Welcome to the web site for Lincoln College, a
private, liberal-arts junior college located near the
geographic center of Illinois, where, even though
you are 18, you are treated like a middle schooler.
Yes, here at Lincoln College, we have great teachers, established NJCAA sports programs, classes ranging from computers to to marine biology, even dorms for students to live on campus, but as far as having fun on your free time? Forget about it.
Lincoln College has 5 dorm building to accomidate and subdue students. Are they CO-ED? Hell no, also, we beleive that not only shouldn't you live with the opposite sex, you are also restricted to your contact with them. That's right, come midnight on weekdays, you are to be out of the opposite sex's dorm. Want to hang out all night on the weekends? Sorry, your gone by 2 a.m. Never mind that "I'm an adult" stuff. Well write you up. Get written up 6 times, and your gone. What's that you say? You only want to visit during the day Well, sorry, you'd better call ahead of time. You can't walk in the opposite sex's dorms with out an escort. You must be an arms length at all times, even going across the hall or from room to room.
Have to eat and run? Not here. No sir, our trained cafeteria personel will seek out and destroy anyone caught taking food from the eating area. That's right, take so much as a cookie and your busted, and don't even think of bringing your own snack or food in. We even go further some days, there are times when you can't even sit where you want.
Have family miles away? Want to talk to them? Sorry, here at Lincoln College, even though you pay upwards of $16,000 to come here, we have installed the shittiest phone system. Come 5 o'clock at night, your chances of calling anywhere but from room to room is slim. Go ahead, dial the number for an important phone call, you won't get through.
So you see, here at Lincoln College, we charge you a fortune to shit on you. It's a good thing our sports are established and we offer a wide range of classes or no one would go here.