These are actual signs seen in hotels etc. around the world.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not person to do such thing is
please not to read notis.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman
even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals.
If you have any suitable food,
give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
should press a number of wishing floor. Driving
is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and
spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush
we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested
that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure
is the job of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors
in the hours of repose
in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience,
we recommend courteous,
efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over
the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors
have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge
since this variation has been played.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours
-we guarantee no miscarriages.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today-no ice cream.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common,
but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
* English well talking.
* Here speeching American.