SO YA WANNA HEAR US, EH?



Obtaining a copy of Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy.'s last album "Songs You've Never Heard Before" isn't as hard as you would probably think. Though in the past we've requested that people send us a psychic severed head or two, we've decided to reduce the price of this tape in a major way! (BTW, to all of those who scalped themselves, we would like to thank you for your generous donation. The hair looks great on us!)

"Songs You've Never Heard Before" is a 28 song, full 60 minute tape. It is guaranteed to be the craziest comedic/musical experience you will ever have. And if it's not the craziest comedic/musical experience you ever have... well... don't tell us, because we've got an ego to maintain here! Not only do you get 28 bizmosquizimanitchalicious songs, but it comes with the wonderful full-color tape cover which you can see at the top of this page. Evanderhoëf Rolnichek spent many years in a conservatory in the mountains working on this cover, so that ALONE is worth the measly $2.50 that this thing costs!

With songs like "The Pope is Pissed", "What Happened To Mr.T??", "They Never Gave Boo-Berry A Chance", "Break Into Your House With A Kinko's Copy Card", and a "hardcore" version of George Harrison's "I've Got My Mind Set On You", you can't POSSIBLY go wrong with this tape! On top of that you will be the first person to ever learn about the greatest superhero of them all in The Adventures of Sandpaper Man!! That's right folks! You can hear sandpaper man go up against homophobic frat boys, porches with tons of rough edges, robbers and cannibalistic bank security guards and much much more!

So order your copy today before we change are minds and decide that we want you to send us in an offical Spatula City spatula or your mother's favorite turkey baster! And if you order now, we'll be $2.50 closer to reaching our proposed budget for our next album! Every bit helps, so hurry up, chumps!!!

If you would like to grab yourself a copy of "Songs You've Never Heard Before" then simply send $2.50 to the following address or email us if you have more questions:

abbreviated. life. expectancy.:
2621 Trotters Ln. Apt. 304-8
Midlothian, VA 23113


Or for more info, send email to
Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy.

***NOTICE*** Lot's of people have been sending us checks and making them out to "Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy." Look people, our ID's don't say "abbreviated. life. expectancy." on them, so make all checks out to "Roger Barr" if you must write a check for a measly $2.50. We prefer cash, but hey, checks will do. But don't make us argue with the banks about the check not being made out to the correct name, cuz we won't even bother. Email us if you have any questions or you are one of the people who sent us a check made out to A.L.E. and we'll work something out.

EXTRA EXTRA!: When you order "Songs You've Never Heard Before", you will also get at no extra charge one of the original advertisement flyers for this album! Put it on your wall, use it as toilet paper... we don't care just as long as you enjoy it! And as if that wasn't enough, we will give anybody who purchases "Songs You've Never Heard Before" a BIG discount off of our followup album that is due out anytime now (and it's going to be on CD!). So order a tape, it's cheap and you get lots of stuff for your measly $2.50.

Still not convinced that this is the tape for you? Then click HERE to download some sound clips!

Don't forget, we have a great deal for any of you who already bought this album and want to buy the new one or for any of you who want to buy both albums! Click HERE to find out all the shnazzy details!