Quotes from Niel’s Shadowrun Game
Welcome to another page of quotes. This one contains quotes from a Shadowrun game run here in Saint John.
Character List
Amanda: Vesper, an 18 year old elf Phys Ad
BNE: Jason, a cat burgaler
Brent: Boom, Tank, death-by-wire Street Sams
Chris: Nero, a hacker
Dale: Vlad, a minotaur-variant troll
Ick: Tom Tom, a dwarven mage
Jen: Jan, a troll Street Sam
John: Devil Jacket, a human mage all in red
Lyle: Sabour, a human Street Sam
Paul: Alicia, a human mage
Richard: Tiger, a shapeshifter Phys Ad
{+S+}: Rev, a human rigger
There’s only two types of paranoia: insufficient and total. —Sabour
One’s a victim. Two’s a problem —Niel
An industrial-size paper cut waiting to happen. —Richard
When in doubt, take everything. —Lyle
Welcome to the wonderful world of deadly wounds. —Lyle
No maze. Not unless everyone got string. —Vlad
I’m big, I’m bad, I’m naked. —Vlad
He gets stranger by the minute. —Boom, talking about Vlad
Oh my god, Devil Jacket is a Tremere! And I’m a Tremere lackey! —{+S+}
Friend Sabour, here. —Vlad, as he dropped a braw in Sabour’s lap
Niel, I believe there’s a “These are not the droids you’re looking for” going on. —Dale
Everyone’s going to shush until I can figure out how to do icky ammounts of damage to you. —Niel
4,000 doughnuts please. I’m on stakeout. —Vlad
*about Vlad* He’s not as dumb as Bud looks. —Sabour
Vesper: I don’t like getting shot at... and getting up... and getting shot at... and getting up... and getting shot at... and getting up...
Bud: Nobody does.
Brent: Why do I always bring down a room?
Lyle: Because you’re walking death.
BNE: Shall we?
Alicia: Shall we dear?
BNE: Dear?
Alicia: I was just being nice
BNE: I’m not that nice.
Been there, done that, trashed the bar. —Jason
Who neads weapons when I’m packing a troll? —Amanda
She’s scared to die now, she thinks yoiu’re gonna kill her. —Richard
Boom: Does anyone have a valid SIN?
Vlad: Yes. I’m an alcoholic. And I’m into pornography. And once I said bad things to my grandmother.
Don’t touch da beeps! —Vlad
If ya can’t duct it, fuck it. —Dale
They’re either fucking or there’s something wrong with the little girl. Either way, I want in. —Dale
She’s Superman. Great. —Richard
Don’t worry. If anyone gets shot or hurt, I have leatherworking. —Dale
Hold her, I’ve got yogurt! —Vlad
Vlad: You broke her!
Boom: No, she’s sleeping.
Vlad: I was gonna give her yogurt.
What? I’m normal! —Vlad *dressed in a bunny suit*
I look like an 11-foot tall cute bunny rabit with yogurt. —Dale
Can I poke her spirit? —Ick
It’s the Nazarene Shit Demon! —Dale
Dey speakin’ Hogan’s Heroes talk. —Vlad
She felt my breast! —Richard [um... don’t ask...]
My teepee is long and yellow. —Dale, [ditto...]
I’m protected by the inner evil of my bunny costume. —Dale
Troll eat insolent fuckwad. —Dale
I’m not going near yas lookin’ like me. You’d kill me in 2.5 seconds. —Paul
*while the entire team is pointing multiple guns at four orcs*
What we have here is a failure to communicate. —Rev, played by {+S+}
Vlad: *flipping off the orcs* Fuck you very little.
Tom-Tom: Bad form.
Vlad: I was negotiating.
I’m not worried about killing, it’s just that it’s noisy. —Jan
You have to do violence to get your sex now. —Paul
Tom-Tom, me having moral dilema. —Vlad
Why is it I always end up sleeping with your characters when we play tabletop? —Jen, to Dale
They can smell me. I’m a troll. It’s not that hard. —Vlad
Princess Powder Puff has left the building. —Chris
Anyone got an industrial-size can of Resolve? —Tank
Jan: I’ll drive us.
Tiger: Oh, good. *remembers Jan’s incompetance with driving* Oh, crap.
Am I the only one that translates death? —Tank
*about a GMC Banshee*
Tank: I have the cure for it.
Nero: Run away?
I want a P.A.C., not tank. That’s next week. —Vlad
Tiger: How will I know when you guys come back out?
Vlad: Probably the loud gunfire and hoary death.
Tiger: We’re all gonna die.
Vlad Just you, whining boy.
Dale: Damn. OK, so who’s paying for this?
*everyone points to him*
I know I don’t need to say this, but don’t get dead. —Tom Tom
You’ve watched MacGyver one too many times. —Nero, to Vlad
Forget holy water, I got fart spray! Vampires are dying in this motherfucker. —Vlad
Stuffer Shack chilli. —Vlad, explaining the fart spray smell
Tom Tom: So, we have our hoary anti-shit... bomb.
Tiger: So if any of those barghests fart, we’re ready.
High priced. Twenty bucks for... it’s worth it, man. Get all you can cary. Let me tell ya chummer, it saved me. Uncle Sparky's Shit Spray. —Vlad [you had to be there...]
Either he blows himself up... or he learns. —Tom Tom
*Tom Tom enters Vlads room and sees a remote control helecopter toy, a box of water balloons, a squirt gun water canon, a chainsaw, and a big green army duffel bag*
Tom Tom: OK... why the hell would ya... baloons, yes... What are you doing with a chainsaw?
Vlad: Um... um... am...
Tom Tom: What lumber mill you going to... like what, what... What are you doin’?
Vlad: I’m not doin’ nothin’.
Tom Tom: What are you going to be doing?
Vlad: Nothin’.
Tom Tom: With a chainsaw.
Vlad: Nothin’. *pauses* Weekend alternative lyfestyle. *pauses* Um, butterknife? Um...
Tom Tom: Come on Vlad, you know you can tell me. Vlad, what are you doing with the chainsaw?
Vlad: Wood carving.
Tom Tom: What are you doing with the chainsaw?
Vlad: Wood carving.
Tom Tom: What are you doing with the chainsaw?
Vlad: Dog rearing. Dog grooming!
Tom Tom: That makes much more sense... I thought you weren’t getting that close. I thought that was the other guy.
Vlad: Oh... I guess that’s where the helicopter comes in.
Spectacles, testacles, wallet, watch. —Vlad, while remembering how to bless himself
Tom Tom: *about Vlad* OK, now he’s doing his shit—
Tiger: What’s he doing?
Tom Tom: Big hoary chemical bombardment. Via remote control.
Tiger: Riggable?
Chemical carpet bombardment! I love it! —Rev
I have two things to dodge: gnawing, gnashy teeth, and fart spray. —Tiger
Tom Tom: OK, we’re going in the ass-end door...
Jan: Oh, I don’t do that dear.
Tiger: Yo, Vlad.
Vlad: Anh?
Tiger: Helecopter... *points to Rev* rigger.
Vlad: *pauses* Get yer own!
Nurse: You know, you shouldn’t lie to your grandmother like that
Tom Tom: I ’m not lying. I help doctors. I heal people... not totally legit... but I heal people!
Ick: I give her an atomic weggie.
Dale: You give your grandmother an atomic weggie?
Ick: No, no! The nurse.
Dale: I was gonna say, you’re kinky...
Not only do they send in an armed escort team, but they bring in little sandwiches with them. —Dale, describing DocWagonTM Ultra Platimum service
Tom Tom: Psst, indiscrete.
Vlad: *with a Dred Pirate Roger costume on* I’m negotiating.
Tom Tom: Psst, indiscrete.
Vlad: It’s either this or the bunny suit. You take your pick
OK, so I have a bunny suit on and this big squirt gun tank... —Dale
We got three people distracting them: a bunny, a big albino, and a rigger. —Tiger
Brent: *upon realizing just how fast Tank is* 48 meters in three seconds!
Chris: Welcome to the Steroid Olympics.
Rev: Oh God, it’s the Easter Bunny of Doom!
Vlad: *in the bunny costume* Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!
Eenie, Meenie, Miney, and that one over there is Moe. —Rev, pointing out four barghests
Richard: I use my Charismatic Aura to try to intimidate it to run away.
Niel: It’s using it’s Eat Your Face Aura to... eat your face
OK, nothing could survive this. They have his legs and arms and ribs and everything spread all over the place. One of them’s running with his head. —Niel [poor Tiger, may he rest in pieces... many, many, pieces]
Niel, I see a bargest jacket in my future. —Dale
Dale: No man, it’s attached to my fuckin’ head.
Brent: You’re not cover for it.
Dale: It’s attached to my fuckin’ head.
Brent: Yes, but my point is you’re not cover for it.
Dale: Parts of my head are in this thing.
Brent: I’ll shoot his ass, I don’t care.
Dale: That might be where one of my horns is.
Brent: I can see your head. I can see the bargest. I’m not going to shoot where your head is.
Richard: I no longer need to breathe.
Jen: Well, your lungs are outside...
I’m a 4-foot tall fuck-all dwarf. I don’t know what I weigh. —Ick
Niel: Everything's dead.
{+S+}: Excellent, we move in.
*pulling out a ’40* This is for me, *downs a mouthful* and this is for my dead homey. *pours a mouthful onto Tiger’s mangled corpse pieces* —Vlad
Allow me to paint the scene for you... with a big red brush. —Niel
Oh great, I’m going to be known as “kitty bits.” —Richard
The dogs just came along and said “Kibbles n’ bits n’ bits n’ bits.” —Brent
Ick: I’m magic fingering you over the fence.
Carla: You’re whatting me?
I gave muself a negative one target modifier because I have a dwarf on my head. —Dale
Vlad: Now where is that grenade?
Tom Tom: *knocks on Vlad’s head* No!
I have officially entered combat with the door. “Combat Monster” is activated; that door’s gonna die. —Dale
*Vlad brings out two Remmington Roomsweepers*
Tom Tom: *while pounding on Vlad’s head* Sssh!
Vlad: They’re silenced
TYom Tom: Hunting wabbit.
Negotiating with the door. —Vlad, right before he smites it with his polearm
All else fails, grenade. —Vlad
Jan: Anyone here that can use computer?
Vlad: Play Nintendo...
I wanted a baby bargest puppy. “Sick ’em, Critch Sniffer!” —Dale
It better not have muzak. —Vlad, while waiting for an elevator
Devil Jacket: We don’t have a maglock passkey, do we?
Vlad: You have a troll; that’s better.
Hey man, I’m not doing the run, I’m just runnin’ it. —Niel
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