Ingredients: (feeds 10 people)

1 dwarf's head
1 quart strong cider
4 whole cloves
2 large handfuls of peppercorns
1 sprig of fresh sage
1 cup of raisins
Oil for cooking

Method

Heat oil in a large pot, brown the head. Cover the head with cider, add the spices and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, covered, for approximately 1 hour.

After simmering, remove the dwarf's head from the pot and place in a hot oven or over an open fire for a further twenty minutes, basting with the liquid from the pot.

Serve on a platter, propped up by the dwarf's hands, and covered in a sauce made from the remaining liquid from the pot.

Cribbed into the margin of the recipe you can see a number of notes in the drunken scrawl of the goblin cook.

• A boar's head can be substituted for a dwarf's head, as can a haunch of pork.
• If you prefer, remove the dwarf's tongue and saute in a pan with butter and garlic. Captain Denethor particularly likes this delicacy.
• This recipe works best with a dwarf that hasn't been pulped - preferably one that has had its throat slit.

You can close the recipe book and cast your attention back to the mess-hall if you wish.

Alternatively, if you know where you wish to head within the halls, you may consult your site map to take you straight there.