Poker Night
Saturday (Poker) Night
About 3:42am
The Lair of the Antediluvian of the Gangrel
The Scene:
A large Egyptian Pyramid; we are inside. It is a massive area, covered in dust; ancient tombs surround the walls; the whole place stinks of decay and death. In the centre of the room sit a group of Kindred, playing cards. A single light hanging from the ceiling illuminates the whole scene.
Gangrel I see your Chicago and I raise you the Black Forest.
(Long silence)
Tremere Match you the Black Forest and I raise you the Mona Lisa.
(Long silence)
Toreador You can’t do that.
(Short silence)
Tremere Pardon?
Toreador You can’t do that?
Tremere Why not?
Toreador I own the Mona Lisa.
Tremere No you don’t.
Toreador Yes I do. It’s in Paris, the greatest of Toreador cities, I own it, I control it, it’s mine.
Tremere No it’s not. I’ve got it here.
(Sound of scuffling and a large piece of cloth being unrolled, then a long silence)
Toreador You bastard!!! How did you get that?
Tremere Variation on Intent of White Missive; took a while to get the Ritual of Holding done correctly, but nobodies noticed the fake yet.
Toreador You complete and utter bastard! How could you? You swine, you fiend, you beast. One of the greatest works of art ever created, one of the finest pieces…(ad infinitum)
Nosferatu (Whispered) She does go on at times, doesn’t she?
Assam Well, no discipline those Toreador.
Malkav Actually they have several.
Assam Oh piss off you loon!
Malkav THAT’S not very nice! Just because you got more Physical traits than me! (SULK!)
Nosferatu Assam, couldn’t you Quietus her up a bit? Just so we could get a word in edgeways.
Assam Can’t do it pretty boy. It would cover the entire room at my level- problems with Superior Disciplines. Anyway, she’s got ‘majesty’ on and you know how complicated it gets negating all those Social traits…
Nosferatu Arse! Hey, Tremere, sort it!
(meanwhile)
Toreador …how long he spent labouring over that painting; the trails and tribulations we went through to protect it from the Brujah; the intricate beauty of the cross strokes; it’s priceless, something to be shared, something the world needs to live by, something…
Tremere SHUT UP YOU AIRHEAD BINT!!!
(Silence)
Nosferatu (aside): I bet that cost him a willpower not to frenzy.
Assam (aside) Damn right.
Tremere Look, Toreador. I’m sorry. Can we stop for a second. Why don’t you just stop shouting and stare at the pretty picture?
Toreador No, I shall not… Look Tremere, if you think that you can just go through eternity and lie and cheat…and be nasty to those of…us…who…have…OH! WHAT A PRETTY PICTURE!
(Long Silence)
Nosferatu Thank God for that! I swear these Poker nights are becoming a bore.
Gangrel Not like the old days.
Nosferatu Damn right. Not like the old days at all. Them were the days, we would stride the Earth like giants; all was in our sway; nothing opposed us, nothing controlled us…
Malkav Except for Caine.
Nosferatu OK, there was Caine. Right, but aside from him, nobody controlled us, nobody stood in our way…
Malkav Well there was Enoch.
(Silence; hard stare)
Nosferatu Yes, well there WAS Enoch, I’ll give you that, but…
Gangrel And there was the other two.
Tremere What WERE they called?
Malkav I don’t know; it all depends on which version of the book of Nod you read, one version says they were called…
Nosferatu OK, OK, so there was Caine and the Second Generation, but I mean, ASIDE from them, who was around to get in the way, who…
Malkav Lilith.
Tremere Yeah, Lilith. Haven’t seen her in a while.
Gangrel You never met Lilith.
Tremere Yes, I have.
Gangrel You lie. Nobody’s seen Lilith in years. You’re telling a BIG FIB!
Nosferatu LOOK! AS I WAS SAYING! ASIDE FROM LILITH AND CAINE AND THE SECOND GENERATION, WHO THE FUCK WAS AROUND TO GET IN OUR WAY BACK IN THE OLD DAYS?
(Prolonged silence)
Assam I didn’t know Nosferatu had presence.
Tremere Neither did I. He was very good, don’t you think?
Gangrel I think they way he leapt up on the table was terribly impressive.
Assam I think we should show our appreciation. (Sounds of polite, crisp, clapping).
Nosferatu Er…thank you?
Tremere Don’t mention it old chap. Very good.
Malkav Of course you missed out some people.
Nosferatu What?
Malkav You missed out some people. The people who kept opposing us; the people who kept stopping us.
Nosferatu Oh did I? Well, come on then, ‘moon-unit’, do tell. Who did I miss, eh? Who have I missed off from your precious list?
Malkav Us, of course. (Long profound silence as assembled company realise that Malkav has actually spoken the truth).
Assam I hate it when he does that. (Silence).
Nosferatu Anyway, besides the point. The old days were better. We were all together; all 13 of us. One big gang. Things were great then.
Tremere What was it like?
Gangrel Oh, fantastic. You had Brujah trying desperately to teach the Kine how to read (he had to try several thousand times, but he had Temporis back then so it only took him an afternoon)…
Assam I never liked Brujah.
Malkav Why not?
Assam He’d always freeze time just to make sure I’d be caught off-side.
Malkav Yeah, but you’d always Quietus the ref’s whistle so nobody knew when you’d fouled.
Gangrel As I was saying!!! Then there was Ventrue…
Malkav YEAH!!! Ventrue! What a great guy.
Tremere You LIKED Ventrue.
Malkav Yeah, sure, he was madder than I am.
Tremere Ventrue! Mad!
Assam Damn right. He use to walk around with a clip-board trying to organize everyone in meetings and stuff like that ALL the time; kept wanting to play with shiny metal; odd bloke.
Gangrel But that ‘money’ thing he invented, that took off quite well.
Nosferatu Yeah, but it will never last.
Tremere Ventrue, MAD! Well I never…
Nosferatu Oh yeah. Fruity as a nutcake was ’ole Ventrue.
Gangrel But then again, Lasombra always found things for him to do.
Malkav Lasombra, now that was an interesting bloke.
Tremere Never really knew him to well.
Gangrel Oh he was alright. Kept to himself usually. Spent a lot of time alone in his room. Pity they killed him before the advent of CD player. He would have LOVED the Smiths.
Malkav Not as much as Capadocian.
Assam Now there WAS a loony. Thought he could diablerize God he did. Liked dead things…
Tremere Don’t we all?
Assam Not the way he did. I mean, it started off harmless enough. Gangrel killed his pet cat…
Gangrel It was an accident.
Assam Well then, you should have used KY! I mean, you ‘could’ have turned into cat form instead of Bengal Tiger…
Gangrel She liked it that way.
Malkav Dr. Doolittle and his merry band of perverts strike again!
Assam Anyway, he got into playing with dead things in a big way since then. He was without a doubt the oddest of the lot of us.
Malkav Nah, Set was odder.
Tremere Where is Set?
Set Over here.
(Embarrassed Silence)
Malkav Don’t ask. It ‘s a long story.
Assam Anyway, Capadocious (we called him Eric for short), he finally goes haywire. Tries to replace God. We had to find a replacement for him fast.
Tremere So you chose Giovanni?
Gangrel Yeah, met him back in the 1250’s. He ran this wicked pizza place in Venice- still does I think.
Nosferatu No, that’s his cousin.
Gangrel Which one?
Nosferatu You know the tall one, with the funny social habits.
(Silence)
Gangrel Which one?
Nosferatu You KNOW! The old one with the silly beard? The one that was married to the one that was shagging the sister of the cousin of the girl who married the brother of the dad of the one who was caught in bed with the wife of the uncle of the sister of the Elder who slept with the brother of his niece who said that he had a small donga.
(Silence)
Gangrel Which one?
Assam Anyway, Capadocian’s dead now. Giovanni killed him. And you killed Saulot and Brujah killed Ventrue and Triole killed Brujah, and the Anarchs killed Lasombra and nearly killed Tzi…oops!
Tremere What was that?
Assam Oh nothing. Nothing at all.
Tremere What were you going to say?
Assam Nothing mate honestly. (Malkav sniggers)
Tremere What’s going on. Are you trying to keep something from me?
Gangrel No, not at all. Assam just got confused, DIDN’T YOU ASSAM? (Sound of a celerity kick, backed up with high potence, hitting someone with gross Fortitude under the table).
Assam Err… Yeah. that was it. I got confused. Comes from my weird background. Honest. (Long suspicious silence)
Malkav Yeah it got a bit crazy back then. Everyone was killing everyone. Which is why back in the middle-ages we came up with the best solution to ending the problems.
Tremere The Camarilla?
Malkav No, Poker night. Keeps us going for years. ‘Endless jyhad’ and all that.
Tremere Oh right! Got you now. And that mean’s Gehenna is…
Malkav What we do when we get bored. Right. Now you’re getting it.
(Silence)
Nosferatu Actually, while we are on the subject of poker; Tremere about your last hand. Four aces. What was all that chanting you did earlier?
Tremere Oh, nothing.
Nosferatu You weren’t doing all that ‘Intent of White Missive’ stuff you mentioned earlier, were you?
Tremere No heaven forbid.
Nosferatu You were, weren’t you?
Tremere No, not at all.
Malkav He’s lying. He’s got it written all over his aura.
Tremere Look, OK, so I did. But Nosferatu cheats as well.
Nosferatu No I don’t.
Tremere He does. He obfuscates, sneaks round and peers over Malkav’s shoulder.
Malkav Oh, you big cheat!
Assam How long have you been doing that you git?
Nosferatu I don’t cheat! C’mon guys. you know me.
Assam Exactly. Wait a minute. Back in 1475- that flush I had. You did it then, didn’t you? I lost Arabia that night, you cheating git…
(sounds of petty bickering and the occasional sigh from Toreador)
Scene: Just outside. Two figures illuminated by the pale moonlight
Caine You see, THAT’s why I don’t go back!
Lilith OK, OK, you made your point. Can we go home now? I got a roast in the oven…
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