"Hmm....."
The young teenager sat down in the waiting room, and fiddled her thumbs.
"This isn't going to work, Yuffie. Only an idiot would except
you."
"SHADDUP!"
"Miss Yuffie! Miss Shake! Stop fighting, now, or else I'm not
taking you to these stupid places, anymore!"
With a gesture, the fat, grey-haired man silenced the two. Yuffie
and Shake impatiently waited for their turn, while the fat man, Gorky,
happily ate from a bag of popcorn that he bought in the nearby vending
machine. They've been waiting for two hours, now. Finally,
one of the secretaries opened the door.
"Miss Kisaragi?"
"Here! Here!" Yuffie beamed, happily, knowing that the wait
was finally over.
"Mr. Sakaguchi will see you, right now."
"Cool!"
Shake, the small one, ran up in front of Yuffie. "Hey! Wait!
Don't you want to think about this?"
"What's there to think about? You just grab your pen and paper
like I told you to, and record my interview, while I handle all the rest!"
Yuffie and Shake entered Mr. Sakaguchi's office, while Gorky stayed
in the waiting room.
"Good luck, Miss Yuffie."
Yuffie smiled. "Shake, this is it. I'm finally going to
finalize it. I'm going to be famous!"
"Yeah, whatever. Doubtful."
"Just you wait! I'll show you, and I'll show Chekhov, too!
No one will ever pick on me again once I have it!"
In the office sat a very handsome young man. Hironobu Sakaguchi.
He looked at his appointment schedule. "I see.... So, this is
Tetsuya Nomura's little ninja, eh? Let's get started."
"Yeah!" Yuffie couldn't wait.
"Miss Kisaragi, right?"
"The great materia hunter, herself!" Yuffie bragged.
"Hmm. Well, here we are, then. We shall get to work on it.
Mr. Sakaguchi took out some papers and thumbed through them. On the
front of the papers, the matter of business was clearly marked.....
Yuffie's FF7 Contract
By James Chang
nikken@erols.com
"Ah ha. I see. Yeah. Hmm. Interesting." Mr. Sakaguchi thumbed through the papers.
"Wow! Hey, Shake, what part do you think I'll get?" Yuffie turned to her small companion.
"Regular Townsfolk."
"SHADDAP!!!!!!! Who asked you!?" Yuffie cut off the conversation.
"Miss Kisaragi, you have a rather... interesting resume."
"I know! I'm an interesting person!"
"No you're not." Sakaguchi calmly replied.
"Eh?" Yuffie was stumped.
"Don't worry about it right now. We have other business."
"Yeah. Well, what role do I get?"
"I haven't decided, yet."
"I know!" Yuffie threw in her suggestions. "How about the special race person?
I do, after all, come from a long line of powerful ninjas!"
"Don't you remember, Miss Kisaragi? We filled in that role a long time ago."
"Oh yeah... Are you sure you wouldn't rather have me?"
"Yes."
"WHY NOT?!"
"Miss Gainsborough is a very sweet lady. And she's also a white mage. We feel that
sweet white mages fit the role of the hero's girlfriend, very nicely. Also, she looks cool."
"......."
"HEY!" Shake looked up at Yuffie. "You probably don't wanna be the ancient, anyway.
I heard that she gets killed by the end of the 1st CD."
"Yeah, you're right..." Yuffie thought of another idea. "How about Cloud's childhood friend?
That'd be really cool!"
"No."
"YOU LIKE TICKING ME OFF, DON'T YOU!?" Yuffie was getting annoyed with this man.
"It's not that. The role has already been filled."
"BY WHO?!"
"A very lovely lady, if you will. Miss Tifa Lockheart."
"Man! This sucks! What does she have that I don't?"
Mr. Sakaguchi looked around, nervously. "Well.... (sweat drop) she's very sweet and loving
and she can mix drinks and... um..."
"And? And?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"YES!"
Mr. Sakaguchi leaned over and whispered something into Yuffie's ear.
"GROSSNESS!" Yuffie felt sick.
"What? What is it?" A curious Shake wanted to know what he said.
"......."
"Tell me, now!"
Yuffie glared at Shake, and lowly replied. "She has two very lovely eyes, OKAY!?"
Yuffie frowned.
"Besides that, Miss Kisaragi, you're too young. If you were to be the childhood friend,
then in Cloud's flashback, you'd be... what... one year old?"
"......." Yuffie did not like where this was going.
"Besides that, you're selfish personality doesn't fit the role."
"Shaddup."
"Now, about you not being an interesting person..."
"Yeah, what was that about?"
"Miss Kisaragi, I've been reviewing your contract for some time. It seems to me, that
you have a rather.... flat personality."
"WHAT!?"
"Let's go over personality aspects for a moment. Let's see, here. You're selfish.
And you steal materia. And you fight your dad. That's it."
"What about character development?!"
"We have decided that many of the characters will have no character development, whatsoever.
Besides that, Miss Kisaragi, we feel that your personality might be seen as...
a sign of racism."
"WHAT?!
"Think about it. How would you feel, if you had a selfish little twerp representing your
Asian race?"
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
Shake laughed to herself. "Heh heh."
Suddenly, a big black man burst into the room. "What you givin' me this damn rap about me
not being the main character?! I pity the fool who don't know who da best man is! You'd
better give me a better role now or I'll have to go midievil on yo ass! %$%&*()@$&#(@!"
"Calm down, Barret."
Barret left the room.
Yuffie stared. "Gee, I never knew Barret spoke ebonics and cussed."
"We plan to make him do that for the US version of FF7."
"Why?"
"Secret."
"Oh."
"Miss Kisaragi, I'll be honest with you. The board doesn't want you."
"What? But... why?"
"I've already gone over everything with you. Your personality, your... personality, and your..."
Mr. Sakaguchi looked at the girl. "Well, many people think you look downright hideous."
"HEY!" Yuffie cringed at the insult. "I'm not hideous!"
"Yes you are!" Shake jumped in.
"I'm cute! Nomura told me, himself!"
"But our main point is your personality. It's just too flat. Look at Aeris. She's capricious,
flirtatious, kind, loving, has a boyfriend, and is willing to sacrifice her life for the planet.
And look at Tifa. She's strong, yet unable to tell Cloud that she loves him, and.... is unable
to tell Cloud how she loves him... and....... hmm..... I guess that's it. At any rate, it's
much better than your personality."
"........."
"You don't even have a boyfriend. The boyfriend box is unmarked on your resume."
"Well, I have someone that I really like, but it's.... stupid. No one would believe it."
"Really? Who do you like?"
"Um......."
"Come on, Kisaragi."
"I like... Vincent or Reno."
Shake had a surprised look on her face.
Mr. Sakaguchi looked into Yuffie's eyes. "Miss Kisaragi, you are lying. Now, tell me.
Who do you really like?"
Yuffie leaned over, and whispered into Sakaguchi's ear.
"I see. Miss Kisaragi, I am not impressed. Don't you think that two girls who like him
is enough?"
"Why not? In Breath of Fire 2, three females all fell in love with the main character."
"True, but Breath of Fire 2 was done by Capcom, not Square. Besides that, what makes you think
that you actually have a chance against Tifa or Aeris?"
"I don't." Yuffie sadly turned her head down.
"Hmm, you're being honest for once. Not bad." Mr. Sakaguchi thought about the turn of events.
"Maybe your personality isn't so flat, after all."
Shake frowned. "Great. Now she's going to cry, again."
"SHADDAP!"
"Miss Kisaragi, I'll make you a deal. Since both of the main female roles have already been
taken, it's all I can give you. We can make you into an optional secret character. Would
you like that?"
"What? Optional secret character?! That sucks! That means, that I'll have no dialogue
whatsoever in the game and a whole bunch of people won't even know that I exist!"
"Take it or leave it."
"........."
"Good."
"I hate this." Yuffie turned her head down, again.
"Don't worry, Miss Kisaragi. I have everything under control. Your two side quests have
already been planned."
"Only two? I thought there were going to be three!"
"Well, that last one about you travelling to the mountains behind Wutai was cut, because, well,
the programmers got tired. So, instead we just made it a place where you could pick up the
oritsu and the steal-as-well materia."
"Gawd. Well, how hard is it to find me? I don't want everyone to pass me by."
"We've decided that you will be randomly found in a forest."
"Why?"
"I DON'T KNOW!!! DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ASK QUESTIONS?! WE JUST FELT LIKE IT!"
"Oh."
"And I guess that's it."
"What about my dialogue? I don't want to be recruited, then forgotten simply because I
don't ever talk, again! That would be just like those Shining Force characters or every
character in Final Fantasy Six after you get the Falcon!"
"We'll think about it. You may go, now, Miss Kisaragi."
"Sigh. I hate this... Now he'll never like me."
Mr. Sakaguchi thought about the FF7 love triangle. An idea popped into his head.
"Miss Kisaragi, wait!"
"Huh?"
"About your boyfriend. I've decided to put in a very special top-secret hidden scene
about it, just for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but it'll be really hard to get. For one thing, Cloud has to choose you over Tifa and
Aeris."
Shake spoke again. "Why the hell would anyone want to choose you?!"
"Shaddup!!!!!!!!"
"Well, then. That's it. It's been a pleasant chat, Miss Kisaragi."
"Thanks."
Yuffie and Shake left the room. They were greeted by Gorky.
"Miss Yuffie! How did it go?"
"Terribly."
"That's too bad, Miss Yuffie. I know how you felt about this."
"Yeah..."
"Heh heh." Shake laughed. "I knew it would go badly. Yuffie stinks."
"Shaddup!"
Gorky stepped in between the two before they could kill each other.
"Hey, Shake, do you think Cloud would ever like me?"
"No way! He treats you like dirt. And you're always stealing his materia!"
"Well, that's because I.... gee...."
"You'd better keep telling people that you love Vincent and Reno, because NO ONE will
ever believe that you love Cloud."
"Sigh..."
Gorky stopped their conversation.
"Miss Yuffie, Miss Shake, let's go home."
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