Paul found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies,nothing. Paul looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came this rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him also as he was waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention. She rowed her boat towards him.
In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did you get here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank"
"Amazing", he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where did you get the rowboat? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you?"
"It is only me", she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up, nothing else did."
"Well then", said Paul, "How did you get the rowboat?"
"I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island," replied the woman. "The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, but," asked Paul, "What about tools and hardware, how did you do that?"
"Oh, no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"
At last Paul was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach.
"Well, let's row over to my place", she said. So they both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.
The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
"It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?"
"No," said Paul, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still, how about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, Paul accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"
"No", the Paul replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship".
"Well, if you would like to shave, there is a man's razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
So, Paul, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bath room.
There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. Paul shaved, showered and went back down stairs.
"You look great," said the woman. "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable." So she did.
And, Paul continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman returned wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.
"Tell me," she asked, "we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and woman need. Something that it would be really nice to have right now."
"Yes there is," Pual replied, as he moved closer to the woman while
fixing a winsome gaze upon her, "Tell me ... Do you happen to have an
Internet connection?"
-------- ;)
WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR DOG Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine Sex. Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said he would like one too. Then I said, "But this is for a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was seperated, I didn't have Sex any more. He said "Me too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning." I said, "I am looking for Sex." My case comes up on Friday.
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Sex Story
This is original but the style is borrowed from Anne Degeneres (sp?)a commedienne who currently has an HBO special out.
I met this beautiful girl last night. She invited me back to her place and we had the greatest steamiest sex ever. Actually, it wasn't really the greatest sex ever, it was more like medium-great sex, and well, she didn't exactly invite me back to her place, I sort of followed her home to her apartment.
To be factual, we didn't actually have sex per se, but we came very close. You see we were fondling each other pretty intensely...well, actually, I was fondling her, she wasn't fondling me...well, really, I wasn't actually fondling her, our bodies just got very close together. To be honest, I just sort of brushed into her.
Accidentally.
But it was great,
really hot and sensual you know?
Actually, to be specific, it wasn't really her that I brushed into, it was actually the back of the chair she was sitting in. Although, the chair was...on the other side of a wall you see...in another room sort of. And I was sort of leaning on the wall, but the chair was very close to the wall, very close. Of course, she was on the third floor and I was sort of...on the street...leaning against the building. But wow! What a night. What a night.