Overcoming Shyness.

I would like to write a little bit about overcoming shyness. For some people it's not easy walking up to a member of the appropriate sex and starting a conversation. Hopefully you will have read the section on attitude and will be ready to get started. First you need to pick a place to go. After you have that figured out it's time to get down to business.

Step 1. For an hour wander around and just observe. Getting your butt out from in front of the tube, and I mean CRT or TV, will be good for you. Are there people that look interesting to you? If not you will want to rethink about the place you are doing this. Notice how many people you might like to notice you. Think about how you might look in their eyes. Think about the expression on your face. Think about the message you are giving off. Look at other people and notice what expression they are wearing. Think again about how many of these people you might like to meet. If you really stopped to count you could probably find dozens of people that visually attract you in a matter of a few minutes. If you find yourself wanting to make eye contact then you are ready for the next step.

Step 2. This time for the hour try making eye contact with anyone that interests you. Eye contact is the first line attack in meeting people. Don't think about anything except a brief glimpse into someone else's eyes. Don't think about the results. Just make brief contact with a few random strangers. See if the contact is returned. Always be observant to what is going on with other people. You don't want to hold the eye contact too long. But you do want to be able to do it easily and with anyone that you wish. Eye contact is essential because it is the first impression you will make. In this beginning stage you are not looking for anything except to have another person notice you. You might get some strange looks. Some people are just not happy people and will always look miserable. If you get a look like that just think how much better than that person you are for not being miserable. Statistically speaking 40% of the people you look at will be single. Maybe they are miserable because they are single and not sure how to meet people. Just tell yourself that you are on the right track and doing fine. If you are comfortable with this than the next step comes very easy.

Step 3. is only a two letter word different from Step two. If you are within speaking distance when you make eye contact then say "hi". Remember your attitude. Remember your appearance. Smile. I can't put enough emphasis on how important a smile is. Think back to Step 1. Don't you remember people that were smiling more than you remember people that weren't? Unless someone is extremely attractive they need a smile. Practice that smile in a mirror if you have to. So how is it going saying hi to complete strangers? Hopefully you are getting more and more comfortable all the time. The more you do it the easier it gets. Notice how many people say "hi" back. Make sure you show some confidence. An attractive stranger saying "hello" to you can do wonders for your attitude.

Step 4. Today you are going to add a comment after you say hi. Here your observant skills could come in handy. Have you noticed different things about the world around you since you have been out among people? If you think the fashions have changed drastically than you might have been inside for too long. Make a comment about where you are. Supermarket lines are always good places to comment on how the expiration dates could come and go before you get the milk home. Say something that doesn't require a comment back. But if you get one consider it a bonus. That means you are well on your way. There really is no right or wrong way to do this. The trick is to just do it.

Step 5. By now you might be wondering why this was so hard to do before. Unless things are broken down into manageable tasks they can look impossible. The only difference with today's lesson is you are going to ask a quick question after you say hello. Ask for the time. Ask what time the next bus comes. Ask what time the store closes. Ask how they get their whites so white. If you get ignored or a nasty look just remember from Step one and two how many people there are out there. Again remember your attitude and appearance and try it again. With someone different of course.

Step 6. By now you might not consider yourself shy anymore. You are easily walking up to people and saying hello and maybe posing a quick question. But would you like to see it go a little further. To do that you need to make the comment a little deeper or the question something that a quick answer won't cover. Make the question something that can't be answered by just a yes or no. Ask for an opinion. Ask for directions. Ask where the nicest club or bookstore is in the area. The possibilities are endless. The more you do it the more comfortable it becomes. Pay attention to what kind of questions get the best responses. Anything that increases the length of contact you have with another person. These six steps are designed just to get over being shy. You should not be thinking about potential partners or dating at this point. There are other specific ways to do that. They are covered in meeting people.

Step 7. You should stay home and rest and congratulate yourself and also ponder if any of the people you made contact could have been your next partner.