------------------------------------------
(A shot of a cheering arena crowd.)
Announcer: Seen live by over a million fans every year.
(A shot of the interior of the SWF broadcast truck.)
Announcer: And by over ten million people a week on television.
(The SWF logo appears on the screen)
Announcer: The Supreme Wrestling Federation.
The S-W-F.
--------------------------------------------
(A clip from the opening of last week's Triumphant tuesday, labeled "July 7, 1998".
Chip: We've barely had a chance to catch our breath! But we're back tonight with Triumphant
Tuesday!
("One Week" by BareNaked Ladies plays under highlights from the past week in the SWF.)
# It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry #
(Clip of the masked ninja guy in black attacking Tanner.)
# Five days since you laughed at me saying
get that together come back and see me #
(Clip of Kaos punching The Judge.)
# Three days since the living room,
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you #
(Clip of Biggie Z choke lifting Rock 'n Roll Animal)
# Yesterday you'd forgiven me,
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry #
(Clip of The Judge handcuffing Axel Mate to the ropes.)
# Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman #
(Clip of The Thugz joining Church of Pain.)
# I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
And I like sushi cause it's never touched a frying pan #
(Clip of the MIA's attacking Kaos and Hot Shot Donovan.)
# Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like Leanne Rimes
Because I'm all about value #
(Clip of the KBK taking over the control room in Indianapolis.)
# Bert Kampfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, You try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake #
(Clip of Brian Frenck opening the threatening letter.)
# I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavors #
(Clip of the pullapart brawl between Sean McKenzie and The Sandman.)
# Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's dangerous, you'll have to sign a waiver #
(Clip of Madness joining the T.w.O.)
# How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kinda guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will #
(Clip of The Church of Pain attacking Doug Bacon.)
# I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of takin off my shirt #
(Clip of Axel Mate beating up The Judge.)
# It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air and said You're crazy
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees #
(Clip of the three way brawl between Kold Blooded Killaz, The Thugz and Ground Zero.)
# It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault not a moment too soon #
Chip: That was last week in the SWF. What's going to happen NEXT on Triumphant Tuesday?
---------------------------------------------
(An overhead shot of a wrestling ring in the middle of a vacant parking lot in a big city.
Night time. The opening bars of "The Extremist" by Joe Satriani play as we see shadowy figures
approach the ring from all sides. There is an explosion near the ring, increasing the amount
of available light...
And we see the faces of the wrestlers. Jagged Edge and Shae Smith approach the ring as we
see an image of Edge executing the Shattered Dreams on Carey Stone projected on the building
behind him. Doug Bacon wanders in through the parked cars, as Paul Von Braun runs alongside
him, holding a case of beer. We see an image of Bacon executing the Fried Bacon on Eric Wright
projected on the building behind him.
Sandman walks in, waving his pitchfork and accompanied by Michelle. We see a shot of Sandman
knocking Lethal off the ladder projected on the building next to him. We see Pagan, surrounded
by candles, in a nearby alley. We see an image of Pagan hitting the Final Judgment on Mustafa
projected on the wall above him.
A shot of the ground near the ring. The Living Dead emerge through the soil, as a shot of
them hitting the Autopsy on the Westside Ridas is projected on the ground next to them. We see
Rock 'n Roll Animal standing atop a building, as an image of the Animal hitting a frog splash on
Sean Slade plays beneath him.
An ice cream truck pulls up and God's Tears emerges from the back, as a shot of GT applying
the Hurt on Death Angel is projected on the side of the truck. A stretch limo pulls right up
to ringside. We look in the back and see Mr. Shhh and the Men in Black watching a videotape of
Shhh hitting the Peacemaker on Akira the Samurai.
Cut to an overhead shot of the ring, with the SWF wrestlers approaching from all sides. As
they are all about to enter, we see a burst of fireworks, then the Triumphant Tuesday logo,
followed by another burst of fireworks, which dissolves to...)
------------------------------------------------
(The inside of a packed arena. There are screaming fans and fireworks going off around the
ring and along the rampway. The graphic reads:
"LIVE! Prarie Capital Convention Center
Springfield, Illinois"
The camera pans the crowd, lingering on some of the unique signs there: "I read RWIN!"
"Artful Dodger: Who's Next?", "Edge 7:11", "Go, Sven, Go", "Biggie Z: Yo!" "Bring
back Tanega Watanabe!", and three college kids in Trinity T-shirts with a huge banner saying
"The Church of the Poison Mind!")
Chip: Welcome, everyone, to Springfield, Illinois!
(Shots of a bouncy young woman in a Sandman T-shirt.)
Chip: Welcome to the Prarie Capital Convention Center!
(Shot of SWF Presidnet Brian Frenck, flanked by SWF Vice-Presidents Pat McNeill and Tim Parker,
along with acting Slaughterhouse producer Sean Clayton. All four men are wearing multi-colored
SWF Hostile Takeover '98 T-shirts. There are three SWF security guards in front of Frenck.)
Chip: Welcome to Triumphant Tuesday!
(The angle pans down to the announce desk, where we see Chip Collins, wearing an SWF blazer and
a red power tie, next to "The Sportin' Fool" Tim Thorsen, wearing an South Park cap and a
Cartman T-shirt that reads "got Cheesy Poofs?")
Chip: I'm Chip Collins, along with the man wrestling fans love to love...
Fool: ..."The Sportin' Fool" Tim Thorsen!
Chip: We are here in the land of Lincoln for a highly anticipated edition of SWF Triumphant
Tuesday.
Fool: Springfield. It's a hell of a town.
Chip: Oh, no! Tell me we're not going to have an evening of Simpsons jokes.
Fool: Don't have a cow, man.
Chip: Tonight, fans, there is a match scheduled between Trinity and Sven Pieterson. That's all
we know. Sven has announced that anyone who wants to team with him tonight is welcome to! It
could be five on five. It could be five on one.
Fool: Well, we thing Fatal Fury's gonna team with Sven. But that's only five on two. What...
(A Airborne Express delivery man is at the broadcast table, holding a package.)
Delivery Guy: Mr. Thorsen, could you sign here?
Fool (signing the clipboard): Must be from one of my fans.
Chip: Is it ticking?
(The delivery man leaves as The Sportin' Fool starts to open the package.)
Chip: We'll also see The Artful Dodger twice tonight. He's got a big return match with Tanner
Boyle, and Tim will interview him on Fool's Gold. Plus, a return match between Hexx and Jagged
Edge.
Fool: Whoa! Lookie here!
(The Fool is pulling a Fool-sized, black, leather Trinity jacket out of the package. The
Trinity logo is on the back in red, and the letters "The Fool" are embroidered in red on the
lapel.)
Chip: Nice jacket.
Fool: It says "The Fool" on it. It should say "Sportin' Fool"! What is this? Some kind of
joke?
Chip: Good grief. Right now, we have the SWF debut of one of our newest superstars. Let's go up
to the ring and Jeff Ayres.
(Ring announcer Jeff Ayres, in his black tux and grey tie, takes the microphone.)
Jeff: The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 220 pounds,
from Wembley, England, representing the Third World Order, Deaf Leopard!
["Rock of Ages" by Def Leopard plays as the T.w.O. video montage plays onscreen. The crowd
boos as Leopard air guitars and makes his way to the ring.]
Fool: I hear he's suing Rock 'n Roll Animal for stealing his "distinctive character and
likeness".
Chip: He is not!
("The Wimbledon Theme" begins to play as clips of Kip Douglas playing various sports appear on
the video wall.)
Jeff: And his opponent, from Sherman Oaks, California, weighing in at 252 pounds, here is "The
All-Around Athlete" Kip Douglass!
(Douglass emerges from the back, wearing a golf shirt, black wrestling tights, a Tommy Armour
golf hat, and carrying a golf club. The crowd boos.)
Fool: He is Tiger Woods! No, he's better than Tiger Woods.
Chip: Good grief. Well, as Kip Douglass removes his golf attire, I can tell you that "The
Mouth of the South" Jeff Hart is your referee.
Fool: Fore!
(The bell rings. They lock up.
Deaf Leopard goes for a fallaway slam, but Kip Douglass counters it with
a forearm smash.
Kip Douglass whips Deaf Leopard into the turnbuckle, but Deaf Leopard
reverses it.
Deaf Leopard charges in with a dropkick.
Deaf Leopard executes a short clothesline on Kip Douglass.
Deaf Leopard hits Kip Douglass with a short clothesline.
Deaf Leopard goes for a belly-to-belly suplex, but Kip Douglass
counters it with a facerake.
Kip Douglass goes for a bridging back suplex, but Deaf Leopard counters it with
a facerake.
Deaf Leopard runs into the ropes.)
Chip: Well, the newcomer is having his problems with the veteran, Deaf Leopard.
Fool: I like this Douglass. He's absolutely per...
Chip: ...Fool!
(Kip Douglass goes for a slap, but Deaf Leopard blocks it.
Deaf Leopard whips Kip Douglass into the ropes.
Kip Douglass misses with a clothesline.
Kip Douglass nails Deaf Leopard with a football tackle.
Kip Douglass whips Deaf Leopard into the ropes.
Kip Douglass hits Deaf Leopard with a backdrop.
Kip Douglass whips Deaf Leopard into the ropes.
Kip Douglass misses with a kick.
Deaf Leopard hits Kip Douglass with a shoulderblock.)
Chip: We'd like to say hi to all our fans in New Mexico. Tickets go on sale this Friday for the
August 18th edition of Triumphant Tuesday live from Albequerque. If you're at the Tingley
Coliseum box office between 10 AM and noon, you can meet SWF superstar Ricky "the Wildcard"
Watts!
Fool: Whoo-hoo!
(Deaf Leopard uses a belly-to-belly suplex on Kip Douglass.
Deaf Leopard goes for a forearm to the back, but Kip Douglass counters it with
a side step.
Kip Douglass hits a diving elbow smash on Deaf Leopard.
The crowd is booing Kip Douglass.
Kip Douglass pretends to swing a golf club.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
Kip Douglass hits a football tackle on Deaf Leopard.
Kip Douglass goes for a flying dropkick, but Deaf Leopard ducks out of the way.
Kip Douglass begs off.)
Chip: Douglass looks to be technically sound, but he's providing Leopard with too many
opportunities.
Fool: Rookie jitters. He'll be okay.
(Deaf Leopard executes a fisherman suplex on Kip Douglass.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.)
Fool: No, sir!
Chip: Near fall there by Leopard.
(Deaf Leopard executes a fallaway slam on Kip Douglass.
The crowd is starting to get behind Deaf Leopard.
Deaf Leopard nails Kip Douglass with a kneebreaker.
The crowd is starting to get behind Deaf Leopard.
Deaf Leopard whips Kip Douglass into the turnbuckle, but Kip Douglass
reverses it.
Deaf Leopard comes back, but is met with a clothesline.
Kip Douglass chops Deaf Leopard.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
Kip Douglass hits Deaf Leopard.)
Chip: I understand that Douglass's signature move is a cradle superplex that he calls the
"Coup de Grace".
Fool: I don't know if he'll waste that move on this ham-and-egger.
(A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
Kip Douglass executes a bridging back suplex on Deaf Leopard.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, in the ropes...)
Chip: Leopard gets his foot under the rope.
(Kip Douglass runs into the ropes.
Kip Douglass hits Deaf Leopard with a clothesline.
Kip Douglass locks Deaf Leopard in a surfboard.
Deaf Leopard is valiantly trying to break the hold.
Kip Douglass' shoulders are on the mat.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, shoulder up.)
Fool: Be careful, Kipster!
Chip: Douglass is doing a fine job of executing this very painful hold, but he has to keep his
shoulders off the mat.
(Deaf Leopard is inching his way towards the ropes.
Deaf Leopard tries to escape the hold.
Kip Douglass' shoulders are on the mat.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, shoulder up.
Deaf Leopard reaches the ropes after being trapped for 28 seconds.)
Chip: Leopard forces the break, but he must be in tremendous pain.
(Kip Douglass goes for an armdrag takedown, but Deaf Leopard blocks it.
Deaf Leopard takes Kip Douglass down with an earringer.
Deaf Leopard executes a backdrop driver on Kip Douglass.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.)
Fool: No soup for you!
(Deaf Leopard complains about a slow count.
Deaf Leopard whips Kip Douglass into the ropes, but Kip Douglass reverses it.
Deaf Leopard hits a football tackle on Kip Douglass.
Deaf Leopard runs into the ropes.
Deaf Leopard misses with a kick.
Kip Douglass goes for a Japanese armdrag takedown, but Deaf Leopard
counters it with a lariat.
In turn, Kip Douglass counters it with an armbar submission.)
Chip: Nice counter there by Douglass.
Fool: You know, Douglass has started this war of words with the other new guy, Jack Frost. If
Frost is as good as Kip, that could be quite a feud.
(Deaf Leopard is struggling to reach the ropes.
Deaf Leopard reaches the ropes after being trapped for 10 seconds.
Kip Douglass whips Deaf Leopard into the ropes.
Kip Douglass hits Deaf Leopard with an elbow.
Kip Douglass places Deaf Leopard on the turnbuckle.
Kip Douglass hits Deaf Leopard with a superplex.
Kip Douglass is eliciting a sizable round of boos.
Deaf Leopard begs off.)
Chip: Superplex and a beauty! I must admit that Kip Douglass is a superb technical wrestler.
Fool: Superb, hell! He's perfect!
Chip: Talk about "distinctive character and likeness".
(Kip Douglass goes for a belly-to-back suplex, but Deaf Leopard counters it with
a bulldog headlock.
Deaf Leopard is getting a good reaction from the crowd.)
Jeff: 5 minutes gone by. There are 25 minutes remaining.
Fool: Kip's just toying with him.
(Deaf Leopard hits Kip Douglass with a legsweep.
Deaf Leopard executes a legsweep on Kip Douglass.
Deaf Leopard hits Kip Douglass with a flying kneedrop.
Deaf Leopard is getting a good reaction from the crowd.
Deaf Leopard hits an inverted power bomb on Kip Douglass.
Deaf Leopard goes for a double underhook suplex, but Kip Douglass blocks it.
Deaf Leopard begs off.)
Chip: The veteran T.w.O. member senses trouble here.
Fool: Kip caught him.
(Kip Douglass nails Deaf Leopard with a spinning backbreaker.
Kip Douglass is eliciting a sizable round of boos.
Kip Douglass whips Deaf Leopard into the ropes, but Deaf Leopard reverses it.
Deaf Leopard misses with a clothesline.
Deaf Leopard goes for a belly-to-belly suplex, but Kip Douglass
counters it with a punch.
Kip Douglass places Deaf Leopard on the turnbuckle.
Kip Douglass nails Deaf Leopard with a superplex.
Kip Douglass is eliciting a sizable round of boos.)
Fool: He planted that stupid headbanger.
Chip: Douglass could get the pin right here, but he's picking Leopard up instead.
(Kip Douglass executes a bridging back suplex on Deaf Leopard.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, three.
Kip Douglass further incites the crowd.)
Chip: An impressive debut here for the All-Around Athlete.
Jeff: Here is your winner, in 5:45, the All-Around Athlete, Kip Douglass!
Chip: Now for our 1-800-COLLECT replay, we take it over to the Sportin' Fool, Tim Thorsen.
(Match highlights appear onscreen as The Fool narrates.)
Fool: Spinning backbreaker by The All-Around Athlete on the scrub. Then, a textbook superplex
as he buries Deaf. Finally, the back suplex with the bridge, and the three count. He's
undefeated. He's Kip Douglass
Chip: 1-800-COLLECT saves you money on all your collect calls. When we return, it's Jagged
Edge and Hexx, on SWF Triumphant Tuesday.
-------------------------------------------------
(OOC: Yes, our favorite "real" independent league, Championship Pro Wrestling, is in
Waynesboro, Pennsylvania at Extreme's Niteclub on Sunday night, July 19th with a 7 PM bell time!
See the first ever meeting between Demolition Ax and The Iron Sheik! See archrivals Shane
Shadows and Switchblade in a brutal Texas Death Match! See CPW Heavyweight Champion Major
Mayhem defend his coveted title. Don't miss it! Be there!
http://cpw.hypermart.net
Back to our show.)
---------------------------------------
Chip: We're back in Springfield, at the Prarie Capital Convention Center, with more of SWF
Triumphant Tuesday.
Fool: I like Springfield. In fact, I just said hello to Mayor Diamond Jim Quimby during the
break.
Chip: Fans, I'm sorry for the comments of "The Sportin' Fool" Tim Thorsen, as I always am. It's
time for the rematch between the massive Hexx and MIA leader Jagged Edge. Let's go to the
ring!
Jeff: The following contest is set for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Introducing first
accompanied to the ring by King Cobra, from Louisiana, weighing in at 381 pounds, here is HEXX!
["Born On The Bayou" by CCR blares as Hexx makes his way to the ring. Gold
fireworks go off and gold lights flash. The crowd boos loudly.]
Chip: Hexx has had quite a grueling schedule of late.
Fool: Fifth match in nine days. That's a tough man.
["Red Hooded Sweatshirt" by Adam Sandler begins playing as the entrance
and walkway illuminate with lights, and the MIA logo appears on the video wall. Jagged Edge,
joined by his manager, Shae Smith, step onto the platform]
Jeff: And his opponent, hailing from Denver, Colorado and weighing in at 287 lbs.
The former SWF Grand Slam Champion and leader of the MIA's: JAGGED EDGE!
[Fireworks begin to explode around the arena as Jagged Edge and Shae
Smith make their way to the ring. The crowd gives a mixed reaction.]
Chip: It's a big return match from SWF Around the World. Jeff Hart is your referee.
Fool: No wimpy disqualifications this time.
(The bell rings. They lock up.
Jagged Edge goes for a piledriver, but Hexx counters it with a backdrop.
In turn, Jagged Edge counters it with a sunset flip.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, shoulder up.)
Chip: A near fall in the opening seconds by Jagged Edge.
Fool: You've gotta keep your eye on him. He's a veteran.
(Jagged Edge goes for a double underhook piledriver, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx takes Jagged Edge down with a double underhook backbreaker.
Hexx punches Jagged Edge.
Hexx punches Jagged Edge.
Hexx kicks Jagged Edge.
A few fans are cheering on Hexx.
Jagged Edge punches Hexx.
Hexx punches Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx.)
Chip: Lefts and rights by Jagged Edge. Fans, every Tuesday night on the SWF Hotline, you can
hear "Fool's Gold" with the Sportin' Fool until midnight. What's on tap tonight, Tim?
Fool: 1-900-SWF-NEWS. $2.49 a minute. You must have a short attention span before dialing.
On Option 1 tonight, I'll have the latest on yet another stable forming here in the SWF, plus
the demise of a different stable.
(A few fans are cheering on Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge nails Hexx with a roundhouse right.
Hexx whips Jagged Edge into the ropes.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with an elbow.
Jagged Edge flexes to the crowd.
You can hear a few scattered fans cheering for Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a Gorilla Press.
You can hear a few scattered fans cheering for Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge attempts to place Hexx on the turnbuckle, but Hexx blocks it.)
Chip: Another stable?
Fool: You've gotta call, just like anyone else.
(Jagged Edge kicks Hexx.
Jagged Edge chops Hexx.
The crowd is cheering on Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge punches Hexx.
Hexx hits Jagged Edge.
Hexx chops Jagged Edge.
A few fans are cheering on Hexx.
Hexx goes for a side suplex, but Jagged Edge blocks it.
Jagged Edge uses a Northern Lights suplex on Hexx.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.)
Chip: A near fall there by Jagged Edge. Edge is another guy you think of when you start talking
about the Run of Death.
Fool: Well, he was part of that last year. But Equalizer beat him.
(Jagged Edge attempts to place Hexx on the turnbuckle, but Hexx blocks it.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a DDT.
Jagged Edge whips Hexx into the ropes.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a shoulderblock.
Jagged Edge is going for the pin.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.)
Chip: There's another near fall by Edge.
Fool: He's been pretty aggressive tonight.
(Jagged Edge throws Hexx out of the ring.
Jeff Hart counts: one, two, three, four, five, Hexx reenters the ring.
Jagged Edge takes Hexx down with a spinning power bomb.
Jeff Hart counts: One, kickout.
Jagged Edge nails Hexx with a choke slam.
Jagged Edge flexes to the crowd.
There are lots of chants for Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge nails Hexx with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Jagged Edge attempts to place Hexx on the turnbuckle, but Hexx blocks it.)
Chip: Edge keeps trying for the superplex, but he can't lift Hexx up.
Fool: I'm surprised he's not trying for the Shattered Dreams.
(Jagged Edge attempts to place Hexx on the turnbuckle, but Hexx blocks it.
Jagged Edge throws Hexx out of the ring.
Jeff Hart counts: one, two, three, four, Hexx reenters the ring.
Jagged Edge goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx goes for a bodyslam, but Jagged Edge counters it with an elbowsmash.
Jagged Edge goes for a jack-knife power bomb, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx hits a swinging neckbreaker on Jagged Edge.
The crowd is starting to get behind Hexx.
Hexx kicks Jagged Edge.
The crowd is cheering on Hexx.)
Chip: We're seeing some offense from the big man. So, what is your response to Trinity.
Fool: Ah...ah...You're changing the subject!
(Hexx punches Jagged Edge.
Hexx chops Jagged Edge.
The crowd is cheering on Hexx.
Hexx goes for a swinging neckbreaker, but Jagged Edge counters it with
a side suplex.
Jagged Edge takes Hexx down with a power bomb.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, shoulder up.)
Chip: Power bomb and another near fall.
Fool: To answer your question, I want to talk to Trinity. No one from Trinity has even spoken
to me since Equalizer got hurt. And Doug Bacon is NOT Equalizer.
Chip: That's good news for Doug.
(Jagged Edge hits Hexx with the Stinger Splash.
Jagged Edge is getting a good reaction from the crowd.
Jagged Edge whips Hexx into the ropes, but Hexx reverses it.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a kick.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a punch.
Jagged Edge executes a choke slam on Hexx.
Jagged Edge takes Hexx down with a choke slam.
Jagged Edge throws Hexx out of the ring.
Jagged Edge goes through the ropes.)
Chip: Jagged Edge has taken this one to the floor.
Fool: He should have gone for the pin.
(They're brawling inside the ring area.
Jagged Edge hits a belly-to-back suplex on Hexx.
Jeff Hart counts: 1.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
Hexx hits a double-axhandle chop on Jagged Edge.)
Jeff: 5 minutes gone by. There are 25 minutes remaining.
Chip: Big chop there by Hexx.
(Jeff Hart counts: 2.
Hexx whips Jagged Edge into the guardrail.
Hexx reenters the ring.
Jagged Edge follows him back in.
Hexx uses a faceslam on Jagged Edge.
Hexx whips Jagged Edge into the ropes.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a kick.
Jagged Edge uses a backspin DDT on Hexx.
The crowd is really behind Jagged Edge.)
Chip: DDT! The Cajun is in big trouble!
Fool: I mean, I've heard rumors taht Equalizer is stalking Frenck, but until I hear from E
personally, I won't know.
Chip: Are we still talking about that?
(Jagged Edge goes for a double underhook piledriver, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx goes for a backbreaker, but Jagged Edge blocks it.
Jagged Edge whips Hexx into the ropes.
Jagged Edge uses a choke slam on Hexx.
There are lots of chants for Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge executes a punch on Hexx.
Jagged Edge whips Hexx into the ropes.
Jagged Edge goes for a punch, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx hits Jagged Edge with a low blow.
Hexx runs into the ropes.)
Fool: Nice Greco-Roman punch to the gonads.
Chip: That changed the complexion of the match.
(Hexx misses with a shoulderblock.
Hexx misses with a clothesline.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a kick.
Jagged Edge is going for the pin.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.
Jagged Edge complains about a slow count.)
Chip: That's a big mistake for Edge.
Fool: Yeah. He should be concentrating on the match, not the ref.
(Jagged Edge takes Hexx down with a Northern Lights suplex.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.
Jagged Edge uses a DDT on Hexx.
The crowd is cheering on Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge uses a power bomb on Hexx.
Jeff Hart counts: One, kickout.)
Chip: Two more near falls.
Fool: This Hexx is a tough man to beat.
(Jagged Edge goes for a piledriver, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx hits a chop on Jagged Edge.
Hexx hits a fist to the midsection on Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge goes for a spinning power bomb, but Hexx counters it with
a bulldog headlock.
The crowd is cheering on Hexx.
Hexx is going for the pin.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.)
Chip: One, two, NO! Edge kicks out.
Fool: Look at Cobra! He's furious.
(We see King Cobra and Shae Smith looking on at ringside.
Hexx nails Jagged Edge with a double-axhandle chop.
Hexx uses a fist to the midsection on Jagged Edge.
Hexx gives the sign for the Bayou Bomb.
Hexx executes the Bayou Bomb on Jagged Edge.
Hexx is getting a good reaction from the crowd.)
Chip: It's the Bayou Bomb!
Fool: That should do it. 7-Eleven is closed.
(Hexx goes for the pin.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, in the ropes.
The crowd is cheering on Hexx.)
Chip: I don't believe it. Jagged Edge with a foot under the ropes.
Fool: I guess the match continues.
(Hexx runs into the ropes.
Jagged Edge goes for a Gorilla Press, but Hexx blocks it.
Hexx takes Jagged Edge down with a spinebuster slam.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, shoulder up.)
Chip: Spinebuster and a near fall.
Fool: It won't be long now.
(Hexx executes a double-axhandle chop on Jagged Edge.
Hexx hits Jagged Edge with a fist to the midsection.
Hexx locks Jagged Edge in a chokehold.
Jeff Hart warns Hexx to let go.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, three, four.
Hexx goes for a forearm smash, but Jagged Edge blocks it.)
Chip: Hexx is risking disqualification there.
Fool: Jeff Hart would never call for a disqualification.
(Jagged Edge attempts to place Hexx on the turnbuckle, but Hexx blocks it.
Jagged Edge takes Hexx down with a double underhook piledriver.
Jagged Edge nails Hexx with the Doctor Bomb.
Jeff Hart counts: One, two, kickout.)
Chip: Another near fall with the Doctor Bomb.
Fool: What do you have to do to one of these guys?
(Jagged Edge hits Hexx with the Stinger Splash.
A small "Jagged Edge" chant is being started.
Jagged Edge executes a backspin DDT on Hexx.
The crowd is starting to get behind Jagged Edge.
Jagged Edge gives the sign for the Shattered Dreams.
Jagged Edge executes the Shattered Dreams on Hexx.)
Chip: Shattered Dreams! Edge's brutal sleeper hold!
Fool: But Hexx is gonna make it to the ropes.
(Hexx reaches the ropes after being trapped for 10 seconds.
Jagged Edge uses the Stinger Splash on Hexx.
Jagged Edge hits Hexx with a power bomb.)
Chip: Power Bomb by Edge! The cover!
(Jeff Hart counts: One, two, three.
The crowd is cheering on Jagged Edge.)
Fool: Damn. Pizza guy won.
Jeff: Here is your winner, in 10:15, Jagged Edge!
("Red Hooded Sweatshirt" by Adam Sandler plays as Jagged Edge and Shae celebrate.)
Chip: A big win for Jagged Edge against the man from the Bayou.
Fool: Heads up! There's company coming!
(The masked man in black from last week is running down the aisle. At least it LOOKS like the
guy from last week. We can't tell...because of the mask. He hits the ring.)
Chip: That's the guy who Face Planted Tanner! He's got Hexx!
(The masked man whirls and DDT's Hexx into the turnbuckle.)
Chip: D-Dog-T on Hexx! That's Mr. Meteorite's old move!
(The masked man is running back up the aisle. King Cobra is chasing him.)
Fool: Damn, Chip. I heard that Moon Dog had a skinny person inside him trying to get out, but
I never thought we'd actually see him!
Chip: Well, that man is about half the size of Mr. Meteorite. And he's not Equalizer, either.
Fool: That true. It's about that time, Chipper.
(The Artful Dodger waltzes down the aisle with Westminister at his side,
holding the TV Title Belt in its protective little case. He approaches the
announcers booth where the Sportin' Fool and Chip are sitting and watching
him. Fool is smiling as The Dodger approaches. He stops at the announcer's table.)
SF: Um, Mr. Dodger, sir. Welcome, please have a seat... Dammit, Chip! Get
Dodger a seat!
Chip: Okay, okay...I know when I'm not wanted. (Chip goes down the aisle to the back.)
Fool: Welcome. In the mean time, take Chip's seat.
AD: Well, that's mighty kind of you. (Dodger sits down.)
Fool: Yes, well, you asked for this time. What do you want to talk about?
AD: I was wondering...(Dodger looks inside his multi-pocketed coat and pulls out
a Church of Pain T-shirt) Would you like one of these?
Fool: Sure! Thanks, Dodger!
AD: And now, I know your stable Trinity 'as let you down. Equalizer's gone and
all. But, 'ow about dropping them for me and the Church? Look what's in store
with the Church, chap. We're a new upcoming stable. We are omnipotent! We have
titles to prove just that.
Fool: Well, I've tired to be loyal to Trinity. I can't just... wait forever for Equalizer to
come back!
AD: Good, good. So you're on our side now?
Fool: Why the hell not? It's official!
(Dodger looks in his coat and pulls out a hat.)
AD: 'ere, this 'at might fit you quite nicely.
(Dodger pulls off Fool's other cap and lights it ablaze with his zippo)
Fool: Alright, a Church of Pain hat, too! This rules!
AD: Well, I thank you for welcoming me 'ere tonight. The crowd is lovely, as
usual. Except for that time in Boston at the Fleet Center. I applied the
Boston crab on my opponent just to... you know, BOSTON, the crab?
Fool: Yeah, I get it. You kicked ass at the Fleet Center. They shouldn't have
booed you.
AD: Well, look at 'em. They 'ost the annual gay parade every year, so you
know.
Fool: Ain't that the truth. Where's Collins? He's missing this.
AD: Do you 'ave any questions for me?
Fool: Sure do! I've been to England, and I saw your famous apartments and
hangouts. I even went on the 2 hour walking tour. What's it like having a tour
that almost tops the 2 hour walking Diana tour?
AD: It almost topped the walking Diana tour? Wow, you learn something new
everyday.
Fool: And, uh... I guess that's it! I'm still excited about joining the Church!
AD: That's alright. Thanks for 'aving me 'ere, again.
Fool: No problem! You don't 'ave to thank me, gov'ner.
AD: Nice accent.
(The two men laugh.)
Fool: Thank you! I'm not worthy!
(Fool ges on his knees and does a praising motion, but Dodger stops him and gets him
off his knees.)
AD: No need for that.
Fool: Well, alright. Thanks for appearing on Fool's Gold!
AD: Before I go, let this be known to all of Trinity, that the Church of Pain
is gaining more and more members everyday. Not inside the stable, but allies.
Like camoflauged guerrillas in the forest, waiting to attack you. So be
careful who you piss off. It might be one of ours. And when the Church's
allies are attacked, our 'oly 'ell will seek its wrath on you. So, I repeat,
be careful who you piss off... (speaks a little softer) it might be one of
ours...
(Dodger gets up and Westminister follows, as Chip returns with a chair and a shopping bag full
of food and drinks.)
Fool: Dammit, Chip! You missed it!
Chip: Oh well, I figured you'd be a while, so I went next door to the Kwik-E-Mart. Want some
Doritos?
Fool (eyeing the food): Can we go to commercial?
Chip: Absolutely. Fans, we have to step aside for a moment. When we
come back, it's the television title on the line!
Fool (as the shot fades): Dammit, Collins! Don't Bogart that squishy!
------------------------------------
("Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" plays as we see Sandman rake Mike
Stevens face against the cage.)
Voice: It's the ultimate test.
(Clip of a blindfolded Vigilante slamming Coldblooded.)
Voice: The ten toughest wrestlers.
(Clip of Jagged Edge locking the Shattered Dreams on Vigilante.)
Voice: Nine brutal matches.
(Clip of Jagged Edge and Equalizer hitting each other with the bullrope.)
Voice: It's the Run of Death. And you'll only find it in the Supreme Wrestling
Federation.
(Clip of Equalizer and War Machine brawling up the aisle.)
Voice: Returning, by popular demand, to the SWF at Hostile Takeover.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
(We return to the announcer's table, where Chip & Tim are surrounded by snacks.)
Chip: Triumphant Tuesday returns live from Springfield, Illinois!
Fool: Pro wrestling's highest rated show, each and every Tuesday night!
(The Fool is now in his official Church of Pain wear.)
Chip: The Sportin' Fool has made it official. He is part of the Church of Pain.
Fool: This beats hell out of the World Cup. I'm a big fan.
Chip: Fool, I'm told we have an emergency phone call for you.
Fool: Huh? Who knows the phone number here?
Chip: The guys in the truck are patching it through. Go ahead, caller.
Caller: "Is this the Sportin' Fool?"
Fool: The one and only.
Caller: "Did you like the jacket, Mr Thorsen? I had it made
specifically for you."
Fool: What? Who is this?
Caller: "I have been watching this federation for a number
of weeks, and I must admit that I am both pleased and
angered by what I see. But I noticed you have a problem with
one of Trinity's members? Or is it all of Trinity? I am a
little confused."
Fool: I have a problem with Trinity. Equalizer's hurt, they bring in the guy that crippled him,
and he comes out and insults me. So, yeah!
Caller: "You are turning your back on Trinity, I see."
Fool: No. They turned their backs on me. Who is this?
Caller: "I would suggest you change your mind, if you know
what is good for you. I happen to know where you live, Mr
Thorsen."
Fool: Wait a minute...your voice sounds familiar...
Caller: "I really must be running along, Fool. I have some
business to take care of. You'll be hearing from me soon
enough. *click*"
Fool: Wait! Don't hang up! Is this? ...
Chip: Let's go up to the ring.
("Bulls On Parade" by Rage Against The Machine starts to play.]
Jeff: The following contest is set for one fall with a twenty minute time limit, and it is for
the SWF Television Title! Introducing first, the challenger, from New Orleans, Louisiana,
weighing in at 285 pounds, here is Tanner Boyle!!
[Tanner Boyle comes through the curtains and starts to make his way to the
ring. The crowd is cheering him on. Tanner stops in the aisle and
makes an X with his arms and screams as several fireworks are launched
behind him. He then runs down the aisle and slides into the ring.]
Chip: Tanner Boyle is a loner. He says he has no interest in joining any of the stables
springing up here in the SWF.
Fool: Quiet, Chip! My stablemate is on his way to the ring!
Chip: Oh, brother.
[The crowd boos as "Fire It Up" by Busta Rhymes begins to play.]
Jeff: And his opponent! Being led to the ring by his manager,
Westminster, from London, England, weighing in at 178 pounds, here is the
SWF Television Champion, The Artful Dodger!!
[The Artful Dodger and Westminster walk out through the curtains. Dodger is holding
the TV Title belt in his special glass case. The crowd is booing as The Artful Dodger makes his way to
the ring throwing silver dollars into the crowd.]
(The bell rings. They lock up.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle chops The Artful Dodger.
A small "Tanner Boyle" chant is being started.
Tanner Boyle kicks The Artful Dodger.
You can hear a few scattered fans cheering for Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle puts The Artful Dodger in a choke against the ropes.
Chad Bray warns Tanner Boyle to let go.
Chad Bray counts: One, two, three, four.)
Chip: Tanner risking disqualification here in the early going.
Fool: Good move! Get disqualified!
(Tanner Boyle goes for a choke against the ropes, but The Artful Dodger
blocks it.
The Artful Dodger goes for a diving elbow smash, but Tanner Boyle
ducks out of the way.
Tanner Boyle places The Artful Dodger on the turnbuckle.
Tanner Boyle nails The Artful Dodger with a belly-to-back superplex.
A few fans are cheering on Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle goes for the STF, but The Artful Dodger counters it with
a small package.
Chad Bray counts: One, kickout.
The Artful Dodger punches Tanner Boyle.)
Chip: Dodger with a quick near fall there.
Fool: The Dodger is part of the Church of Pain and the Church kicks ass.
(Quite a few boos are audible.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle.
Quite a few boos are audible.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle with a jawbreaker.
The Artful Dodger throws Tanner Boyle out of the ring.
The Artful Dodger goes through the ropes.
The Artful Dodger uses a jawbreaker on Tanner Boyle.
Chad Bray counts: 1.
The Artful Dodger knocks Tanner Boyle into the ringsteps.
Quite a few boos are audible.)
Chip: The diminutive TV champion does surprisingly well on the outside.
Fool: He's the bomb! I've always thought so.
(The Artful Dodger uses a Western lariat on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger executes a Soviet suplex on Tanner Boyle.
Chad Bray counts: 2.
The Artful Dodger reenters the ring.
Tanner Boyle follows him back in.
The Artful Dodger struts across the ring.
Quite a few boos are audible.
The Artful Dodger goes for a cobra clutch, but Tanner Boyle blocks it.
Tanner Boyle nails The Artful Dodger with a jawbreaker.)
Chip: Jawbreaker by the challenger! Dodger is reeling.
Fool: No...no...no...
(Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger with a crotch slam.
Tanner Boyle goes for a reverse neckbreaker, but The Artful Dodger blocks it.
The Artful Dodger takes Tanner Boyle down with a DDT.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle with a Soviet suplex.
The Artful Dodger is going for the pin.
Chad Bray counts: One, two, kickout.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.)
Chip: That was close.
Fool: See, Dodger's in control here.
(The Artful Dodger uses a Soviet suplex on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger is going for the pin.
Chad Bray counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.)
Chip: He got him...No, he doesn't!
Fool: Come on, Bray! Learn to [bleep]in' count, man!
(The Artful Dodger goes for a kneedrop, but Tanner Boyle counters it with
a roll away.
Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger with a jawbreaker.
A small "Tanner Boyle" chant is being started.
The Artful Dodger begs off.
The Artful Dodger attempts to place Tanner Boyle on the turnbuckle, but
Tanner Boyle blocks it.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle with a DDT.
The crowd is booing The Artful Dodger.)
Chip: DDT by the champ.
Fool: That's what I'm talking about.
(The Artful Dodger is going for the pin.
Chad Bray counts: One, two, kickout.)
Chip: Boyle kicks out again.
(The Artful Dodger whips Tanner Boyle into the ropes.
Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger with a football tackle.
Tanner Boyle goes for the X-Plosion, but The Artful Dodger counters it with
a vertical suplex.)
Fool: Yes! Great counter.
(The Artful Dodger puts Tanner Boyle in a cobra clutch.
The Artful Dodger lets go after 5 seconds.
The Artful Dodger hits a ropeburn on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger locks Tanner Boyle in a cobra clutch.
The Artful Dodger lets go after 11 seconds.
The Artful Dodger hits a ropeburn on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger goes for a diving elbow smash, but Tanner Boyle
ducks out of the way.
Tanner Boyle places The Artful Dodger on the turnbuckle.)
Chip: Dodger's going for the ride.
Fool: No!
(Tanner Boyle executes a belly-to-back superplex on The Artful Dodger.
Tanner Boyle catches The Artful Dodger in the STF.
The Artful Dodger reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Tanner Boyle screams.)
Jeff: 5 minutes gone by. There are 15 minutes remaining.
Fool: Shut up!
(The crowd is starting to get behind Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle whips The Artful Dodger into the ropes.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle with a clothesline.
The Artful Dodger goes for a Northern Lights suplex, but Tanner Boyle
counters it with a swinging neckbreaker.
Tanner Boyle gets a choke against the ropes on The Artful Dodger.
Chad Bray warns Tanner Boyle to let go.
Chad Bray counts: One, two, three.)
Chip: Again, Tanner is risking a disqualification here.
Fool: Well, disqualify him then!
(Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger.
A few fans are cheering on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger kicks Tanner Boyle.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
The Artful Dodger punches Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger kicks Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger.
A small "Tanner Boyle" chant is being started.
The Artful Dodger punches Tanner Boyle.)
Chip: I can't believe that Dodger is going toe-to-toe with Tanner.
Fool: What can I say? He's a tough little bastard.
(The crowd is booing The Artful Dodger.
Tanner Boyle kicks The Artful Dodger.
A small "Tanner Boyle" chant is being started.
Tanner Boyle kicks The Artful Dodger.
A small "Tanner Boyle" chant is being started.
Tanner Boyle takes The Artful Dodger down with a chop.
Tanner Boyle takes The Artful Dodger down with a crotch slam.
You can hear a few scattered fans cheering for Tanner Boyle.)
Chip: Big slam for Tanner. Don't forget that on SWF Around the World this week, we'll see
Rock 'n Roll Animal take on Kaos.
Fool: Will you quit with the damn plugs? This is serious.
(Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger with a low blow.
The Artful Dodger begs off.
Tanner Boyle whips The Artful Dodger into the ropes, but The Artful Dodger
reverses it.
The Artful Dodger uses a clothesline on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger whips Tanner Boyle into the ropes.
Tanner Boyle misses with an elbow.
The Artful Dodger misses with a kick.
Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger with a shoulderblock.)
Chip: Another big tackle. Down goes Dodger.
Fool: Dodger's gonna do it. He's got to.
(Tanner Boyle locks The Artful Dodger in a choke against the ropes.
Chad Bray warns Tanner Boyle to let go.
Chad Bray counts: One, two, three, four.
The Artful Dodger begs off.
Tanner Boyle uses a backbreaker on The Artful Dodger.
You can hear a few scattered fans cheering for Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger begs off.)
Chip: Dodger trying to slow the pace here.
Fool: He should go to the outside.
(Tanner Boyle hits a back suplex on The Artful Dodger.
Tanner Boyle runs into the ropes.
The Artful Dodger hits a clothesline on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger hits a jawbreaker on Tanner Boyle.
The crowd is booing Artful Dodger.
The Artful Dodger takes Tanner Boyle down with a jumping neck snap.
A few fans are booing The Artful Dodger.
The Artful Dodger nails Tanner Boyle with a spinning DDT.)
Chip: Another DDT! Fans, this Sunday on SWF Slaughterhouse, you can see the SWF Tag
Team Titles on the line, as The Thugz meet The Living Dead.
(A few fans are booing The Artful Dodger.
The Artful Dodger nails Tanner Boyle with a springboard dropkick.
The Artful Dodger hits a kneedrop on Tanner Boyle.
Quite a few boos are audible.
The Artful Dodger hits a ropeburn on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger throws Tanner Boyle out of the ring.
The Artful Dodger goes through the ropes.
Chad Bray counts: 1.)
Fool: Smart move. That's why the Dodger is Church material.
Chip: Well, Tranner can't win the title on the floor.
(The Artful Dodger whips Tanner Boyle into the guardrail.
Chad Bray counts: 2.
The Artful Dodger reenters the ring.
Tanner Boyle follows him back in.
The Artful Dodger kicks Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger kicks Tanner Boyle.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
Tanner Boyle chops The Artful Dodger.)
Chip: The longer this one goes, the more it favors the champion, even with the longer
time limit.
Fool: I don't think this one will last the full twenty minutes.
(The Artful Dodger chops Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle chops The Artful Dodger.
Tanner Boyle gets a double chickenwing submission on The Artful Dodger.
The Artful Dodger is valiantly trying to break the hold.
The Artful Dodger reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.
Tanner Boyle locks The Artful Dodger in a double chickenwing submission.
The Artful Dodger reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.
Tanner Boyle goes for a roundhouse right, but The Artful Dodger blocks it.
The Artful Dodger attempts to place Tanner Boyle on the turnbuckle, but
Tanner Boyle blocks it.)
Chip: Dodger is unable to overpower Tanner. He needs to switch game plans.
Fool: He knows what he's doing.
(The Artful Dodger nails Tanner Boyle with a backbreaker.
The crowd is booing The Artful Dodger.
The Artful Dodger takes Tanner Boyle down with a Western lariat.
The Artful Dodger uses a DDT on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger struts across the ring.
The Artful Dodger is eliciting a sizable round of boos.
The Artful Dodger goes for a DDT, but Tanner Boyle counters it with a low blow.)
Fool: Ow!
Chip: Tanner again with a punch below the belt.
(Tanner Boyle whips The Artful Dodger into the ropes, but The Artful Dodger
reverses it.
Tanner Boyle hits The Artful Dodger with a clothesline.
Tanner Boyle takes The Artful Dodger down with a crotch slam.
Tanner Boyle screams.
The crowd is cheering on Tanner Boyle.
Tanner Boyle goes for a reverse neckbreaker, but The Artful Dodger blocks it.)
Jeff: 10 minutes gone by. There are 10 minutes remaining.
Chip: Ten minutes in, and this match can go either way.
(The Artful Dodger hits a springboard dropkick on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger chops Tanner Boyle.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
A small "Tanner Boyle" chant is being started.
The Artful Dodger hits Tanner Boyle.)
Fool: Those morons can cheer for Tanner Boyle all they want. It won't matter.
Chip: The crowd is getting behind the challenger.
(The crowd is booing The Artful Dodger.
The Artful Dodger chops Tanner Boyle.
A wave of boos is going through the crowd.
The Artful Dodger whips Tanner Boyle into the turnbuckle, but Tanner Boyle reverses it.
Tanner Boyle charges into the corner, but The Artful Dodger moves out of the way.
The Artful Dodger runs into the ropes.
Tanner Boyle misses with an elbow.)
Chip: They're still running the ropes.
Fool: It's three seconds away from being over. Watch for the Robbing You Blind.
(The Artful Dodger hits an avalanche on Tanner Boyle.
The Artful Dodger is eliciting a sizable round of boos.
Tanner Boyle nails him with a low blow.
Tanner Boyle is getting a good reaction from the crowd.)
Chip: Bray missed it. And the Dodger is in agony!
Fool: Dammit, no!
(Tanner Boyle executes the X-Plosion on The Artful Dodger.
Tanner Boyle goes for the pin.)
Chip: X-Plosion!
Fool: Make it stop!
(Chad Bray counts: One, two, three.)
Chip: He got him! Tanner wins! Tanner wins!
("Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine plays. The crowd is giving Boyle a
standing ovation.)
Jeff: Here is your winner, in 10:53, and NEW SWF Television Champion, Tanner Boyle!
(Chad Bray hands Boyle the title belt. Tanner puts it on and screams for the crowd. The crowd
screams back.)
Fool: I don't care! Dodger was the greatest TV champion ever. He'll get a better title! Just
you watch.
Chip: I must admit, the Artful Dodger had a great run as TV champ. But Tanner Boyle
beat him one, two, three.
(Fireworks go off as Boyle walks down the aisle.)
Chip: Fans, it's not over yet. When we return, we'll see Trinity aginst Sven Pieterson, and whoever
chooses to team with him. Don't touch that dial!
------------------------------------
(Two teenaged boys are sitting in front of their home computer.)
Kid #1: This crummy browser takes forever.
Kid #2: Hey, let's hit the SWF website!
Kid #1: Cool!
(The kid types on his computer. Suddenly, Jagged Edge emerges from the screen,
grabs both kids and pulls them back inside the machine.)
Voice: It's a World Wide War of epic proportions.
(The kids have now entered a giant cyber-world, with SWF wrestlers all around. We see Corporal
Punishment and Monster Mark pummeling each other on a wrestling mat that looks like a giant
Excel spreadsheet.)
Voice: In an atmosphere filled with antitrust violations.
(A shot of God's Tears, who has now applied the Drunken Rage on one of the animated monsters
from the game "Doom".)
Voice: When the various alliances in the Supreme Wrestling Federation go to war, there's gonna
be a major system crash.
(A shot of Tanner Boyle slamming Sven Pieterson through what looks to be a Windows 98 logo.)
Voice: "Hostile Takeover '98: Broken Windows". Live on pay-per-view August 16th.
(The SWF is not affiliated with The Microsoft Corporation or any of its subsidiaries.)
-----------------------------------------
Chip: Welcome back to Triumphant Tuesday. Don't forget that the second annual
Run of Death will begin soon, and will wrap up on August 16th at SWF Hostile Takeover.
Fool: I'm not talking.
Chip: With Tim Thorsen worried about his life and moaning over the loss by Artful Dodger,
it's main event time.
Jeff: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall, with a 30 minute time
limit! It is our main event!
(There is a loud explosion of fireworks, and the wall monitor
begins flashing images of Trinity members, and the words 'CHAOS', 'TERROR', and
'TRINITY' are intermixed with them, as sinister laughter breaks out over the PA
system, followed by 'Bullet The Blue Sky' by U2.)
Jeff: Introducing first, weighing in at a total combined weight of 1369 pounds, and accompanied to
the ring by Trisha Deneke and Paul Von Braun, here are Kaos, Hot Shot Donovan, The Living Dead and Doug Bacon: TRINITY!
(Kaos, in his black hood and robe, makes his way to the ring, with Donovan and Trisha Deneke
close behind. Hot Shot flashes the crowd a double bicep pose, and they boo. Rigor and Mortis follow
behind them, while Doug Bacon strides purposefully down the aisle, with Paul Von Braun carrying
his milk bottle.)
Fool: I don't want to hear it.
Chip: At least no one from Trinity is bothering you.
(The music stops as the lights begin to flicker. The video wall goes blank.)
Chip: That's not good.
(After a moment, the video wall comes back on. A dark silhouette stands in front of the camera, against a
grey concrete wall. No light is visible, except one from
off-camera, shining onto the wall behind the figure. A
familiar voice speaks, but can't quite be placed.}
Figure: "Greetings to the SWF. You must want to know who I
am, but I will only tell you this: Fate works in mysterious
ways. When my name is ready to be revealed, you will know
it. Not before then."
Fool: That's him! The guy on the phone call!
Chip: Are you sure?
Figure: "I have some qualms about the future of this
federation, and it's many wrestlers. The Church of Pain, the
new bullies on the block. A group of thugs who adopt the
traits of that which they seek to destroy. And Trinity, a
group of people who don't know if they are coming or going,
and have to sell out to the Underground in order to survive.
I will tell you this, the Underground is running the SWF,
not either of you."
Fool: What is he talking about?
Chip: I don't know. I think this might be the guy who's stalking President Frenck as well.
Figure: "To Chip and The Sporting Fool. Fool, what a fitting
name. The man who petitions to become the official Trinity
spokesman for the SWF, and then runs away when one of its
members takes a shot at you."
Fool: Oh, no!
Chip: Don't worry. The Church said they'd protect you.
Fool: That's a good point.
Figure: "To the so-called fans of the SWF, I can only say
this. It's your money. Spend it wisely. And to President
Frenck. The SWF Run of Death is approaching. How fast can
you run, Frenck? Not fast enough, I would endeavour to say.
In case you haven't figured it out, Satan is coming to the
Supreme Wrestling Federation. When? I'll let you know. In
the meantime, I suggest you pack your bags. I advise you
book your tickets. I warn that you get out of town. But most
importantly, I tell you to gravel in fear. Fear is coming.
Beware the Reaper."
(The lights come on. We see the Trinity members talking amongst themselves.)
Chip: It can't be The Reaper. He left the SWF last year.
Fool: Don't play dumb. We all know who that was.
[The Swedish National Anthem starts to play.]
Jeff: And their opponents, weighing in at a total combined weight of 597 pounds, here are Sven
Pieterson and Fatal Fury!!
(We see Sven Pieterson and Fatal Fury walking down the aisle together, discusing strategy. The
crowd is cheering them on.)
Fool: That's it? It's 5 on 2?
Chip: Wait a minute. Here comes the Giant Killer! He's running out to join them.
Jeff: Joining them for this match, at 250 pounds, from Greenland, The Giant Killer!
(The Giant Killer catches up with the two, and starts talking to Fatal Fury, when the Revolution
logo comes on the video wall. "Song #2" by Blur plays as the crowd cheers.)
Fool: Oh, no.
Chip: Here comes Boom-Boom Obuhowich!
(Boom-Boom and Master of Pain emerge from the curtain to another ovation.)
Jeff: Weighing in at 315 pounds, from Chicago, Illinois, Boom-Boom Obuhowich!
(Fireworks go off behind Boom-Boom as he raises his arms in the air.)
Chip: Team Sven is gaining momentum! It's five on four!
Fool: Plus, Boomer and Fatal have held tag team titles before. This might not suck.
Chip: Ryan Wilson is your referee, and this unusual handicap match is underway!
(The bell rings. They lock up.
Doug Bacon runs into the ropes.
Master of Pain trips Doug Bacon.
Ryan Wilson warns Master of Pain.
Ryan Wilson is back on the job.
Sven Pieterson nails Doug Bacon with a fallaway slam.)
Chip: Bacon gets distracted and Sven Pieterson takes over.
(There is an uproar from the crowd as we see fans turns toward the rampway.)
(Sven Pieterson whips Doug Bacon into the ropes.
Doug Bacon goes for a short lariat, but Sven Pieterson ducks out of the way.
Fatal Fury enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Sven Pieterson and Fatal Fury hit Doug Bacon with a double vertical suplex.
Sven Pieterson and Fatal Fury hit Doug Bacon with a double belly-to-back suplex.
Sven Pieterson and Fatal Fury whip Doug Bacon into the ropes.
They hit Doug Bacon with a double fist to the midsection.)
Fool: Bacon's getting the crap beat out of him.
(The crowd cheers as they recognize the man coming down the aisle.)
Chip: Tanner Boyle is making his way to the ring. What does he want?
(Fatal Fury leaves the ring.
Sven Pieterson whips Doug Bacon into the ropes.
Doug Bacon nails Sven Pieterson with the Running Forearm Smash.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, kickout.
Doug Bacon hits a flying legdrop on Sven Pieterson.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, kickout.
Doug Bacon tags out to Rigor.
Tanner Boyle jumps onto the apron next to Gant Killer, and extends his hand towards
Sven Pieterson for the tag.)
Chip: Tanner Boyle has just joined Team Sven!
Fool: How? They hate each other?
(Rigor locks Sven Pieterson in a chinlock deathlock submission.
Sven Pieterson reaches the ropes after being trapped for 13 seconds.
Rigor nails Sven Pieterson with a kick to the midsection.
Rigor goes for a piledriver, but Sven Pieterson counters it with a backdrop.
Sven Pieterson tags out to Fatal Fury.
Fatal Fury and Sven Pieterson whip Rigor into the ropes.
They attempt to hit Rigor with a double kick to the midsection, but he counters
it with a double clothesline.)
Chip: Well, Sven tagged in Fatal Fury instead. It's Fury and Rigor!
Fool: Hey, Chip, is it true we're going 90 minutes next week?
(Sven Pieterson leaves the ring.
Rigor catches Fatal Fury in a sleeperhold.
Fatal Fury is inching his way towards the ropes.
Fatal Fury reaches the ropes after being trapped for 27 seconds.
Rigor hits Fatal Fury.
Rigor punches Fatal Fury.
Rigor puts Fatal Fury in an armbar submission.
Fatal Fury reaches the ropes after being trapped for 5 seconds.)
Chip: That's right. As Fatal Fury struggles with Rigor, we can tell you that there will be
two parts to next week's edition of Triumphant Tuesday. We will lead off with our normal
one-hour broadcast live from Ottawa. At that point, you want to put the kids to bed, because
Part 2 of next week's show will feature a parental advisory.
Fool: Barbed Wire Cage time!
(Rigor whips Fatal Fury into the ropes, but Fatal Fury reverses it.
Fatal Fury hits Rigor with a backdrop.
Fatal Fury yells at the crowd.
A small "Fatal Fury" chant is being started.
Sven Pieterson enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Fatal Fury and Sven Pieterson whip Rigor into the ropes.
Fatal Fury and Sven Pieterson hit Rigor with a double Gorilla Press.
Sven Pieterson leaves the ring.)
Chip: Yes, we have alloted an extra 30 minutes of network time for the big Prison Riot match,
the 5 on 5 barbed wire cage match between Trinity and the Church of Pain. That will be
Part 2 from the Corel Center.
Fool: The Church will do it. I have confidence in them.
(Fatal Fury goes for a headbutt, but Rigor blocks it.
Rigor takes Fatal Fury down with a powerslam.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, shoulder up.)
Chip: Near fall by Rigor. Also, next week you can expect our first of many announcements
regarding SWF Hostile Takeover '98, as we start to fill out the lineup for that 17-match
spectacular.
Fool: Starring the Church of Pain.
(Rigor hits Fatal Fury.
Fatal Fury hits Rigor.
The crowd is starting to get behind Fatal Fury.
Fatal Fury chops Rigor.
The crowd is starting to get behind Fatal Fury.
Fatal Fury hits Rigor with a choke slam.
Fatal Fury puts Rigor in a figure-four leglock.
Rigor tries to escape the hold.)
Chip: Figure-four! Trinity is having problems.
Fool; I don't think Trinity expected anyone to show up and help Sven. They're in a real match.
(Rigor's shoulders are on the mat.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, shoulder up.
Rigor breaks the hold after 18 seconds.
Rigor tags out to Doug Bacon.
Rigor uses a Tombstone on Fatal Fury.
A small "Rigor" chant is being started.)
Chip: Doug Bacon has been tagged in.
Fool: It's Bacon and Fatal Fury, and these two just hate each other.
(Doug Bacon nails Fatal Fury with a flying legdrop.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, shoulder up.
Rigor leaves the ring.
Doug Bacon nails Fatal Fury with a jack-knife power bomb.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, kickout.)
Chip: Big kickout! Two near falls right there.
Fool: Bacon is like a man possessed in there.
(Rigor enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Doug Bacon and Rigor whip Fatal Fury into the ropes.
They hit Fatal Fury with a double clothesline.
Rigor leaves the ring.
Doug Bacon executes a flying headbutt on Fatal Fury.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, kickout.
Doug Bacon complains about a slow count.)
Chip: Oh! Another kickout!
Fool: Don't look now, but Bacon's gonna end this.
(Doug Bacon places Fatal Fury on the turnbuckle.
Doug Bacon executes the Fried Bacon on Fatal Fury.
The crowd is starting to get behind Doug Bacon.
Doug Bacon goes for the pin.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, thr...Giant Killer makes the save.
The crowd is going crazy.)
Chip: Fried Bacon! And that would have ended it, if it wasn't for Giant Killer.
Fool: Fury's still in trouble.
(Doug Bacon hits Fatal Fury with a Northern Lights suplex.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, kickout.
Doug Bacon is getting a good reaction from the crowd.
Doug Bacon goes for a belly-to-belly suplex, but Fatal Fury counters it with
a facerake.
Fatal Fury goes for a chokehold, but Doug Bacon blocks it.
Fatal Fury kicks him in the groin.)
Fool: Ow! Groinage!
Chip: Cover by Fatal Fury!
(He goes for the pin.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, thr...Mortis breaks the pin.
You can hear a few scattered fans cheering for Fatal Fury.)
Chip: No! And Ryan Wilson is allowing these teams a lot of leeway.
Fool: It's five on five. You can't really keep track of it all.
(Fatal Fury goes for a chokehold, but Doug Bacon counters it with
a kick to the midsection.
Doug Bacon kicks Fatal Fury.
Doug Bacon hits Fatal Fury.
Doug Bacon is getting a good reaction from the crowd.
Fatal Fury punches Doug Bacon.
Fatal Fury punches Doug Bacon.)
Jeff: 5 minutes gone by. There are 25 mminutes remaining.
Chip: What a program it's been this week.
Fool: Can you imagine if Tanner wins twice in one night?
(Fatal Fury executes a double underhook suplex on Doug Bacon.
Fatal Fury goes for an elbowdrop, but Doug Bacon counters it with a roll away.
Doug Bacon takes Fatal Fury down with a front-layout superplex.
Doug Bacon tags out to Rigor.
Sven Pieterson enters the ring and lays out Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson leaves the ring.)
Chip: It's Rigor one on one with Fatal Fury.
Fool: Sleeper by Fatal.
(Fatal Fury puts Rigor in a sleeperhold.
Rigor tries to escape the hold.
Rigor reaches the ropes after being trapped for 16 seconds.
Fatal Fury goes for a chokehold, but Rigor counters it with
a kick to the midsection.
Rigor throws Fatal Fury out of the ring.
Rigor goes through the ropes.
Doug Bacon comes over to make it two-on-one.
Doug Bacon executes a short lariat on Fatal Fury.)
Chip: Double team on the outside by Doug Bacon!
Fool: Fatal Fury wanted Doug Bacon, and he's sure getting him!
(Rigor gets a sleeperhold on Fatal Fury.
Doug Bacon goes for a short lariat, but Fatal Fury blocks it.
Sven Pieterson uses a dragon suplex on Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson nails Doug Bacon with a belly-to-back suplex.
Master of Pain comes from behind and distracts Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson uses a fisherman suplex on Doug Bacon.
Ryan Wilson counts: 1.)
Chip: Both teams are brawling all over the outside.
Fool: Keep Master P out of this, please!
(They're brawling inside the ring area.
Ryan Wilson counts: 2.
Doug Bacon hits a flying forearm on Sven Pieterson.
Ryan Wilson counts: 3.
Doug Bacon knocks Sven Pieterson into the ringsteps.
There are lots of chants for Doug Bacon.
Doug Bacon hits an elbowsmash on Sven Pieterson.
Ryan Wilson counts: 4.)
Chip: Both teams need to watch the count.
Fool: Ah, a bloodbath on the outside. That's what I like to see.
(Rigor comes over to make it two-on-one.
Rigor nails Sven Pieterson with a short clothesline.
Doug Bacon hits Sven Pieterson with a backdrop driver.
Rigor hits Sven Pieterson with a piledriver.
Doug Bacon nails Sven Pieterson with a flying legdrop.
Master of Pain comes from behind and distracts Doug Bacon.
Ryan Wilson counts: 5.
Sven Pieterson reenters the ring.
Doug Bacon follows him back in.)
Chip: Sven and Doug are in the ring.
Fool: They're not the legal men!
(Sven Pieterson executes the Sweish Slam on Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson goes for the pin.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.)
Chip: I thought he had him!
Fool: What an upset that would have been!
(Sven Pieterson hits a Gorilla Press on Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson takes Doug Bacon down with an inverted power bomb.
Sven Pieterson is getting a good reaction from the crowd.
Sven Pieterson is going for the pin.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, Mortis makes the save.
The crowd is cheering on Sven Pieterson.)
Chip: Trinity is in real danger of losing this one.
Fool: Who cares? As long as The Church doesn't lose.
(Sven Pieterson goes for a punch, but Doug Bacon blocks it.
Doug Bacon chops Sven Pieterson.
Sven Pieterson kicks Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson kicks Doug Bacon.
The crowd is really behind Sven Pieterson.
Sven Pieterson punches Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson takes Doug Bacon down with a fallaway slam.
Sven Pieterson hits a DDT on Doug Bacon.)
Chip: DDT! That should do it for Doug Bacon.
Fool: Sven should tag in someone else. He's been in too long.
(The crowd is really behind Sven Pieterson.
Sven Pieterson executes a fallaway slam on Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson nails Doug Bacon with a fallaway slam.
The crowd is really behind Sven Pieterson.
Sven Pieterson places Doug Bacon on the turnbuckle.
Sven Pieterson executes a superplex on Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson has the crowd going wild.)
Chip: Doug Bacon is out! This one is over!
Fool: Here comes a double team.
(Giant Killer enters the ring to make it two-on-one.
Giant Killer nails Sven Pieterson with a chokeslam.)
Chip: WHAT? Giant Killer just attacked his own partner!
Fool: He's given Bacon time to recover.
(Doug Bacon hits him with an elbowsmash.
Giant Killer leaves the ring and walks down the aisle.
Doug Bacon uses a backdrop driver on Sven Pieterson.
Ryan Wilson counts: One, two, in the ropes...)
Chip: It was a setup! Giant Killer is leaving!
Fool: Well, good. I hate it when all the fan favorites get along.
(Doug Bacon takes Sven Pieterson down with an elbowsmash.
Doug Bacon locks Sven Pieterson in a clawhold.
Sven Pieterson reaches the ropes after being trapped for 8 seconds.
Doug Bacon attempts to place Sven Pieterson on the turnbuckle, but
Sven Pieterson blocks it.
Sven Pieterson nails him with a low blow.
The mysterious, skinny masked man in black is running back down the aisle.)
Chip: He's back! What does this man want?
(Sven Pieterson chops Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson has the crowd going wild.
Sven Pieterson chops Doug Bacon.
Sven Pieterson has the crowd going wild.
The masked man in black jumps up on the apron.
He hits Kaos with the D-Dog-T.
The crowd is going crazy.)
Fool: D-Dog-T! He struck again!
(Ryan Wilson disqualifies Team Sven.
All the wrestlers on both teams hit the ring.)
Jeff: Referee Ryan Wilson has disqualified Sven Pieterson's team for outside interference.
Therefore, your winners, in 9:43, TRINITY!
("Bullet the Blue Sky" plays as we see Fatal Fury hit Doug Bacon with the Furious Fall. Hot
Shot Donovan drops Sven Pieterson with the Hot Kick.)
Chip: We've gotta go! For the Sportin' Fool, Tim Thorsen, I'm Chip Collins. We'll see you
next week with that incredible barbed wire cage match.
Fool: Don't miss it...
Chip & Fool: ...BE THERE!
(We see The Living Dead setting Fatal Fury up for the Autopsy, while Boom-Boom hits Kaos
with a chokeslam. The masked man is barking as he exchanges punches with Hot Shot. The crowd is
on its feet, enjoying the brawl as the shot fades.)
------------------
c) 1998 SWF Triumphant Tuesday
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