MYSTROD'S SOUTHPARK PAGE
101 Things Kyle's Mom can Ruin
101 Ways To Kill Kenny
101 People we would like to see kill Kenny
101 Things Cartman Says
101 Things Kyle's Mom can Ruin
1. Graduation
2. Kenny’s Birthday
3. Kyle’s Barmitsvah
4. Cartman’s Birthday
5. Stan’s Birthday
6. Canada’s Boxing Day
7. Pizza Party
8. Valentines day
9. Easter
10. Recital
11. New Years Eve
12. New Years Day
13. Concert
14. Ice Skating Championship
15. World Series
16. Super Bowl
17. Bowl-a-thon
18. South Park Sleep-over
19. Minneapolis Aquatennial
20. Running of the Bulls
21. Chinese New Year
22. Columbus Day
23. Washington crossing the Delaware Reenactment
24. Thanksgiving
25. Halloween
26. First person on mars party
27. The Presidential Inauguration
28. Shelly’s sweet 16
29. Kwanzaa
30. Australia Day
31. Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday
32. Ground Hog Day
33. Waitangi Day
34. Lincoln’s Birthday
35. Presidents Day
36. Washington’s Birthday
37. Ash Wednesday
38. Good Friday
39. Palm Sunday
40. St. David’s Day
41. Eight Hours Day
42. Vernal Equinox
43. Commonwealth Day
44. Canberra Day
45. St. Patrick’s Day
46. Mothering Sunday
47. Passover
48. Easter Sunday
49. Earth Day (For the Tree Huggers)
50. St. George’s Day
51. Anzac Day
52. May Day
53. Victoria Day
54. Adelaide Cup Day
55. Memorial Day
56. Foundation Day
57. Fathers Day
58. Mothers Day
59. Canada Day
60. Independence Day
61. Constitution Day
62. Labor Day
63. Rosh Hashanah
64. Autumnal Equinox
65. Yom Kippur
66. Election Day
67. All Saints Day
68. Recreation Day
69. Remembrance Sunday
70. Veterans Day
71. St. Andrews Day
72. Trial
73. Back to school night
74. Dinner at a important restaurant
75. Wendy and Stan’s Wedding (hint, hint…)
76. The Visitors coming back
77. Day Lights Saving time
78. End of Daylights Savings time
79. The end of chef’s Salisbury Steak
80. The Day Mr. Garrison Quits
81. The Day Cartman Gets Thin
82. The day that someone actually knows what the mad scientist’s little
thing is
83. The day someone discovers a new star
84. The day the REAL Chewbacca Comes to town
85. Ike’s Birthday
86. The day the school’s psychologist stops saying "ok" and "I see"
87. The day Mr. Hankey comes back
88. The Day Big Gay Al comes Back
89. The day south parks football team wins a game
90. The day Cartman does his homework
91. The day Cartman stops being a fat ass
92. The Day Cartman Eats Fluffy the Pig
93. The day Mutant Stan Comes Back
94. The day Pip is … Cool
95. The day Kenny Doesn’t Die for a second time
96. The day the Loch Ness Monster is caught
97. The day Jesus is Crucified because of low TV ratings
98. The Day Jay (Leno) Comes Back to Town
99. The Day Someone knows what "Tom’s Rhinoplasty" store sells
100. The day Kenny’s Family Becomes Rich
101. And Number 101, THE DAY CARTMAN’S MOM BECOMES A CENTER FOLD IN
CRACK WHORE MAGAZINE!!!!!!
101 Ways To Kill Kenny
1. Douse him with kerosene & light him on fire
2. Drop him off of a cliff
3. Impale him on a forklift
4. Blow his head off with a shotgun
5. Run him over with a steam roller
6. Put him in an oil drum full of cement
7. Drop a wrecking ball on him
8. Tear his still beating heart out with a fork
9. Jab a lollypop through his head
10. Shoot an arrow through his heart
11. Drop a lava ball on him
12. Drop a cow onto him
13. Operate a jackhammer on his head
14. Slit his throat with a dull spoon
15. Use him as a javelin target
16. Feed him to the cockroaches
17. put him in the microwave
18. Slip cyanide into his choclate milk
19. Pull his hood so tight that he suffocates
20. Crazy glue his mouth and nose shut
21. Use the "force" on him
22. Put a syringe full of heroin through his heart
23. Seal him inside a bag of Cheezy Poofs
24. Tie him to a rock and shoot him into space
25. Feed him to your helpful pet alligator
26. Drop him into a meat grinder
27. Throw him into a pool of pirahnas
28. Have Cartman sit on him
29. Strangle him with the toaster cord
30. Make him listen to the Emergency Broadcast System
31. Shoot him off of a catapult
32. Turn him into a new pizza topping - Kenneroni
33. Pour nails down his throat
34. Cover him in liquid gold, and let him dry - Kenny Paperweight
35. Beat his head in with a spatula
36. Send him to the Doctor's office - Dr. Kevorkian
37. Have Scuttlebutt weave him into a wicker basket
38. 3 words - Hannibal the Cannibal
39. Bitch slap his head off
40. Put a bead of nails where his mattress should be
41. Bury him in the sand at the beach
42. Cover him in water and leave him outside at night - Kenny Flavored IceCubes
43. Feed him sticks of dynamite
44. Use him as sharkbait
45. Put him through a jet propellor
46. Knock his head off with a golf club
47. Suffocate him with an empty bag of Snacky Cakes
48. Beat him with a meat tenderizer
49. Stap him through the throat with a pencil
50. Staple his head to the wall
51. Have Kyle jam his dreidle into his head
52. Stab him with a rusty knifr
53. Push him into a giant blender adn put it on high
54. Lock him in a cage with rabid lions
55. Dip him into a pool of acid
56. Stick his toung in a socket
57. Send him a mail bomb
58. Put a bomb on his bike so he has to stay above 20mph
59. Drown him in a pool of Lime Jello
60. Tie ballons to him and let him fly up into the sun
61. Beat him with a Blunt Stick
62. Scoop his eyes out with a spork
63. On a class trip to the state prison the boys wander off.. Kenny get tired and sits in the electric chair and Cartman accidently pulls the lever
64. Shoot a sleeping dart at him while he is at his telescope looking at the stars, and the sun will burn a hole in him with the telescope
65. Accuse him as a witch and hang him
66. Slit his wrists with a piece of glass
67. Run him over with a snow blower
68. Put his head in a vice and crush his scull
69. Put cyanide in his cheezy-poofs
70. Put a razor blade in his snackey cakes
71. Replace his toy gun with a real gun and have him shoot himself
72. Pelt him with large stones
73. Lock him in a room without food and let him die of starvation
74. Run him over with a lawn mower
75. Have Shelly beat the crap out of him
76. Bring him ice fishing, push him into the hole, and seal it back up
77. Stick his fingers in a pencil sharpner
78. Have him walk through a rifle range
79. Have him lean up against a bullseye at an archery camp
80. Replace his parachute with a backpack full of rocks
81. Cut his bungee cord
82. Dress him up as scuzzlebut and have him run through Jimbo's Gun Shop
83. Throw him through a plate glass window
84. Put his head into a paper shreader
85. Have his rollercoaster get stuck upside down and he will fall out of the car
86. Put him on the Ferris Wheel and watch him go flying into the air
87. Throw him in the dryer on spin cycle
88. Put him into a cylinder of liquid nitrogen
89. Pump dish detergent into his veins
90. Lead him into a giant mousetrap
91. Stick his head into the garbage disposal
92. Make him walk the plank
93. Choke him with an empty pillowcase
94. Drown him in a giant Slurpee
95. Have him abducted by aliens
96. Force him to watch re-runs of Full house
97. Bring him to Death Valley (make sure he keeps on his coat)
99. Bring him to a magic show and *REALLY* saw him in half
100. Put cement shoes on him and throw him into a lake
101. Just Let the poor kid live!
101 People we would like to see kill Kenny
101. Dolly Parton
100. Kathie Lee Gifford
99. Pip
98. FBI Agent
97. The Dukes of Hazard
96. Mr. Burns
95. Conan O'Brien
94. O.J. Simpson
93. Charles Barkley
92. Mike Tyson
91. Jazzy Jeff
90. Prince Charles
89. Ellen Degeneres
88. Brooke Shields
87. The Kids in the Hall
86. Zeus
85. Bigfoot
84. Mr. Bean
83. Andy Dick
82. Lionel Hutz
81. Ross Perot
80. Richard Gere
79. Jenny McCarthy
78. Janet Reno
77. Annie Oakley
76. Aladdin
75. Richard Simmons
74. Fran Drescher
73. Ike
72. Carl Lagerfeld
71. James Bond
70. Jean Charet
69. Ellen Ripley
68. Duckman
67. Sonic the Hedgehog
66. Tim Taylor
65. "Space Jam" Monstars
64. Rod Stewart
63. Care Bears
62. Brian Boitano
61. Ned Flanders
60. Hugo (from "Looney Tunes")
59. Max Weinberg
58. Cartman's Mom
57. Niles Crane
56. Martha Stewart
55. Jabba the Hutt
54. Lucien Bouchard
53. Satan
52. Backstreet Boys
51. Stan's Dog
50. Keiko the Whale (from "Free Willy")
49. Paul McCartney
48. Hanson
47. Two Guys in "Da Da Da" Volkswagen Ad
46. Imperial Stormtrooper
45. Keri Strug
44. Judge Judy
43. Cosmo Kramer
42. "Flubber" Jelly People
41. Splinter
40. Pizza the Hutt (from "Spaceballs")
39. Fartman
38. Gerber Baby
37. Ren
36. Drew Carey
35. Pope John II
34. Wilson
33. Chris Rock
32. The Mask
31. Chun Li
30. Busta Rhymes
29. Mike from Kenmore (sp??)
28. Marilyn Manson
27. Worf
26. Pinhead
25. Someone with Ebola
24. Baldrick (from "Blackadder")
23. Cornholio
22. ID4 Alien
21. Jerry Springer
20. Krusty the Clown
19. Mega Man
18. Sadam Hussein
17. Any Survivng 'Heaven's Gate' Members
16. Spawn
15. Celine Dion
14. Five-assed Monkey
13. Kenny himself :D
12. Dracula
11. Rimmer (from "Red Dwarf")
10. Godzilla
9. Sailor Moon
8. Sheeva (from "Mortal Kombat")
7. Dr. Evil
6. Spice Girls
5. Vancome Lady
4. The Tick
3. Mr. Hankey
2. Mr. Bigglesworth
1. Al Bundy
101 Things Cartman Says
101 Well, you know, you'll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and they'll come, marching in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass. And you'll be all like, "hey, get out of my ass you stupid rainbows"
100 Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
99 Dolphins, eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap.
98 Screw you, hippie.
97 Listen, I have a nice body and I want to show it off, you got that?
96 This is sweet. Camera crews are setting up and I'm looking totally ripped. Beefcake. Beefcake!
95 Cartman, God damn it.
94 Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!
93 Yeah, go home you little dildo.
92 Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed... in the dark. When all of a sudden this bright blue light filled the room. Then slowly my bedroom door begin to open and the next thing I remember I was being drug through a hallway. Then I was lying on a table and these scary hands wanted to operate on me. And they had big heads and big black eyes.
91 Kick Ass
90 I'm not fat, I'm big boned.
89 Shut-up dildo!
88 God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass. It was just a dream.
87 I'm not fat... and you obviously like her because you throw up every time she talks to you.
86 I would if I could you son of a bitch!
85 Ah, son of a bitch!
84 Ow! That hurts you buttlicker!
83 God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I'm goin' home.
82 Well, I'm pissed off.
81 Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!
80 Oh, god damn it!
79 Oh, man, this sucks.
78 Really? Uh, I don't think I can fart anymore tonight.
77 Okay, that's does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?!
76 You guys, I am seriously getting pissed off right now! I know there is no such things as aliens!
75 What the hell are they talking about?
74 Ow! Help! Sons of bitches! Dildo!
73 Well, I was standing out in a field, and I had this huge satellite dish sticking out of my butt. And then there was hundreds of cows and aliens, and then I went up on the ship and Scott Baio gave me pinkeye.
72 Drive the car damn-it, drive!
71 You piece of crap, I'll kill you!
70 This is like the gun I used in 'Nam
69 Hey, I'll blow your friggin' head off.
68 My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
67 Democrats piss me off!
66 Ah, dude! I'm starting to have flashbacks.
65 I got your back soldier.
64 Yeh hippy, go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot anything.
63 I can shoot you too!
62 I'll fill you full of lead!
61 My weenies won't cook.
60 Shut up, I didn't pee my pants
59 Hey, you would taste my pee!
58 Go to Hell!
57 I am Scuzzlebutt, Lord of the Mountains. Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
56 Holy Crap!
55 What the hell is wrong with you people!?!
54 God damn it, don't shoot me!
53 Yeh, cartoons kick ass!
52 Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's
definitely doing something to his ass.
51 Yeh dude, I think your dog is gay.
50 That dog is a gay homosexual
49 [Singing]Stan's dog's a homo. Stan's dog's a homo.
48 Stan forgot to mention that his dog is a gay homosexual.
47 You guys see me block that defense today, I was kicking ass.
46 Hey, speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog.
45 Man, that is the gayest dog I've ever seen.
44 No way dude, my mom says God hates gay people. That's why he smote those
sodomies in France.
43 Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, alright, seriously. I'm worried about you man.
42 I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like: hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
41 Be a man Stan. Say, "Heyy woman, ee, ee, you shut your mouth and make
babies."
40 If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry and …."
39 You're not using any of Fluffy's blood, or else I'll kick you in the nuts. Kyle, Kyle no!
38 Yeh, if some sissy chick tried to kick my ass, I'd be all like, "Hey, listen, missy, eh, yewhy don't you go knit me sweater before I slap you in the face!"
37 Hey! Why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews?!?
36 I'll kick you in the nuts!
35 You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass!
34 God Damnit, would you shut the hell up!?! Nobody gives a rat's ass.
33 Dah, French people piss me off.
32 Hey! Hey! I'll kick your ass!
31 I don't think my pig would want to make love to that stupid elephant.
30 Yeh, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "hey, why don't you stop dressin' me up like a mailman, and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed!"
29 Well good job Einstein, why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime?
28 That's a bunch of crap! Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!
27 Why does this happen every month? It seems like, right around the same time every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something and I always end up getting screwed by it!
26 Just kill 'im dude, maybe he'll give you some money.
25 Ah, I can't believe that son of a bitch!
24 Yea, just cause your mom is a stupid bitch doesn't mean the whole world has to suffer.
23 Oh, biiitch. Your--mom--is--a--bi-bi-bii-biittchh.
22 Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again.
21 Why don't we just shoot him?
20 You son of a bitch, your mom sucks!
19 My uncle says that smoking crack is kinda cool.
18 You vas-deferens!
17 Mr. Garrison? Why do poor people always smell like sour milk?
16 I'm not bringin' in food for poor people, SCREW THEM!
15 Hey you guys, do you hear something? I, I think I hear the flower children calling.
14 We found a Ethiopian, can we keep him?
13 Yeh, here you get to eat all you want for only $6.99. That's why we all come here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family 'cause to them $6.99 is two-years income. Why is your family poor Starvin' Marvin? Is your dad an alcoholic too?
12 Eh, This is serious bullshit! There has to be a happy burger around here
somewhere. Excuse me, I am a lost little boy, could you help me? Well, screw you too!What he?!? Who the hell let all these flies in here?!?
Hasn't anybody ever heard of insect repellent?!?
11 Can't go on…need…appetizer…eh…I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry I mocked poor
people. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive. Please, Please God, uhh. Eh, my god has forsaken me.
10 You guys, Sally Struthers is holding food from us!!!
9 That's right you will, God-Damnit. Move it POVs, I'm an American!
8 Oh look out, Holly Hobby's all pissed off!
7 Kenny's family is so poor that, yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage. I said, your family had to put a cardboard box up 'a second mortgage, Kenny!: I'm talking to you Kenny, achtung! Poor
piece of crap.
6 Why don't you go back to Endor you stupid wookie?
5 Lieben est verboten, a es scriben uts, ka liederhosen, lieben est verboten God damnit!
4 Are you crazy?!? I'm the candy master.
3 Yeh, granola pisses me off.
2 Eh, too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job, or else Kenny's dad would be a millionaire. I said your dad would be a millionaire, get it?!? Kenny?!? Your family is poor Kenny!! Your family's poor!!! I don't like Kenny anymore, he, he just doesn't communicate.
1 You owe me a Sweetie Pop, asshole!
Special thanks to Mr Hat's Hell Hole for
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