"We're getting married, Aeris! We're getting married!"
Cloud
(Taken from Eric Starfury's "Lost Messiah")
If the Wedding Bells Should Ring...
By James Chang
nikken@erols.com
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Battlefield/2740
"Mail? For Yuffie? Why the hell would someone want to give that brat a letter...?"
Chekhov recieved the letter from the mail man, who promptly turned around and left.
"What is it? Are you really sure you should read it?" The man next to her peeped over her
shoulder at the letter.
"Of course, Staniv! We don't want Yuffie to get another one of those 'anomynous' letters
'supposedly' telling her the location of the 'ultimate materia,' now do we?"
The two shuddered at the memory of all the mischief that last letter caused.
"Still, it's not right to just read Miss Yuffie's mail."
"So? It wasn't right for her to steal my favorite shurikan, either."
"True."
Chekhov ripped open the letter, and began to read.
"Hmm.... I see... Interesting."
"What is it?"
"It looks like Yuffie's friend, you know, that one with the funky spiky hair, is getting married."
"The spiky haired guy? Wasn't he Miss Yuffie's boyfriend?"
Chekhov glared at Staniv. "Where the hell did you get that?"
"Miss Yuffie told me, herself."
"She told me that she liked Vincent!"
"Well, she has been known to lie. Maybe it's because I treat her better than you."
"Shut up! I'm her role model!"
"No you're not. That's why she told me the truth!"
The two contemplated for a while. Chekhov had an idea. "I know! We'll ask our number one
'Yuffie' spy! Shake! Get over here!"
A small girl dashed up to Chekhov, who was about twice as tall. "Yo! What is it?"
"Shake, you wouldn't happen to know who Yuffie likes, would you?"
"Of course I do! I make it a habit to make sure I know everything about that brat, or else
we could end up with another 'anonymous ultimate materia' situation!"
"So, who does she like?"
"She told me that she likes Reno. But I know from her diary that she likes that spiky haired
guy, Cloud."
Staniv stuck his tongue out at Chekhov, who frowned.
"Wait a minute." Staniv inquired. "Miss Yuffie keeps a diary?"
"Yup. But she only has one entry in it so far. She doesn't seem to write in it very often."
"YAAAWWWWNNNN!!" Yuffie's dad, Godo, walked into the room. He had just woken from his
mid-afternoon-close-to-afternoon-yet-after-the-afternoon nap. With him was his dear friend,
Gorky, who had just come back from yet another brunch before lunch.
"Hey! Staniv! Chekhov! Shake! What's going on?" Godo asked.
Staniv replied. "We were just talking about how 'I' was right and how Miss Yuffie liked Cloud."
Godo looked surprised. "Cloud? My daughter told me that she liked Sephiroth!!!"
Gorky, Staniv, Chekhov, and Shake glared at Godo. All four of them suddenly burst into laughter.
"HA HA HA!" Chekhov sneered. "SHE TOLD YOU THAT?!"
"HOW STUPID ARE YOU?" Staniv laughed. "She must have told you that to piss you off!"
"Yeah!" Shake beamed. "Because you hate Sephiroth so much!"
"Heh heh!" Gorky snickered. "Remember that time during the last days of the war when Sephiroth
burst into your room, took you hostage, gave you a wedgie, and hung you up by your underwear
on a flagpole in front of all of Wutai!!!"
Godo got really mad. He stomped out of the room.
The pagoda four calmed down. Staniv commented. "But you know, I wonder how Miss Yuffie would
feel about this wedding..."
Yuffie looked at the door. "Should I?" She thought to herself. "Why not?"
her mind replied. "I mean, what have you got to lose?" "But..." Yuffie
sighed. "He doesn't like me at all. In fact, he hates me. I remember what
he said, back then." Yuffie stared at the door. "Besides, he likes Aeris."
"Are you sure? He treated Aeris pretty badly. Like that time when he told
her that he wouldn't take her for a ride on the airship." "Still... what
about Tifa?" "Well, he wasn't too nice to her, either. Remember how he took
that treasure away from those poor birds right in front of her face?" "Yeah.
That was awesome." Yuffie smiled. "Well, here goes. Do you think he likes me
at all?" "How should I know? I'm just you talking to yourself. But you love
him. And you can't just keep this a secret forever." Yuffie knew that she was
right. She knocked on the door.
"I want only the best for Cloud! Do you think this dress looks good?" Tifa looked at Barret.
"Sure! This is great! You an' Cloud. Finally tying the knot."
"Yeah. I can't believe it."
Barret thought to himself. Cloud finally asked Tifa to marry him. It was great. Ever since her
childhood, Tifa had loved Cloud. But she couldn't tell him. Perhaps it was just because she
was shy. But, now, they getting married. Time passed so quickly. Barret remembered how he felt
before his wedding. Unfortunately, his wife was gone, killed in a tragic Shinra reactor incident.
"I think this one is great!"
"Sure!"
"Drat." Reeve read the invitation and frowned. He looked at the stuffed moogle with the cat
on top, known as Cait Sith, who was lying in the corner. "Maybe I'm just bad at horoscopes."
Reeve recalled how he had predicted that Cloud would marry someone else. Aeris. Whom Cloud
had met in the Midgar church. "Their stars were a perfect match..." He frowned, again. Aeris
was gone. She sacrificed her life to save the planet. Since then, Cloud fell in love with Tifa,
proving Reeve's fortune telling cat to be entirely false. Of course, this wasn't the first time.
It was probably the millionth time. Reeve had lost count. "Well, perhaps it was for the better.
We could have had real problems if Aeris was still alive. A huge love triangle would develop.
And one of them would surely be devastated in the end. Reeve thought to himself. "Well, I'm
just glad that we don't have to worry about that anymore." Reeve remembered how Tifa reacted
when ever Aeris talked with Cloud. Sure, she didn't say anything, but one could tell by the
look on her face that she was jealous. And, why shouldn't she be? Here was her childhood friend,
falling in love with this lady whom he had just met five seconds ago in a church. Absurd
nonsense. But Reeve had to think. What if Cloud really did love Aeris, and they really were
meant for each other? That would make this entire wedding a sham...
*Knock Knock!* Cloud was looking out of the window, when he suddenly heard
someone knocking at the door. He was surprised to hear Yuffie's voice.
"Cloud, you up?" Yuffie entered the room and looked at him. Cloud wondered
why she was there. "What's wrong?" he asked. Yuffie nervously looked around.
"Would you.....keep me company for a bit?" The simple words immediately left
Cloud stumped. Why the heck did Yuffie need him to come along with her?
"Keep you company where?" he asked. Feeling that responding would be stupid,
Yuffie dashed behind Cloud and began to push him out of the room. "Just come
on." Cloud looked around. "Hey..."
"$#&(!)(#*@&!%_*%@$(&_!@*#)%&$#)_)$(#*!@#)(*#)!*%(*$)$&!!!!!" Cid screamed and yelled more
curses than any normal cursing man could yell. "Where the hell is my goddamn suit!?" He
rummaged through the closet. Shera, Cid's right-hand lady, was standing behind him. "Maybe
Palmer ate it." She replied. "Ah ha! Here's the #$()&) thing!" Cid pulled out a tuxedo from
the closet. He put it on. It was WAY too big, and the sleeves drooped down while the whole
thing was just plain baggy. "The hell?!" All of a sudden, a really fat man wearing a really
skinny suit (where the buttons were about to burst) zoomed in. "Egads, Cid! My tuxedo must
have shrank in the wash!" "Palmer, you idiot!" Cid screamed. He grabbed his tuxedo back and
put it on. Being stretched from Palmer, the tuxedo ended up being almost as big as the one
Cid just had on. "$!)($#&%#)$@_#!!!" Shera looked at Cid. "You really should stop cussing.
It's not good for your health to have so much stress." Cid grabbed out his spare tuxedo.
"Stupid fatman! He's not coming, is he? Why the hell would Cloud invite him?!" Palmer smiled.
"Hey, I'm coming as your guest!" Cid cursed, again.
"Fetch, Red XIII! Fetch!" Yuffie threw the stick, expecting the dog to run and grab it, then
bring it back. Red XIII glared at her. "Leave me alone." He began to walk away. Yuffie
threw another stick, which slammed into Red XIII's head. Red XIII was really angry, now.
"Yuffie! Why are you bugging me?!"
"I'm bored."
"Go home or something! Get out of Cosmo Canyon!"
"But my dad sent me here so I could get 'enlightenment' or some junk like that."
"I don't care! Your annoying!"
Realizing that she was annoying, Yuffie took out her shurikan and killed Red XIII...
"Yuffie! Are you paying attention to me?"
"Huh?" Yuffie stoped daydreaming.
"I said your annoying!"
"....."
Suddenly, the mailman rushed over to Red XIII and handed him a letter.
"Hmm..." Red XIII pawed at the envelope. "Hey, Yuffie, help me out here. I can't seem to open
this thing. I wish I had hands."
"Why should I help you?! You said I was annoying!" Yuffie turned her back.
"Just open it!"
Yuffie grabbed the envelope and tore it open. "There!"
Red XIII read the letter. "Wow! Tifa and Cloud are finally getting married!"
"WHAT?!" Yuffie grabbed the letter, or rather, ripped the letter from Red XIII.
"Ouch!"
"Dear Red XI... blah blah blah... COME TO OUR WEDDING?! Why didn't I hear about this?"
"You probably did. It's probably in your mail box."
Yuffie ran out of Cosmo Canyon.
"Finally. I wonder what made her act up like that." Red XIII gruffed, and walked inside.
Cloud jumped out of the tunnel into the station. "Can someone please tell me
why I'm still here?" Yuffie followed him. "Wow!" She smiled to herself.
"Tonight's enchantment night!" The staff man told them. "All attractions are
free!" The man invited the two to visit the entertainment square of the gold
saucer. "Cloud, let's go!" Yuffie prodded Cloud along into the entertainment
square.
"And so I said, 'No, you're the stupid idiot! Ah ha ha ha!!!' Reno laughed at the corny joke
that he made.
Rude sarcastically replied. "Uh huh. That was funny. I'm cracking up, here."
"Oh shut up. You're just jealous because I beat Sephiroth one-on-one."
"Uh huh. Sure you did."
Reno ripped out his nightstick and electrified Rude. The two soon ended up in a brutal slugfest.
"Stop it! Stop it, you morons!" Elena pulled the two apart. She smacked Reno and Rude, hard.
"Ouch!" Reno grabbed his cheek.
"Stupid morons. Great. Without Tseng, all I'm left with is a couple of imbeciles!"
"We're not imbeciles..."
Elena tromped out of the room. Reno looked at Rude. "Ah well. That was fun. Hey, Rude?"
"....."
"I've done some looking around. Guess what? Well? Guess!"
"....."
"Cloud's finally marrying Tifa!"
"Tifa..."
"Yup! They're finally getting married. How do you feel about that?"
"....."
"TALK TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!!!!" Reno electrified Rude, again. Once again, the two
started fighting each other.
"What?! That lousy %&()$# is getting married?!" Elena ran into the room.
Reno and Rude stopped their fighting for a moment.
"Sure, Elena." Reno replied. "Why?"
"Cloud..." Elena had a scowl on the face. "HE'S THE ONE! He's the ass hole who killed Tseng!"
"Elena..." was all Rude could say.
"I remember... when I saw them run out of that temple... then... it crushed him! They made the
temple crush him!"
"Gee, Elena. Don't blow an artery over it. Maybe it really was Sephiroth."
Elena threw Reno to the floor, and stomped out of the room.
"Well, I'm not going to let him get married! Not after what he did to my love..."
"Mail for Vincent?" The mail man looked at the dusty coffin and shuddered. The coffin creaked
open. "Yeeeeees?" came a low voice. And, suddenly, A MONSTEROUS VAMPIRE LEAPED FROM THE
COFFIN! "EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!" The mail man dashed out of the room. "Sheesh. What's his
problem?" Vincent picked up the letter that was dropped. "Dear Sir. You have won the lottery!"
"Cool." Vincent smiled because he won the lottery. He then frowned because he saw that the
letter was meant for someone else named Zeromus. "Ah well." Vincent picked up the next letter.
"Cloud and Tifa are getting married?" He frowned. "I don't have a suit to wear!" Then, being
the frowning guy he was, frowned again because marriage always reminded him of his own deceased
girlfriend.
"You are the 100th couple tonight!" Couple? What the heck was this guy
talking about? Cloud wondered to himself as the gold saucer staff man
told them that they were going to be participants in the play. Yuffie shook
his arm. "I don't know what it's all about but sounds cool. Wanna try it,
Cloud?" Yuffie then ran ahead, ignoring Cloud's "wait!" signal with his
hand.
"Why don't I ever hear about this stuff sooner?!" Yuffie stomped into the pagoda and grabbed
the letter from Chekhov. She read it over.
"Sheesh. A little uptight, aren't we?"
"Shaddup. Reading."
"Well, it's only some junk about your boyfriend marrying that girl."
"Shaddup! He's not my boyfriend!"
"Well, according to your little diary, he is."
"What!" Yuffie glared at Chekhov. "How dare you look at that!"
Shake snickered to herself. "So, Yuffie, what are you going to do about it? Your not just
going to let Cloud get married like that, are you?"
Yuffie picked up Shake, flung her at Chekhov, and stomped out of the room.
"Elena, didn't we like... forgive Cloud or something? I don't know. I really don't remember
hating him this deeply."
"Shut up, Reno! I'll show him! I'm going to take out Tifa just like he took out Tseng!"
"And how are you going to do that?" Rude asked.
"Assassination, of course."
"Elena, we don't think..."
"FINE! Go away! I don't care what you think!" Elena took her pistol, and left the room.
"Reno, should we just let her...?"
"Ah, don't worry about her. Just leave her be." Reno walked away.
"Still, I can't just let Elena get into any trouble..." Rude decided to follow her.
Here we were. Cloud still had no idea what was going on. He never does,
does he? He probably doesn't even know that Tifa loves him, which is
pretty pathetic, since she's a lot more obvious than me. Did it matter?
Cloud seemed to have a natural inclination to like Aeris. I have no idea
why. But even if Aeris were gone, he'd probably still like Tifa. Sigh...
He'd never like me...
"You must be the legendary hero, Alfred!" The actor signaled to Cloud.
"Hey, it's your line." Ha ha ha! Cloud looked stumped. He just gazed
around in some sort of stupor. The play went on and on like that for a
while. Then, it finally came time for Cloud to kiss the princess. That
was me. He was supposed to save me from the evil dragon king with a kiss
"of true love." Oh, he gave a kiss of true love all right. TO THE DRAGON!
Of course, it's probably because he couldn't bear to kiss me...
That stupid dragon then turned into a beautiful maiden, because the kiss
broke her curse or something like that. There was a bunch of cheering,
then they all happily left the stage. Except for me...
"NO! Cloud! Don't kiss her!!!" Tifa screamed. She then woke up from her bed and looked
around. Yuffie was standing over her head.
"Yuffie, I had the most horrible nightmare! You remember that night at the gold saucer
before we went to the temple of Ancients? I dreamed that Aeris asked Cloud out on a date that
night and he agreed and they fell in love and they..."
"You mean you didn't have the dream about the rubber pizzas?!" Yuffie looked at the rubber
pizza she was holding and thought to herself, "drat..."
"I hope that wasn't the case..."
"Does it matter? Aeris is gone."
"So? What if Cloud really did love her, and not me?"
Tifa left the room. Yuffie stared as she left. "Damn. My plan to stop the wedding through
rubber pizza nightmares isn't working." She sighed.
"Tifa!!! You will die!" Elena burst into the room with a 12-foot pyro Shinra-tech flame-thrower
ready to fire. She stared at Yuffie.
"Um, Tifa isn't here."
"Where is she?"
"She's leaving to continue picking out a wedding dress."
"Oh." Elena looked at the flame-thrower and nervously smiled. "Um, you do realize I was joking
about that 'kill Tifa' thing, right?"
"Sure."
"Bye!"
Yuffie decided to go along with Tifa just in case something happened. Suddenly, she stopped.
"Wait a minute... If Elena kills Tifa, there won't be any wedding. Plus, I'll be the only one
left! And, maybe, then, Cloud will finally appreciate me..."
"Hmm... This suit is nice. But it doesn't seem right..." Vincent looked at the tuxedo he
was trying on, which made him look exactly like a turk. "It just doesn't match. It doesn't
look a thing like me..."
"Hey, Vincent!" Barret waved. "What are you doing, here?"
"I'm getting a suit for the wedding. What are you doing, here?"
"I'm waiting for Tifa to get back so I can help her find the right wedding dress."
Tifa entered the room.
"Well, there's the future bride to be, now!"
"Hey, Barret. Hi, Vincent!" Tifa smiled.
In the shadows, Elena cocked her Sniper-Rifle. Unknown to her, Yuffie was watching from the
shadows next door.
"Cloud, let's go on the gondola, next." I figured that the gondola would
be much more romantic than that stupid play. Cloud was so nice, and just
played along, even though I knew that he didn't care for this date. Either
that or he was being his usual absent minded self and still didn't realize
what was going on. But I didn't mind. I could finally be alone with him.
Riding the gondola was great. The view was great. I watched as the chocobos
ran by, and the gondola dipped in and out of the speed square roller coaster
rails. However, the greatest part was the fireworks. "Cloud!" I called.
I didn't want him to miss this. Cloud and I watched all of the rainbow
colors fill the night time sky. I turned around and looked at him. "Cloud?"
Here he was. Here I was. Free from Aeris and Tifa and love-triangles where
no one even payed any attention to me because of Aeris and Tifa. Finally,
at a time when Cloud, more or less, was aknowledging who I was by coming with
me. I knew this moment would never come again. I couldn't let it die like
this. Cloud wasn't even paying much attention. I walked up to him, and I did
what I felt was right. I kissed him.
That caught his attention.
Cloud didn't say anything. He just gave that usual stupefied stare. "I just
felt like doing that. That's all." That was the only explanation I could
give. But it was true. Cloud still didn't say anything. Why?! I just kissed
him, for god's sake! "Say something, why don't you!" I cried. Nothing.
I realized that what I just did was really stupid. "Gawd, I could just die."
Nothing.
"SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE!!!!"
Like always, Cloud didn't take me seriously.
"..........something."
I slapped Cloud as hard as I could. And no, he still didn't say anything.
Shake threw down the diary. "Ugh, yucky! Yuffie kissed him! Well, at least he had the common
sense to blow her off like that.
Elena pointed the pistol at Tifa, as Yuffie stared.
"Am I going to let this happen? But... then again..."
Elena began to pull the trigger.
"Oh Cloud... Why did there always have to be someone else? I know you could never like me..."
"Take this, Cloud! For Tseng!"
A shurikan flew at Elena's pistol as the gun went off...
"The hell?!" Barret watched as the tuxedo shop went into an uproar.
"Hmm... It would appear that someone is shooting at someone." Vincent remarked.
"Must have been a pretty bad shot, because the bullet hit the ceiling." Tifa replied.
Barret and Vincent saw Elena cursing from the corner of their eyes. She then pointed the pistol
at Tifa again.
"Shit." Barret commented.
Barret and Vincent took out their own heavy artillery guns and pointed them at Elena. Elena
stared, and did the most logical thing she could do. She ran away.
"After her!" Vincent cried. Barret and Vincent gave chase, and soon had Elena cornered.
Yuffie ran up to them.
"Hi!"
"Not now, Yuffie!" Vincent shoved her aside. "Why did you try to kill Tifa?" He glared at
Elena.
"I'm repaying a debt!" she cried. "DAMN CLOUD!!!! I'll never forgive him for what he took from
me!!! He killed Tseng! He just crushed him! He murdered him!!!"
Vincent and Barret looked at eachother.
"So?" Barret remarked. "You don't see me saying, 'DAMN SHINRA!' because they killed my wife."
"Sure we do." Vincent remarked.
"Shut up, foo'! It's not like you never said, 'DAMN HOJO!' because he killed Lucrecia!"
"....."
Barret and Vincent pointed their guns at Elena. "Well, might as well arrest her or something."
A hand grabbed Barret and Vincent and flung them away before they knew what was going on.
"Wha...? Rude?" Elena looked at Rude.
"Come on!" Rude grabbed Elena, and they escaped.
Yuffie was just staring all of this time. "Gawd. But, what about Cloud?"
"Aeris... Cloud doesn't love her, does she?" Tifa remembered the fortune...
"Poor Tifa." Cait Sith said that when he saw that Cloud would be married with Aeris.
Tifa looked at Reeve. "Reeve? You were there that night stealing the keystone from us."
"Um, heh heh..." Reeve got a nervous smile at the reminder of his traitorous deed.
"Did Cloud... really go out with Aeris then?"
Reeve looked at Tifa. Here was this beautiful strong-willed lady, worried that Cloud still
loved a girl long gone. What would he say?
"What makes you say that?" Reeve asked. "Of course he didn't go out with Aeris! What a joke!"
Tifa gave a sigh of relief, then left. "Thanks, Reeve."
"Your welcome."
Reeve smiled. He remembered that night. No, Cloud wasn't with Aeris. When Cloud bumped into
Cait Sith, his only companion was Yuffie.
"Well, it's the day." Cloud looked in the mirror and fixed his tie. "I'd better get going."
"Cloud?" Yuffie walked into the room.
"Oh no." Cloud wondered to himself. "Now she's probably going to give me another 'I love you'
joke like that one at the gold saucer. Why does she torment me like this?"
"Yes, Yuffie?"
"You're finally marrying Tifa, huh?"
"Of course. You know that."
"Yeah, um... er..." What would she say, now? There was nothing she could do...
"Cloud?"
"Yeah?
"I... loved you." Yuffie dashed out of the room before Cloud could reply.
Cloud gave a stupefied stare.
"Well, that was strange."
"I now pronounce you, man and wife."
The church was filled with cheers, and rice was thrown everywhere. The new couple smiled and
waved at their friends.
"Yeah, Cloud! Yeah, Tifa!" Barret waved.
"Cool beans." Vincent commented.
"May you have a wonderful life together." Red XIII told them as they walked by.
"Thanks." Tifa replied.
"Good luck to you! I hope your future is great!" Cait Sith yelled.
"Yeah!" Reeve added.
"Heh! You got married before me!" Cid remarked. "Maybe I should pop the question to my own
love, soon."
"Your own love? And who's that?" Shera asked.
"Woah! Um... nothing..."
Yuffie watched as Cloud and Tifa boarded the chocobo carriage with the "Just Married" banner at
the back. All she could do was whisper.
"Goodbye..." Her eyes filled with tears. "Goodbye, Cloud..."
"Hey, Yuffie! Wasn't that a cool wedding? Glad I could attend, even though I don't know the
bride or groom!" Shake dashed into the room. "Yuffie? Yo! Where ya at?"
Shake looked around the room. Yuffie wasn't there. There was, however, something that caught
her eye. Shake reached into the trashcan, and pulled out a book. On the cover, it was labeled,
"My Diary"
By Yuffie Kisaragi
Shake flipped the pages and skimmed the book. Nope. There was still only one entry. That
one silly stupid entry about Yuffie's date with Cloud. Shake threw the book back into the
trashcan.
"It figures. I knew Yuffie couldn't make the commitment to keep a diary."
As she left the room, Shake turned out the lights.
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