws a chocoball at Lariot, which bops him in the head)

(Uther punches Pugsly)

(Puglsy unleashes his charged step mine on Uther)

(Reeve uses a super potion on Pugsly)

(Lariot smacks Pugsly on the head with his sword)

Pugsly:  PSI YAI YAI!

Reeve:  Curses, Pugsly, return!

(Reeve holds out his chocoball, which sucks Pugsly back in)

Reeve:  You think you're so hot, don't you?  Now face the ultimate clockwork, CHEESE!

(Reeve slams down a chocoball, and Mewtwo in a cheese costume pops out)

Mewtwo:  SAY CHEESE!

Uther:  (That's not a clockwork!  That's the cheapest and most powerful pokemon, Mewtwo!)

Mewtwo:  I'm not Mewtwo!  I'm Cheese the clockwork!

(Mewtwo.... er, Cheese uses his ludicrously powerful psychic attack to fry Yuffie's and Lariot's mind.  It does no damage to Uther)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!  MY HEAD IS BURNING!

(Yuffie kneels down)

Reeve:  You can not beat the power of Cheese!  His ludicrously high stats and his ability to use a buttload of technical machines, lack of any significant weaknesses, and the fact that Nintendo even bothered to put such an overbalancing pokemon in the game of pokemon will destroy you!

Mewtwo:  Ho-Cheese!

(Uther blasts Mewtwo)

(Mewtwo uses recover)

Reeve:  He can heal, he can use any type of elemental attack, he has VERY high offense, defense, speed, special, and hp, and he was easy to find!  He is the ultimate in cheesiness!

Mewtwo:  Cheese!

(Cheese blasts Yuffie with a blizzard, fries Lars with a thunderbolt, and fires a hyper beam at Uther)

Yuffie:  Aw damn....

(Yuffie, Lars, and Uther try to fight Cheese, but he simply recovers himself)

Reeve:  Cheese, finish them off with a psychic attack!

Mewtwo:  CHEESE!

(Lariot and Yuffie brace themselves for another psychic blast, but nothing happens)

Reeve:  What?  OUT OF PP?

Mewtwo:  Uh oh.  No more ammo.

(Uther crushes Mewtwo)

Mewtwo:  BLAAAAGH!

(Mewtwo dies)

(Carnival music ends)

Uther:  (Are you done yet?)

Reeve:  Damn!  I guess I lose again.  Hmph.

(Reeve walks back to the computer)

Uther:  (Well, let's take him out)

Lariot:  (What about getting the information?)

Reeve:  Ha!

Aria:  Beaten again, Reeve?

(Aria jumps out of the shadows)

Yuffie:  J... Judith?

(Yuffie looks at Aria, who's a pallet swap of Judith with blue instead of black clothes)

Aria:  Hmm... the new materia hunter clockwork seemed to have performed adequately.

Reeve:  Bah!  You got lucky, Aria!

Aria:  Well, your luck has run out.  So, will you talk or shall I have to slit your throat?

Reeve:  Ever the fine negotiator, eh?  Well, as it is, I do have something interesting to tell you.

(Reeve turns on one of the computer monitors)

(an image of a forest village burning down)

(another image on another monitor of a desert fort laid to waste)

(another image of an ice castle with dead bodies all around it)

Aria:  Hmm.... so?  President Shinra is a powerhungry menace.  What else is new?

Reeve:  Count the number of nations left.  You'll find that the only two in existence are Wutai and the Shinra.

Aria:  Of course.  I knew they were planning to attack long ago.  Shinra might have more territory than us, but a hundred samurai could beat a thousand Shinra MPs anyday.  That, and our clockworks are better.

Reeve:  Oh?  Stressing quality over quantity?  Well, Shinra has their own group of elite.

(An image of Kesley's academy shows up)

Reeve:  Over here, at a special academy, we are training a new breed of fighters.  They are simply called, "Soldiers."  They are genetically engineered to reach their utmost potential, and could easily take out an entire army, each!

Aria:  Shinra create something competant?  That's a laugh.

Yuffie:  They're not soldiers!  They're called, "Gifted."  And they aren't genetically engineered!  Well, cept for maybe Sephiroth.

(Reeve glares at Yuffie with a surprised look on his face)

Reeve:  WHAT?  What the hell would you know?!?  You're just a damn new model of clockwork!  Shut up!

Aria:  A clockwork that jumps to conclusions.  Edrick must have been drunk when he designed it.

Yuffie:  SHADDUP!

Aria:  And it talks back, too.  But anyway, I'm not afraid of your little "soldiers."  What proof do you have that they're so powerful, anyway?

Reeve:  Well, they sure kicked the tar out of Clockwork Terror during that last Myciplo game.

Uther:  (Grr....)

Lariot:  (Truly Black Shadow was a worthy foe)

Aria:  Those were soldiers?

Reeve:  Yes, and they were only mediocre compared to the strongest ones.

Aria:  Hmm...

Reeve:  But you could stop them now, before it's too late.  If you lay a direct attack on their academy when they're unprepared, you could take them out before they have a chance to stop you.  For it has been proven that Soldiers always lose in a surprise attack.

Aria:  I still don't think you're telling the truth.

Reeve:  Believe what you will.  But that's all the information I have for you.

Aria:  That's it?  Then I can get back to killing you.

Reeve:  Ah ha!  But like always, I have an escape plan!

(All the monitors turn on.  Dead soldiers are all around the base)

Reeve:  As you can see, I have reinforcements!  You are surrounded!  Now YOU are the one that's trapped!

Yuffie:  Um... is it just me, but are those guys dead?

Reeve:  WHAT?

(Reeve looks at the monitors)

Reeve:  What the hell?!?

Aria:  You sent for dead reinforcements.  Why did you do that?

(Reeve glares at one screen, where Brand is standing in front of a young man with a tuxedo and top hat and a dark haired girl wearing bright blue clothes and flowers in her hair)

Brand:  Reeve!  We know what you're up to, and we won't have you interfering.

Dancer of delight, Karda:  We still have a use for the academy!

Master of magic, Maslow:  Es de magika!

Reeve:  ARGH!  KESLEY!!!!!!!!!

Aria:  What?  What happened?!?

Reeve:  There's your damn proof!  Those three people just killed all of my reinforcements!!!

Brand:  Three?  Actually, I just watched.  It was these two that killed them all.  But I could've killed them all by myself with one hand tied behind my back if I wanted to.

Aria:  Those two killed all those soldiers?!?

Maslow:  Karda!  We shall finish off the survivors, so no one will know about the warriors of light!

(Maslow and Karda enter the building)

Yuffie:  Hmm.  Powerful.

Aria:  Well, my clockworks finished off your initial group.  It'll be interesting to see how they fare against these... "soldiers."

Reeve:  Damn that Kesley!  She's trying to kill me!

Brand (on monitor):  Oh, I assure you that Kesley knows nothing about this.

Reeve:  $(@#)($#$ liar....

Aria:  Well?  Go take them out!

Yuffie:  ME?

Aria:  YES!  But withdraw in a minute.  I only want to test their power.

Yuffie:  Damn slave driver... just as bad as her daughter.

(Yuffie, Lariot, and Uther leave)

Yuffie:  Save point!  I'm not going through that dialogue again.

(Yuffie runs up to the save point and saves the game)
 

Maslow:  Ah ha.  Clockworks!  Just puppets on strings.

Karda:  Ha ha ha...
 

(Maslow casts lightning, but it doesn't do anything to Uther)

Yuffie:  (How the heck is Uther invulnerable against magic, anyway?)

Lariot:  (He's an atheist.)

Yuffie:  (What the hell does that have to do with anything?!?)

Lariot:  (Beats me, but it makes him strong against magic.)

Yuffie:  .......

(Karda starts spinning around)

(Yuffie darts a shurikan at Maslow)

(Maslow casts fire on Yuffie)

(Lariot sets cover to Yuffie)

Lariot:  (It's definately taxing to one's patience to always have to protect the weak)

Yuffie:  (Oh shuddap!)

(Uther punches Maslow)

(Karda waves her ribbon, and the screen flashes for a brief sec)

Yuffie:  OW!!!  What the hell hit me?

Lariot:  (She's using sorcery!  The witch must burn!)

Uther:  (No she's not!  That did damage to me, too.  Magic wouldn't do damage to me.)

(Maslow slashes Lariot with his scythe)

(Lariot breaks Maslow's scythe)

Karda:  You're show is just beginning!

(Karda spins around, and a bunch of confetti falls from the air)

(The confetti slashes Yuffie, Uther, and Lariot)

Yuffie:  Sharp confetti?!?

Aria:  They don't seem that tough...

(Maslow casts lightning and fire at the same time on Yuffie)

Brand:  Could you guys stop playing around?  We don't have all day.

Karda:  Hmph.

(Maslow waves his broken scythe and a huge dark mist slams into Yuffie's party)

(Aria walks over)

Aria:  Yawn.

Brand:  Hmm.... now that I think about it... aren't you that girl that I selected?

(Brand glares at Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Who, me?

Brand:  Yea... Lars talked to you, didn't he?  What the heck are you doing over there?  Get over here, now!

Yuffie:  Um... whatever.

(Yuffie runs over to Maslow and Karda's side)

(Yuffie, Maslow, and Karda fight Uther and Lariot for a couple turns)

Aria:  HEY!  What the hell are you doing?  You're supposed to be OUR clockwork!  Get back over here!

Yuffie:  OOPS!

(Yuffie runs over to Uther and Lariot's side)

(Yuffie, Uther, and Lariot fight Maslow and Karda for a while)

Brand:  UM, HELLO?   We'll seriously have to reconsider your invitation if you keep this up!

Yuffie:  Well, we can't have that, can we?

(Yuffie runs over to Maslow and Karda's side)

(Yuffie, Maslow, and Karda fight Uther and Lariot for a couple turns)

Aria:  Do you want me to get Edrick to send you to the scrap factory?!?

Yuffie:  Can't have that either!

(Yuffie runs over to Uther and Lariot's side)

(Yuffie, Uther, and Lariot fight Maslow and Karda for a while)

Brand:  Enough of this!  Kill the damn girl!

Maslow:  But of course!

(Maslow casts lit2 and fire2 in a row, and Aria is blasted four times by each spell!)

(Karda spins around and a huge wind spins and slashes Aria)

(Aria gets slammed to the ground)

Aria:  OW!

Yuffie:  Whoa!

Brand:  Kill Aria, kill Yuffie, whatever.  Doesn't matter.

Yuffie:  I'm going on their side!

(Yuffie runs behind Maslow and Karda)

Uther:  (This was not in the mission profile)

Lariot:  (Perhaps we should have a hasty withdrawal!)

(Uther waves his hand and the Wutai helicopter crashes down through the ceiling. Uther grabs Aria, and he and Lariot jump in)

Brand:  What the...?

(The helicopter flies away)

Brand:  ARGH!  They got away!  Well, we'll have to kill Reeve, at least... huh?  Where is he?

(Reeve, hanging on to the back of the helicopter unnoticed by its passengers, sticks his tongue out at Brand)

Reeve:  I wonder what the in-flight movie is...

(Lars runs over)

Lars:  Well?  Did you get them?

Brand:  Nope.  But it doesn't matter.  Reeve can't do anything to us.  Come on, we have to go pick up the rest of the chosen.

Lars:  You know what you're doing, right?

Brand:  HA!  I'm never wrong!
 
 

(Lars, Brand, Maslow, Karda, and Yuffie walk over to a buggy parked in the forest)

Yuffie:  Hey!  It's the golden saucer buggy!

(All of them step in and the buggy drives off)
 
 

(Rocket town)

Lenore:  Ooook, so what now?

Franchesca:  We can't just leave someone behind!  What do you mean that some guy ran off with Yuffaruni?

Lenore:  I think he mistook her for someone else.

Nari:  Great, now we'll need another replacement.

(The buggy drives over and Yuffie jumps out)

Lenore:  Oh!  There she is!

Yuffie:  Hiya!

(Lars walks out)

Lars:  Nari!  Lenore!  You remember my invitation, right?

Nari:  Huh?

Lars:  You know what I'm talking about!

Franchesca:  Dammit, Lars!  You know how angry Trisha gets when you use her buggy without permision!

Lars:  If she didn't want me to use it, then she wouldn't have left her keys lying right out in the open... or at least in that heavily locked safe that was hidden in the wall behind the secret door that was lying right out in the open!

Franchesca:  Oh nevermind.  We're heading back to the academy.

Lars:  May I have Yuffie, Lenore, and Nari accompany me for a moment?  I need to talk with them about some business.

Franchesca:  Business?  I don't know...

(Talk bubbles appear above Lar's head)

Lars:  But I must talk to them about business!

Franchesca:  Well, if you have to talk with them about business, then go ahead.

Lars:  Thanks!  Come on.

Yuffie:  Where are we going?

Lars:  To the initiation meeting of the Warriors of Light.

Yuffie:  Um... who said I was joining?

Lenore:  Yea...

Lars:  But you're supposed to join.

Nari: We are?

Lars:  Yes.

Yuffie:  Who said so?

Lars:  I did.

Lenore:  Hmm... who made you boss?

Lars:  Ki Ra Yo did.

Yuffie:  Kinda stuck up, thinking we have to listen to you.

Lenore:  Yea!  You don't have the right to boss us around!

Lars:  Wait, this isn't right!  You're supposed to be listening to me.

Yuffie:  No way!

(Yuffie slaps Lars)

Lenore:  Yea!

(Lenore slaps Lars)

Nari:  Um... what they said!

(Nari slaps Lars)

Brand:  Having a little girl trouble, Lars?

Lars:  Be quiet!  What's wrong?

Brand:  Maybe you need to talk to them again.

Lenore:  Oh!  Wait, getting a psychic message here.

Yuffie:  What?

Lenore:  It's Kiryou.  She says to look out for Genmari, who's going to attend some light warrior meeting because those are the eight guys he's looking for!

Yuffie:  Then I guess you can't miss the meeting, then, huh?

Lenore:  This is the perfect chance to find out what's going on!

Lars:  You're coming, then?

Lenore:  Certainly.

Nari:  I guess.

Yuffie:  Whatever.

(Yuffie, Nari, and Lenore enter the dune buggy)

(Lars rubs his cheek, then enters)

Franchesca:  Where does Brand find these freaks?

Shake:  Yo!  How can you leave without me?

Yuffie:  We can because we don't like you!

Shake:  Just for that, I'm coming along!

(Shake jumps into the buggy)

(Yuffie throws Shake out)

(Shake runs back in)

(The buggy drives away and to some far off temple)

(Everyone exits it and goes into the temple)

Akira:  What took you so long?

Brand:  Patience.  Quality takes time.

Akira:  Oh, just because you chose those four out makes you think that they're the best?

Brand:  Anything that I choose is the best.

Akira:  Shut up!

Lars:  Hello, my dear.

(Lars kisses Akira on the hand)

Akira:  Lars!  Good to see you back!

Lars:  Well then, shall we get started?

Akira:  Ki is not done picking out her choices yet.

Lars:  Well, we can still tell everyone else what's going on.  Have a seat.

(Lars motions to Yuffie, Nari, and Lenore)

(Yuffie sits down next to this guy with short green hair and a green tunic)

Last place forever, Phil:  Hey there!  I'm Phil!  One day, I was just travelling along on my merry way, when all of a sudden, this guy in a penguin suit comes along and invites me to join these Warriors of Light!  I really didn't care to join, but there was some sort of charm in his voice, so I just HAD to!  So here I am!  What are you doing here?

Yuffie:  Beats me.

Phil:  REALLY?  Me too!  We have a lot in common.

Yuffie:  Um... I think I'll move over here now.

(Yuffie takes a seat away from Phil)

Nari:  Saki!

Saki:  Nari!

(Saki and Nari run up to each other)

Nari:  Wow!  You recovered quickly this time!  Much faster than that time when you fell off that cliff while trying to see the sunset!

Saki:  Um... yeah.

Nari:  You're here, too?  Maybe I'll stick around with these guys, then, to see what's going on.

Saki:  You mean you actually were considering about not joining?

Nari:  Well, doesn't something seem strange here?  I mean, what the heck are we supposed to be doing, anyway?

Saki:  Making the world a better place.

Nari:  That's a kinda broad explanation...

Maslow:  Hmm.

Karda:  What better explanation is there?

(Lars runs in front of everyone)

Lars:  Let's see... Karda, Nari, Lenore, Yuffie, Saki, Maslow, and Phil.

Phil:  Hello!

Lars:  That's seven.  And Ki Ra Yo should be arriving with the last three for a total of ten.  Ten orbs.  That should do it.  So I guess I should tell you why we're all here.  Well, do you believe in predestiny?

Yuffie:  Sorta.  Aeris sure as hell did.  She knew she was going to die from day one.

Lars:  Well, did you ever wonder who determined everyone's destiny?  Who determined who dies, who lives, and who basically gets screwed throughout life?

Nari:  Well, Saki sure seems to have bad luck all the time!

Saki:  ....

Lars:  I found out that gods from above are manipulating our every move, controlling every life on this planet, every event, every action, all for their own amusement.  That's why there are hero characters, that's why there are generic characters, that's why some things can just never be prevented.  But now, I've found the tool to go up against these evil enslaving demons.  We won't stand for this any longer. For these fiends who shape our world in any way as they please!  We are going to stand up against them, once and for all, and never let them toy with us again.

Yuffie:  Is anyone falling for this bullcrap?

Lenore:  Yea, this seems kinda farfetched.

Nari:  I almost agree.

Saki:  Actually, it makes perfect sense.

Maslow:  That's why Master Seretzen's opera was closed.  Because the gods found it to be boring!

Phil:  That's why this happened to me and that happened to me and whatever whatever blah blah blah!  Um..... YEAH!

Shake(hypnotized):  Must... kill.... GODS!!!

Yuffie:  SHADDUP!!!  You weren't even invited to join, idiot!

(Yuffie smacks Shake)

Shake:  OW!  Actually, these guys are the idiots for actually thinking you're worth something!

Lars:  At any rate, these orbs normally have the power to make generic characters just as strong as hero characters, but we found that when used on hero characters, they make them as strong as... BOSS characters!

Yuffie:  Boss characters?

Lenore:  What the heck are those?

Nari:  I think he means those guys that always seem to be able to take on multiple hero characters at once.

Yuffie:  ?  Oh.... like... Palmer?

Lenore:  PALMER?

Yuffie:  Yea, he took on Cloud, me, and *insert FFVII person* all at once using that mako gun of his.  He lost, but he put up a surprisingly good fight for such a wierdo.  In fact, if that mean old truck didn't come along, he could've gotten very annoying.

Lenore:  Well, I think Genmari is akin to being a boss character.  Maybe these orbs could help us take him on?

Lars:  Hmm... I guess I should wait for Ki Ra Yo to get back before we start deciding who gets which orb.

Akira:  Oh!  Psychic message.  Um.... Ki Ra Yo says to hold off the proceedings for a while longer.

Brand:  Just how long?

Akira:  Oh, a couple days.

Brand:  WHAT?

(Lenore takes out a bottle and starts examining it)

Yuffie:  What's that?

Lenore:  This?  It's a special perfume I got from Midgar before I left for Wutai.

Yuffie:  Cool!  What's it do?  Can I look at it?

(Lenore hands Yuffie the perfume)

Lenore:  It...

Akira:  Oh wait!  Something else.  It's Drexler.

Lars:  What's with you guys and your private psychic transmisions, anyway?

Akira:  Um....

(Akira whispers something into Lar's ear and points to Lenore)

Lenore:  Hmm?

Lars:  Huh?  And you believe him?  Why do you always believe in his predictions, anyway?

Akira:  Lars, I've known Drexler for a long time!  I know to take him seriously.

Lars:  Ugh.  Very well.

(Lars walks in front of everyone)

Lars:  As a test of your mettle, I've brought to this meeting someone who wasn't chosen at all, but merely brought here for the purpose of... er, testing your mettle.

(The doors close)

Lars:  This girl, Lenore, was chosen by Brand because he felt she would be an adequate test for all of you.  It appears that she would cause trouble for us later if we don't get rid of her now, so who wants the job?

(Lenore and Yuffie look at everyone)

Nari:  B... but, I can't kill her!  She's part of my Myciplo team, and my friend... even though I only met her recently.

Shake:  KILL HER!

(Yuffie slams Shake on the head)

Shake:  Ow!  Oops, forgot, I wasn't invited.

Lars:  Well?

Yuffie:  Oh!

(Yuffie runs to everyone else)

Lenore:  Hey!

Yuffie:  Ugh... I'm not going to have to run back and forth again, am I?

Lars:  Who want's the job?

(Everyone glares at Lenore, including Shake)

(Yuffie is about to smack Shake again, but the walls slam down crushing her and everyone but Lenore)

Tenko:  Lenore!  We've come to get you out of here!

Marel:  Hurry up, before Ki Ra Yo and her stupid psychic sword of whoop-ass gets back!

Tenko:  We need to get on the Corel Railway nearby and get back to Midgar.

Lenore:  Right!

(Tenko, Marel, and Lenore quickly leave)

(Brand and Lars push the wall back up)

Yuffie:  OW!!!

Nari:  Oooook, that was annoying.  But I'm glad to see that she escaped.

(Everyone but Yuffie glares at Nari)

(Yuffie smacks Shake)

Yuffie:  STOP THAT, DAMMIT!

Lars:  Ahem.  We have other things to do.  We'll be waiting for Ki Ra Yo to return with her choices, then we'll get back to this discussion.  Do whatever you want until then, but return here in three days.  I'll give you your starter orbs until then.

(Lars starts handing out some orbs)

(Lars gives an orb to Maslow)

Maslow:  Es de magika!

(Lars gives an orb to Karda)

Karda:  *grins*

(Lars gives an orb to Phil)

Phil:  Hi there!

(Yuffie looks at Phil, who smiles at her)

Phil:  I'm Phil!

Yuffie:  Um, whatever.

Phil:  Hello!

(Lars gives an orb to Saki)

Saki:  Kewl!

(Lars gives an orb to Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Hooray!

(Lars looks throughout his bag)

Lars:  Hmm... Ki Ra Yo took three orbs... there should be two left!!!  Where are they?

Nari:  Huh?

Lars:  Someone must have stolen them!

Brand:  Dammit!

(Akira has a nervous look on her face)

Brand:  BAH!  Drexler and I will find out who took them later.  Don't worry about it.

Lars:  Sorry, Nari, I'll have to hold off giving you an orb for a while.

Nari:  Drat.  Oh well.

Brand:  Hey Lars, did you set on your "monster talk" ability?

Lars:  Monster talk?

Brand:  Yea, the one in your orb.

Lars:  Monster talk?  What's that do?  How do I set it on?

Brand:  You didn't know after all this time?!?

(A little tutorial menu pops up on screen)

(Brand runs onto the menu)

Brand:  Now you see this?

(Brand points to the menu choice, "orb")

(Lars runs on the menu)

Lars:  Yea?

Brand:  Use the cursor to select this option.

(The little hand cursor moves over to the "orb" choice and clicks)

(The menu changes to the orb menu)

Brand:  Here you can allocate your AP points to the orb of your choice.  Select the orb from the menu up top.

Lars:  But I only have one orb.

Brand:  It's in case you get another orb, you idiot!  Now anyway, after selecting the orb, you can choose the ability you want to learn using your AP points, AKA job points.

Lars:  Oh!

Brand:  Put the cursor on the skill you want to learn...

(Brand moves the cursor down to the ability, monster talk)

Brand:  Choose it, and say you want to learn it.

Lars:  That makes sense.

Brand:  Then to set it on, pick that skill and choose set.  You can only have a set amount of each type of ability at a time.  Monster talk is an "innate type" ability.  In addition to this, there are also counter type, moving type, and command type abilities!

Lars:  Well by golly, it's all so simple now!

Brand:  I hope you enjoyed this little tutorial brought to you by the wonderful programmers of this game!

Lars:  What a great tutorial!  It sure tought me a thing or two!

Brand:  And now back to The Adventures of Yuffie Kisaragi.

Moggie:  Kupo!

(The tutorial ends)

Yuffie:  OoooooK, that was VERY wierd!

Lars:  Well, why are you all still sticking around?

Karda:  Oh!

(Everyone runs off)

Nari:  This is all so wierd.

Saki:  I like it!  I'll be back in three days.

(Saki leaves)

Nari:  Hmm... I need to talk with her.

(Nari leaves)

Yuffie:  And YOU had better not come back!  You weren't invited!

Shake:  Hmph.

Yuffie:  So.... now what?

Shake:  Beats me.

Yuffie:  What's that pretty smell?

Shake:  Beats me.

(Yuffie beats Shake)

Yuffie:  Idiot.

(Yuffie looks at the Chantage perfume bottle she's holding)

Yuffie:  OMIGAWD!

Shake:  What?

Yuffie:  I still have Lenore's special perfume!!!

Shake:  So?

Yuffie:  She said it was special!!!  She probably needs it to fight Genmari!!!!  Now he'll kill them all and it'll be all my fault and Genmari will take over the world and everyone will blame me!!!  AAAAAAAAAH!!!  I'll be the laughing stock of the year!

(Yuffie has a vision)

Lenore:  It's all your fault you bitch!

Cloud:  You suck!  I can't believe that I allowed such a moron to be my friend!

Reeve:  You're an idiot!

Everyone:  Yuffie Kisaragi is a stupid idiot!!!!

Yuffie:  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Shake:  Well, you ARE an idiot.

Yuffie:  Shaddup!  We have to return this.  Now where did Lenore run off to, anyway?

Shake:  Who knows?  We were all crushed at the time.

(Yuffie grabs Shake and runs for the direction she thought she saw Lenore go in)

Yuffie:  Ah ha!  The railway!

Impressario:  Last train!  All aboard!

Yuffie:  Hurry up!

(Yuffie and Shake quickly board the train as the door closes behind them)

Yuffie:  We made it.  Whew!

(Yuffie sits down)

Shake:  Is this the train they're on?

Yuffie:  Hey, did you see a blond haired girl, a spiky haired one, and a stereotypical hero board this train?

Impresario:  Nope.  Maybe they boarded the other train that left before this one did.

Yuffie:  Drat.  We'll have to catch up.  Oh well.

(Yuffie sits down.  Shake sits down across the isle from her)

(The train starts moving after a choo choo!)

(Phantom train music from FFIII starts)

Yuffie:  This train is nice.  Real pretty and sophisticated looking.

Shake:  Hmm....

Passengers:  Groan....

Passengers:  OOOOooooOOOOOOooo.....

Yuffie:  Service!  I'm hungry!

Waiter:  Ungh....

(The waiter leaves)

(The back door opens and Garren, Gern, Garf, and Marankalanevshkofk run in)

Garren:  Well that sucked.

Gern:  Yea.  Dying is a pain in the ass.

Garf:  Who's stupid idea was it to drive past that red light, anyway?

Garren:  Oh well.

Gern:  I'm hungry.

Garren:  Yea... I have a hankering.... for.... for...

Marankalanevshkofk:  Brains!!!

Garf:  Yea!

(Gern, Garren, Garf, and Marankalanevshkofk run off)

Yuffie:  Hmm...

(Yuffie takes a newspaper from the magazine holder in front of her)

(Yuffie starts reading as a bunch of passengers approach Shake)

Shake:  Um... hi?

Yuffie:  Interesting.  It says here that the Lord of Death is planning on teaming up with his three buddies again to become the new storyline gods.

Passengers:  Ugh.....

Shake:  Um...

(The waiter puts down a bowl of something on Yuffie's tray)

Yuffie:  Food!  Spaghetti!

Passengers:  Groan...

Shake:  Why is everyone surrounding me?

(Yuffie pokes the bowl of stuff)

Yuffie:  Dammit!  I hate it when the sphagetti solidifies together!  What kind of service is this?!?

Passengers:  Brains....

Shake:  Um... Yuffie?  I think we should get out of here.

Yuffie:  Not now, dammit.

(All the zombies start enveloping Shake)

Shake:  EEK!

(Due to her small size, Shake quickly runs in between the legs of the zombies and up to Yuffie)

Shake:  We really should go!

Yuffie:  Fine fine.  Hey, how do we get off this train?

Impressario:  Get off?  Well, you can stop it at the control room at the front of the train.

Yuffie:  Let's go.

(Yuffie grabs the newspaper and continues reading as she and Shake walk to the front of the train cart)

Yuffie:  Hmm... Phantom Train achieves new record.... over 600 people died to become it's passengers today.  They shall enjoy their luxerious ride to the land of the dead...

(Yuffie looks up at an advertisement on the wall of the train)

Yuffie:  Get frequent rider miles for riding the Phantom Train more....... HUH?  Wait a minute!!!!  I'm not dead!!!

Shake:  You will be if you don't hurry up!

(Yuffie looks at all the charging zombies behind her)

Yuffie:  AW CRAP!

(Yuffie and Shake quickly run from train section to train section and fight a bunch of undead in a pretty monotonous level)

Yuffie:  Are we at the engine yet?

Shake:  There it is.

(Yuffie and Shake quickly dash into the engine room, where some guy in a robe is managing the controls)

Yuffie:  Hey stupid old driver train guy, we want this train to stop!  We're not dead!

Shake:  YEA!

Lord of Death, Li:  Ha ha ha... you want it to stop?

(Li turns around.  He's like a jawa with his silly little glowing red eyes)

Li:  You are now one of us!  Accept your fate!

Yuffie:  No way!

Li:  Oh yea?

(Yuffie and Shake fight Li, who uses earth magic, for a brief moment)

Li:  Ha!  There is no escape!

(Li dissappears)

(Yuffie runs up to the controls)

Yuffie:  Oh no!

Shake:  What?

Yuffie:  The club!!!

(Yuffie and Shake look at the club that is keeping the controls locked)

Yuffie:  Great!  Now how do we stop this thing?  I want to get off!!!

(Yufie and Shake quickly run back outside and look at the dark forest flying by)

Yuffie:  This sucks.

(Yuffie and Shake look at all the undead in front of them)

Yuffie:  This really sucks.

Undead:  Brains......

Yuffie:  Now what?

Shake:  We die?

Yuffie:  Shaddup!

(The music stops)

Nathan:  Hey!

(Nathan, riding on a rocket skateboard, starts riding alongside the train)

Nathan:  How are things going?

Yuffie:  Nathan!  What the hell are you doing here?

Nathan:  I was worried!  You didn't come back from the Wutai trip, so I activated my tracker.

Yuffie:  You put a tracker on me?!?

Nathan:  No!  It was on you years ago!

Yuffie:  WHAT?!?

(Yuffie is about to dart a shurikan at Nathan)

Nathan:  Whoa!  I need to learn to shut up.

Shake:  Um... we don't have time for this.

Undead:  Ungh....

Nathan:  Need a ride?

Yuffie:  Get us out of here!

(Nathan throws some rocket boards over to Yuffie and Shake, who catch them and jump on them)

(Yuffie and Shake turn on their rocket skate boards then jump off the train)

(Yuffie, Shake, and Nathan start leaving the train behind)

Li:  HEY!!!!!  You can't escape!!!  Don't just stand there!  Get them!

Phantom Train:  Yessir!

    Ugh... another long boring narrative about Yuffie fighting the phantom train.  Um... it's like time crisis!  Yea!  You shoot things, bang bang!  And you dodge stuff, like the phantom train's evil toot move that shoots a bunch of pink ghosts at you and the wheels that fly off it all the while Li is casting magic and making a nuisiance out of himself but eventually Yuffie beats it anyway so...

Phantom Train:  Damn!  Fine, I'll let you go, but I first have one more stop to make!

Yuffie:  That's better!

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake jump back on the train)
 
 
 
 

(Outside Midgar)

Marel:  So then Jared said nothing, like always, and Yunil got really mad.

Kiryou:  Hmph.  Just like Jared.  Always too serious.

Lenore:  Jared's a nice guy!  You should get to know him better.

Tenko:  What's that?

(Choo choo noise)

(Tenko, Lenore, Kiryou, and Marel stare in horror as the phantom train flies right for them)
 

Marel:  Oh my god!!!

Lenore:  BREAK!

(Lenore, Marel, and Kiryou quickly dive out of the way)

(Tenko stares at the train, the puts his hand forward)

(The train slams into Tenko and explodes)

(Marel and Kiryou quickly run up to Tenko)

Marel:  AAAAAAAH!  Sir Tenko, are you all right?

(Yuffie, Shake, and Nathan come slamming down from the sky)

Yuffie:  OW!

Lenore:  Hmm... well, that was unexpected.

Yuffie:  Woohoo!  We got off that train!  It's about time we got off that stupid train!  For a minute there, I thought there weren't any getting off that train, but it turns out that there was!

Lenore:  Um, yea.  Yuffie, you don't have to get involved with this.  I'm perfectly fine without you tagging along.

Kiryou:  Can we get going now?  We have to get to Marilars Inc.

Lenore:  Yea, Genmari said that the eight light warriors worked for his grandfather, so if we take care of his grandfather, we won't have anything to worry about.

Tenko:  But security is tight so be careful.

(Tenko, Lenore, Kiryou, and Marel leave)

Yuffie:  Hmph!  Don't need me, huh?  Oh well.

Shake:  Um... weren't you supposed to return that perfume?

Yuffie:  Aw crap!  Dammit!  Where are we, anyway?

Nathan:  I think this is section 4 of Midgar.

Yuffie:  Well, better figure out where Marilars Inc. is.

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake run around town for a while until they get to Marilars Inc, a big skyscraper)

Rude:  Ahem!  There is no authorized entry for Marilars Inc!

Yuffie:  Dammit.  Now what?

Nathan:  Maybe we should search around and figure out a way in.

Yuffie:  Ugh...

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake spend hours running around town trying to figure out who to talk to until they finally have to end up bring items to various npcs and finding other npcs and doing all sorts of stupid crap until they finally get a passcard)

Yuffie:  Here!

Rude:  Hmm.... this isn't a passcard to Marilars Inc.

Yuffie:  DAMMIT!

(Yuffie punches Rude out)

Yuffie:  Come on!

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake run inside)

Soldiers:  INVADERS!

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake take out the grunts until they get to the top)

Yuffie:  Hello?

(Yuffie looks around the nursery at the top floor, then looks at the really old man in the chair)

Lars Sr:  MMmmmmMamamfmmmmsfmamsmmmmamfdsammm.

Yuffie:  Where the heck are they?

Nathan:  Beats me.

(Yuffie notices a small little funky looking fighter ship land outside and Lars quickly comes out of it then runs inside)

Lars:  What the hell are you doing?!?  Leave my father alone!

Yuffie:  This old man is your father?

Lars Sr:  MMMMMmwRAAMmmAAMmmmmAMmmm.

Lars:  See?  He doesn't like unexpected visitors.

Lars Sr:  MmMam.

Yuffie:  Umm.... is he retarded?

Lars:  What?  How dare you!  He's verbally impaired!

Yuffie:  Oh.  Well, at any rate, I can't leave.  I'm expecting someone.

Lars Sr:  MMMMmmmamammmmwerammsamfmmgm.

Lars:  What?  Me get rid of them?  But...

Lars Sr:  MMmmMMMADMmmmaf!

Lars:  Whatever.

    Lars held up his orb and it flashed.  He then preached about practical reasoning and how religion was made up by man, lowering Yuffie's faith and thus her magic ability.  Nathan blasted him with his laser, and Shake casted haste on herself.  Lars then insulted Shake's height, making Shake extremely angry and giving her beserk status.  Yuffie, mumbling about how Da Chao was a fraud, darted a shurikan at Lars.  Nathan powered up his bazooka and fired at Lars, causing a huge explosion in the room.  Lars then proclaimed a death sentence on Nathan.  Shake ran up to Lars and slashed at him like a crazy maniac because he said she was short.  Yuffie ran up to Lars and stole a dictionary from him.  Lars then threatened Yuffie that he'd tell everyone about her deepest secret, lowering Yuffie's bravery.  Nathan ran up to Lars and clumsily slashed him with his katana.  Shake, still very annoyed, screamed and punched Lars in the stomach.  Nathan's death sentence ran out and a grim reaper appeared and sliced him down with a scythe.  Yuffie quickly used a phoenix down on Nathan, while Lars praised himself for his wonderful achievements and increased his bravery.  Shake's berserk status had finally weared off, so Yuffie took the oppurtunity to do a combo attack and used her patented "Shake Drill Toss" on Lars, sending Lars slamming to the ground.

Lars Sr:  MMMMMMMMMM.

Lars:  Come on, Dad!  It's three on one, and you know I'm not a fighter!

(There is a knocking on the door)

Lars:  Huh?

Hojo's voice:  HEE HEE HEE!  Open up in the name of the law!  Tee hee hee!

Reeve's voice:  Lars Sr!  We demand that you let us in right NOW!

Lars Sr:  MMmmmammsmmfmfmsagmmgsdgm.

Lars:  What's going on?

(Lars opens the door and a bunch of shinra troops run in and secure the secured area.  Reeve and Hojo walk in)

Lars:  What's this all about?

Reeve:  AH HA!  We know that you and your company are planning to use Kesley's academy to take over the Shinra!  A Shinra outpost was attacked by some of Kesley's "gifted" just this week!  Your father, Lars, as the main financial supporter of Kesley's project, is now a primary suspect for TREASON!

Lars Sr:  MmmmmmmAMMMmmm.

Hojo:  Shut up!

Lars:  My father... suspect for treason?

Reeve:  We don't like traitors, Lars.  I radioed Tseng to bring Kesley here so that I could talk with her about this matter.  Oh, there he is now.

(The Shinra copter lands outside next to Lar's little space fighter thingy.  Tseng, Kesley, Sephiroth, Patricia, and Franchesca walk out and into the building)

Reeve:  Ah, Kesley!

Kesley:  Reeve, what the hell is going on?  I'm trying to prepare for the upcoming war with Wutai and suddenly Tseng tells me that I have to come with him because it was urgent.

Reeve:  Preparing for the war?  I know for a fact that you are preparing Wutai for the war against us!  You wanted to conquer Shinra all along, and now I have proof!  Your little "gifted" helped a Wutai clockwork squad take over our reconaisance outpost near Rocket Town!

Kesley:  What?  I never heard of this!

Lars:  .......

Sephiroth:  Lars, do you have any idea what's going on?

Lars:  Huh?  Me?  Um... no way!  These guys are here because they suspect my father, too, because he helps to fund Kesley's academy.

Sephiroth:  They suspect your father?!?

Patricia:  But he's a damn vegetable!

Lars Sr:  MMMMMmmmmFMUERUMmMFSJUMmmfdhmmfjm.

Lars:  Now you've gone and hurt dad's feelings....

(Crying is heard in the background)

Lars:  Oh great, and you woke up Genmari, too!

Franchesca:  This is stupid.  We never sent anyone to attack that outpost.

Reeve:  Yes you did!  You almost got me killed!  But now that I have proof of your plans, Kesley, I'm going to take you down once and for all!

Kesley:  .....

Patricia:  Can he do that?

Kesley:  It's possible.  President Shinra is in an extreme state of paranoia right now after news that Wutai attacked first.  Before now, Shinra always had first strike.

Sephiroth:  Damn!

Hojo:  Hmm....

Reeve:  Yep!  Strike up another point for the people and safety of Midgar.  I'm good!

Hojo:  Simpleton.  Don't you know?  I've already made an agreement with Shinra on Kesley's fate.

Reeve:  Huh?

Hojo:  The president has agreed to drop all charges of treason if you let us finally use your gifted in Shinra's armed forces.

Kesley:  WHAT!?  But I have my own use for them... er, I mean, they're still in training!

Hojo:  If you don't comply, you can expect a quick shut down of your stupid academy!

Kesley:  But...

Franchesca:  Don't worry, we can handle this.  We've always done okay, before.

Kesley:  But this isn't just an adventure!  It's a war!  And something seems very suspicious here.

Hojo:  You have to accept!

Kesley:  ......

Reeve:  Sigh, whatever.  As long as she's not using her students against us.

Patricia:  Are we going to put up with this?  I don't want to go to war!

Sephiroth:  We don't really have much of a choice.

Hojo:  Excellent....

(Kesley looks at Yuffie and Shake)

Kesley:  What the hell are you two doing here?  Shouldn't you have returned to the academy from the Wutai trip by now?

Yuffie:  Oops... um... well, Lars invited me to do some stuff!

Kesley:  What stuff, exactly?

Yuffie:  To...

Lars:  Just for some tea!  I invited her over for some tea!

Kesley:  ???

Lars:  At any rate, we need to be getting back to the academy to discuss this...

Hojo:  On the contrary, I already have a mission for you!

Kesley:  What?

Hojo:  The conquered nation of Promise is dangerously close to Wutai and still insecure from the time we recently conquered it.  I'm sure that Wutai will strike there first!  You must defend its border!

Kesley:  Who cares about that freezing hellhole?!?  It's just a land of useless snow, snow, and snow!

Hojo:  I CARE A LOT!  All my experiments... er... my vacation ski resort is there!

Kesley:  You're risking lives to protect a ski resort?

Hojo:  Um.... YEA!

Kesley:  .......

Patricia:  I don't want to go there!!!!

Yuffie:  I hate that freezing place!

Hojo:  Whine whine whine!  Stupid crybabies!

Reeve:  Hey, let's make Kesley go, too!  It'll be fitting for a traitor like her to freeze in that pit!

Hojo:  (OMG, what a $(@)ING idiot!  I don't want Kesley anywhere near my experiments!  It's bad enough that she's corrupting my Jenova Project!)  Shut up you stupid imbecile ignoramous!

Kesley:  I don't have to put up with this!  I refuse to listen to your stupid demands until you show me the proof that I specifically had my students attack your outpost!  Tseng, get the copter ready!  We're leaving!

Reeve:  Hmph!  I won't let you get away with overthrowing us.

(Kesley and everyone enter the helicopter)

Yuffie:  Dammit, guess I'll have to give Lenore back her stupid perfume later.

(The helicopter takes off)

Hojo:  Hmm.... Sephiroth will always be better than those stupid gifted, and I'll prove it!

Reeve:  Huh?

Hojo:  Oh nevermind, simpleton!
 
 

(It's nighttime by now and everyone is in the helicopter)

Kesley:  What a jerk.

Patricia:  I never want to go to the ice isle!  I have nightmares of that place!

Sephiroth:  Don't owrry, Trisha.  I'll get to the bottom of this.

Yuffie:  What does she have against the ice isle, besides the lousy cold?

Sephiroth:  That's it.  Trisha really hates cold.  She's used to heat.

Lars:  She came from the dessert.  Actually, she was abandoned by her parents there but Kesley took her in.

Yuffie:  Oh.

Patricia:  Ice element is evil!  EVIL EVIL EVIL!

Heideggar's voice on radio:  Attention!  Calling all units!  CALLING ALL UNITS!

Tseng:  What the hell?!? This is a private helicopter, not a unit!

Heideggar:  Who cares?  We're desperate!  Wutai has launched an attack on Rocket Town!

Kesley:  Well, take care of it, then!

Heideggar:  They have clockworks!  Their kicking our asses!

Kesley:  ......

Heideggar:  If you don't respond to this call, it won't look good on your record!

Hojo:  That's right!  Hee hee hee!

Kesley:  It shouldn't be too hard to take them out.

Patricia:  Just us?

Kesley:  How many of the enemy?

Heideggar:  Um.... a lot?

(The helicopter lands at the heliport as all the students gather around)

Jill:  I wonder what's going on?

Kesley:  I know this seems sudden, but I have your first mission at the front.

Jack:  What?  Going out to fight already?

Nemo:  This is absurd!

Kesley:  Well, what can I say?  Shinra needs you right now, so everyone get prepared!  We'll be heading off soon.

Patricia:  ......

(A ton of dune buggies and other wierd vehicles and chocobos come up to the port)

Kesley:  Should do the trick....

Yuffie:  You aren't worried?

Kesley:  I'm sure we'll handle it fine.  The people that Brand selected to enroll in the academy have an innate protection in situations like this.

Ted:  Well, I think we're all ready.

Kesley:  Brand?  Where is he?  I need him to take a count of everyone!

Bill:  Um... Brand is gone, as are the rest of Psychic Thunder.

Kesley:  WHAT?  Oh great!  How do I coordinate this without my psychics?  Nevermind.  You can all handle your selves.  I'll just have to assume that everyone is here.

Sephiroth:  Franchesca, you have no problem with this?

Franchesca:  I cut off any allegiance I had with Wutai a long time ago.

Sephiroth:  Is Rocket Town really that important?

Kesley:  YES!  I need Rocket Town to... if Wutai gets it, they'll have a base on the new continent to launch their attacks.  Now we have to move out!

Shake:  Psh.  Lots of people are missing.

Kesley:  Where's Nari?  She always sees me first before we go off on trips.  Hey, where are the rest of your team mates?

Yuffie:  Um... Nari's kinda... gone right now.  I have no clue where Carnie went, and Lenore has.... um, other business.

Kesley:  I can't believe this!  Everyone is gone right when I need them...

Ted:  I think a couple others are missing as well.

Tseng:  Hey Kesley!  Heideggar's on radio and he seems frantic!

Kesley:  ...... come on.

Sephiroth:  Um... I think we're all ready to go.

Balzak:  Wait!  Let me just change out of my pajamas first!

Tseng:  Ok, we got an enemy count.  Heideggar says there are about 100 people and 5 clockworks.

Kesley:  Wait a minute.... common lore says that you should never have no more than 5 hero characters fighting per battle.... or 12 if you get really desperate... dammit!  We'll all be killed!

Lars:  Argh!  Common lore?  That's stupid!

Franchesca:  I think it's true.  At least from studying Wutai history, it's been that way.  It's in Da-Chao's scriptures, "The rules of Rampaging Party Groups (RPGs) and RPG strategy games."

Kesley:  Hmm.  If we can separate into mobile groups, we should have a chance.  But why is Wutai only using 100 people?  That doesn't seem like much.  How could they get past Shinra's forces?  Well, at any rate, everyone find your members and team up, we'll be doing this just like we always do.

Sephiroth:  Myciplo games apply to war?

Kesley:  It's only a theory, but right now I think it'd be better to try to take them out like a Myciplo game without the flag than to fight them directly.

Yuffie:  Great.  All of my team members are missing.  This sucks!

Patricia:  ??

Franchesca:  I... guess we could take care of her.

Patricia:  You'd better not get in the way, newbie!

Yuffie:  Whatever.
 
 

(The sun is rising as dawn comes.  Yuffie looks over the large battle field, where there are a ton of burning buildings, dead Shinra soldiers, and silos reaching to the sky)

Kesley:  I purposefully made us come here, even though the battle has long moved on.  The commanders are here in the back of the battle trying to plan out more strategy.  Their soldiers are now occupied by the rest of the students in various sections of Rocket Town and the harbor.  I have been getting reports that Wutai's men are very powerful despite the fact that they are generic, and in addition Wutai is using Clockwork Terror, their best Myciplo team, elsewhere on the battlefield.  But you will have to deal with the commander, Garrant Kaishack.  I know I can depend on you, Lifestream.  You've never failed in the past.  Now I have to get back to everyone else.  Lars, keep things in order here.

(Kesley leaves)

Patricia:  How many of them will we be fighting?

Lars:  Myciplo radar is picking up four hero characters and two generic, but the generic characters' stats are equal to that of Team Generic, so don't take them lightly.

Patricia:  Six vs Five.  Great.

Franchesca:  We'll have to deal with them.

Patricia:  I... really am not in the mood to fight when outnumbered.

Sephiroth:  Don't worry, Trisha!  We'll take care of them!

Yuffie:  Hmm.  I hope I don't have to end up killing dad or anything.

Lars:  We have to take out their commander.  I'll stay back and manage the strategy via radio.
 
 
 
 

(Aria appears behind Garrant)

Garrant:  What's the report?

Aria:  Lifestream, the strongest Myciplo team Kesley has.

Garrant:  Take them out!

(Aria motions to the female monk and male samurai behind her.  They nod, then Aria dissappears and they run off)

Edrick:  My clockworks are doing very well.  They have almost finished off the group that is dealing with them, but everywhere else, we are losing.

Garrant:  We must access the situation again after this battle.

Edrick:  I think I'll be able to help Aria out a little.

(Edrick preps his gun then leaves)

Gorky:  I'll keep an eye out for anyone who gets by.
 
 

(Patricia, Sephiroth, Yuffie, Lars, and Franchesca are in the center of the battlefield in an opening among the buildings and silos.  Directly across from them is Aria, Edrick, the female monk, and the male samurai.)

Female Monk:  It took us a while to figure out why some people are inherently stronger than the masses.

Male Samurai:  Until Chekhov finally discovered that they were made that way by the gods.

Female Monk:  Fortunately, Da-Chao has come to Wutai's aid and granted us with these "hero powers."

Male Samurai:  We have word that there is a small elite group of heros now trying to go up against Da-Chao, and we won't let them succeed.

Lars:  You're attacking because some guys are going up against your god?

Aria:  They call themselves the Light Warriors.  They tried to kill me a while back.  I did some research and found out that they plan to summon up the dark dragon god because he promised to fix all the trauma that the other gods brought upon them.

Lars:  Oh no....

Sephiroth:  Lars?  Do you know something that we don't?  And what are you doing here?  Get back!

Lars:  Yea...

(Lars runs to the back of the field as everyone else continues talking)

Franchesca:  So Da-Chao wants you to proceed... how can I fight now?

Patricia:  You can't abandon us because these people were sent here by Da-Chao!

Franchesca:  Yea!  I'm sorry, Da-Chao, but I'll have to choose my friends and my home first!

Edrick:  Don't let them get to Garrant!  He needs to command without being disturbed!

Patricia:  Take them out!

  The battle starts as Aria quickly darts a bunch of shurikans at Sephiroth and Yuffie, who both quickly dodge while Patricia dashes up the stairs of a nearby silo.  Sephiroth blocked an attack by the monk while Franchesca ran in between Aria and Edrick, held up her sword, and caused an explosion to radiate from it.  Yuffie ran to the side and threw a boomerang, which sliced through the samurai and Edrick then returned back to her.  A rain of napalms fell from the silo, slamming into Aria and just missing Sephiroth, who proceeded to complain about Patricia's aim.  Edrick then shot Franchesca in the arm, resounding a loud cracking noise.  Franchesca grabbed her arm in pain, while Aria triangle jumped to the top of the rocket silo where Patrica was.

Sephiroth:  I think we need to regroup here!  Franchesca, are you all right?

Franchesca:  What the hell was that?!?  HE SHOT ME IN THE ARM!

Yuffie:  Must be some kind of new move or something....

Sephiroth:  Damn!  Excuse me, I have to go help Trisha out.

Franchesca:  She's all the way up there.  How will you get there in time?

(A napalm sets Edrick on fire, who proceeds to run around screaming.  The monk and samurai are no where to be seen)

Sephiroth:  Crap!  Trisha and Lars are in trouble!  You two go help out Lars, I'll take care of that stupid ninja.

    Sephiroth held up his sword, then flashed and dissappeared while Yuffie and Franchesca ran to save Lars.  The monk and samurai were about to slice Lars down, but he quickly told the monk a really boring story so she fell asleep, then persuaded the samurai to not be so hasty and wait a while.  He then took out a gun and shot the Samurai, who was quickly taken out by Yuffie's shurikan.  Franchesca found that she had trouble doing anything while her arm was broken (obviously) but the effects of Edrick's gun soon wore off and the monk woke up to find herself surrounded.  Lars then threatened her and she ran off like a coward.  Sephiroth then appeared in front of them with Patricia, who was pretty cut up from Aria's attacks.

Franchesca:  Where did you learn how to do that?

Sephiroth:  Lars taught it to me.  It was a move that was used in history by arc knights.

Franchesca:  Patricia, are you all right?

Patricia:  Not really.... but I'll make it.  So what's left?

Lars:  I think we took everyone out except the commander and his 2nd in command.

Sephiroth:  Let's rock!

(Lars, Yuffie, Patricia, Sephiroth, and Franchesca run up to Gorky and Garrant)

Garrant:  Hmph!  Incompetance!  USELESS!  Looks like we'll have to take them out ourselves!

Gorky:  But.... they outnumber us by more than 2 to 1!

Garrant:  We'll have to use our god powers!

Gorky:  What?  But it's forbidden to use them anywhere besides the main pagoda for testing and trial purposes!

Garrant:  We're fighting this war for Da-Chao!  I'm sure he'd rather we win than follow tradition!

Gorky:  I suppose.  POWER CHANGE!

Garrant:  WEAPON CHANGE!

(Gorky transforms into a huge daemon while Garrant turns into an enormous giant.  Both tower higher than the screen!)

Yuffie:  HOLY CRAP!!!  Since when the $(&)@#$ did those darn god changes result in such big mother $&(@#$ers?

Franchesca:  Since the beginning of time.  You didn't know that?

Yuffie:  But... not that big!
 
 

(Lifestream battles the very powerful Gorky and Garrant.  Fortunately, Sephiroth, Franchesca, and Patricia are very powerful too.  Yuffie and Lars got crushed pretty often though.  Eventually, Patricia's constant firebombs flying in Garrent's eyes and Sephiroth's and Franchesca's draw out attacks made Gorky's and Garrant's god powers run out)

Gorky:  They truly have been blessed by the gods!  Even more so than us!

Garrant:  I can't believe this!  Even when we got our own soldiers blessed by the gods, the hero characters still won!  Retreat!

(Gorky and Garrant run away)
 
 

Kesley:  ..... I don't have Brand to give me the report of what happened.

Jill:  Well, so far most of us have reported back safely.

(Ted runs up to Kesley)

Ted:  We have the latest report.  The battle has been a victory, but we had four casualties.

Kesley:  The status of those casualties?

Ted:  Dead.

(Kesley bows down her head)

Ted:  It was Nemo's team.  They were killed by Clockwork Terror.  Everyone else managed to win, albeit with a lot of difficulty.  The enemy found a way to enhance the generic soldiers that make up every army.  In the end, however, our strategy appears to have been a success.

Kesley:  No it hasn't!  NO ONE was supposed to die.  Hero characters aren't supposed to die by normal methods....  How could this happen?

Franchesca:  You have to remember, they have the gods on their side.  The ones that chose who got to be a hero and who got to be generic in the first place.

Kesley:  ........ We shall return to base.

Lars:  By that you mean the academy?

Kesley:  Of course.
 
 

Later...

(Academy music)

(Yuffie jumps out of her bed and runs to the mirror, then starts combing her hair)

(There is a knocking on the door)

Yuffie:  Come in!

(Lenore enters)

Lenore:  I'm back!  But only temporarily.

Yuffie:  ???  Hey!  Why weren't you in the Marilars building?

Lenore:  We couldn't find a stupid passcard, so we decided to forget it.

(Yuffie is about to punch Lenore)

Yuffie:  Oh!  I got your stupid perfume!  I hope you're happy!  I went through a lot to try and return this to you.  You need this to beat Genmari, right?

Lenore:  Why, thank you!  But it's not that big a deal.  All that perfume does is smell really good.  When did I say we needed it to beat Genmari?

(Yuffie is about to punch Lenore)

Lenore:  If you want, you can keep that Chantage perfume.  I just came back here to get some things, then I have to go to Wutai.  There are some temples there that Genmari plans to use to reactivate the black orb so he can teleport the light warriors back to the present.  The problem is, security is tight now that a war started and getting to Wutai might be difficult.

Yuffie:  Well, we're holding a party to celebrate the academy's first victory in a real battle.

Lenore:  Cool!  I'll be there, at least until we can think of a plan.

(Lenore leaves)

Yuffie:  The Light Warriors are going up against the gods?  Oh well.

(Yuffie exits her room and wanders around the academy to do some shopping, chatting with npcs, and other various miscellaneous stuff)

Sephiroth:  Hey, thanks for helping out, unlike your other team mates.

Yuffie:  Oh sure.

Sephiroth:  Trisha was hurt pretty badly, but it's not serious.  But I should've intercepted Aria sooner...

Yuffie:  Well, I don't think you should blame yourself for that.

Sephiroth:  Yea.  I don't like where this war is going, though.

(Yuffie does more miscellaneous crap)

Yuffie:  Wazzup?

Lars:  .....

Yuffie:  Hey, are we light warriors having another meeting?

Lars:  It's terrible!  I'm the one who caused all this.

Yuffie:  Huh?

Lars:  I found out that the Light Warriors recently attacked a bunch of various sacred Wutai worshipping grounds.  Wutai is now retaliating.

Yuffie:  I thought you were the one in charge of the light warriors.

Lars:  No... that was a hoax.  I said my father was in charge of them in order to make them seem like part of the academy.  After all, my father is a primary fund raiser of this academy.  But the real ones leading the Light Warriors are Psychic Thunder, and they've gone too far!  I'm the one who recruited the Light Warriors for them!  This is all my fault that this is happening!  Even the accusations that Kesley is a traitor are my fault!  It was the Light Warriors that attacked Reeve.

Yuffie:  You shouldn't do this to yourself.  It's not like Shinra wouldn't have went to war with Wutai anyway.  They want to conquer the world, remember?

Lars:  ..... I just hope we pull through.  Four students of the academy have already been killed.

(Yuffie arrives at the heliport)

Kesley:  ...... Where is Nari?  Where is Psychic Thunder?

(Shinra music starts.  The helicopter lands on the helipad)

(Tseng, Hojo, and Heideggar come out)

Tseng:  Kesley, the head of Science and the head of the Army here to see you.

Kesley:  What is it now?

Hojo:  Tee hee hee!  I hear that some of your so called gifted perished at the battle!

Kesley:  Yea, what does it mean to you?  You wouldn't know what it's like to care about those that work for you!  To you, they are all just experimental data!  You even had the nerve to abandon your own son!

Hojo:  Bah!  My son is still much better than any of these so called gifted.  And to prove that, I shall be conducting an experiment!

Kesley:  What are you talking about?

Hojo:  I am taking command of your students.

Kesley:  What?  How can you do that?

Hojo:  In the meantime, you'll be too busy with your stupid trial!  Hee hee!  We have sound evidence that you were the one that provoked Wutai by attacking their religious temples, and that you attempted to kill Reeve!  You're trying to cause chaos and amidst it all pull of a coup d'etat!  Here's a photograph of the attack on Reeve as proof of your treachery!

(Hojo shows Kesley a 10 year old's drawing of a bunch of stick figures fighting each other)

Hojo:  Now go along!  I'm taking charge here!

Kesley:  You can't do this!

Heideggar:  GWA HA HA!  Yes we can!
 
 
 
 
 

(All is silent.  It's nighttime.  Kesley is standing on an outdoor platform in front of all the students)

Kesley:  I'd like to thank you all for your hard work.  Let us have one last moment of silence for those who died fighting for the Shinra and for their friends.

(Everyone is quiet)

Kesley:  I shall be leaving you soon, on other matters, but I trust that I can depend on you to continue fighting and to be victorious.  Just remember to be strong even in the face of overwhelming odds, and victory shall come to you.  Watch each others' backs, be careful, and good luck.

(Kesley steps off the platform)

Patricia:  Overwhelming odds... did you see all those dead Shinra soldiers?

Franchesca:  I have a feeling that we will be carrying the weight of this war.

Patricia:  Why do we have to do this?  Why must we be forced to fight?

Franchesca:  We've been trained all our life for wars like this.

Patricia:  It isn't normal!  A human being isn't something to be brought up just to fight wars for some greedy powerhungry people!

Sephiroth:  Trisha...

Yuffie:  But I thought you'd fight on because Kesley took you in.

Patricia:  ........ That's a half truth.

Yuffie:  What?

Patricia:  Yes, Kesley did take me in when I was young and homeless.

(Flashback to a desert town on fire)

(A bunch of little children are huddled up together and crying)

Patricia:  My home nation... Shinra had wanted to conquer everything.

(A bunch of Shinra soldiers run by)

Patricia:  They... killed everyone.  They didn't take any prisoners.

(Loud screams of anguish and pain are heard)

Patricia:  Many childrens' parents were killed.  The children were left homeless.  I was one of those children.

(The children cry some more)

Patricia:  Then she came...

(Kesley and Brand walk over to the children)

Patricia:  So many homeless children... all hopeless... all doomed to die...

(Brand points to a little girl in the group of children)

Patricia:  She didn't want to save them.... she only took me in because... because...

(Kesley smiles at the little girl and puts out her hand.  The little girl takes it, and Kesley, Brand, and the little girl walk away as all the other children are left to die)

Patricia:  Because Brand had identified me as a "hero character."

(The childrens' cries continue to echo as the flashback fades away)

Patricia:  Yet I continue on...

Sephiroth:  ......It's true.  Kesley only brought me into the academy because I was a hero character too.

Yuffie:  Oh.... then why do you stick around?

Patricia:  Even though she didn't take me to the academy out of the sympathy of her heart, she still did save my life.  She still gave me a home.  She still cared for me for all these years..... but how can I continue?  I am beginning to have second thoughts.  I.... would like to leave the academy.

Lars:  Patricia!

Patricia:  I can't continue like this!  Don't you see?  We are all just weapons, to be used by the Shinra.  They don't care about us!  They don't care about Kesley either!  Why should we continue to do their bidding?!?  I can't take it any longer!  Tomorrow morning, I'll be gone.

Sephiroth:  ....

Patricia:  You guys will be coming with me, right?  I don't want to go alone...

Lars:  I chose to enter the academy voluntarily, so I could rise to hero status.  My father paid a lot of money for me to get in.  I can't dissappoint him.

Franchesca:  I'm sorry... but I chose to come voluntarily, too.

Patricia:  Sephy?  I might still be able to do it.... as long as you are with me.

Sephiroth:  Trisha....

Patricia:  Will you?

Sephiroth:  ....... No, I shall stay, too.  I'm sorry, Patricia, but you were right.  She still took us in even though we are only being used.

Patricia:  Then I guess I won't leave after all.  Because there would be no point in my life without you.

Sephiroth:  ?

Hojo:  HELLO!?  GET TO BED YOU LAZY BUMS!  Tomorrow is a big day!

(Everyone moans)
 
 

(Yuffie enters her room to be confronted by Nari)

Yuffie:  What's up?  Kesley was looking for you.

Nari:  ..... I had to help Saki take out some sort of Wutai temple.  I didn't want to, but I couldn't have just let her do it alone.

Yuffie:  Oh.

Nari:  I'm seriously reconsidering this light warrior thing.  I ran into a man named Staniv Wachisnam.  He talked to me and told me that I was being used by Ki Ra Yo to get revenge on the gods for her.  Because they banished her to our planet.  Now she's having us restore power to these dark orbs so some kinda dark dragon god can rise back up against those gods and destroy them.  But I'm not sure if I have it in me to bring about the destruction of my gods.

Yuffie:  Kesley is in big trouble because of your light warrior attacks.

Nari:  I know.  I think I'll take a break from that.  I don't know what Saki sees in that cult.  Well, good night then.

Yuffie:  Yea.
 
 

(Sun up)

(Franchesca is frantically running from building to building and knocking on all the doors)

Franchesca:  WAKE UP!!!!  EVERYONE WAKE UP!  WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

(Everyone quickly starts getting out of their dorms)

Franchesca:  Wutai is attacking us!  They're 450 strong!

Everyone:  FOUR HUNDRED FIFTY?!?
 
 

Staniv:  You're attacking an academy?!?

Garrant:  Not just any academy!  This is where they train Soldier!

Staniv:  You can't!  Franchesca is there!

Garrant:  Who cares?  In war, you have to make sacrifices!  Aria, you did a good job of finding this place.

Aria:  Of course.

Staniv:  You don't know what you're up against!  These guys just took out an entire platoon at Rocket Town.  You can't take them on in direct combat!  You have to get into one on one duals, use surprise attacks, or something that would've enhanced the plot if this were a video game!

Garrant:  Be quiet!  How would you know anything?  You are nothing like your sister.  You're just an insignificant soldier!

Staniv:  This so-called insignificant soldier saved our last temple from that attack by these Soldiers!

Garrant:  You'll always be an insignificant soldier in my eyes.  Now everyone, CHARGE!
 
 

(Everyone looks at the army charging for the academy)

Lars:  Aw crap.

Patricia:  And they expect us to win, HOW?

Hojo:  Hey you lunkheads!  What are you waiting for?!?  Go take them out!!!

Sephiroth:  It's suicide!  We should retreat!

Lars:  This academy isn't as important as our lives!

Hojo:  SHUT UP!  I'm the one in charge while Kesley is gone, and you will listen to me!!!

Patricia:  SEPHIROTH!  I don't want to go against THAT!

Sephiroth:  We have to.

Patricia:  But...

Hojo:  AAAAAH!  HURRY UP AND FIGHT, YOU LOSERS!!!!

(The Wutai army smashes down the academy gates using a battering ram)

Yuffie:  We're all going to die.
 
 
 

    (View of the academy from far a way.  A bunch of dust clouds and explosions are going on inside it)

Yuffie:  OMIGAAAAAAAWD!

(Reeve is looking at the television set where it's taking place on screen)

Reeve:  Hmm....

Heideggar:  What the hell is Hojo doing?  Why doesn't he retreat?

Reeve:  At any rate, I don't think Kesley will be a threat after this.

Heideggar:  How the hell did they find out about Kesley's experimental academy?

Reeve:  What would you expect from a nation of ninjas?

(Kesley walks over to Reeve)

Kesley:  .....I think I'm not the real traitor here!

(Kesley glares at Reeve)
 
 
 
 
 

Staniv:  You see?!?  I told you so!  Chekhov was right!  Look at this mess!

Garrant:  Hmph!

Gorky:  EEEEK!  Those darn gifted are more powerful than I've imagined!

Staniv:  Taking them on directly rarely works!  All that'll result in is them using a phoenix down on each other or worse yet, starting from the last save point!

Aria:  Hmm.... Garrant, requesting permission to hold one last attack.

Garrant:  With what?  These dead bodies?

Aria:  Just give me the damn permission!

Garrant:  Whatever.

(Aria dissappears as Staniv writes in his journal)
 
 
 

(Everyone in the academy is recuperating and quite beat up)

Patricia:  Ow.... they don't honestly expect us to continue like this, do they?

Hojo:  Shut up, you whiner!

Sephiroth:  I hate that eleven toed freak!  But I think we still have a long way to go.

Patricia:  AAAAAH!

Franchesca:  Wow... I can't believe we won.

Lars:  How many casualties this time?

Ted:  Well, most of us have been too dead to report in, but I can go get some numbers...

Hojo:  Don't bother!  Waste of time!  We shall be moving out to counterstrike in 2 hours!

Everyone:  WHAT??

Hojo:  If they really are using god powers too, than the obvious solution would be to take out their gods!  I know of a temple nearby that they are probably using, so we need to take that out!

Franchesca:  I thought you didn't believe in the story god theory!

Hojo:  I don't.

(Hojo grins)

Hojo:  TWO HOURS!

(Hojo leaves)

Sephiroth:  Is everyone all right?

Patricia:  No.

Franchesca:  My arm is still hurting really badly.

Lars:  I think I managed to sweet talk myself out of harm's way.

Sephiroth:  Patricia?

(Patricia puts her hand on her forehead, then takes it off.  There's blood on it)

Patricia:  It's... not that bad.  Really.

Sephiroth:  !!!

Franchesca:  I say we kill that stupid Hojo.

Hojo:  OK!  Five minute break is up!  Everyone get back into your rooms!  Stop goofing off!  Start getting ready to depart!

Yuffie:  Dammit, this sucks!  Now I want to go back to my own time zone more than ever!  Being in a war with my own country was not what I bargained for!

Nathan:  Um... you didn't bargain for anything.  We were pretty much forced into here.

Yuffie:  Duh....
 
 

(Lifestream Dorm)

(Patricia steps to the door of the room to look at the mirror hanging on it)

Sephiroth:  No turning back.

Franchesca:  Out of drinks.  Hey Yuffaruni!  Could you stop by the store and get us some?

Yuffie:  You called me over here to do your errands for you?

Franchesca:  Hojo is extra strict with my team for some reason.  He won't let us out of our dorm.

Yuffie:  .....

(Lars is talking with Sephiroth as Franchesca talks to Yuffie)

Lars:  They'll take this academy sooner or later.  But I have a plan to make sure they don't get it.

(Lars leaves)

Loudspeaker with Hojo's voice:  YOU IDIOTS!!!  You didn't kill them all!!!  We just saw some ninjas go by!

Sephiroth:  What?

Hojo:  Everyone out!  Search them out!

(Everyone runs out doors)

Patricia:  Will it never stop?

Sephiroth:  Wait here.

(Sephiroth looks around)

Yuffie:  !!!  I have a really bad feeling...

Sephiroth:  Where is everyone?

Franchesca:  I don't see anyone here.

Aria's voice:  They're all dead.

(Patricia's scream is heard.  Everyone quickly turns around to see Aria holding her with a knife to her neck.  Patricia's eyes are closed)

Aria:  Or at least most of them.  I saved the special elite ninja squad for after the battle.  It turns out Staniv was right.  For some reason, you guys can withstand swords and magic in battle and still continue on, but the moment someone strikes you out of battle, you die just as easily as everyone else.

(A bunch of ninjas appear besides Aria)

Sephiroth:  Patricia!

Aria:  I didn't harm her.  It's just shock.  But one false move...

Franchesca:  Now what?

Aria:  I think I'd like to kill you all directly though.  Just one last test.  Besides, you annoy me the most.  SPEED CHANGE!

(Aria's eyes flash and she turns into some really big bird warrior)

Shake:  Oh wow!  Why can't my speed change do that?

Yuffie:  Shaddup and help us out here!

(Aria attacks with drill pecks and a long spear while her ninjas.... well, do ninja things.  Sephiroth and Franchesca attack her with draw out attacks.  The ninjas vanish when hit until they do another move, and they also do combo attacks with each other.  After all the ninjas are beaten, they flash and combine with Aria to enhance her power dramatically.  Sephiroth eventually takes her down with his really big sword)

(Aria turns back)

Aria:  Stop!  Enough of this!  It seems that you are indeed invincible on the battlefield.

Sephiroth:  You won't get away with this.

Aria:  I already have.  Soon Garrant shall be back with a fresh new army, and will easily overcome this place now that it's defense is weak.  And you'd better let me out too, or else your precious team mate gets it!

Franchesca:  You...

Sephiroth:  Let her go.

(Aria smiles, then dissappears along with her ninjas.  Patricia drops to the ground)

(Lars arrives as Sephiroth runs and catches Patricia.  She slowly opens her eyes and looks up at him)

Patricia:  S... Sephiroth?

Sephiroth:  Yes, Patricia?

Patricia:  I'd... like to lead a normal life someday.  A life where the emphasis isn't on fighting, but just on living.  A life where huge evil corporations that ruled the world didn't exist, where we didn't have to abide by rules and destinies set upon us by story gods.  Just a normal life.  Yes, a normal life.  I think I would like that, Sephiroth.  I think I would like it very much.  Wouldn't you... Sephy?

Sephiroth:  Why... of course, Patricia.  I would like that very much, Trisha.

Patricia:  Ha ha ha.... yes, that would be lovely.  We could live in a house, have a fulltime job, raise a family, and just live together happily forever.

Sephiroth:  Yes, of course we could.

Patricia:  I.... would like that.  I really would...

(Patricia slowly closes her eyes as Sephiroth looks at her and bows his head down)

Lars:  W... what?

Franchesca:  The ninja... while the samurai is bound by honor, the ninja has no restrictions... they can lie, cheat, fight from the shadows.  And they can break their word.... oh no.....

(Sephiroth puts Patricia down)

Sephiroth:  I don't know about you, but I'm going to stay and make sure that these Wutai $@()#$ERS PAY!

Franchesca:  Yes...

Lars:  I've set up the submersian device that Kesley discovered in the basement.  If Wutai attacks again, I'll make sure we take them with us.

Sephiroth:  They should be coming any moment.

Lars:  I had some of the engineers connect it by remote control.  I can have the entire academy gone at the push of a button.  Everyone who is still alive has already evacuated.  Unfortunately, Hojo has, too.

Sephiroth:  Let's go.

Lars:  You aren't taking her?

Sephiroth:  This.... was where she was born.  Where she lived, too.  This must be where she can finally rest in peace.

Lars:  Come on.

(Yuffie looks at Patricia, then everyone leaves)
 
 

Garrant:  Victory!  They were no match for us!  Gorky, go tell Lord Godo the good news!  Tell him that I, Garrant Kaishack, destroyed the evil academy with my superior strategy!

Staniv:  The hell you did!  If it wasn't for Aria and me...

Garrant:  How dare you talk to your commanding officer like that!  You're dismissed!

Staniv:  What?

Garrant:  Get out of my face!

Staniv:  Gladly!  It's a real OOGLY face!

(Staniv leaves)

Aria:  Brother!  Wait!

(Aria runs after him)

Garrant:  Now let's all get drunk and party!

Soldiers:  YEA!

(A rumbling sound is heard)

Garrant:  What?
 

(All the Wutai army starts running around and are in a panic)

Garrant:  What's going on?!?

(Huge earthquake knocks everyone to the ground, then the walls of the academy start closing in)

Garrant:  HUH?!?  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

(In a huge dust cloud, the academy starts to sink down, and the walls start to crush the soldiers in.  Those that weren't in the way of the walls get pulled down under along with the academy, including Garrant)

(The dust settles and the academy is gone)

Lars:  Gone forever.

Sephiroth:  .......

Jill:  There are only half of us left.

Hojo:  Whew!  What a relief!  Well, let's go attack that temple now!

(Everyone glares at Hojo)

Hojo:  There are 800 Wutaians there!  Come on!  No slacking off!

Sephiroth:  Must... kill...

Lars:  No, Sephiroth!  You know what the Shinra will do to you!

Sephiroth:  ........
 
 

(The light warrior temple)

(Hojo looks at all the dead Shinra soldiers)

Hojo:  Hmph.  How pathetic.

Sephiroth:  Wow... Shinra soldiers ARE incompetant...

Franchesca:  We're attacking a holy temple now?!?

Yuffie:  This place looks familiar...

Lars:  Sheezus!  It's the place where the Light Warriors meet!

Franchesca:  The guys who got us into this mess in the first place?  Let's take them out!

Yuffie:  800 soldiers?  Isn't that suicidal?

Franchesca:  This isn't a shrine to the gods... this is a shrine to the anti gods!

Yuffie:  Wrong place, dumbass!

Hojo:  HEY!  How dare you call me that!  Now get in there and take out all those Wutai type people!

(Hojo pulls out a big fan and blows everyone to the entrance of the temple)

Sephiroth:  What a prick.

Nari:  No one is here.... ???  Staniv?

Staniv:  Hey!  It's Nari!  And... Oh, Lars.

Lars:  Long time no see, Staniv Wachisnam.

Staniv:  .... Are you still going on with your evil plot to overthrow the gods?

Lars:  ......

Chekhov:  Um... gee, Staniv:  Don't you think that they outnumber us by just a tad much?

Lars:  Did you kill all these soldiers?

Staniv:  Hell no!  Your light warriors did that!

Lars:  I see...

Nathan:  Um, guys?  There's a big army approaching us from the south.

Sephiroth:  Great.  Maybe we could take these two hostage or something.

Staniv:  Hey, don't look at me.  I'm not with the army.  I've been dismissed.  I"m only trying to stop the Light Warriors before it's too late and the gods get pissed.

Franchesca:  What?

Staniv:  Well, you see, they aren't too happy that some people decided to rise up against them.

Da-Chao:  That's right!

(Da-Chao appears)

Chekhov:  Da-Chao!

Da-Chao:  Hi everybody!  I just came here to make sure that you guys beat those light warrior people!

Franchesca:  Um... that's not our mission.

Da-Chao:  Aw, come on, Franchesca!  Help me out a little here.  These light warriors are being real troublesome.  They already revived the water and wind orbs!  The only guy that we have to stop them is Staniv here.  Why, it's so bad that we gods can't bless Wutai to its full potential.

Sephiroth:  Wait a minute!  So if we help you, you'll be able to help Wutai even MORE?  HELLO?!?  We're at war with them!

Franchesca:  But Sephiroth, he's my god!

Sephiroth:  No, Franchesca!  You don't have to risk your life for this loser!

Da-Chao:  Hey!  I'm not a loser!

Nathan:  Um... Wutai army within a couple miles?

Lars:  Yea, we really don't have time for this...

Staniv:  Nari, Lars, you know that Ki Ra Yo is just using you to get revenge on the gods!  Once the dark dragon is revived, he'll kill us all!  It's what villains do!  They're always backstabbing those that helped them.

Lars:  Look, I don't have time for this.  I'm too busy trying to clean up the mess that the Light Warriors caused!

Nari:  I'm on my break.

Yuffie:  Aaaa... me too.

Franchesca:  I'm sorry... but I have to help Staniv.  If what Da-Chao says is true, these Light Warriors could be dangerous to everyone.  Why... the gods may even decide to wipe!

Yuffie:  Wipe?

Da-Chao:  When the gods get bored with the planet and kill everything on it to make room for something new.

Yuffie:  WHAT?

Franchesca:  Staniv, I'll...

(A billion shurikans fly from all directions at everyone.  Franchesca, who's out in the open, gets sliced to ribbons.  The shurikans just bounce off Da-Chao)

Franchesca:  AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Sephiroth:  WHAT?  Franchesca!

(Everyone looks up at the trees to see Aria and her elite ninjas.  Tons of ninjas, monks, thieves, and samurai are surrounding everyone)

Aria:  You... killed Garrant!  We don't take lightly to people killing our honored clansmen!

(All of the Wutai army prepare to strike)

Jill:  EEEEK!  I don't want to die!

Yuffie:  Why does this crap keep happening to us!

Staniv:  Aria!  What are you doing?

Aria:  Staniv?  What the hell are you doing there?  Get out of the way!

Staniv:  You can't attack this place with an army!  Did you see what happened to those Shinra soldiers?

Aria:  Bah!  Shinra soldiers are nothing compared to Wutai warriors!

Yuffie:  Hooboy...

(All the soldiers and students charge at eachother and there is another huge dustcloud)

Yuffie:  OMIGAAAAAAAAAAAWD!

(The dust cloud changes to a purple color)

Sephiroth:  Franchesca!  Where are you?

Ted:  What's going on?!?

Aria:  What is this?  POISON?

(The dust clears, but the purple gas fills the entire forest.  Everyone begins choking uncontrollably.  There are already tons of soldiers dead)

Sephiroth:  Antidotes!  Quick!  Everyone break out the antidotes and star pendents!

Lars:  ARGH!  Who did this?

(Staniv looks up at the top of the temple.  There is a figure standing there, with her hair blowing in the wind)

Staniv:  There!

Nari:  K.... Kafan???

(A huge flash as a whirlwind flies by, cutting through everyone.  Then all the trees burst into flames from a fire spell and begin tumbling everywhere)

Maslow:  Es de magicka!

(The whirlwind stops)

Cervas:  ......

(Cervas quickly teleports away)

Staniv:  You see what I'm talking about now?  Aria?  Aria!

Lars:  We can't stay here!  Everyone retreat!

Hojo:  NO!!!  Don't retreat!!! Stay and fight!!!!

Sephiroth:  You wrinkly fool!  We're all dying!  Wutai still outnumbers us greatly!  This is suicide!!!

Hojo:  HA HA HA!!!  YES!!!  It's suicide!!!!!  I won't stop until it is proven that hero characters are NOT the best!!! HA HA HA!!!!

Sephiroth:  What the hell are you talking about?!?

Lars:  He's gone mad!

Staniv:  Chekhov!  We have to stop them!

Chekhov:  Right!

(Staniv and Chekhov dash inside the temple)

Maslow:  Hmm... our little Staniv friend is going into the temple.  He must be stopped!

(Kafan on top of the temple goes back inside)

Nari:  The Light Warriors....

Ted:  Hello!!!  We're still fighting here!

(Everyone continues fighting for a moment)

Yuffie:  Hey... guys, anyone else notice that the enemy commander is dead?

(Everyone looks at Aria, who is cut up on the ground along with her elite ninjas)

Wutaians:  OMIGAAAAAAAWD!

(All the Wutaians run away)

Sephiroth:  ............

Lars:  Wipe.....

(Sephiroth looks at Franchesca, then quickly runs over to her)

Sephiroth:  Franchesca....

(Franchesca looks up at Sephiroth)

Franchesca:  Sephiroth, I'm sorry.  I guess I just couldn't make up my mind in the end.  To help my home country, or to help those that were close to me.  I let my guard down, and delayed us long enough to let Aria surprise us...

Sephiroth:  No....

Franchesca:  Oh Sephiroth!  A long time ago, I left Wutai because of a disagreement I had with Edrick, Wutai's Clockwork manufacturer.  He decided that regular robot clockworks weren't good enough, and so he began to take humans and brainwash them so he could make them into mindless zombies who would do his bidding and be his army.  I stole the prototype for his experiments, and with that I had to leave Wutai.  I took Kafan with me too, because she found that she was being imprisoned in an evil society.  I then came across the academy, where Kesley offered to let me in.  I gladly accepted, thinking that maybe I could finally find safety and refuge!  But no... it wasn't to be that way!  In the end... I too was sent to my death just like the people that Edrick had planned to use!  However, you were right, Sephiroth, there is no turning back.  If you and Lars were to leave now, the Shinra would kill you for deserting.  I guess in the end, the story gods all doomed us to the same fate...

Sephiroth:  Franchesca..........  HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!?

Da-Chao:  Who, me?

Sephiroth:  YOU'RE A $(@)*&#$ING GOD!!!!  SHE WAS YOUR FAVORITE!  Throughout her life at the academy, Franchesca always continued to give offerings to you on the day of Da-Chao festival, even though she never got to go back to the festival itself!  She always remained faithful and dedicated, more so than her home country which practically seems to only worship you so you can bless them!  AND YOU LET HER DIE!!!  You... let... Franchesca... (*@$ING DIE.... right before your stupid.... blind.... F(&@)#$ING EYES!!!!!!!

Da-Chao:  There was nothing I can do.  My superiors wanted it this way.  And ressurections aren't allowed...

Sephiroth:  Your superiors?!?  YOUR SUPERIORS???  Get out of my face, you stupid fat ass!  I will personally burn down all of your shrines and temples, myself!  I will destroy Wutai, and make them PAY.  I'll make your precious gods' entire creation pay for what you've done!

Da-Chao:  Oh my poor Franchesca... my poor Franchesca...

(Da-Chao picks up Franchesca and dissappears)

Yuffie:  .......

Nathan:  Where is Hojo?

Shake:  He led what was left of the academy students to go chase after the survivors of the Wutai army.

Nathan:  I can't believe that man.  I am soooo glad that he's dead in our time.

Yuffie:  Yea!

(Lars looks at Sephiroth, who is crying)

Lars:  Sephiroth, my friend...

Sephiroth:  Well... Lars... I shall personally see this war to its end.  I have to... For Franchesca and Patricia...

Lars:  I...

Sephiroth:  We must get ready!

Lars:  I can't.

Sephiroth:  What?

Lars:  I have to go.  I have to get out!

Sephiroth:  Lars, are you deserting me when I need you the most?  You are being a coward, Lars!

Lars:  No... I can't die.

Sephiroth:  And selfish, too!  You know that Shinra will kill you for deserting.

Lars:  You don't understand... I have a family...

Sephiroth:  We all know that your father is a damn vegetable.

Lars:  No... I have a son.

(Sephiroth looks at Lars)

Lars:  And a wife.

(Sephiroth glares at Lars)

Lars:  I... can't leave them here on this world alone...

Sephiroth:  The Shinra... kills all deserters.

Lars:  I know.

Sephiroth:  I'd have to kill you by law....

Lars:  ......

Sephiroth:  Go, Lars!  Never let me see you again!  NEVER!  For deserting me...

Lars:  Thank you Sephiroth... thank you.

(Lars runs away)

Sephiroth:  How will I get to the capital to get my revenge?

(A helicopter lands)

(Kesley and Tseng step out of the helicopter)

Kesley:  What... what happened here?  What did Hojo do?!?

Yuffie:  Oh, nothing.  He only sent us all on several suicide missions.

Kesley:  WHAT?  What happened to all my students?!?

Sephiroth:  Three fourths of us are dead.

Kesley:  No.... I came too late...

Tseng:  Kesley heard about where the academy's next battle was and hurried over here.  Her trial has ended.  The verdict was guilty and the sentence is death.  However, the president has agreed to send Kesley on her own suicide mission, figuring that he might as well use her as much as possible before killing her.

Kesley:  We appear to be in the same boat.

Sephiroth:  Where are you going?

Kesley:  I'm going to the Wutai capital.  I have one last challenge that I would like to give.  Although they won't let you know it, Wutai has been devastated.  These last few attacks and several attacks by the Shinra have reduced Wutai's population by 60%,

Nathan:  DEAR GOD!  More than half of an entire nation... DEAD?

Sephiroth:  I didn't know they were suffering so badly...

Kesley:  Yes, well, I have an appointment to make with the leader of Wutai.  I have decided to settle this once and for all.  Shall any of you accompany me?

Sephiroth:  I'll go.  It's personal, now.

Kesley:  Anyone else?

Yuffie:  My report!  I almost forgot!

Kesley:  Huh?

Yuffie:  May I come?  (If only to watch)

Kesley:  Hmm.

Nathan:  Yuffie?  Here, let me come with you!  It could be dangerous!

Shake:  Psh!  Can't let you guys have all the fun!

Kesley:  T....Thanks.  Tseng, give me the controls.

Tseng:  Don't worry.  I'll get you there myself.

Kesley:  I... don't know what to say!

(Everyone enters the helicopter and it flies away)
 
 

(The helicopter lands on a cliff.  It is dark and raining heavily.  Everyone steps out of the helicopter)

Kesley:  Tseng, turn off that loud thing.

Tseng:  Of course, Kesley.

(Tseng steps back inside the helicopter and turns off the motor, then steps out again)

Kesley:  Sigh.  Why do Wutaians all look alike?

Godo:  You have a lot of nerve.

Kesley:  Ha!  You think you're so powerful, Godo, don't you?  You and you're stupid gods!  They
won't save you now!

(Gorky comes running up)

Gorky:  Lord Godo!  Lady Marai!

Godo:  What is it, Gorky?

Gorky:  I told you not to go!  Why didn't you listen to me?

Marai:  What?  And look like cowards in the face of our enemy?

Kesley:  I knew you couldn't deny my challenge.

Godo:  Hmph.  Call this a challenge?  Why is there more of you than us?

Kesley:  Hmm...

Godo:  Six vs Three seems hardly honorable at all.

Kesley:  Very well.  Only three of us shall fight you.

Sephiroth:  I have to.

Kesley:  Of course.  And I have to, also.  I'm supposed to be putting my own life on the line.  Who else?

Yuffie:  Um....

Shake:  Not serious, right?  We can't fight against THEM!

Nathan:  Yea... it'll feel really awkward.

(Tseng walks up to Kesley)

Kesley:  Tseng?!?

Tseng:  Aw, come on!  I never get to fight!

Kesley:  Fine then.  You three, do not interfere.

Yuffie:  Of course.

Nathan:  You aren't worried for your mom and dad?

Yuffie:  Huh?  Oh yea!  Well, I know that dad will turn out fine.  After all, he IS fine in the present...

(Yuffie looks at Marai)

Yuffie:  Gee... I never knew mom that well.  She... kinda like, died or sumthin when I was only one year old.

Nathan:  How'd she die?

Yuffie:  I dreamed that she got killed by... uh oh!  I can't watch this!  I'll be traumatized!

Nathan:  Yea... I don't think it'd be good for you to see this.

Shake (mesmerized):  OOOooooo.... must... see... Yuffie's mother... die....

(Yuffie smacks Shake)

Yuffie:  Come on!  Maybe we have something better to do!

Shake:  Hmph!

(Yuffie, Shake, and Nathan climb down the mountain)

Shake:  So... you don't want to find out what happened to her?

Yuffie:  I think it's for the best.

Shake:  So now what?

(Yuffie, Shake, and Nathan look at Judith, who's standing in front of them)

Yuffie:  Whoa!  What are you doing here?

Judith:  .....Your father is fighting up there, huh?

Yuffie:  Yea?

Judith:  He loses.

Yuffie:  So?!?  Everyone loses once in a while!

Judith:  Not Uncle Staniv.

Yuffie:  HEY!  I beat Staniv in a one on one fight!

Judith:  Ha.  When he was younger, he was unbeatable!  He took out the eight lightwarriors alone!

Yuffie:  Huh?  How do you know this?

Judith:  I've been hanging around doing the research for our project of course.  I KNOW what's going on.

Yuffie:  Cool!  We'll get an A for sure!  Maybe even A+!

Judith:  .....

(Lightning flashes)

Yuffie:  Whoa!

(Howling and snarling are heard from above)

Yuffie:  What's going on?

Kesley:  HELP!!!  Where did Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake go?!?

Judith:  Hmm?

Yuffie:  I thought we weren't supposed to intefere.

Nathan:  Last I heard, though, most humans didn't howl and snarl like angry dogs.

Yuffie:  Come on!

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake start running back up the mountain while Judith stays behind)

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake kill a wierd voodoo dog monster)

Yuffie:  WTF?  Those things only inhabit Da-Chao mountain!  What gives?

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake fight their way to the top to see a huge dog like beast fighting everyone else)

Godo:  Marai!

Atma Weapon:  Ha ha ha!!!  Puny mortals!!!  I'll kill you all!!!

Yuffie:  What the hell?

Kesley:  We were fighting... then this thing appeared!

Atma Weapon:  I am the Atma Weapon, a weapon created eaons ago!  I am the ultimate in power!  So powerful, that the gods have sent me here to take you out!

(The Atma Weapon glares at Kesley)

Kesley:  Me?

Godo:  Her?  Then why the HELL did you take out Marai?!

Atma Weapon:  I'm evil!  I'll kill you all just for the hell of it!

Yuffie:  Atma Weapon, what's Atma mean?

Atma Weapon:  It's a really bad translation of Altima, which is a really bad translation of Ultima.

Yuffie:  So you're the Ultima Weapon, then?

Atma Weapon:  YES!  The ultimate!

Yuffie:  Um... no.  We already killed the ultima weapon.  It was a big flying dragon robot thingy.

Atma Weapon:  I'M THE ULTIMA WEAPON!

Yuffie:  No you're not.  You're just some wierd doggy thing.

Atma Weapon:  ARGH!  You die now!  Puny humans, GO!!!

(Yuffie kills the atma weapon)

Nathan:  Yeesh.  What an annoying bum.

Yuffie:  Yea.

Kesley:  You... saved my life?

Yuffie:  Are we done here?

(The rain stops)

(Kesley looks at Godo)

Godo:  He... killed... Marai!

Sephiroth:  ..............death comes for us all.  There is only tragedy in war.

Tseng:  Shall we finish him off?  I mean, Sephiroth, your revenge...

Sephiroth:  I've had enough.  This war... is over!

(Sephiroth enters the helicopter, and Kesley and everyone follows him)
 
 

Tseng:  We're back at the academy... but nothing is left except the Gold Saucer.

Kesley:  .......

Tseng:  Wutai has had its peace talks now.  They've given up.  Thanks to the students of the academy, the war has ended.  But there is only one student left to accept the peoples' thanks.

Sephiroth:  I....

Tseng:  Everyone else perished in Hojo's mad rage to pursue the retreating Wutai army.  The Wutai army fights most ferociously when it is on the brink of losing.  That's the samurai spirit.

Kesley:  So.... it's over.

Tseng:  Kesley, you helped to stop the war too, in your challenge with Godo.  Will you be stepping out to accept the peoples' praise?

Kesley:  I... I'm finished.  I'm supposed to be dead.  The president will kill me anyway.

Tseng:  Yes.  Go then, Sephiroth, we will wait for you here.

(Sephiroth steps out of the helicopter.  A huge crowd is standing there, cheering for him.  Sephiroth doesn't smile though)

Kesley:  Well, where will you go?

Yuffie:  Us?

Nathan:  Um...

Shake:  We have to get back to our own time zone, guys!

Yuffie:  Crap!  How do we do that?

Nathan:  Lenore would know!  I'll contact her!

(Nathan turns on a little radio)

Nathan:  Lenore?

Lenore:  WAAAAAH!  What the hell?

Nathan:  It's me, Nathan.

Lenore:  Huh?  How are you talking to me?

Nathan:  I'm talking to you using the invisible telephone that I gave you.

Lenore:  There's no such thing as an invisible telephone!

Yuffie:  HEY!  Invisible telephone... again?!?

Nathan:  Um, well, just pretend there is.  Anyway, how can we get back to our own time zone?

Lenore:  Yea, we screwed up on that.  Genmari destroyed the temples.  Or at least the light warriors did.  He's going to transport the light warriors to the present now using the dark dragon temple.

Nathan:  Cool!  We'll be there!

Lenore:  It's not cool!  The world is at stake here!

Yuffie:  Yea, whatever.

(Yuffie looks at Tseng)

Yuffie:  Hey, take us back to that temple thingy.

Tseng:  Why would you want to go there?

Kesley:  .....

(The helicopter flies off and lands in front of the temple later)

(Yuffie, Shake, and Nathan jump off)

Tseng:  I'll have to find a place to drop off Lady Kesley.

(The helicopter flies away)

(Yuffie runs up to Nari)

Yuffie:  You're still here?

Nari:  I've been thinking about what Staniv said.  I have to help stop the Light Warriors before it's too late.

(Nari takes out the water orb)

Yuffie:  Wow!  Big ass materia!

Nari:  No, this is one of the eight legendary orbs of the elements.  Me and Saki retrieved it from the temple.  It supposedly grants eternal life.

Yuffie:  Oh.

Nari:  Come on, let's go.

(Yuffie, Nari, Nathan, and Shake fight through some monsters in the temple until they get near the top.  Up top, Kafan, Karda, and Saki are waiting for them)

Nari:  Saki?

Kafan:  We won't let you pass.

Saki:  You traitor.  Prepare to die!

Nari:  Kafan... this isn't like you!  You always abhored violence!

Kafan:  Perhaps that was my downfall.  Maybe that's why I let Kisaragi take over Wutai when I should've been leader!

Nari:  But you never wanted to be the leader of Wutai, anyway!  What's wrong with you?!?

Kafan:  Nothing is wrong with me.  I just see the truth!
 

(Kafan filled the area with poison gas.  Nari flashes by Saki, stabbing her with a ninja knife.  Yuffie performed her bloodlust combo while Shake casted Speed on Nathan.  Nathan then fired his laser at Kafan, who drank a potion to heal herself.  Saki used her mantra to heal Karda and Kafan while Karda did a strange dance that caused a bunch of status ailments to all of her opponents.  Eventually, of course, Yuffie, Shake, Nathan, and Nari managed to overcome them after lots of antidotes, heal potions, and attacks.  Mainly because Kafan ran out of items)

Kafan:  Damn!

Saki:  Lose?  We can't lose!

Staniv:  Sure you can!

(Staniv walks in)

Staniv:  Nari!  Go take out the rest!  I'll handle Kafan and Saki!

Chekhov:  Here we go again....

Karda:  Ha!

(Karda flies away)

Nari:  She can fly?

Yuffie:  Um... I guess we go deeper in.

(Nari, Yuffie, Nathan, and Shake run to the top of the temple)

(Genmari is holding the black orb.  Niel, Vivian, and Michael are around him)

Michael:  Man, you sure that those three will hold Tenko off?

Genmari:  Dammit!  I still don't know how to get this orb to work!

Niel:  Hey, it's the two missing light warriors and two other guys.

Yuffie:  What's up?

Vivian:  Oh, we're just getting the preparations ready!  We'll be out of here pretty soon, then you guys can go back to killing the gods so we can rule the world and some junk!

Yuffie:  Oh.

Genmari:  Ah ha!  I think I got it!

(The black orb flashes, then makes a farting noise)

Genmari:  ....

Michael:  Man, screw this!

(Michael takes out his axe and chops the orb)

Genmari:  What the hell are you doing?!?

Michael:  Hey, it works for my computer.

(The orb flashes and a portal opens up)

(Tenko, Lenore, Kiryou, and Marel dash in)

Tenko:  NOOOOOO!!!

Genmari:  Hey!  We did it!  But Tenko is here!

Lenore:  Yuffie, don't just stand there, help us out!

Yuffie:  Um...right!

Niel:  Hey!  She's on their side!

Genmari:  Michael and I will handle Tenko!  Niel, take care of the others!

Vivian:  Hey!  What about me?

Genmari:  You do whatever!

Vivian:  Hmph!

(Yuffie, Nathan, Shake, and Nari get into a battle with Vivian and Niel)

Niel:  Let's see...

(Niel uses peep on Yuffie)

Niel:  She's weak vs psychic.

Vivian:  Sure!

(Vivian happily casts a psychic spell that blasts Yuffie's mind)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAH!

(Yuffie uses all creation on Vivian, blowing her away)

Yuffie:  Annoying shithead!

Niel:  Interesting attack!

(Niel learns all creation)

(Niel uses peep on Nathan)

Niel:  Weak vs earth.

(Vivian gets up)

Vivian:  Gotcha!

(Vivian happily casts earthquake)

Nathan:  Ouch!

(Nathan whips out his bazooka and blows Vivian away)

Niel:  Drat.  Can't learn that one.

(Niel casts pearl wind, healing Vivian and him equal to his hp)

Vivian:  I want that attack!

(Vivian spins around, and a mirror image of Nathan appears, whips out his bazooka, and blows Yuffie's party away)

(Shake casts speed on herself)

Niel:  Wonderful!

(Niel learns speed)

(Vivian takes out her whip)

Vivian:  I'm in control, now!

(Vivian whips Nari)

(Nari and Yuffie dart shurikans at Niel)

(Vivian spins her whip around, grabs Shake with it, and slams her into Yuffie)

(Yuffie picks up Shake and slams her into Vivian)

(Nathan stuffs Shake into his bazooka and fires her at Niel)

(Niel grabs Shake and uses all creation, firing Shake in a huge blast at Yuffie's party)

Genmari:  PhEaR the power of Ultima2!!!

Lenore:  Oh crap!

(Genmari casts Ultima2)

(Nothing happens)

Genmari:  Huh?

Tenko:  Hey!  Nothing happened!

Marel:  Cool!

Genmari:  What gives?

(Kesley, Sephiroth, and Tseng enter.  Kesley is holding up her runic blade)

Kesley:  Grr.... the Light Warriors.  I think it's time to teach them to take some responsibility for their actions!

Genmari:  Whoa!

Michael:  Genmari!  The portal!  I think it's going down!

Niel:  Well, everyone is ready, except for Kafan and Saki!  They're still fighting!

Genmari:  We'll have to go without them!

(The portal flashes even more)

Yuffie:  OMIGAWD!  I just remembered!  Cloud is still stuck here!

Kesley:  Cloud?

Yuffie:  Yea.  The DragonBall wannabe.

Kesley:  Oh.  Well, I gave him a lift here.  He and that girl seemed desperate to get away from some fat guy named DaCha.

Lenore:  HELLO?  The portal?

(The portal flashes again)

Genmari:  Um... what's it doing?

Tenko:  It's going beserk!

(Judith charges in)

Judith:  Wait for me!

Yuffie:  And you got here by... how?

Judith:  I told you I know what's going on!  I know that the Light Warriors hang out here, so I figured that Genmari and his time orb would be here too.

Yuffie:  Is it me, or is everyone arriving at the last minu...

(The portal grows huge and swallows everyone, leaving a big black hole)
 
 
 
 
 

Yuffie:  OW!

(Yuffie looks around.  Everything is hazy like)

Yuffie:  What's this?

(Yuffie looks at all the people cheering Sephiroth)

Yuffie:  The stupid time orb sent me back to a couple hours ago?  How gay.

(A couple soldiers motion to Sephiroth, who looks surprised, then runs off)

Yuffie:  Hey!  Wait!

(Yuffie fights through a bunch of insignificant evil toys that have no significance to the plot whatsoever, until she reaches Sephiroth, who is in a large room kneeling by Lars.  Hojo is in the background)

Hojo:  Tee hee hee!  So it's true!  Seeing as to how Sephiroth was the only one that made it through all my suicide missions, I now declare that genetic engineering is stronger than any lousy hero thing could ever be!  HA HA HA!!!!

(Sephiroth looks down at Lars)

Sephiroth:  Lars!  Speak to me!

(Lars looks up at Sephiroth)

Lars:  I guess they were able to track me down after all, Sephiroth.

Sephiroth:  I told you not to dessert... why did you?

Lars:  Sephiroth... don't cry for me.  It is I who must cry for you.

Sephiroth:  Huh?

Lars:  The gods... they are after me.  They want to see me suffer, even in death.  That includes making my friends suffer as well.  But you... you're the only friend I have left!  I've doomed you to a fate worse than death!

Sephiroth:  Lars!  You don't know what you're talking about!

Lars:  I've doomed you, Sephiroth!

(Lars starts crying)

Lars:  To a fate.... worse than death...

Sephiroth:  Lars!  LARS!!!!!!!!!

Hojo: Hee hee hee.... HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

(The background fades away)

Sephiroth:  .......

(Sephiroth and Lars fade away too.  There is nothing but darkness)

Yuffie:  Wait a minute... this seems familiar...

(Flash as Akira appears)

Akira:  I can't believe you!  Why do you disobey Lars?  Why do you not listen?  oooooooooooo, we can't have this!  We can't have this at all!!!  Permanent detention for YOU!!!

Yuffie:  The fuck?

    Funky mathematical equations appeared in the background as Akira took out a book.  She then yelled out a bunch of math factors that slammed into Yuffie.  Yuffie retaliated by running behind Akira and slashing her in the back.  The math equations in the background then changed into positive signs.  Akira spinned her book around, and some of the plus signs flew at Yuffie.  Yuffie quickly backflipped away, and darted a shurikan at Akira.  Akira added the damage from Yuffie's shurikan to her power, than spun more plus signs around herself.  The plus signs flew at Yuffie one by one, but Yuffie ran to the side to avoid them.  Yuffie then ran by Akira, punching her down.  The math equations in the background then changed into minus signs.  Yuffie sliced Akira, but it only healed her.  Akira then smacked herself with her book, healing her even more.  She then casted a heal spell on Yuffie, damaging her.  Yuffie got a clue and blasted Akira with her clear tranquil move.  The math equations then changed into divide and fraction signs.  Akira attacked with demi and quarter spells, as well as having some of the / marks slash into Yuffie.  Yuffie was constantly healing herself from the fractional damage, until her limit break filled up and she blasted Akira with her doom to the living combo.

Akira:  Oh no!  No no no!  Too powerful!  But we won't put up with this for long!

(Akira dissappears)

Yuffie:  This dream is almost as gay as the first one.
 
 
 

Kafan:  Yuffie!  Yuffie!

Yuffie:  Gay.......

Kafan:  Yuffie, wake up!

(Yuffie gets up)

Yuffie:  Professor Kafan?

Kafan:  I heard that you were hurt.  Your father and I quickly came over!  We were worried!

Yuffie:  Father?

(Yuffie looks around.  She's in the gold saucer hospital)

Kafan:  All your friends were hurt, too, but they'll be all right.

Yuffie:  Father... cared about me?

(Yuffie hops out of the hospital room and runs over to Godo, who's playing Ergheiz with Gorky)

Yuffie:  Dad!  You were worried about me?  I didn't know you cared!

Godo:  Quiet!  Not now!  I'm busy!

(Godo glares at Gorky)

(Godo is playing as Cloud while Gorky is playing as Tifa)

Godo:  Ha!  Watch as I lay down the smack on you with Cloud's big ass sword!

Gorky:  Oh yea?!?  Well, I'll smack you with Tifa's big ass... um... her big ass... her big ass?

(Godo and Gorky look at each other, then start laughing)

Yuffie:  ........Can we go home now?

Godo:  Oh yea!  Now that you're better, I guess we should.  Just one last game!

Yuffie:  .....

Nathan:  Hey, that was some dream, eh?  But it looks like my time theory was correct.  No time passed while we were away!  Well... cept for the couple hours that we were unconscious in the hospital.

Lenore:  Ow... I don't think Genmari made it.  I can't find him anywhere.

Marel:  Cool!  So we won, huh?

Tenko:  I think so.

Lenore:  Well... the weekend is over.  I have to get back to my school in Wutai.

Kiryou:  We have to get back to Midgar too.

Lenore:  It's good to know that we saved the world, huh?  Um... yea.

(Tenko, Kiryou, Lenore, and Marel look at each other)

Tenko:  So long!

(Tenko and Kiryou leave)

Marel:  GOODBYE SIR TENKO!

Yuffie:  Is our history report done yet?

Judith:  Y... yea.

Yuffie:  Hooray!  A happy ending!  Let's go home!

Godo:  Not yet!  One last game!

Yuffie:  .......