My ex-wife had this idea that if you can have Virtual Reality then the next logical step is....
Virtual Chocolate
Think about it. Virtual Reality is reality without having to exercise or leave the comfort of your own home. Thus Virtual Chocolate will be the taste and feel of chocolate without the calories!!
At present we have two systems under development.
Prototype 1. Substitution
A Chocolate bar is displayed on your screen. You now pour the contents of a bottle of Hershey Sauce on the front of your computer monitor and proceed to lick it off.
At present this system has a few drawbacks, most notable is the number of computer monitors that have shorted out. However the electrical feedback produced by one of the initial trials, (along with one too many Frankenstien movie festivals), lead to the second prototype, (our most promising lead so far).
The other drawback is that apparently Chocolate Hershey Sauce contains quite a few calories, (this despite all the testing and research my ex-wife conducted to prove the contrary).
Prototype 2. Feedback and Remotely Controlled Electronic Stimulation System
The F.A.R.C.E.S. system is at present in an early developmental stage. The principle is simple and quite sound. Our nervous system is based upon electrical impulses. A device worn in the mouth which stimulates the appropriate nerve endings in the tongue will simulate the taste and feel of chocolate.
The initial trials of the F.A.R.C.E.S. system met with limited success. I believe mainly due to a lack of funding. We were able only to buy an old electrical cattle prod with no battery which had to be wired directly into the 240 volt mains electrical system. Unable to find a volunteer for the new system, my ex-wife suggested that I take the brave new step to advance science and use the Mark I Prototype on myself. Initially the electrodes were uncomfortable in my mouth but this was quickly forgotten once the power switch was flicked on. The sensation was somewhat removed from chocolate. In fact, as my fillings melted and fused my upper and lower jaw together I can only reflect on the look of amusement the staff showed at my obvious discomfort. It has now been 18 months and many thousands of hours in psychiatric counselling which have allowed me to turn on the computer and write these observations down. As I look back it seems foolish that for the first few months after the demonstration that I would run screaming from a room when the lights were turned on. Many thanks to my therapist.
The Mark II prototype is currently under construction. My ex-wife has a theory that the trauma associated with the Mark I prototype was due to the length of time that the electricity was arcing through my mouth. Increasing the voltage over a shorter period of time may produce the desired effect, (her argument is along the lines of "it isn't the voltage that kills you, it's the amps"). To this end she is building a superconducting capacitor from an old 44 gallon oil drum. I find it difficult to argue with her as the burns in my mouth haven't healed properly yet and as I mentioned above the fillings in my teeth have fused my jaws together.
If you have any thoughts which may be relevant to my ex-wife's vision or ideas that may be usefull please do not hesitate to write to us.
Or if you happen to have an interesting recipe for soup, I would appreciate your writing to me. Gaspatchio soups are prefered as hot soups tend to melt the straw I have to drink through. Thanks in advance - Aaron
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