It has been a long and eventful period of time for me. I awoke after my last day with Fuji, and he was already awake and was just finishing packing his horse. I demanded to know why he didn't wake me, but he simply told me I looked too beautiful and peaceful to disturb. Why is it he can frustrate me and flatter me at once? No one has been able to do that to me before!
       He began to leave after our farewells. I think I really hurt him when I told him I would not dishonor his wife by having an open affair. He tried not to show it, but I can tell. As he was riding away, I called him back. I couldn't let him leave like that. I don't mean to be cold, but I'm trying to protect myself as well as him. I don't want to get hurt. He rode back, and I told  him what I had taken for granted that he'd know how I felt.
       I told him I loved him. He said I didn't have to say it, but I insisted I did. I had to. I watched him ride away until I couldn't see him anymore. Deep inside, I was drowning in tears, but I couldn't let them show. No one was there, but I had to be strong, for myself.
       I returned to the Hida home, and ran into my old friend, Kakita Mizake. That lovely crane I met when I was twelve and our senseis were killed together. Perhaps it is fate that we die together as well. It is hard to say. Apparently she works for Asami. Does that woman know everyone? I missed court, but from what I hear about the way Fuji was dishonored by his father, reprimanded and scolded in front of everyone, I'm glad I didn't go.
       Mizake helped me get dressed in the silk kimono Asami gave me. Just as I finished dressing, Fuji's father came to my door. You cannot imagine my nervous embarrassment. He knows of my relationship with is son, and came to make sure I stay out of his life. He asked me to bless the marriage. The official blessing. As a priestess. By the light of Amaterasu, why does he insist on torturing me so??? I could not refuse. I wish now that my nerves had not given in to his demands. He had no right to ask that of me. I wonder how he would have reacted had I refused. A person's loyalty stays where their heart is. If a man doesn't love his people, would he fight on the great wall to protect them? And Fuji loves me. Therefore he is loyal to me, or at least I would like to think so. Why else would he have offered to run away with me?
        I could have used this against Hida-sama, but I did not. I felt it would be better if he thought I was not against the wedding. That I would support it in everything I do. I will never know if I made the right decision. I was sent to the temple to change into "more appropriate dress." He also pointed out that a priestess would not wear weaponry to the wedding. I believe he did this to make sure I didn't wear the Hida ancestral sword at the wedding. I sent Mizake to deliver a message to Fuji, saying that I am at the temple, an his sword would stay forever at my side. That way, he would know I fooled his father. I wore the sword under the drab white kimono I was forced to wear. I couldn't wait to get out ot that ugly thing after the rite. The ceremony was long and difficult. It was painful to bless their vows.
        I left my horse outside of the temple, as Megumi instructed, so I knew when the newly made wife of Hida Fujizaka took it away. Because of a spell I keep on SilverWind, I have a constant link with my steed. I knew which direction they went, and I knew the speed at which she rode. I did not, however, know that my cousin, the foolish Shinjo Jekusu was with her.
       When it was discovered that the two women were going over the wall, and into the shadowlands, and that they were being followed by Jekusu and Kuno's armies, we were forced to go after them. The young foolish soldiers led by Jekusu and Kuno would not be denied the opportunity to serve on the wall and beyond. Fuji tried to convince me to stay, but I would have none of that. I insisted on going, so he put me on his horse behind him. We rode hard, and caught up with the armies, who were planning an attack on a goblin encampment.
Following the cavalry, Fuji and I rode around to flank the goblins. He was riding slow, and keeping to the back. He can be so infuriating! I demanded that he fight as he normally would, in the thick of the battle. He told me to get off. I refused, so he jumped off. Fine. If he wants to be like that, he can. I rode into the battle, and he ran in with me - swearing, I am sure -  at me for not staying away from the danger. I fought with his wakazashi. No magic. Just skill on skill. I have heard that you must be very good at magic to cast spells in the shadowlands. I do not yet trust myself. I believe I fought well. I was injured, of course, but not badly. The goblins fought under that same black mon that we keep running across. We even found the naginata Jekusu's ancestor wanted her to go after.
        There were chests full of goblin scrolls that Kuno pilfered. We heard another army coming, and fled from the shadowlands. We were short men and supplies, and would not do well in another battle so soon. We came to the wall to find Furi and Hida's armies assembled there - and lucky for that too, for as soon as we came through the gates, hordes of goblins and other creatures attacked. Many died, and more were injured. A man who looked identical to Furi showed up. An evil man who has been after her for some time. I suppose that's why Furi didn't know anything about the kidnapping or the iaijutsu duel he was supposedly in with Jekusu. Jekusu managed to kill the evil Furi but was wounded badly. I washed many goblins away with my most powerful spell, 'Master of the rolling river,' and spent the rest of my magic energy healing Jekusu, Mizake, and Fuji.
        Fuji's father died. I feel badly for Fuji, for I don't know what his future lies.  He most certainly has inherited his father's place in the family. I often wonder if our circumstances had been different if Hida-sama could have ever loved me as a daughter. Fuji's wife never came back. Neither did SilverWind. I feel a loss in that. SilverWind was my brother. Megumi assured me I would not be giving my horse to that woman. I assumed he meant it would be returned to me. I cannot sense him though, therefore I believe he is either tainted or dead. As much as it saddens me, I would prefer death over the taint. I must go to the temple and speak to Megumi. So much has been lost. Was it all for me and my greed? I hope not. I would rather have given up my own life than for so many great warriors to have died. What was gained? Nothing. Only death and carnage. Yes, we held onto the wall for one more day, but that has happened for hundreds of years. And what is in store for me now? Megumi said one year after the death of his wife, Fuji and I would be together. But there is no proof that she is dead. Logic says she is, for she didn't return from the shadowlands, and no one can live there long, but how can we know for sure? And why would the fortunes make such promises to me? I am nobody.
       There were several Scorpion courtiers who threw a party at a tea house for the army, in honor of their victory. I attended for a while, but my heart wasn't in it.
       Fuji did not attend, as was appropriate, considering his father's death. Before I went to the party, I walked with him to his room. He kissed me. I'm not sure what to make of our relationship now. I still love him, that much is certain, and of course he loves me, but where do we stand? We can't really be seen together, even though his wife is gone. It is all so confusing. I just wish the rest of the world would go away, so it's just me and Fuji. Just the two of us to live as we want to live.
       Another small bit of information that is hardly important to me, but worth mentioning as I am suspicious of anything and everything the scorpions do, is that I have failed to comprehend why the Scorpions hosted the party this evening. It is a rare event indeed when a person of that clan would do something without an ulterior motive. I also noticed some strange behavior from every samurai in attendance. Everyone seemed especially forward and amorous. Perhaps it is simply that they are glad to still live after our battles with the shadow. Perhaps it is more. Kuno seems to want to work with these scorpions to figure out what the goblin scrolls say, but I find it difficult to believe that they have the capabilities to work out that language. The Kuni, perhaps might-- but the scorpions?
      Kuno also seems bent on speaking harshly with the Emerald Champion. His mission here, was of course to assess the situation on the wall. Each of the daimyos here swear they have requested more soldiers from the Emerald Champion, but to no avail. Time and again Doji has promised to send troops, and now that Kuno and his fifty men came and are planning to leave, they are all furious. They are desperate for more men. I wonder why Doji would send all these daimyo's children to do this job. It's almost as if he didn't expect them to live. Why would he break his promises to send more soldiers only to send us to assess the situation? Why would he send so many noble children to die? There is something wrong with the whole situation.

Part VI: To Otosan Uchi: Stop That Ship!

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