She looked down at his face. He seemed so peaceful. She held back tears as she leaned over and kissed his forehead. She choked back a sob as she put her hand to her mouth and ran out of the funeral parlor. She burst out the doors and stood leaning against the brick wall. She took in deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She closed her eyes.

*Pray God that you can cope, I stand outside This woman's work This woman's world Ooh it's hard on the man.*

      She opened her eyes when she heard someone walk through the door. She looked over and saw it was Josh. He came over to her and hugged her. She tried as hard as she could not to just let go. He felt her keep it in.       "Just let it out, hun. Let it all out." He said rubbing her back as her body was wracked with sobs that couldn't come out. Tears trying to force themselves out of her, but didn't. He held her for a bit until she calmed down. "He would've been proud." He said touching her stomach. He smiled as he felt movement. She pulled away and saw the redness in his eyes, the tears streaking down his face. She kissed him on the cheek as a goodbye and he turned and walked away.

*Now his part is over Now starts the craft Of the father.*

      She walked back in and took a seat in the back. She waited for everyone to leave. She walked up to the casket and looked down at her best friend. So many things ran through her mind. 'WHY?' her mind screamed 'Joey why did you leave me?' The words never passed her lips as a single tear dropped from her face onto his. She leaned forward to brush it away, her hand coming in contact with his cold skin. She forced herself away from it and walked slowly out and didn't stop until she got in her car. She leaned over the steering wheel and took in fast short gulps of air. She remembered the last time she'd seen him alive.

~FLASHBACK~ "Listen Joey, I know there have been some things that haven't been said... I just need to let you know..." She trailed off, looking into his deep brown eyes. She couldn't go through with it. "Yes? Marleny I'm listening. You're my best friend, you know you can tell me anything babe." He said weakly taking her hand. She let go of his hand and closed her eyes at the best friend comment. One night together still didn't change it. "Well uh Joey... I'm pregnant." She said quietly. She watched as his eyes shot open, and he leaned up and stuttered. "It's... it's not yours. It's Jason's." She lied. JC was the only one she told. She trusted him with so much. She hadn't seen Jay in about 3 months. But he didn't need to know that. She watched as he closed his eyes. She couldn't tell if it was from relief or pain. She had to get out. "I uh, I need to go. I'll come by and see you later." She said quietly, looking down at his saddened face. He reached up to touch her hair. She leaned down and kissed his lips sweetly, her best friend and saw the way he kept his eyes closed. Then without looking back she turned around and ran out of the hospital. And never came back. ~END FLASHBACK~

*I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have alot of strength left I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have alot of strength left.*

      She leaned back in her seat remembering the times they shared. Back when they met in kindergarden, when he moved in 7th grade, when her father got transfered and she met him again, the senior prom they went to together, that one night, that changed everything, the car accident they both got into. Why did she get to live and he didn't? It was supposed to be her, not him. Yet, strangely, thinking about everything wasn't making her cry. She inhaled deep breaths.

*I should be crying but I just can't let it show I should be hoping that I can't stop thinking All the things I should've said that I never said All the things I should've done though we never did All the things I should've given but I didn't*

      She sat there for hours, but the pain wouldn't leave her. She took out her purse to find her pills. She had a headache. She opened it and was greeted by his face smiling at her. It was the picture she always kept of him in her wallet. It fell out again. She grabbed her pills and threw her purse to the floor of the car.

*Oh darling, make it go Make it go away*

      Popping two pills in her mouth she thought of the night they spent together. They had both been waiting for it for a long time. It felt so right. She smiled thinking of him. The smile was quickly lost when the cold reality hit her. 'Never again' she thought. She closed her eyes.

*Give me these moments back Give them back, to me Give me that little kiss Give me your, hand*

      They didn't think of what could come from it. Their friendship had been ruined. He could hardly talk to her without wanting her, and she couldn't even look at him the same. She couldn't stand knowing her secret, and not being able to tell him. He wouldn't have been able to take it. She knew he wouldn't. She told JC. She knew he could be trusted not to let it out. She turned the car on and began the trip home, the whole time thinking of what could've been.

*I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have alot of strength left I should be crying but I just can't let it show I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking Of all the things I should've said that I never said All the things we should've done though we never did All the things that you needed from me All the things that you wanted for me All the things I should've given but I didn't*

      She drove past his house and parked across the street from it. She looked at the family inside from the window. The mother grabbing her son crying on his shoulder. It must hurt her to look at him. He looks so much like him. The sister, coming up from behind her brother and sobbing into his back clutching at his sweater while he put his head down, trying to hide his tears and be strong for his family. She looked away. All she saw from that house were memories, and pain. She pulled into her driveway on the next block. As soon as she stepped out she saw the kitten Joey had bought her for her birthday sitting in the window, meowing and waiting for her master to return. She couldn't take it anymore. She collapsed in the driveway next to the open car door, sobbing, finally letting it all out.

*Oh darling, make it go away Just make it go away now*